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Ways to annoy
Ways to annoy Voldemort #2! Because the old one died. :,(
Anyway, this turned out to be simply hilarious, so I'm making it again, and you all can have fun with it. You can repost old ones or make up new ones, but please, if you repost your old ones, only do the ones that belong to you. And come up with new ones, too! :D
Anyway...here's my first ten:
1. Follow him around with a microphone and a notepad. Whenever he says anything, scribble on the pad, say, "Uh-huh, I see," and occasionally, "Could you clarify that, please?"
2. Bump into him and say, "OOH great costume! You're going to win first prize for Ugliest Face at the Halloween party!" Grin, pat him on the shoulder, and walk away.
3. Hold up a broken wand and say, "I'm really, really sorry but...I broke your wand." Wait until he's kind of upset, then say, "Ha ha!" pull out another wand and say, "Here it is!" Then snap it in two. Repeat until you finally pull out his wand, snap it in two, and then, when he says, "Ha ha ha, get to the next one," say, "There isn't any," and walk away with his broken wand.
4. Now that his wand's broken, force him to play wizard chess with Harry Potter. Tell him you won't get him a new wand unless he does.
5. Ask him, over and over, if he's sure his father wasn't a vampire.
6. (Here's one of my old ones): Whenever he starts to make a speech, say, loudly, "Yes, yes, I quite agree. You're absolutely right. Good show, old chap." When he stops talking, say, "No, no, by all means, go on, go on."
7. Go away for a while and wait for him to run across you. When he does, pretend to act like his mother: "Where on Earth have you been, young man? You've been with those Death Eaters again, haven't you? Don't try to deny it! We will talk about this later; for now, just go straight to your room. I must say, I'm very disappointed in your behavior." Bonus points if you do it in front of one or more of his Death Eaters.
8. Make him watch Ni Hao, Kai-Lan! ad nauseum. Be far, faaaaar away while he is doing this.
9. Say, "I really don't think you're such a great villian. There are sooo many more good ones. Like Emperor Palpatine, Judge Claude Frollo, Giovanni, Orochimaru, Sauron..." and on. And on.
10. Walk up to him innocently, hand him a Congratulations on your engagement! card, and say, "I'm soooo happy for you two! But doesn't this mean that Bellatrix will be divorcing Rabastan?"
Well, continue on, you lot. I'll be back later! :D
Andy P. C. says puey. Pooey? I resent that...
~Wolfgirl67 signing off.
submitted by Wolfgirl67, age Almost 14!, Back where I belong.
(October 24, 2011 - 7:10 pm)
(October 24, 2011 - 7:10 pm)
OMG I was laughing SO hard I could barely breathe!!!!
(October 25, 2011 - 10:30 am)
@XD: Thank you! :D Is you stalking me? Or are you a different XD from the one who comments on my Harry and Draco and the Sticking Charm thread?
Anyway, here are the next ten:
11. Along the lines of "pretending-to-be-his-mother": Threaten to send Nagini to the pound if his behavior doesn't improve. Again, bonus points if you do it in front of the Death Eaters.
12. Whenever he says anything, yell, "WHAT?" When he says it again, say, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SPEAK LOUDER!" When he does yell, frown at him and say, "I'm standing right here. There's no need to shout."
13. Give him a cell phone and text him every five minutes, saying, "Hi! :D"
14. Ask, "Are you ticklish?" and tickle him. Bonus if he actually laughs. Double bonus if you do it in front of the Death Eaters. TRIPLE BONUS if both things occur.
15. Ask him what his favorite color is, then come back three minutes later and ask again. Do this over and over and over.
16. Invite him to play checkers and cheat absymally.
17. Throw banana peels in his path.
18. Decorate his room so that it looks like the room of a six-year-old girl obsessed with the Disney Princess franchise. (Note: I have nothing against the Disney princesses themselves, I just wish they didn't make them so...ugh.)
19. Criticise everything about him, from his black robes to his pet snake to his voice-"What's with that 'screaming in rage' thing? My FOUR-YEAR-OLD sister screams in rage!"
20. Tape an "I Love Harry Potter" sign to his back, then tell him Bellatrix did it.
Andy P. C. says ymwt.
