Ashlee, you are not a freak. You are our wonderful big sister, who is beautiful and kind, an amazing role model, and smarter than anyone I know. You are wise beyond your years. People look up to you, want to be like you. They (we) love you for exactly who you are, the beautifully, wonderfully, awesomely gorgeous young woman. 

You

are not

a freak. 

And the OCD thing? I know a bit how it feels, on a smaller level than you. The only thing I can say is, we love you. Each and every one of us. Me, her, him, him, her, her, her, him, that group over there, him, her, all of us. Don't give up. *hugs*

I'm not sure if I should be the one talking about this, because I'm pretty messy, but I'm OBSESSIVE about some things, like your colored pencil thing. I don't draw very often, and don't own a set of colored pencils, but I will organise my friends' pencils on their desks. They all HAVE to be in rainbow order, with the little embossed brand name thingie facing outward at the same angle.

But the thing that really made me write this comment was when you said two things: that you're sixteen and shouldn't be affected by these things, and that you think everyone looks at you like you're a freak because of it. Firstly, there is nothing childish or immature about anything you said. I believe, with nothing to back this up, that everyone feels the same impulses you do to some extent. Why else would everyone be given a lock and a locker at school, if not to keep thier items from being touched by other people? Why would people play high-frequency noises during class if there weren't something innatelly disturbing about the noise? Why would we invent a slew of cleaning products and things like like water-resistant table cloths if stains weren't upsetting? Why would disembodied noises be such a staple of horror movies if they weren't upsetting?Why would there be a constant quest to make things like the internet and computers faster and faster if little stutters and pauses in them weren't annoying? Why would we be constantly sweeping, dusting, wiping, and cleaning houses and apartments if dust and crumbs weren't upsetting?

Seconedly, there's a great quote by (quick search) Phyllis Diller, "We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up." This really sums up how I feel about social norms "You have to feel certain ways about certain things, but you can't feel TOO strongly about them, 'cause thats bad too." It's ridiculous, and therefore I suggest ignoring them.  If a person is petty enough to form an opinion of a person solely based off these things, chances are, they aren't a person whose opinion should go into an evaluation of oneself.

There's nothing wrong with being unique, and it's a kinda skewed society if you even have to THINK that there is. You've got a whole community of Chatterboxers who are behind you, and I'm proud to be one of them.

Ashlee, you're definitely NOT a freak. 

First off, think about Einstein, Van Gogh, Stephen Hawking, Mozart, and like nearly every other famous and successful people were weird. They were "freaks" as society told them.

Van Gogh struggled with mental illness and literally cut off his own ear!! Einstein was extremelye messy and did very poorly in school as a child. Stephen Hawking had to be spoon fed and was crumpled up in a wheelchair practically his whole life. Mozart had severe medical problems and had no sense of financial responsibility.

However all of these people redefined the standards of the world and have been remembered long after they're gone. Now I'm not saying that you have to necessarily re-shape the world but just that there's been millions of people who have felt and are feeling exactly the same way you do and did what they did DESPITE their problems. In fact, their "setback" or "illness" or "problem" was in most all cases what inspired them to redefine the status quo and push their boundaries. 

And you know what? 

It's so stupid when people look at you like you're a freak because WHY ON EARTH should their opinion matter?? It doesn't!! Why should you spend your valuable time and give people the gift of your presence when all they do is JUDGE and tear you down???!?!?!?! Don't give anyone the satisfaction of knowing you care about their opinions of you, because if they do think you're a freak then they don't know who you are. You are beautiiful. And if your version of beautiful doesn't fit theirs, oh well because you can't exactly change who you are just like that and people need to accept that.

Hope this helps. 

Ashlee? Ashlee. Please, please don't ever think there's something wrong with you. You are an amazing person, uniqueness and all. Everyone's different, Ash, and everyone struggles with something. You just have to try and work with your own struggle in a healthy way. You are a strong person, Ashlee, strong of spirit. I don't know if you're religious or not, but one thing I've learned from Judaism is that G-d gives everyone a struggle, but only the one they can work with. Nobody ever gets something too heavy for them to bare, and if your burden seems extra heavy, it’s because you’re extra strong. Your struggle is there to help you realize it. Someone as tenacious and strong as you are definately has what it takes to change the world. It might not be easy, but I bet everyone who knows you (and I mean really knows you, not the idiots at your school) knows you will succeed.

