I'm Leaving.

Chatterbox: Down to Earth

I'm Leaving.

I'm Leaving. Forever

Listen, I hope this isn't a huge shock. I was sort of hinting it in some comments earlier to help. Umm... Ugh, I've never written a farewell post before. It's hard.

As in, I'm practically crying.

Let me say, it isn't my choice. My parents decided to get rid of all internet. In other words, not only will I have no access to video games (I only do Multiplayer), it means no CB. Sort of hard to say, I mean, I joined back in July, 2010. Yes, I haven't always been on the CB. I came back on little over a month ago (June 20 something).

And... Most, if not all of you, are new faces for me. I don't know any of you very well. But you've all become like siblings and best friends to me. You're there to give support when I need it. Whether you know it or not, you've helped me dramatically in the past month or so.

Elmodaisy, I've said this countless times before. You are someone I look up to. You might be younger than me, but who cares? Sometimes it are the younger people who have the ability to make the biggest change in the world. You are honest, brave, trustworthy, friendly, supportive. Everything I could have ever asked for in a friend.

Mei, I know we've gotten into some pretty bad arguments. That's my fault, not yours. I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut. To keep my fingers away from the keyboard, you know? Let me just say this, you are an amazing person. You are intelligent, creative, and know how to make a difference. You would be someone who I could see as an amazing person in a leadership role like government. You have a strong voice and no fear, and that's something I will always regret not having.

Gared, I haven't got to know you very well, but you're one of my favorite people on the CB. You have created some of the best role plays and independent stories I have ever seen. Your writing style is fantastic, and there hasn't been a day where I read your posts and haven't laughed. You are one of the people on here I have to say thank you to for having always been able to brighten my day.

Clouded Leopard, I don't really know what to say here. As in, I have so much to say I can't put it all in an understandable paragraph. I look up to you for your friendliness, uniqueness, creativity, and maturity. With a mind like yours, you can go anywhere in the world. You are a fantastic writer and are outstanding at creating strong characters, proven by the personality of the Leopard Brothers. Thank you for being that outgoing, friendly person who was one of the first to greet and welcome me.

St.Owl, I can't forget you. You have such an amazing character that you're simply unforgettable. I haven't seen such amazing writing in forever. You are a natural at creating tension in stories, and creating something I could reread a thousand times over like Harry Potter. Keep up the amazing work, you'll go far in life, no doubt.

Everyone else, I would love to write personal things for the rest of you. But I can't. I can't go on to write anything longer than I've written thus far. You all mean a lot to me. Like I said, each and every one of you are like brothers, sisters, and best friends in my mind. So I've adopted you into my CB family from day one. You all hold unique personalities that I will always remember. You are all creative in one way or another. Whether that is in making people laugh, creating AEs, writing, photography, art, picturings, everything. You. Are. All. Amazing.

Now I must be nearing the end of this post. I never deserved to have such great supporters and friends. Never. And yet you all came and welcomed me like lost cousins! How could that be so? Because you all have hearts of gold. Now I must make my farwell to each and every one of you.

Just remember - goodbye isn't forever. 

submitted by Ashlee G., age 15, The Future
(July 27, 2016 - 12:06 pm)

Thank you so much, Clouded Leopard! I'll miss you very much as well. I promise I'll stop by sometime and visit you all again.

... MY BROS! 8-PIECE! NOUGAT! EVEN MEWFOUR!

He's been upset all day since hearing the news.

You've been crying your eyes out for-

Nothing. Zeon said nothing. And-

SHE'SBEENCRYINGABOUTMEWFO-

Shut up! Now listen, you guys aren't half as bad as I first thought. Nougat, you have a... hyper personality, but have proven to be quite nice. 8-Piece, you are an amazing surfer, and very calm. MewFour... Well, I've said this before. You are the only real proper, civilized AE on the Chatterbox. And one of my only friends. I'll miss you guys.

She's crying again.

A-Am not!

And stuttering from tears.

N-Noo... Ash-Ashlee, stop him!

