Places to Chat
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
Indigo knew the other CBers liked pulling out the Soapbox whenever something came up, so she went rummaging around for it. But maybe it'd been too long. Maybe she didn't know the ever-changing Chatterbox as well as she had used to. And besides, did she really want to be ranting and raving? Did she really want to go out in that style?
At last she ceased rummaging through the piles of half-finished RPs and unraveling threads and sat down, right there on the dusty floor. As she looked around she wondered if she should really leave. This place had so many memories. It had been a place of refuge; it had given her so many incredible friends. And in just a couple of months, she would have been on here three years... but no. It was a place of refuge for her no longer and most of her friends didn't post on here much anyway. She stood up, her decision made, and as she did so, her toe bumped the dented Soapbox.
She hefted the Soapbox up over her head and walked straight through to the center of the CB, where all the threads tangled together into one. She put the Soapbox down carefully, being careful not to damage it further. Already a crowd was forming; some curious, others looking... slightly hostile? She was surprised so many people were coming out to listen; usually felt like no one heard her at all. Maybe it was the Soapbox. Somehow the Soapbox and the person standing on it seemed to draw more attention than those without.
Indigo sat down cross-legged on the Soapbox. "I want to thank the Admins for everything they have done for me, for faithfully caring for this little website. I want to thank my friends- my early friends, like Danie and Noelle, for helping me and supporting me when I was young and new. I want to thank my newer friends, like Katydid and Owlzina, and those inbetween, like Air and BHR. You all have changed me, helped me discover who I am and who I want to be- and how to get there."
Indigo could tell the group was confused. Didn't Indigo have something to say, something worthy of the Soapbox? Some important contribution to the CB- an offer of a ceasefire after a war, a new issue to debate? Indigo felt her legs moving, trying to push her to stand, but she refused. She took a huge breath instead. "But I'm afraid I can't be a part of it anymore."
Indigo braced herself for the arguments, the pleas from people she didn't even really know that well to stay. "It's not somewhere I want to be anymore. It's no longer a refuge from the drama of middle school life. The RPs no longer interest me, too short-lived to mean much... and I don't feel welcome any more." She smiled a little sadly. "I was once a younger girl, with bad grammar and worse spelling. I did a lot of stupid things, and I felt very offended by the older CBers not appreciating the change my generation of CBers brought." She faltered a moment, then gathered her thoughts.
"And yet... correct me if I'm wrong, older CBers, but I'm pretty sure there was never this level of exclusion. I mean, yeah," Indigo said, gathering steam, "Maybe I thought Ruby and BHR were especially cool. But I also admired and complimented other CBers... whereas I don't really see that here. There are a couple of CBers now who everyone praises and loves; and the rest are almost... ignored. This... honestly upsets me. Shouldn't we value everyone equally, even the more quiet CBers who don't have AEs, or don't support the popular belief?"
Indigo let out her breath slowly, pulling her hair out of her face. "Instead... I see people idolizing a couple of CBers and almost ignoring the rest. That's unhealthy- both for the people being idolized, the people idolizing, and the people being left out. This has been something bothering me for quite a while... every time someone gets credited with something they didn't come up with, or..." Indigo trailed off. It wasn't like this was going to change anything. And after all, it was probably partly her fault things were this anyway.
"I'm not going to apologize for leaving," Indigo said firmly. "I'm not going to act guilty for the pain you all feel... or pretend to feel, because if you really cared about me, wouldn't you pay attention to me when I post on things OTHER than leaving, instead of just when I post about leaving?" Maybe that was too far. But that was the truth of what she thought; what she always had thought, whenever she'd taken breaks from the CB or posted about considering leaving.
"I suppose I should tie up all the loose ends," Indigo murmured. "Cayke, Katy, all of you; you know where to find me. I may continue to post on that RP Danie and Katy and I have... if I ever get inspired. I'll be back on Valentine's Day 2019 for sure." Indigo finally stood, stepping off of the Soapbox. "And one more thing..." With sure, steady movements, she pulled a matchbox out of her pocket. She then pulled out a match and scraped it along the rough side of the matchbox. She held it for a moment, not in hesitation but just so that it was clear she wasn't moving in hasty anger, then dropped it on the Soapbox. "Shouldn't we all stand on equal ground... especially when expressing ourselves?" The Soapbox burnt beautifully as brilliantly colored flames began to eat away at the wood... but Indigo knew it was built on pain; it was the platform of wars.
submitted by Indigo, age I see fire, burning the Soapbox
(February 11, 2017 - 11:54 pm)
(February 11, 2017 - 11:54 pm)
I'm sorry Indi.