So try not to worry about what other people think of you. Normal is overrated, and besides, it doesn’t even exist, really. Who has the right to say what’s ‘usual’ for other people? Having ADD is normal for me, but not for many of my peers, who sometimes tease me about getting easily distracted and staring off into space randomly. Who cares? It’s just part of me that I need to work with. It's part of my struggle. Plus, I’ve found it makes me really good at brainstorming, because I make connections that other people wouldn’t, but it’s harder to put those plans into action. And get things done, especially with a time limit or deadline.

Maybe this is how everyone's struggle is: a little bit of good, a little bit of bad. Perhaps you'll find the good in your struggle, too, discover how to turn your so-called weaknesses into strengths.

I don’t really know much about OCD, not having it myself, but some of the things you mentioned sounded a bit like reactions I have when experiencing social anxiety. I haven’t been diagnosed, and if I do have it it’s very slight, but I always feel like people my age are judging me and it makes me very, very uncomfortable to meet new people. It also makes me uncomfortable to explain to others why meeting people scares me, or why I think everyone’s judging me. I don’t really know why, it just does.

One thing that helps me is just reminding myself, “No, you don’t have to worry about this. You’re fine, you aren’t doing anything wrong. Just calm, don’t think about them. You’re ok. Just say what you want, you are fine. Calm.” Deep breathing helps, too. My dad told me to breathe in through my nose for four seconds, hold for six, breathe out through my mouth for seven until I feel calmer. It helps me when I’m too wound up before I compete and when I’m feeling anxious. Sometimes it even helps me focus, but usually not for very long.

I don’t know if my suggestions will help you, but remember: You are strong, you are wonderful, you are so brave. I’m here for you, along with everyone else who frequents this site. Don’t forget that, ok? I love you.

Oh Ashlee... It is natural to have fears and panic attacks, I have crazy fears about the smallest things! I feel uncomfortable without my crazy messes. They make me feel at home. I can't stand showy clothes. I have fears of driving in little cars. I'm scared of cities and highways. I'm messy, but flowers and clothes and things...they have to be perfect! Which is an odd thing about me. I get it! I think part of growing up, is learning to live through these things. I wish I could tell myself that sometimes becouse sometimes it seems...well...not possable! The world wants perfect people...yes...but look around you! Look at the people who walk down your street and the people on chatterbox and the people at the store. Look at the people that you don't know, and see there imperfections, and when you see them, think of what a unique person it makes them! Compliment their imperfections, smile and meet there eyes! I LOVE smiling at people, but if they start talking to me I will start blushing and mumbling and acting like a idiot. It's just the way I am. I AM going to fix that. It might take years. Might take my life time! But I am going to die knowing that I was proud that I met their eyes when they spoke to me. Knowing that I was proud of my life and how truly unique it was! Ashlee...your faults, your fears, your quarks, your human MAGIC makes you who you are. Except it and love it. Nurture it and embrace it. You will have struggles. Everyone will! It's part of life...and it makes us all unique when we meet up with these struggles!  It makes us who we are! We are only human Ashlee...but gosh! Inside we are so MUCH MORE! You give SO much to me, I will never be able to thank you enough! Just being here, you have inspired me so much! Thank you Ashlee, for being unique! And for those people who tell you that your perfect imperfections are not what the world 'should be' ? Smile. Smile every time they tell you that. Every time they look at you and speak with their eyes. Smile. Because you know that they are unique too! And most likely they will find that out someday! 

You are amazing Ashlee! Growing up is perhaps one of the hardest things in life...but jeez! What a gift to be alive! 

'I see to much, when my eyes are closed. My minds a haunted mansion full of talking walls. Every ghost of a worry is roaming the halls. I make a wish for peace, blow out the light and bid the universe goodnight!' 

- Sonny Landreth - Universe