(October 25, 2011 - 10:23 pm)
No and no. I'm not stalking you, I just love all things HP, and love them even more when they'ra as hilarious as these.
(October 25, 2011 - 11:00 pm)
Bellatrix was married to Rodolphus, not Rabastan. /obsession
Anyways.
• Waltz around the derelict manor du jour singing showtunes. Bonus points will be given for Springtime For Hitler.
• Send him copies of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. Say they're for "inspiration." Bonus points if you leave them lying about for Bellatrix to find.
• Give his address to every traveling salesman and door-to-door evangelist you can find. Bonus points if you get them to coordinate and sing Hello at him.
• Bring Discworld books to his evil meetings. Laugh hysterically at crucial moments. Bonus points if you read the best passages aloud.
• Replace Nagini with the Incredibly Deadly Viper.
• When he attempts to torture you for all the above shenanigans, laugh at him. Nothing is so off-putting as to have your Cruciatus victim start giggling uncontrollably.
• Attach the Evil Overlord List and all of its appendices to his door with a Permanent Sticking Charm. Bonus points if you tell him you only did it because you have his best interests at heart.
• Wake him up at obscene hours of the morning by playing Disney classics at full volume outside his door.
• Send a distress call to the Doctor. Bonus points if you manage to drag River Song into the mix as well.
• When he starts to wax megalomaniacal, mock him. Extensively, and with much sarcasm. Bonus points if you interrupt him specifically to do this.
• Give him antibiotic eye drops and tell him you hope the conjunctivitis gets better soon.
• Whenever possible, tap dance.
• Tell him that the Assassin's Guild would be more than happy to take care of Harry Potter for him. Offer to lend him the funds to do so.
••Addendum: If he accepts the above offer, wait a year and then explain to him that said funds were a loan, not a gift, and he owes you the original sum plus 15% interest and an exorbitant late fee. Threaten to have his assets frozen if he doesn't pay up.
• Become the Official Death Eater Accountant and immediately start embezzling funds. Bonus points if you donate the money to the Order of the Phoenix.
• Interrupt him and scream "YOU LIE!!" whenever he says something particularly dramatic, or whenever you feel like it. Bonus points if you channel Zim/Richard Horvitz while doing this.
• In a similar vein as the above, insert "DOOM" into his monologues whenever appropriate.
• Become an Addams. Full stop.
(October 26, 2011 - 11:44 am)
*Tell him that 'vold' rhymes with 'mold' and then start rattling off all the facts you know about mold.
*After that, tell him that when you say 'vold' in an English accent, that it rhymes (sorta) with when you say 'bald' also in an English accent, and then tell him that he is bald, and just how does he feel about that?
*Ask him what kind of rejuvinating scalp cream he uses and if he stole it.
*Ask him "Why didn't you accept my friend request on facebook!!!???"
*You: "Did you get my text, Voldemort?"
Voldy: "Yes"
You: "Well you didn't text me back."
*Run up to him and say, "Oh my gosh! You're that guy from Harry Potter! Can I have your autograph?! My friend's a huge fan."
*Tell him a beanie would look very becoming on him and then walk away.
*You: "Guess what!?"
Voldy: "What?"
You: [drop voice to a whisper] "Hi"
*Make him go shopping with you for a prom dress, hold two dresses up to yourself and ask him, "I don't know. Which do you like? The mint green one or the candy tuft pink?"
*Sit down with him, say, "I know you and Harry Potter had a few disagreements," take his hand, "but you two really need to make up."
This was fun!
-Kiwi☺☻
(October 26, 2011 - 2:55 pm)
Walk up to him. Say, "Harry Potter died of a cold. Thought you should know." Walk a few steps away, stick your tongue out, and say, "Ha ha! Gotcha!"
(October 26, 2011 - 6:19 pm)
I'm not sure how funny mine will be compared to you guys'... :)
This is a step-by-step process:
1. Throw him a birthday party on a random day, and invite every Death Eater, but make the invitations seem like they are actually from Voldemort. (Bonus points if you buy a cake with "Happy Birthday Voldy" on it in pink frosting. Double bonus points if you can convince Bellatrix to lead in singing Happy Birthday.)
