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Yo guys, it’s Claaws. This is my last check in. It’s been four years since I first posted as a crazy little 13 year old, thinking I was so cool with my gothic ‘sketchy’ name ‘Claaws’, which I am stuck with.
I am now 17. I’ll be 18 in July, a legal adult if you'll believe it. I’ve had my driver's license since November and I have my own car (my moms old car). I graduated high school just a few weeks ago. We'll have our graduation ceremony in August. It has been hard being a senior in this pandemic, we did not get a prom, we did not get to say goodbye to everyone we grew up with and knew, and most of them we’ll never see again as we move on to the next aspect of our lives. We missed our senior sunrise, our senior prank, our senior bonfire, our last hurrah. None of us saw this coming, and we wasted our last moments together, taking time and school itself for granted. Fortunately we still get graduation, if not the same it’s still something. The thing that I will miss the most is my senior dance recital, though it will be held in September it won’t be the same experience. I’ll be the only senior performing my senior solo live, as the rest of our girls will be heading to college out of state. I’m unsure if it will even be held live, or at all. Though I am grateful that there is a chance of it still happening. If anyone’s interested, the song for my graduating senior solo is Little Girl by Faith Marie. It’s a very powerful song and I wish I could share my piece with everyone.
It’s times like these that makes you grateful for every little thing you have, every memory, every tradition. Even if you won’t be able to honor them. I was also supposed to go out and visit family in Argentina, my cousin just had a baby and I was going to meet my great aunts and 39 cousins that I have not met yet, as well as connect with a part of myself and the culture of my people. I’m going to have a pretty big surgery soon, I will be getting four ribs removed (down from 6 thanks to my brace) because of a chest wall condition. But I think I’m going to get it in December so I can virtually compete (in dance) over the summer (I wouldn’t be able to if I got my surgery in June, when I was originally supposed to, as I will be on bed rest for 6 weeks). Fun fact the ribs grow back if you just remove the cartilage, which is the front half of your ribs down to your sides, the bones are in the back by your spine.
I am planning on going to college next fall, whether online or ~hopefully~ in person. I am attending CU Boulder and I am in the Leadership and Community department, part of their underrepresented students program. (I’m LGBTQ+ and latinx) I will be majoring in Political science, minoring in leadership and community. A lot has changed since I’ve last posted, I’ve come to terms with my sexuality and gender, I am non-binary, and I use they/them pronouns now. I am bipolar; it is a very serious illness.
Quarantine has not been kind to me, but I bet it hasn’t been kind to most people. I’ve lost a lot of lives to this virus, indirectly or directly. A few weeks ago the quarantine order in Colorado was lifted, but my smart self decided to catch covid-19 two days before the ban was lifted, so I was stuck at home for a bit longer. I encourage everyone to not leave their houses even as the bans are being lifted, because if I am not living proof that the covid-19 threat is still very real, then the millions of others who are suffering and dying and the healthcare workers who are pleading to keep the ban orders up are. Please please encourage your friends and loved ones to stay at home except for going out for necessary items or working if they are essential and need to support their families, remind them to wear masks and gloves and wash their clothes as soon as they get home. Don’t even go out for church, it’s very very dangerous as it’s a large gathering of people and shared breath in the same closed roof building. There are online ceremonies, online workout routines, online mental wellness. I know it’s uncomfortable and not the way you would want to spend your summer, but a lot of us have suffered much more loss from this, and just by staying home you can save a life.
Also, loves, I know mental health has been very hard to manage in these circumstances.Please, if you are not doing well, don’t hesitate to reach out. I am always here for you guys, no matter what you believe or who you are or what you stand for. You are all amazing children and I hope you grow up to be strong, beautiful individuals. Don’t hesitate to contact professionals, they are trained to talk to you and listen to you. Don’t be afraid of therapy, even if it’s online, or of mental hospitals if you feel you need it. People love you. People are here for you, and I am here for you. You are not alone. None of you are alone. We will get through this together.
If anyone wants, I can post some coping methods I’ve been using during quarantine and just in general, as well as music or crafts or any other mental health stuff. It is mental health awareness month after all ;)
wow the capatchas five letters now? Noon says hzfcw (wow does that bring back memories)
Claaws, it's so good to hear from you! Former CBers like you hold a special place in our hearts. We appreciate hearing from them every now and then to hear what they're up to. These are strange, historic times for all of us. Congratulations on your graduation and best wishes in college and for your recital and surgery. And remember the CB reunion date is February 14 each year, but especially next in 2023.
Admin
submitted by Claaws, Class 2020
(May 29, 2020 - 7:52 pm)
(May 29, 2020 - 7:52 pm)
Claaws, so good to hear from you again!
I don't think we were ever very close, but I've always admired and looked up to you. Being a senior in a time like this cannot be easy. I can hardly imagine what you must have felt when you realized you'd lost all those memorable events of your final highschool year. But here's to hoping your time at college will be wonderful and memorable!