How can I find the right words to say "I'm sorry, I should've done more, you don't have to leave, but it's your choice, CB is a bit of a... mess..." without sounding dramatic or stupid or unfriendly? You already put it better than I did.
It's true, what you said is happening, and I'm glad you were brave enough to bring it here, because someone had to do it. I'm sorry you have to leave, and that this place isn't what it used to be. But I understand.
People are being unequal, and I know many are feeling left out. It's almost as if the people without AEs (Though I'm not blaming this on AEs, really) have to make AEs in order to not be left out. It's silly, it's like there separated groups of people in CB like in school or something... I think Peer pressure is the word to describe this.
CB is really a changing place, and I would be lying if I said I didn't mind. If I were to be honest, I feel left out myself.
But really, Indi, I'm truly truly sorry. I wish you could stay and this would be a refuge like it used to be. Sometimes people need a refuge, and for you not to have one it's... Hard.
But it's okay! We can figure it out and create equality! We just need to understand what's the problem, and how to solve it! If we speak up, like you did Indi, we can solve the problem! It'll be okay!
(On a less serious note, Indi, GOSH YOU'RE AN AMAZING WRITER. You seriously got that symbolism down. Sorry, I should probably go back to being serious.)
Thanks Indi for being the best Human Bean on this planet.
(February 12, 2017 - 12:18 pm)
Thank you so much for your support. I know it's possible to solve this... I just don't know if people will, and I know I am- as Ashlee put it- really worn down. I'm... I have a strong allergic reaction to drama and wars, and I'm afraid I've been sneezing all over the place recently. Maybe someday when I visit, I'll decide to stay a while. Maybe not. Who knows?
I'm glad you think I'm a good writer- it means a lot to me.
(February 12, 2017 - 3:56 pm)
(February 12, 2017 - 12:20 pm)
Indigo, I understand your frustration here, we all feel like that at times. I honestly think you are right, that some are loved and known by all, and everyone else is just... you know, there. I disagree with such a practice, and I really wish things could change. But honestly? That is the way people's brains work. They pick one person usually to look up to. Then others follow. I hate the idea, but some things just don't change...
And as for you leaving, it's understandable. I never really got the chance to know you very well, but I know you have been here for a long time, experienced all the wars, friendships, and joys of the CB. You've experienced the change. And it's like how a president is before and after office - they are worn down by it all. I know you are, even I am at times. I only stay on here for talking to everyone, I don't have time - let alone the motivation - to do RPs, or most AE things anymore. It's just worn me down. And I know that you feel the same way. So no, I am not going to stop you from leaving, that would be practically hypocritical of me.
I wish you the best of luck in life, and that you find the balance and equality you are looking for. We'll miss you! Even those who don't know your name will one day hear rumors of who you were, read threads from long ago, and will grow close to a person who helped shape what the CB is today. Thank you for your service (Hamilton reference), and your time here with us. Farewell!
(February 12, 2017 - 1:22 pm)
Thank you so much- I'm so glad you understand why I feel like I have to leave, and you hit the nail on the head with being worn down by everything.
(February 12, 2017 - 3:58 pm)
(February 12, 2017 - 1:38 pm)
I cried when I read this.
Of course we care about you, Indigo! And everyone is--or should be--equal on the CB. Sometimes it's just hard for people to remember everyone, even though those people are just as important as everybody else.
You are an amazing writer, and it will hurt when you're gone.
The exclusion--I don't believe I know where it is, or maybe you just see it better than I do--isn't meant to cause harm or hurtfulness. I also wish that people would widen their minds a bit more, but honestly...sometimes it can be difficult to remember all the CBers. The CB is constantly changing, with people coming on and people leaving. It's hard to keep track.