2. When he comes in and tells you that it's not his birthday, act really apologetic and surprised, like you actually thought it was his birthday.
3. Ask him repeatedly when his real birthday is until he tells you.
4. Repeat step 2 on every day of the year except for his actual birthday.
(October 27, 2011 - 3:16 pm)
That was funny, but step 3 wouldn't work--the Death Eaters aren't gullible enough for it.
What Harry Should Have Done During The Battle Of Hogwarts While Voldemort Waited For Him In The Forest:
1. Steal 2 pairs of earmuffs. Make sure that one of them is Professor Sprout's fluffy, pink pair.
2. Ask Sprout if you can borrow a Mandrake for a moment.
3. Cast Silencio on the Mandrake, uproot it, and cover it in the invisibility cloak. A baby won't work, so it'll be as large as you, and it won't know how to walk, so you'll have to drag it, but the spell will prevent it from being noticed if you hold your hand the right way. Looking tired is normal under the circumstances; no-one will suspect you for that.
4. Go to the Forbidden Forest.
5. Say, "Voldemort, Hagrid, look! I brought you these beautiful earmuffs to wear! Give Hagrid the normal pair. When he refuses, say that it's really urgent, that he needs to trust that you know what you're doing. Give Voldemort the pink, fluffy pair. When he refuses, sigh, ask, "Are you sure? They're so pretty, and it's not nice to refuse a gift!" and when he refuses again, say, "Oh, alright, I'll wear them myself, if you're sure you don't want them."
6. Nonverbally cancel your Silencio. Your Mandrake should be furious at being uprooted and in a strange environment; if not; jump so as to anger and frighten it even more. Don't forget to ask Professor Sprout to repot it once you're done! I'm sure she'll be willing, since you both just did the world such a service.
(October 27, 2011 - 6:17 pm)
Start singing the song from AVPM, the one that he sings about dancing. Then give him money to sing it. BONUS POINT if it's in front of the death eaters. DOUBLE BONUS POINT if it's in front of the Death Eaters, but most particularly Bellatrix. TRIPLE BONUS POINT if it's in front of Dumbledore, and he starts singing too.
(October 27, 2011 - 5:32 pm)
@XD: Oh, OK. And thank you! :D
@TNO: I thought I was going to fall off my chair. "Replace Nagini with the Incredibly Deadly Viper..."
@Kiwi: Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Especially the rejuvenating scalp cream one.
@SC: THAT IS GENIUS.
@Ima: AND SO IS THAT.
@ZB: XDDDD
I hope I didn't forget anyone...*lipbite* Anyway, keep it up, you guys! :D
21. Convince Peeves to come sing his "Voldy's Gone Moldy" victory song. Start singing and dancing.
22. After this, call him Moldy Voldy for the next few days.
23. Sneak nifflers into his room. Hey, it worked on Umbridge!
24. Crack annoying Death Eater/Voldemort jokes in the halls. "How many Death Eaters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?...They have 'lumos', don't they?" "Why is Voldemort always angry? 'Cause he's always seeing red!" Laugh uproariously after saying them.
25. Put on your best Luna Lovegood expression and ask him if he's ever seen a Crumple-Horned Snorcack. If he says he doesn't, smack him around the face.
26. When he says he's going to go kill someone or fight, jump in front of him and ask if he'd like you to war paint his face.
27. Insist that he needs to do the Darth Vader breathing thing more often. Give him a paper towel tube to practice with.
28. Wake him up every morning by playing 'Positivity' by Stevie Wonder at top volume. (Note: There is nothing at all annoying about this song to ordinary people, but it's all about happiness and love and optimism.)
29. When he's gotten up, burst through the door and say, with a huge grin on your face, "Good morning, sunshine!"
30. Give him an invitation to Harry Potter's next birthday party and give him the puppy-dog expression until he says he'll go.
31. When he pulls out his wand to hex you, say, "Watch it with that stick. You could poke somebody's eye out."
32. Tie him up and read him the Toadstool Tales in an annoyingly high-pitched voice, if you can do this without retching yourself. Bonus points if you do it in front of the Death Eaters, and double bonus points if the are tied up too. Triple BPs if you tie up Bellatrix and him, get the Death Eaters, and read a love story to them and say. "Now isn't that just the perfect story for you two?"
