Places to Chat
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
Indigo knew the other CBers liked pulling out the Soapbox whenever something came up, so she went rummaging around for it. But maybe it'd been too long. Maybe she didn't know the ever-changing Chatterbox as well as she had used to. And besides, did she really want to be ranting and raving? Did she really want to go out in that style?
At last she ceased rummaging through the piles of half-finished RPs and unraveling threads and sat down, right there on the dusty floor. As she looked around she wondered if she should really leave. This place had so many memories. It had been a place of refuge; it had given her so many incredible friends. And in just a couple of months, she would have been on here three years... but no. It was a place of refuge for her no longer and most of her friends didn't post on here much anyway. She stood up, her decision made, and as she did so, her toe bumped the dented Soapbox.
She hefted the Soapbox up over her head and walked straight through to the center of the CB, where all the threads tangled together into one. She put the Soapbox down carefully, being careful not to damage it further. Already a crowd was forming; some curious, others looking... slightly hostile? She was surprised so many people were coming out to listen; usually felt like no one heard her at all. Maybe it was the Soapbox. Somehow the Soapbox and the person standing on it seemed to draw more attention than those without.
Indigo sat down cross-legged on the Soapbox. "I want to thank the Admins for everything they have done for me, for faithfully caring for this little website. I want to thank my friends- my early friends, like Danie and Noelle, for helping me and supporting me when I was young and new. I want to thank my newer friends, like Katydid and Owlzina, and those inbetween, like Air and BHR. You all have changed me, helped me discover who I am and who I want to be- and how to get there."
Indigo could tell the group was confused. Didn't Indigo have something to say, something worthy of the Soapbox? Some important contribution to the CB- an offer of a ceasefire after a war, a new issue to debate? Indigo felt her legs moving, trying to push her to stand, but she refused. She took a huge breath instead. "But I'm afraid I can't be a part of it anymore."
Indigo braced herself for the arguments, the pleas from people she didn't even really know that well to stay. "It's not somewhere I want to be anymore. It's no longer a refuge from the drama of middle school life. The RPs no longer interest me, too short-lived to mean much... and I don't feel welcome any more." She smiled a little sadly. "I was once a younger girl, with bad grammar and worse spelling. I did a lot of stupid things, and I felt very offended by the older CBers not appreciating the change my generation of CBers brought." She faltered a moment, then gathered her thoughts.
"And yet... correct me if I'm wrong, older CBers, but I'm pretty sure there was never this level of exclusion. I mean, yeah," Indigo said, gathering steam, "Maybe I thought Ruby and BHR were especially cool. But I also admired and complimented other CBers... whereas I don't really see that here. There are a couple of CBers now who everyone praises and loves; and the rest are almost... ignored. This... honestly upsets me. Shouldn't we value everyone equally, even the more quiet CBers who don't have AEs, or don't support the popular belief?"
Indigo let out her breath slowly, pulling her hair out of her face. "Instead... I see people idolizing a couple of CBers and almost ignoring the rest. That's unhealthy- both for the people being idolized, the people idolizing, and the people being left out. This has been something bothering me for quite a while... every time someone gets credited with something they didn't come up with, or..." Indigo trailed off. It wasn't like this was going to change anything. And after all, it was probably partly her fault things were this anyway.
"I'm not going to apologize for leaving," Indigo said firmly. "I'm not going to act guilty for the pain you all feel... or pretend to feel, because if you really cared about me, wouldn't you pay attention to me when I post on things OTHER than leaving, instead of just when I post about leaving?" Maybe that was too far. But that was the truth of what she thought; what she always had thought, whenever she'd taken breaks from the CB or posted about considering leaving.
"I suppose I should tie up all the loose ends," Indigo murmured. "Cayke, Katy, all of you; you know where to find me. I may continue to post on that RP Danie and Katy and I have... if I ever get inspired. I'll be back on Valentine's Day 2019 for sure." Indigo finally stood, stepping off of the Soapbox. "And one more thing..." With sure, steady movements, she pulled a matchbox out of her pocket. She then pulled out a match and scraped it along the rough side of the matchbox. She held it for a moment, not in hesitation but just so that it was clear she wasn't moving in hasty anger, then dropped it on the Soapbox. "Shouldn't we all stand on equal ground... especially when expressing ourselves?" The Soapbox burnt beautifully as brilliantly colored flames began to eat away at the wood... but Indigo knew it was built on pain; it was the platform of wars.
submitted by Indigo, age I see fire, burning the Soapbox
(February 11, 2017 - 11:54 pm)
(February 11, 2017 - 11:54 pm)
I agree with everything you said. It's become too much for me as well. I support your decision. Glad we still get to talk outside the cb.
(February 12, 2017 - 6:08 pm)
Yes, definitely, me too. Thank you for your support- in this and so many other things.
(February 12, 2017 - 10:15 pm)
I have not noticed this exclusion, most likely because I've been part of it. A big part of it, considering what just happened a few days ago. But I agree - it's probably time for a change. I don't know if we'll be able to make it, but wouldn't you at least like to stick around to see if we can? Or has this issue been eating away at you so much that you'd just rather be apart from it as soon as possible?
(February 12, 2017 - 8:14 pm)
Oh dear, I don't know what you're referring to. As you can see, this is all really formalities. I've been a "weekender"- or maybe "once-in-a-blue-mooner" would be more accurate- for so long.
