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I'm in Playwrighting
Chatterbox: Inkwell
I'm in Playwrighting
I'm in Playwrighting I right now. (and it's soooo awesome! :D) For homework tonight we had to write a scene, and I ended up with something that I actually really like and am considering expanding into a whole play.
Comments/critiques/questions/etc. would be much appreciated.
*
Lights up on a large, bare room. Aged floral wallpaper on the walls, one boarded-up window. Cardboard boxes and a black umbrella piled carelessly along the wall. Down right, a large wooden crate with several coffee mugs and a crumpled newspaper on top. ALICE, 19, sits on the crate, sipping from a mug while she rifles through a large purse. Now and then she consults her watch. Door slams offstage and seconds later BOB, 15, enters from the left. ALICE looks at him.
ALICE
(Very calm.)
You're late. How'd it go?
BOB says nothing, goes to the cardboard boxes and begins to rearrange them mindlessly.
ALICE (CONT.)
I asked you a question.
BOB
Don't feel like talking.
ALICE is taken aback. She puts down the mug and the purse and shifts on the crate so as to better see BOB.
ALICE
That bad, huh?
BOB
Hhn.
ALICE
So...?
BOB
Said I didn't want to talk.
ALICE
Fine. I'll call Charlie, then.
Beat. Neither of them move.
BOB
Don't.
ALICE
Why not?
BOB
...Because.
ALICE
Why not?
BOB picks up the umbrella and starts to play with it, swinging it around like a sword and making fight noises. ALICE goes to him, stands just out of range of the umbrella.
ALICE
Please tell me?
BOB
Ha!
He lunges with the umbrella as if stabbing an enemy through the heart. Holds the pose for a moment, then straightens and leans on the umbrella like a cane.
ALICE
Bob.
BOB
Alice.
ALICE folds her arms.
ALICE
I'm worried about you.
She moves forward, puts her arm around BOB's shoulders. BOB freezes.
ALICE (CONT.)
Bob...
BOB
I told you—
ALICE
(Glib)
Actually you didn't.
BOB
—I don't want to talk about it.
(Beat)
It went bad, okay? That's all you need to know.
ALICE moves back to the crate, sulks. BOB watches her for a moment, then goes back to playing with the umbrella.
ALICE
I went to the library today. It's the last day of their spring sale. All the books were set out in boxes—there must have been a hundred of 'em—with the spines all facing up. Dozens of books, all worn out with their covers broken.
Beat. ALICE sneakily checks for BOB's reaction; he ignores her.
ALICE (CONT.)
Some books were new. So shiny and clean, it was like they'd never even been touched. I looked in the covers to check the due dates. They'd been checked out once, twice, or maybe never. No one wanted them. No one bought them, either.
BOB
You buy any?
ALICE
Nah. No money.
(Beat)
How'd it go with Charlie, Bobby?
BOB drops the umbrella. Stands still, deer-in-headlights, then kicks the umbrella aside.
BOB
'S fine.
ALICE
Is not.
BOB picks up one of the smaller cardboard boxes and puts it on his head like a helmet. Strikes a heroic pose.
BOB
I could be in the army.
ALICE
Don't change the subject.
BOB
You did.
ALICE
I'm me.
ALICE jumps up on the crate, spreads her arms like she's preparing to conduct an orchestra.
ALICE (CONT.)
I'm the best bloody personage in this town! I do what I want.
BOB
You're not.
ALICE
Am too!
BOB
Nope. Otherwise you woulda bought some books.
ALICE
Shut up!
She jumps off the crate and stomps over to BOB.
ALICE (CONT.)
What happened with Charlie?!
ALICE waits for BOB to speak; when he doesn't, she whirls away and picks up the umbrella, turns it in her hands.
BOB
Leave me alone.
ALICE turns back towards BOB, jabs the umbrella at his face. BOB studies his shoes.
ALICE
You tell me right now!
BOB says nothing. ALICE lets out a frustrated scream, throws the umbrella at him, then storms off right. BOB picks up the umbrella as she goes, clutching it close to him with both hands.
BOB
(Small.)
That hurt.
ALICE (O.S.)
SHUT. UP!
BOB
What're you doing?