33. Quote Dumbledore's most cryptic sentences at him.
34. Say something like, "Hey, hey, hey. Voldy. Heeeey. Tom. TOM RIDDLE, I'M TALKING TO YOU. Hey, guess what. Snape's been against you all this time. And you never knew." Become increasingly gleeful and giggly as you say, "You never knew! You're a Legilimens and - you - never-" Collapse on the floor in helpless laughter. (Or, you could just use the part up to, "TOM RIDDLE, I'M TALKING TO YOU," and when he says, "What?" say, "Nothing.")
35. Write Harry Potter fanfiction in which he sucks terribly and demand that he read it.
36. Get in an elevator with just him, tap him on the shoulder, and pretend it wasn't you.
37. Stare at him for a long, long time. When he asks what you're doing, burst into tears and scream out, "Mommy! The ugly man doesn't have a nose!"
38. Ask him why he didn't get a cat like all the other ordinary villians. Shoot disgusted looks at Nagini while you say this.
39. Tackle him to the floor and say, "Hullo. I'm Tigger! T, I, double-Guh, Er. That spells Tigger!"
40. Now that he's on the floor, demand that he do a hundred push-ups.
Well, that's all for now. :) Keep up the good work, you lot!
Andy P. C. says zhwu.
~Wolfgirl67 signing off.
(October 27, 2011 - 7:18 pm)
OMG these are all so hilarious!!! 34 reminds me of the Invader Zim episode that opens up with Zim yelling: "My Tallests! My tallests?!?! Hey! Hey, My Tallests!!! Over here!! MY TAAALLESTS!! (etc.)" and then one of the tallests says, "I've been waiting to see when you would shut up by yourself, Zim, but it's been three hours. THREE HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(October 27, 2011 - 9:03 pm)
Sorry, Snake. I've seen one of these and deem them not suitable to be recommended on this Web site.
Admin
(October 27, 2011 - 9:19 pm)
That's ok. :)
(October 28, 2011 - 1:18 pm)
@Snake: That sounds really funny. XD Also, sorry, I didn't reply to you, but I thought the birthday party was awesome. *thumbs-up*
And, um, oops. When I say "Ask him if he's ever seen a Crumple-Horned Snorcack" I meant, "Ask him if he BELIEVES in Crumple-Horned Snorcacks." Sorry about that. Here's ten more:
41. Whenever he says, "I am Lord Voldemort," yell at the top of your lungs, "BEST ACRONYM EVER!"
42. Go on a walk with him around the neighborhood. Tell everyone you meet that he needs more socialization. If he leaps for them or you, say, "Ah, ah, ah, down, boy!"
43. Pretend to forget his name. "Oh, howdy-doo-there, Lord...Lord..what's-your-name." "VOLDEMORT!" "Oh. Yeah. I knew that."
44. Ask to see his baby photos. Bonus points if he produces them and you coo over them.
45. Decorate his derelict manor for Halloween. When he asks why you did that, say, "I know. It was perfectly suited for Halloween already. All those cobwebs and broken windows and ghastly people."
46. When he attempts to punish you for all this, drop to your knees and start begging, "Oh, don't kill me, please please please don't kill me..." Then swipe his legs out from under him and run.
47. When he has recovered from his anger, come back with Dumbledore for protection. Stick your tongue out at Voldemort from behind Dumbledore's back and say, "Nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, you can't get me!"
48. Graffiti said derelict manor.
49. Write hearts on the wall that say, "Bella + Voldy". Then tell him it was Bellatrix. Plant the paint can in her room if you need extra proof.
50. Stick all kinds of inspirational quotes on his refridgerator door, then say, "I'm just trying to lighten up the place!"
Andy P. C. says uxrk.
~Wolfgirl67 signing off.
(October 30, 2011 - 5:02 pm)
*Buy him a pygmy puff.
*Call him Lord V.
Check out the full compiled list on the Chatterboxers Facebook group; it is called 101 ways to annoy Lord Voldemort!
(October 30, 2011 - 10:14 pm)