Honestly, this has been an itch on my heart for quite a while. And if I did agree to stay, would it really be honest of me? I mean... I could SAY I would be staying, but I doubt I'd suddenly have all my lost RP inspiration back, or suddenly want to make an SI.
I'm probably going to still post occassionally- definitely on Valentine's Day, 2019, but also probably when I make my Camp- there are some CBers who I can't contact off of the CB at the moment- and just if I feel like I should give any life updates.
I'm not going to be completely gone, all the time. I'm just admitting the truth of the matter- which I've really been gone for a while, and it's not just because of school.
(February 12, 2017 - 10:23 pm)
I may have misunderstood the post a bit due to its RP-like format. I suppose it's inevitable that we outgrow this place someday. I guess I'll... see you on Valentine's Day.
(February 13, 2017 - 7:31 am)
I agree with you. I hope you and I can still talk outside of the CB. :)
(February 12, 2017 - 8:33 pm)
Of course!
(February 13, 2017 - 8:49 pm)
Indigo you know I agree with you 100% on this, but I'll just say it again. Everything in there was accurate. Heck, I heard someone get called "THE chatterbox legend." I don't need to be rude, but what about every other single person who has contributed to the CB?
Idolization, while it happens way to often, is a big part of our lives. We may not be able to stop it, but its nice to be aware that its happening.
Also, yes. We all stand on equal ground. I recently listened to my pastor talk about how fighting devides people. Is it more important to be right, or to be united? Because when we are selfish and want to prove to the other person we are right, it creates division. We all need step back, lay down our swords, and put our opinions aside for the sake of unity.
Love ya, Indigo. Stay strong, God bless, and know I'll always be around to offer you whatever advice or comfort you need. Best wishes for the future, and I'm greatful to be a part of your life, even though I'm distant, to see you grow.
I'll see you around, Lil sis.
(February 13, 2017 - 1:38 am)
Thank you so much for your lovely words and support. *hugs*
(February 13, 2017 - 8:51 pm)
I am truly sorry. And if I did not care about you, or if this was one of those meek apoligies where nobody really cares, I dont think I would be leaving the CB. I have clearly brought so much pain to you and others that I cannot bare to stay here any longer.
And it is true. You have been ignored, and others have been respected, and we have all been exclusive. Probably nobody will actaully notice this post, but if you do, know that I am leaving and will not be returning. The CB is like a home to me, but if that means kicking other people away, leaving them out, others who were here first, I'd rather not be a part of it.
Goodbye all of my amazing friends whom I love and will miss. Goodbye Admins.
Goodbye Indigo
(February 13, 2017 - 2:50 am)
That was so well said.
I know what you mean.
Yeah, people like BHR and Ruby were idolized, but everyone was familiar with each other an cred about each other.
If you go to compliment threads of a few years ago, everyone is complimented at least twice, without being asked. Now? maybe 5 people are complimented and everyone else feels bad about asking what people think of them.
And the people that were ort of "idolized" back then were fully immersed in the community and were idolized becasue they were so imersed in the community.
Find ya later :)
(February 13, 2017 - 10:17 am)
I can see you know exactly what I mean.
(February 13, 2017 - 8:52 pm)
Oh Indigo... you are right... I have noticed some people (and I am sad to say I am one of them) will only remember the CBers they know best, and forget about the rest. It is especially apparent in things like compliment threads. People compliment the CBers who are around the most, and forget the people who don't have time to post 100 times a day. Those people love the CB just as much, but they dont get the recognition they deserve.
I also agree with your decision to burn the soapbox. We need to accentuate the idea that all CBers are equal. But we should save the ashes. The Soap Box is an important part of CB history, and even if it is no longer used, it should never be forgotten. The things said on the Soap Box should always be remembered.
We will all miss you, please remember us!
(February 13, 2017 - 8:58 pm)
I feel so guilty right now.
I was the one whom Nebula called the "Chatterbox legend."
I know I'm idolized! But I idolize a lot of you guys, too. For different reasons. Cayke, for her positivity. Claaws, for her creativity. And yes, Indigo, for her writing.
And to be honest, I think Nebula's just new. The Chatterbox legend is BHR. It always has been, and always will be. She's the oldest, she's been here the longest, is the best at writing, and is the best at being a CBer.
And I don't think that suddenly, now, there's a hierarchy of CBers. There actually was, last summer, but that's disappeared now. We appreciate every CBer, at least I do, but as someone said before, it kind of makes sense that you'd be more well-known if you're on a bit more.
I know there's nothing I can do to make you stay, but Indigo, you will be missed, mark my words. We do like you.
(February 14, 2017 - 8:20 am)
Hey, Mei, I know this is kinda selfish of me, and I guess I just feel like, well, I shouldn't feel like this, because it isn't all about me, and I know that. But what you said, it hurt. 'Is the best at writing, and the best at being a CBer.' It didn't hurt because I'm jealous, or think this should be said about me; it hurt because I'll never be that. Doesn't saying that go against everything Indigo just said? I hope this wasn't offensive in any way, and I know you didn't mean it that way, that's why I'm gently letting you know. Thank you for hearing me out.
(February 14, 2017 - 4:40 pm)