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So I was looking back at old threads on CaC, and I found one of these threads from awhile back. All of us here on the CB have problems and many of us share them openly. But sometimes it is easier to share things without even your alias to hold yourself accountable to.
Here is a place to consolidate advise and the asking of it. You don't have to go anonymously, but you may if you want to. There are no rules other than those that apply to the CB in general. Keep in mind this is not a SI-- the point is not to figure who other people are but to give them real advice. Be polite and try to be as concise and as helpful as you can.
I am having trouble starting conversations with people I don't know very well. Do you have any tips for making friends with people, even if they are in cliques? (not quite sure how to spell that). Also, what are some good conversation starters?
Ask a question. This shows that you're interested in the other person. Try a question that has to do with whatever activity you're gathered for. Do you play a musical instrument? How did you meet so-and-so? How long have you lived in this town? Do you like all this snow?
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submitted by Pseudonym
(April 10, 2016 - 1:59 pm)
(April 10, 2016 - 1:59 pm)
Yus! Advice! I really like giving advice for some reason.
--
First, I really like that nickname, quite creative! Anyway, here's what I think, A Nonny Mouse:
You shouldn't apologize to him. It doesn't matter whether he did traumatizing things or not. What matters is that YOU thought he was traumatizing earlier. And you begin to think that maybe he wasn't but that doesn't prove that he wasn't. Also, what do you want to aoplogize for? (it's totally okay if you don't want to say).
If you really want to aplogize to him, I suggest calling him or meeting him face-to-face (assuming this person is in real life). All you just say is that you're sorry for so-and-so.
Good luck!
(April 12, 2016 - 8:44 am)
First off, it wasn't as traumatizing as I had originally thought it to be, because it can't be that bad if I'm recovering from the things he said. Also, I need to apologize to him for what I accused him of. I accused him of so many things that I can't remember most of my accusations, and I don't remember if he actually did any of the things I accused him of.
(April 12, 2016 - 6:22 pm)
I've seen so many threads about this type of thing, but I didn't want to make a big fuss about it.
But anyways. I have social problems. I'm homeschooled, and don't get out much. And I'm not very popular either. I'm the definition of a geek, which I'm proud of, but "society" doesn't allow it. So I'm made fun of by popular girls, for absolutely no reason.
Sure, I don't wear name brand clothes, but they aren't ratty or anything, so I don't see what I'm doing wrong!
P.S. Most of my friends are guys. I get along well with those are open-minded about girls. And are geeky.
(April 13, 2016 - 1:10 pm)
Well here's the thing: The girls aren't popular! Hold high your head and wear what you like. Most likely, the "popular girls" have social/life issues and are therefore damaged. They're only popular in their little groups, and if you isolate one from its group, it's nothing. A little nobody with very low self-esteem, self-esteem so low that the person feels the need to cover who they are with makeup. I need to go now, I can help more later.
(April 14, 2016 - 9:02 am)
@ Nonny Mouse
It seems like you are a shy person, so make it short. "I'm sorry for treating you that way." You probably won't be able to get any more out, so that should do.
(April 13, 2016 - 3:02 pm)
No!! You don't understand! We agreed not to talk to each other so I can't actually apologize to him, and my friends are like "you should totally not apologize to him b/c hello?? he was abusive," and I just don't know what to do, honestly.
(April 13, 2016 - 6:26 pm)
To "..."
Well, I don' t really understand. If you're homeschooled and don't get out much, who's bullying you? Where do these popular girls come from? Social groups? Anyway, it sounds like you have a very common problem. You want to stop being bullied. I have wanted to say these words my entire life:
Do you know how they get so popular? It's not because they're mean. It's because they're proud of who they are (too much in fact, so that's why they're mean). Some people are popular and nice (but it's rare, though). Don't get me wrong, I'm sure you're proud to be a "geek," but when someone makes fun of you, just don't blow it off.
Tell them that you're proud to be who you are and wouldn't have it any other way. I even suggest making some sarcastic joke. Not too sarcastic, though. Actually, maybe it should be like a 2 on the sarcastic meter.