Zeon, please stop. And... I suppose you get the idea. They'll miss you guys, too. 

submitted by Ashlee G., age 15, The Future
(July 27, 2016 - 8:09 pm)

Before I read this post, I thought you were leaving by choice. I should have never doubted you.

I will miss you sooooo much! You are a great CBer and person. I'm so glad to have met you on CB. Thanks so much for being here, and I hope you'll be able to come back someday. Bye! *Cries in head because she is playing National Parks Monopoly, but had to read this*  

submitted by Jack-a-Nat
(July 27, 2016 - 6:59 pm)

Thanks! Reading back, I can see why one would think I was leaving by choice. I sort of can't fit a huge explanation in the title alone so... Yeah. Sorry about that. I am glad in having met you as well, Jack-a-Nat! You are very creative, supportive, and friendly. And please do continue on your Monday name challenge. I didn't do it this week, but I hope other people do. I'll try to come on whenever possible, but for now, I still have a week or so left on the CB. So thanks, again!

submitted by Ashlee G., age 15, The Future
(July 27, 2016 - 8:12 pm)

Ashlee, I'll miss you so much. 

Love you.

Goodbye. 

submitted by Butterfly
(July 27, 2016 - 7:23 pm)

Thanks, Butterfly! I'll miss you too.

submitted by Ashlee G., age 15, The Future
(July 27, 2016 - 8:05 pm)

I will miss you so much, Ashlee. Everything about you. The kind advice you give. The way you welcome new people. How you are always up for trying new things. You are such a wonderful, mature, smart, strong, brave person. I look up to you so much. You make friends so easily, you're so kind. You know your oppinion matters, but you don't let that get in the way of looking at the oppinions of others and accepting those oppinions. I don't think you know me very well, but you inspire me. I'll miss you. Please do your best to come whenever you can. Please. I will really, really miss you.

submitted by Cockleburr
(July 27, 2016 - 7:47 pm)

Thank you so much, Cockleburr! That means a lot to me. It's true, I haven't really had the opportunity to get to know you better but... I do know you from a few places. One being St.'s story, for sure! xD

I'll miss you, and I have to thank you. I promise to stop by whenever the opportunity reveals itself. Thank you again, Cockleburr! 

submitted by Ashlee G., age 15, The Future
(July 27, 2016 - 8:16 pm)

I never actually cry or let my mouth hang open or anything when I read a CB post. I'm just not that kind of person. Instead, I have this really horrible pang in the region of my heart that just starts throbbing and moves down to my stomach, where I start feeling queasy.

I'm feeling very queasy.

Firstly, Ashlee, thank you. That was a beautiful compliment.

Secondly, I was going to say this on a compliments thread, but now I'm going to say it here:

From the moment you stepped into the CB, I liked you. You left a good impression on me, especially because you came in during the middle of a war and took it, well, as well as you can take it. And then, in just one short month, you firmed yourself into the CB like that very last needed piece of a puzzle. I don't think I can imagine a CB without an Ashlee G. Please, please, please use that town wifi.

Rereading it, that wasn't enough, but I think I'd be rambling if I said anything more. Here I am, trying to channel as much melancholy as I can into a post . . . I'm not doing so well, am I?

But, Ashlee, you will be missed. Get onto that town wifi; I hope I'll see you again.

submitted by St.Owl, age Recarnated, Everywhere
(July 27, 2016 - 7:54 pm)

Thank you so very much, St.Owl! That's very important for me to hear. I often get that queasy feeling, like when I see someone hurt. It's sort of the same thing, I suppose. You know, you do pretty well writing with a bit of melancholy. Either way, I appreciate it a lot. I'll use that town wifi for sure, so I'll be back whenever possible. Thank you, again, so much!

(Poofball says fann... I know, its 95 or so degrees right now. Glad we have our fan on...) 

submitted by Ashlee G., age 15, The Future
(July 27, 2016 - 8:20 pm)

Well, if spending too much time online is a problem... getting rid of the household internet is definitely some kind of solution. :P

Do you believe your parents are right about your time usage? (Not to speak for your situation, but my parents were - it's why I left, myself.  Not that I've killed the habit.)  If so, you could look for ways to compromise - how better to spend your time online short of cutting it out entirely.

