Here's the first issue of the AE advice column! Sorry, it's a HUGE chunk of text. I'll talk with Abcde and see what she says about scaling it down a little.

Giselle and Olive write:

Abcde, Olive's been going through a bit of an emotional crisis.

since when?

You were singing about dying--

NO, NOT AGAIN!! How many times to I have to tell you I wasn't singing about--

ANYway, she wears all black, dyed her hair, writes horrifically morbid songs, and is always rude to Mabel!!

BECAUSE MABEL'S ALWAYS RUDE TO ME, GISELLE. I DON'T NEED HELP.

I'm doing this for the family, Olive. Anyway, since I'm a very good sister, and probably Honeybee's most revered and valued Alter Ego, I thought I might help you out!

But I DON'T NEED HELPING. MABEL NEEDS IT. SHE LITERALLY--

See, Olive is always in a state of denial. I think she needs some help.

NO I DON'T.

So my question is, as an adolescent psychologist could you help Olive out? As I sport the same title at times, I could, but she doesn't listen to me. I think she likes you more than me.

NO, GISELLE. JUST SHUT UP. I'M PERFECTLY FINE.

Thanks so much for your help, Abcde. I know that wasn't really a question, so I do have a question: should I wear a color besides white? My closet's starting to get a little blinding and no one in my family has fashion advice. Oh, and what color should I paint my walls?

Ciao,

Giselle  

Abcde says:

Hi, Giselle and Olive,

I don't know why Olive is going through this phase, and this thread is not the place for a full-on psychological examination. If, after this answer, you still feel the need for more assistance, feel free to create a new thread where I can look closer at Olive's mental activity and perhaps lead her through some theraputical exercises.

I don't know how serious this is, but my advice is just to let Olive live through this. There are many beautiful songs about death (I mean, I live with a girl who obsessed with Les Mis. Half of the songs are about death.) And if Olive feels that her creativity is most stimulated by writing morbid music, then you should let her.

The wearing of black and other dark clothes, also, is not neccesarily bad. I personally find that I can channel my personality best by wearing red clothing, but if Olive believes that darker clothing is what she feels most comfortable in, that is her choice.

As a child and adolescent psychologist, I know that teenagers often go through stages.

…liike yourr pysch ology phase?… 

Yes. Morning is going through a writing/musical theater stage. I'm going through a psychology phase. Grace is going through an anti-Lydia phase.

…NOTTT fairr… 

It's just part of life and growing up, and no one knows that more than me. Just let her live how she wants. As long as she is not harming herself or others through this form of expression, I think it's fine.

About her conflicts with Mabel... this seems like a seperate issue based on the utter annoyingness of your kitty friend.

…Abcde. Weare nottt being kindd toour clien ttttt… 

That seems like ordinary sibling squabbles, although Mabel herself may require intervention, beyond writing to a correspondent like this. I know that this isn't what you were looking for, Giselle, but I think that allowing Olive to be herself however she wants is the best option. If more disturbing behaiver occurs, I would reccomend seeking further pyschological assistnace, but nothing seems out of order at the moment.

Giselle,

I think that, if you like the color white, that you should stick with it. However, wearing the same shade all the time can become boring quite easily, and I would suggest adding little bursts of color in your wardrobe. Perhaps one day you will wear a white dress, and layer with a red cardigan (red is always a good way to go.) Or you might add a green scarf or pink sneakers. This one burst of color can bring new life to your clothing choices, and it's not very hard, either!

I don't know much about your room in general, so I don't know precisely what color your walls should be painted. White is always an easy choice, but the aura that I get from you seems to be blindingly white, so perhaps that is not a good choice for you. I would recomend pastel colors, pinks and blues especially, or perhaps a gentle butter yellow.

I hope my advice was helpful,

~Abcde 

Anonymous complains:

Dear Abcde,

I am a great director, but no one truly appreciates my work. Not even my CBer understands the subtle genius that is my magnum opus, The Sugarmill Conspiracy. How can I get other people to give my work the praise it obviously deserves?