But, as I repeat, never try to be mean back. Thaat never works, and may even make you become one of them.
Good luck.
(April 13, 2016 - 6:33 pm)
Oh, I also forgot to say this (which is probably most important):
You're not doing anything wrong.
Mean kids act mean because they think people who aren't like them are below them. Which isn't true, of course. Some do it because they were once made fun of, and as they watch popular kids, they copy them by acting mean. It's a big chain. That's another reason why you shouldn't be mean back.
They don't get that everyone should be themselves, and there are some mean kids that are "different." Those probably were made fun of before, and then they become mean to be popular.
This stuff is really confusing >.<
(April 13, 2016 - 6:43 pm)
Thanks Novelist and Water drops. *smiles weakly*
@Novelist, these are girls at my gymnastics.
(April 14, 2016 - 1:54 pm)
Ah, well..... Well......???
I can't loftily wave my hand and say, "Just ignore them. It'll pass." I know the drill. They don't let up, and you can't ignore them. Because (nearly) everyone has that weak point, and despite (nearly) all of us having it, we all know where to hit it. Unfortunately, we can't armour that weak point (except with earplugs, haha) and we need to endure. Or fight fire with fire, only perhaps idiotic fire with more intelligent fire. And the intelligent fire is you, "...". And everyone else. Just yesterday, my friend asked me for some nasty comebacks (which I excel at) and I told her they were all copyrighted. Honestly, it depends on the situation and the venom degree with which you speak. But I think that's enough for now, can't have you turning into a miniature demon.
(April 16, 2016 - 9:38 pm)
Yeah ... I tried doing that once ... and it made it worse ... like really bad. Thanks though!
(April 17, 2016 - 6:59 am)
I'm running out of ideas.....
Okay, try glaring! Practice in front of a mirror and ask your parents to rate your glare-- 1 being the least threatening and 10 being the most.
And when you try it on these girls, make sure that you've reached the rating 10 for at least 5 times in succession.
If you find you can't do it, ask yourself, Do these people really matter to me? Do I care? The answer should be no. If you can't bring yourself to intimidate them out of the goodness of your heart, do it anyway. You know they deserve it. It's not like they're any better to you, anyway.
(April 17, 2016 - 12:29 pm)
There is this girl, let's call her.... Alice. Alice and her friends like to make fun of people. This is one of their hobbies. It's not a very nice hobby, but it's what they do at recess. So these girls decided it was my friends' and my turn, so for the past two or three days, they point and laugh at our every move, repeating everything we say, then giggling their heads off. And I'm not offended. Truth is, I don't care. At all. But it's really awkward and annoying because they're trying to get a reaction out of me, and they won't stop until they do. I don't care if people make fun of me (they're just jealous of my awesomeness, as my friend Ava would say). But it's really annoying to be the victim because they're always watching us and nearby. Like, seriously, personal space bubbles much? And they're always staring right at me. Then I end up saying something awkward like "Uh...l you know I can hear you, right?" And then we just look at each other weirdly and they laugh and I look away, and it's just really weird. I DON'T LIKE IT. Please help!
(April 14, 2016 - 2:03 pm)
Eeeeee !!!
I t looks like those girls are the type who bully people to make themselves feel better about themselves. Chances are they were bullied before, and took the wrong route to stop it.
Okay, first, I noticed that ignoring bullies doesn't usually work, and plus, who can do it that long? If you can't, try this:
Next time they do it, say something right away. Don't hesitate. But instead of saying something like that, try being extra nice to them. Like in a casual, calm voice, "Oh, hi. I notice you hanging around here a lot."
If you strike up a nice conversation, they might stop making fun of you.
But they'll probably say something extra rude and sarcastic first. Just keep talking to them as if they were normal people.
Tell other kids to do that to, or you could even talk about the other kids they bullied while you talk to them.
Good luck
(April 14, 2016 - 11:20 pm)
Report them as bullying! What are teachers for?
(April 15, 2016 - 9:22 pm)