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I'm writing a fanfiction. However, I think I'm doing something wrong!!! Some of you guys have wriiten books before, so can anyone help?
Here's what I have:
Ichiro Riddle, son of Voldemort, had faced mistrust his entire life. But in two weeks, he would have to face the full consequences of his parentage. At no place other than school.
Oh, the bullying he would bear at Hogwarts.
Ichiro gloomily sat on his bed, staring off into space. He lived in Malfoy Manor, as Narcissa Malfoy was his aunt and had been willing to take him in. Narcissa was kind, but she was quiet. She never stood up for him. When a random witch had come up to him and asked if he was evil, Narcissa stood by and watched while Ichiro was humiliated. She never stopped the press from taking pictures of him. Oh, the headlines! VOLDEMORT’S SON GLARES AT WIZARD! IS ICHIRO RIDDLE LIKE HIS FATHER? Whenever Ichiro walked into a wizard store, everyone would turn and stare. No, turn and glare.
Everyone would stiffen at the sight of the son of Voldemort.
No one trusted him. No one liked him, because of his father. He reminded everyone of the darkest times, of when they feared for their lives. No one would look into his eyes, for fear of seeing the eyes of the Dark Lord. Ichiro was lonely, depressed.
I want to make it clear that he suffers, but I don't think that I should put that so early into the story. What do you guys think?
submitted by Mei-xue (May-shreh), Fairyland
(August 7, 2016 - 7:12 am)
(August 7, 2016 - 7:12 am)
You need to make it less... dramatic. I write humorues fan-fictions of MTG and Tolorian Community College.
(August 7, 2016 - 9:20 am)
Top!
(August 7, 2016 - 3:45 pm)
I think it's fine!
But why would Voldemort have a son..... ?
(August 7, 2016 - 4:59 pm)
(August 7, 2016 - 6:30 pm)
Love the idea! Unlike what Gared said, I disagree about making it less dramatic. Drama in a story is the key factor that keeps people's attention. Climax, action, you got to have it. And as for what Shadowcat said, I mean, it is fanfiction. Anything's possible...
I've never written fanfiction before, so I don't know too much. I haven't written at all recently. But I do believe having parts of it in early could be good. It really depends on how long you want the story to be.
(August 7, 2016 - 9:22 pm)
What do you mean by the length of the story?
(August 8, 2016 - 6:38 am)
How long you wish to have it. Whether you want a short story, YA-length. Basically, how many pages. If you want a shorter story, you need the info and action sooner and stronger. If it's more of a typical novel, then you want to spread it out more.
(August 8, 2016 - 12:35 pm)
To be honest, I don't see anything wrong with it. How much drama you put in highly depends on the genre. If it's gonna be dark and depressing, that you should cut back on it. Fantasy should have an even amount.
I think what would help on this if you just make it clear that Ichiro is the son of Voldemort, at the beginning. That already will get readers interested. They'll be like, "Whoa, is he gonna get bullied because his father his bad?" or "Whoa, is he gonna be like his father?" etc.
I'd wait on stating the fact that he lives with his aunt until you write a scene that includes him and his aunt. Also, I think it might be cool if you did an early flash-back thingy where it goes into depth and shows the "random witch" humiliating him, just for some filler.
As for the "bullying he would bear at Hogwarts," save that until later, too.
(August 8, 2016 - 3:17 am)
I love fanfiction! I've written LOADS! I might be able to help you if you tell me....have you ever written a fanfiction before?
(August 8, 2016 - 6:54 am)
Good start! Warning: you're erring towards the dramatic, and giving us a tad too much backstory.
Start your story in the middle of Ichiro's day, or during the action. Don't start out with backstory.
When I read the first few sentences of your story, I thought I was reading the plot summary. Leave a little more to the reader!
Second, I think it is a little early for this much drama. At the moment, I don't like Ichiro that much; he's being so dramatic that it makes him seem whiny. Take out a little of the self-pity and that will be fixed.
You don't have to agree with me, just offering help.
(August 8, 2016 - 7:09 am)
I know this is out of topic,but did you know Voldemort means flight of death?
(August 8, 2016 - 7:39 am)
Thanks to everyone for this advice! It's really helping.
(August 8, 2016 - 12:39 pm)
Yup, it's terrible. But is this a bit better?
The son of Voldemort’s hands shook as he held the letter. He looked up at his aunt, Narcissa Malfoy.
“Do I have to?” he asked softly.
Narcissa smiled sadly. “I’m sorry, Troyal. You must go to Hogwarts.”
“They won’t trust me.”
“I know that.”
Troyal looked back down at his acceptance letter. “But, Aunt . . .”
“They were kind to your father. They may not be too bad to you.”
“They didn’t know what he was! They didn’t know how many people he would kill! And now those people are GONE! And they’re angry! And they’ll blame it on me and act hostile and kick me out--”
“Troyal Tom Riddle, calm down. The Hogwarts staff and students are nice! And they trust very easily. They let the children of Death Eaters attend their school after the battle in the Department of Mysteries!”
(August 9, 2016 - 6:15 pm)
(August 10, 2016 - 1:21 pm)
Love it, Mei! Just curious, what happened to his original name you had? I love it either way, and I can truly see what Troyal is feeling.
(August 10, 2016 - 1:29 pm)