I realize that when your roots are so deep in a community it's painful to pull back partway... depending on your personality and your feeling about the matter, you might find either partway or most of the way easier.

 

If you spent less time online, what would you use your time on instead?  What aspects of the Chatterbox are important to you, and can you find other pursuits that fill the gaps?

submitted by Oregano, age 18, The spice rack
(July 27, 2016 - 7:55 pm)

Ahh, meaningful post, Oregano. Glad to have someone like you on the CB. Definitely a solution, they are right. It's happened before and they tried limiting me and my siblings. Didn't work. Apparently (I don't remember well, though) I would use things like the CB as "school" and work my way around that time limit.

So... Comprising won't work for me. Thing is, I need to get out and actually have friends who I know in person. I'm antisocial, so on here is surprisingly not that hard to have friends. I have a few at school, but we don't do much outside of school.

Last time this happened, it was... almost easier. More free after you get past the month of so of I've got nothing to do thing. And currently I'm in that stage - or near it - so I can't answer that final question. I mean, I live in a tiny town of 400 people. Most are elderly. I have friends, but I don't really know how to interact with them outside of school without an occasional Airsoft battle or something. I'll try, though.

Thank you, Oregano, your post means a lot. Gets me thinking. And have I ever mentioned your amazing name? That's my favorite herb! Sorry, it was a random moment right there. xD

submitted by Ashlee G., age 15, The Future
(July 27, 2016 - 8:26 pm)

Sure! I definitely understand your situation, and it sounds much like mine when I was 13 (I was homeschooled and socially awkward, especially in person (still am), so the people I knew on the Chatterbox comprised most of my friends).  The questions I put to you there were the ones I wish I'd known to ask myself then. :D

 

Just as the Chatterbox brings together a group of people with literary and artistic interests, you could look for ways to connect with your classmates over an interest you share... it takes the edge off of antisocialness when you have a purpose in meeting, and when you don't have to make so much small talk (haha).  And elderly people are totally worthwhile friends, too (when they want to be, as always!).

Thanks, and I like your name too :)

submitted by Oregano, age 18, The spice rack
(July 27, 2016 - 9:09 pm)

Yes, I will surely take your advice seriously. I had been homeschooled up until 8th grade, really. I only spent a few years in public school in elementary, and never did I stay a full year. Even in eighth grade, I joined in late and left. So this year was my first real year, I could say. I mean, over my Freshman year I did some things I would never have done before. State-level competitions (talk about a way to get over anxiety), going to friend's houses, being active in school groups. That's just a bit of it. It helped, a lot with my anxiety.

Then I started doing what you recommended. Finding common things we enjoyed. I joined a book club with my friend that he founded, made a "gaming club" of sorts with some other kids, and talked about music and movies with two more friends. Awkward at first, no doubt, but it got easier over time. So I believe if I can continue to do that, I might actually get somewhere. I won't rely on the CB as much. Which is hard to say, because everyone means a lot to me here, but my parents are right. I spend too much time here and not enough time in my community, in "reality" if must be said.

Again, I have no way I can possibly say thank you enough. You helped me find my priorities with honest questions. Now, if I can find a way to answer the last of those questions, I might be set. Who knows? Maybe I can work out a compromise. 

submitted by Ashlee G., age 15, The Future
(July 27, 2016 - 11:18 pm)

So glad it helped! :D It sounds like you're already much more engaged in meatspace outside of your family than I was, which makes it much easier - I know you'll do fine.

submitted by Oregano, age 18, The spice rack
(July 28, 2016 - 8:51 am)

Oh my gosh. l'm really sorry to hear that. 

You are a lovely, wonderful and inspring person. l shall miss you very much. Please try to come around every so often!

Also, if you can, we've set  February 14, 2019 as a sort of date where older CBers come back. 

Good bye, you wonderful you.  

submitted by Shadow Dragon
(July 27, 2016 - 8:43 pm)