ALICE returns with a broken phone in hand. A foot or so of the cord dangles from the casing before coming to a ragged. ALICE dials.
BOB
Don't call Charlie.
ALICE smiles.
BOB
Don't call Charlie.
ALICE
I won't if you tell me what happened.
She lifts the phone threateningly above her head. BOB's face contorts with indecision and fear.
ALICE (CONT.)
(Triumphant)
Well?
BOB lets out a broken sob and runs off left, still clutching the umbrella. ALICE remains, bewildered and hurt. She looks at the phone. Drops it. Moves to the crate and picks up the purse again. Looks inside. Turns it over and shakes it out. Nothing. She throws it away in anger.
ALICE
Phone's never worked, anyway.
*
(The exact assignment, if you're wondering, was to write a scene with two characters, where character A states their objective in their first line, and character B states a directly contradictory objective in their first line. One character had to use at least three tactics to try to win, and the scene ends when one character wins. Mmmyep.)
submitted by TNÖ, age 19, Deep Space
(October 4, 2012 - 2:01 pm)
(October 4, 2012 - 2:01 pm)
Bob reminds me of Lenny from Of Mice and Men.
(October 20, 2012 - 7:35 pm)
You're really good at this, though it's rather dark for my taste. And some of the language is a bit much. You might consider lightening it up a bit. But all in all, its a great story line! (Maybe make Alice a bit more considerate, her being an older sister.) Keep writing!
(October 24, 2012 - 3:45 pm)
Thank you!
As to the darkness of the piece, well, most of the stuff I write tends to be a bit dark. That's what appeals to me as a writer (and, heck, as a consumer too. There's a reason I have a villain fetish...) so it's not likely to change. Still, I'm glad you enjoyed it anyway!
(Also, the final scene is ALMOST DONE I promise. Soon!)
(October 24, 2012 - 9:48 pm)
What exactly does (beat) mean?
(October 26, 2012 - 6:31 pm)
@Sakura
It's like a pause. Like say I was trying to surprise you:
Melly: I'm getting you (beat)
a puppy!!!!
Spammy just said "cxbr". He knows we refer to ourselves as Chatterboxers. Oh no, he's getting too intelligent.
(October 26, 2012 - 9:32 pm)
Specifically, it's a silence that's about one to two counts long—enough for the actor to take a breath but not long enough for a lot of stage direction. A pause, on the other hand, is usually a lot longer and happens while the actor(s) are doing something else, whether it be staring each other down or sword-fighting with umbrellas or what-have-you.
#weirdlyspecificstagedirections
(October 27, 2012 - 12:16 pm)
Did you finish your play?
(November 15, 2012 - 10:23 pm)
Writing villan like is something I haven't really ever tried. But you
DEFINITELY are very skilled in writing. That, coming from a fellow
author. I'm kinda at a stand still. I'm trying to vary in my writing,
& am currently working on a tragedy. It's about an orphan girl, her
family died in a accident. She was in a coma for 3 weeks. When she woke
up, they were gone, and she was alone. She's sent to live in an
orphanage. She's the meek, quiet type, who isn't ready to just adapt.
She takes consolation in her family Bible, and through that tries to
live her life, even through hardship. But doctors later discover she
suffered an internal injury, and are unable to help. She is slowly dying. She has now made a few friends at the orphanage, who help her reconcile herself to this fact. They make her final days mermorable. At one point, one of her friends says: "You're too young to die." She replies, already reconciled to the fact of dying: "The question is not; 'am I too young to die' the question is 'am I ready to die'. You're not if you are not with the Lord. When you accept Jesus as your Savior, you are indeed ready to die, and are able to accept death as welcomed bliss, instead of dreaded unknown." The girl finally does die, one fateful summer afternoon. She is discovered by her dearest friend, lying peacefully beneath a willow tree, her dear little Bible clasped to her heart, open to her favorite passage, Psalm 23.
I'm having trouble making it all flow together. Any tips? And what do you think?
(November 20, 2012 - 10:53 pm)
I like it! I don't really have any tips, because my friend and I tried to write a story like yours, but she went to high school, then I did then next year and we didn't have time to write it.
(November 25, 2012 - 2:12 am)