Congrats on your sexuality as well! As someone who has LGBTQ friends and has been puzzling over their own sexuality for quite some time now, I know that is quite the feat to finally find something that fits you.
I'm sorry to hear that you've lost people to COVID-19. I have a parent who works in the healthcare field, which of course has always made me worried, but the worst we've had to deal with is increased hours and lots of stress. We're fairly certain everyone in our household had it at one point (all of us were showing several symptoms) but we were advised to avoid getting tested and self-isolate instead. I'm glad to hear you recovered well, though.
Good luck with all your current and future endeavours! Never forget that you're a wonderful human being.
(May 31, 2020 - 11:34 pm)
Aww I deffinatly remember you, I think we met on kyndom? I hope your parent is doing alright, I know it's tough for a lot of health care workers right now. If you ever need to talk to someone about LGBT+ stuff, you can talk to me. My nano has been deactivated, but if you dm Ashlee G or Viola? then I can talk to you through their accounts. Hope everything goes alright for u!
(June 3, 2020 - 1:37 am)
Heyyy Claaws! This is Leafpool. Thank you for checking in. I feel like there's a lot I should say here, but I don't know exactly how to say it--just, thank you for being a huge part of the CB and for such a brave person and standing up for what you believe in and protecting people--I'm sorry if we've ever disagreed before, and I think my beliefs and my picture of the world have changed a lot since you were last around. You're an incredibly amazing person and I'm very very glad to have known you while I've been growing up!
Best of luck with your surgery! And I'd love to hear about your mental health coping methods, if you want to post them. And anyway I wish you well with whatever your future holds :)
(June 1, 2020 - 9:23 am)
<3 I will post them when I'm more awake, maybe tomorrow if I can remember haha.
(June 3, 2020 - 1:39 am)
Hey Claaws!!!
It's good to hear from you! :) Wow, you and I are about the same age! I turn 18 in June. I'm not a senior though, (although I could be) because I decided to do a gap year, so next year I'll be a senior. :)
I'd love to hear about your mental health coping methods. :) And actually, I'd like to discuss a question with you too about something LGBTQ+, (not about me personally, I'm not LGBTQ+, but I do have a question and I want to undesrtand more about it,) so probably not discuss it on here, but do you have a Nano account or something where I can talk with you about it?
Out of curiosity, How have you been able to stay in contact with friends during this COVID? And what college are you planning to go to out of curiosity? And you do dance? That's super cool. Is it cheerleading, or just like dance in general?
Sorry about all the questions, but it's really good to see you again. :)
(June 1, 2020 - 11:38 am)
oh nice! We're so old haha. My nano account was deactivated or something, but if you dm Ashlee G or Viola? then I can talk to you on their account.
Yes! I have been abke to stay in contact. Ive only been meeting up with them recently, but in small groups. I'm going to CU Boulder, and yes I do dance. Im actually competing my solo over the summer (hopefully) as the recitle may not happen. I did do cheerleading, in 6th grade and in Juinor year, but it wasnt really my thing. (I also may have gotten kicked off of the team junior year cause of some bad stuff).
And its ok to ask questions haha! Some of my answers might get deleted by the admins, but if you're still curious you can ask through nano. <3
(June 3, 2020 - 1:46 am)
It's really good to hear from all of you again! I didn't personally reply to everyone, but just know that I appreciate your best wishes and I hope you're all doing alright.
(June 3, 2020 - 1:50 am)
Claaws! Oh man, it's been awhile. We'll miss you. I know we've had some disagreements in the past, on multiple fronts, but I want you to know there are no hard feelings here. And I admire the way you stand up for your beliefs and for others. You've always been such a bold personality and supportive to everyone--I really especially appreciate the way you always stand up for mental health issues, which is something I'm also really passionate about. I hope your surgery goes well and I hope you keep staying healthy and safe during these tough times. <3
(June 3, 2020 - 3:56 pm)
Coping methods-
Having a set of effective coping skills can prevent harmful behavior by increasing self-control and self-direction.
It’s ok to use humor to cope with stress!!
Make a plan of action!
Draw where you’re feeling pain
Draw on your hands
Write about it
Keep a journal
Vent
Call or text a hotline
~~you are not alone
I mostly draw, vent art or just things that come to mind, I'm working on one right now that I just finished and I can post it here if anyone wants to see it.
It also helps to just, sing a particular song that gives you feels at the top of your lungs.
Practice body positivity! Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself something you like about yourself. Talk to yourself, think about your self as you would a friend. Would you think the same harsh stuff about yourself as you would a friend? Would you want your friend to hurt like you do?
Also mind positivity. Would you ignore/feel guilty of/do nothing about a flu or cancer like you do depression or other harmful mental disorders? What can you do for yourself to make living better? It's alright to think about yourself and treat yourself. It's not selfish, it's not narcissistic. Your problems matter. You are valid.
Not really related to mental health, but in light of what’s going on I suggest the song White Privilege by Macklemore, I think all of you should listen to it. There is a version where he doesn’t curse.
(June 4, 2020 - 1:34 am)