Thank you, Blackfooted Bobcat. It was so kind of you to take time out of your day to ask about my well being. I hope it is okay if I do vent a little.

I do try to take care of other CBers a lot, because I care about them. However, I am scared that I am not a good person. While I do kind things for others because I truly do care about well being, I also do it because it makes me feel good and like I am doing good things, and I'm worried that's selfish - if I were truly a good person, wouldn't I 100% only be doing nice things for others because I care about them, not to make myself feel better or to be likeable? I promise I really do love you all and I really do care about your well being. I feel guilty about not being as completely selfless as I act. I want to be a good person.

Outside of the CB, I struggle socially. I have two close friends and a few casual ones. I'm louder, outgoing, and more irritating (I guess) around friends in real life. I have trouble relating to my peers. I'm lonely often. But I love the Chatterbox so much. For the past two (almost three) years of my life, it has been a place where I really do feel safe and loved. Making friends is so much easier. People listen to what I say. People like me and relate to me, and I like them and relate to them. I love everyone here and they are all dear to me. They also make much more sense to me - it's so easy to remember things about them and what to talk about with them. Periwinkle is the best part of me - the best person I currently know how to be. But it's harder to be like that in real life. 

It's also just been a hard time lately. School's stressful, my dog just died, and there are important events coming up I feel unprepared for. But mostly I'm okay! These are just little things, really. I normally feel stressed about something. I'm just… I don't know. 

I do really want to take care of everyone, though. I guess maybe you're right that I do need a care package. Actually, I often do things for others when I feel like they're what I'd want myself; I created Make a Friend when I was having trouble meeting other CBers to help anyone else who might have trouble with it, for example. I noticed a lot of people here seemed upset and like they were going through a hard time, and I really wanted to help them because I love you all and this place has changed my life, and I hate seeing anyone sad or upset. Whenever I see someone who needs help, I feel like I want to help them. Sometimes I can't, but I try to when I can.

I apologize for the fact that all of what I just wrote is quite disorganized and possibly nonsensical. Thank you for reaching out. I've always looked up to you because you give really good, thorough advice and are very smart. I hope you do not dislike me now that you have read this.

Of course it’s okay for you to vent! That’s why I asked. Sorry this is all I have at the moment (I’m still not sure how to react to you calling me smart haha, and also I'm ADHD) but have some song recs! Cavetown is the main non-classical artist I know that fits the style you seem to like and has applicable music though XD (I don’t tend to like most music that’s a Cavetown-like style that much tbh. It just tends to not be… enough? Even if it’s perfectly good music.) Other than that it’s all classical (though none of the ones I suggested are actually from the classical era XD) Even if you’re not into classical music, I’d suggest looking them up. I’d suggest looking up the suggested recording of the Bach first, since that way you at least won’t get a bad recording (which can completely ruin the other two pieces especially, so you’ll probably want to look up several recordings. You don't have to listen to the whole thing to decide you don't like one obviously!). 

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-Taking Care of Things, Cavetown. I really think you might like this one. The music is gorgeous, and the lyrics seem to fit. Just don’t take it as “I need to take care of other people more than I already am”, because you’re already doing so much. It’s about taking care of yourself.

-Wishing Well, Cavetown and Drew Monson - Not as applicable as far as lyrics go, but it's so beautiful and calming and the video fits it really well somehow. Plus the artists' voices blend so well. It’s one of my favorites tbh.

-Frog, Cavetown. This one's just calming and fun. If you don't like romance you might not like the lyrics, but I'm pretty romance repulsed (in general XD) and I don't mind it too much. The music is just so fun and I adore it.

- Cantata Gottes Zeit is die Allerbeste Zeit BWV 106 (especially the Sonatina at the beginning, but if you can I suggest listening to the whole thing) JS Bach - Absolutely gorgeous. Features recorder, one of the best instruments in my opinion (don't be put off by bad recorders - well-played baroque recorders are the best), and viola da gamba - and no violins, interestingly. (Which I think was a good decision. I adore the instrumentation.) If you listen to this, I 100% reccomend that you find the version posted by the Netherlands Bach Society. (Admins, it's just a recording; you've let me post about this before too.) It's a funeral cantata, so if you want you can make it a tribute to your dog (although the lyrics are very very Christian, in case you’re not. but they're also in old German. so). Really do look up the recording I suggested, though; NBS stuff is always amazing and they really let the music breathe. 

-Brandenburg Concerto no. 4, JS Bach. Speaking of recorders XD if you want something really fun and happy, try this! The Netherlands Bach Society version of this is probably more important than with BWV 106 tbh, because there’s several absolutely ridiculous violin parts that the violinist, Shunsuke Sato, just nails. Also they don’t have to slow the tempo because of this. Shunsuke Sato is definitely my favorite violinist. Everything he does is perfection. 

-Symphony 5 movement 2, Andante con moto by Franz Schubert. Also very beautiful and calming, but it's Early Romantic instead of Baroque. I'm actually playing the whole symphony in orchestra right now, but for time constraints we had to cut this movement out *sobs* It's so beautiful, I'm deeply upset. I think some of the harmonies and chords and the way that sort of stuff plays out in this one are interesting, but I could just be noticing them more because I have actually played it and I play viola. So many f flats *sobs* I’d definitely suggest trying to find a recording that isn’t too fast.

-Act 1 no. 4 pas de trois Andante sostenuto from Swan Lake, Pyotr Illyich Tchaikovsky. (This took me SO LONG to find because the version I watch has this one slightly later than it technically is *sobs*) With this one you really, really need to find a good recording, even more than the others; I'd suggest trying several before making any decisions on if you like it or not, and looking for one that's on the slower side and gives the music time to breathe without being as strict about rhythm. I thought the first recording I found was, frankly, terrible. And it was from the Royal Opera House. (though it might be pretty hit or miss with music tbh; one of its Nutcrackers is performed amazingly and one is just... bland. Also I should probably specify this is recordings, sadly I haven't actually been to it irl XD) I like one by Paris Opera Orchestra, but I don’t know if they have released that outside of the ballet, and they might have multiples and some bad ones, so idk. I adore Swan Lake so much though. It’s interesting because most critics considered it “too Wagnerian and symphonic and and complex for ballet” (basically dramatic if you don’t know the whole Wagner thing), and now it’s basically the world’s most famous ballet (for good reason). There’s so much else I could recommend from Swan Lake, but I shall spare you :P  

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Hope you like these! 

I'm sorry you've been feeling stressed! Have you tried using a planner to organize everything you have to do? Having all the things you need to get done in one place might help you feel less overwhelmed and give you more space to create free time for yourself. Planners are fairly easy to find - try a dollar store, pharmacy place, or an office supply store.

KotLC is cool! I've only read the first three books, but I enjoyed them. Some other series you might enjoy are:

- The School for Good and Evil by Soman Chainani

- His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman 

- The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis

- The Fairy Tale Reform School Series by Jen Calonita 

- The Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan 

- The Winterhouse series by Ben Guterson 

I hope you enjoy these!