Just saying, I do care about you. I love you so much. And I know this is completely going against what you're saying, but I kind of did idolize you when I first came on here...you were so mature, and I just...just...*Bursts into tears again* See--see-I was going to compliment you, I included you in my draft of the huge complimenting spree that I wrote out for the whole CB--*pulls out old, battered-up blue notebook* *Opens it up*
Indigo~ You've been on here for so long! I don't see you around a lot, but you are definitely an amazing writer. I look up to you as a role model, someone I can always count on to do the right thing.
See? See? *Wipes eyes* I do really care about you, Indigo, and it hurts. It hurts so much.
*Watches the Soapbox slowly go up in flames* Goodbye, Indigo. I won't plead with you to stay, because I know your mind is made up, but I will tell you how much it hurts to see you go.
It's like a hundred million needles just pierced my lungs, and I can't breath because I'm dying.
Goodbye.
~Leafpool
(February 12, 2017 - 1:39 pm)
You make a good point about the CB changing. I suppose I'm just not keeping up with it.
(February 12, 2017 - 4:00 pm)
Oh Indigo. I really don't know what to tell you... I guess I'll just tell you what I really feel. My truth. Whether you chose to believe it or not is your choice, but it is my little sliver of truth.
When I first came on here, I was awed by your writing, your sharp sense of humor, your fun personality. And I continue to be, every day, whether you know it or not. I remember reading your CBers vs Zombies story and wishing I were a part of it, I remember joining the second CBers vs Zombies and crying when it died so fast. It remains my favorite CB story ever. I remember being a part of the School Drama RP you started and abssolutely loving it. It was one of the only RPs I was ever in and it holds an ultra special place in my heart. I think that you, to me, represented a little piece of a group I wanted to be a part of until it ached, but knew I never would be. You, Danie, Brookeira, Joss, St. Owl, Katydid, Cayke, Nora, Ruby, BHR, Butterfly... All of you amazing, kind, smart people. I'm going to miss you, Indigo, although you may laugh and say that you don't even know me. Maybe you don't. The CB seems to be a little like real life. I know almost everyone, like to think I'm their friend, but they don't know me. I don't really belong. But no matter what, know that *you* do belong. And I care about you, to pieces. I'd like to appologise for ever seeming like I didn't care, like you didn't matter to me, because you do matter. You matter a lot. I'm not going to try and convince you to stay, I don't think you want that. But, if you leave, please leave knowing that there is a little Booksy here, caring about you and smiling at words that you have written. A little Booksy that misses you and wants you, above all, to believe her.
*hugs Indigo* I'll miss you, Indi... So, so much.
(February 12, 2017 - 3:07 pm)
Oh dear. That second CBers VS Zombies story really did die fast...
Of course I know you! I've always regretted not being able to know you better- I've always admired your quiet, honest charm, eloquent way of speaking and clearheaded nature. I'm sorry to say that as things on here have gotten worse and worse, I've begun to see only the bad, and not the good. I wish I had some way of contacting you... you don't have a YWP Nanowrimo, I suppose? A Camp? Some way I could keep in touch with you, get to know you better?
Don't worry. I believe you. *hugs back*
(February 12, 2017 - 4:05 pm)
I only have an adult NaNo and camp... Maybe I could get a YWP... Could you tell my your username so that I could find you if I do?
And I'm so glad you believe it. I'll miss you a lot, but I'm sure you're making the decision that's best for you. *hugs*
(February 12, 2017 - 9:52 pm)
YWP doesn't having PMing anymore (sadly), but I'll be old enough to make a Camp this year. I'm planning on making a Camp (and probably an adult Nanowrimo) account sometime in March. I'm figuring it'll be the same as my YWP username (lucy_blue).
*hugs back*
(February 13, 2017 - 10:17 am)
I'm Booksy Owly on both NaNo and camp if you make one :)
I'll miss seeing you around here though... The CB'll lose a little sparkle.
(February 13, 2017 - 10:20 pm)
*Sobs*
I'm so sorry, Indigo. I don't really know you, but I won't ask you to stay.
I feel very bad because.... I feel like I am one of the CBers being idolized. And not doing anything to stop it. But I will. I promise, Indigo, to get this to stop, or spend all the rest of my time on the CB trying.
That is a promise.
(February 12, 2017 - 3:32 pm)
Don't feel bad! It's hard to rebel against a system that benefits you- it requires a lot of integrity and moral strength- and I've also struggled with excluding people. Thank you so much, this means a lot to me.
(February 12, 2017 - 10:14 pm)