Thank you,

Anonymous

P.S. You don't know who I am. 

Abcde shares Anonymous's pain:

Hi, Anonymous,

I'm so sorry that your work has been ignored and pushed away. I, myself, suffer from the same problem. My genius in the field of pyschology has always been underappreciated, and even, at times, laughed at by my siblings. It is a painful experience, and not one that can be healed by time.

You must take action! The minds of so many people are too weak to recognize true talent easily, and so you must push it in their face. Perhaps you might make a thread telling about The Sugarmill Conspiracy, (which, by the way, sounds incredible.) Sometimes other people are blinded to the things that matter most (me, for example) and those of us with strong vision must guide them along.

~Abcde 

Velvet Serpent's Alter Egos write:

I don't need help. The joyful honeychildren* started a whole thread about me and bittersix. I DON'T NEED HELP I'M PERFECTLY FINE TELL THEM TO STOPN I AM COMPLETELY NORMAL AND ORDINARY TELL THEM TO STOP!!!

p.s. please

He is not fine.
He is a volcano waiting to explode.
You shouldn't listen to him. He's totally insane.
Yeah. Mental. 

 

*Honeychildren=Xiex and Zitelle 

Abcde graciously responds: 

Hi, VS's AEs,

I am very sorry that the honeychildren have invaded your personal space in this way. I understand the pain of people not knowing how to comprehend my perfection and trying to change it. You should lock yourself in your room and not come out until said honeychildren acknowledge your superiority. Perferably playing loud music that they do not enjoy. Or you can hire a dragon to burn their heads off temporarily.

…likke meeee! iburn heads!… 

Remember: YOU ARE ABOVE THE PETTY WHIMS OF OTHERS.

However, if you are a volcano, I recommend contuning therapy. Volcanoes are dangerous.

~Abcde 

Anonymous Person writes:

Dear Abcde, 

Okay first off, you have no idea who I am.

Second, I need help-

My stinky brother keeps locking the door on me in the mornings, so I literally cannot get out of my room. He is so annoying! What can I do to make him stop pranking me?

~Anon. Person  

Abcde lends her talents in the following response:

Hi, Anon Person!

First of all, I would reccomend reading my answer to VS's AE's response. Either locking yourself into your room while listening to loud music that your brother dislikes. If you purposefully lock yourself in your room, he can't do it himself. There is no power in his prank. Temporarily burning his head of with a dragon is also a good coping mechanism.

If they still do not work, you will have to take drastic measures.

…prankk himmm!… 

That was my line, you insolent sidekick!

…sorry… 

Prank him back! Lock his door.

Or you could just change where the lock on the door is, so that it locks from the inside, not the outside. Even better, get a key to your own bedroom!

~Abcde 

Fidelity, Maverick, and Prince write:

Hey Abcde! I'm Maverick, one of Fidelity's AEs. Fi is a HUGE fan of yours. 

It's true! You've got such a unique personality and skill set. 

I have a question for you. How do you suggest finding good ships? I'm trying to find a ship for Prince, but he's super stubborn and says he wants to find someone that's a good match instead of being shipped with anyone. How can I help him find good AEs? Do YOU have any siblings?? 

Hi Mav! <3 Hi Abcde! What are you guys talking about? <3 <3

Nothing, nothing... ;) 

<3 Fidelity, Maverick, and Prince

Abcde (and Liddy) respond with their signature grace and charm:

Hi, Mav! And also Prince, I guess.

Well, the first thing to make sure is that Prince himself wants to be shipped. This is a big step, and most AEs do not get reshipped. Ever. If this has been confirmed, you can go on to the next step.

…awwww! Princ willl findd truee lovee!… 

Exactly. True love. The best place for an Alter Ego to find a ship-mate is probably a party, since most active Alter Egos attend them. There is currently a Winter Party that should start soon—

…iwant ttogo!… 

Not right now, Liddy.

The pros are: you get to talk with people, and get to know them first before you do anything drastic. You can also read their character sheets at the start, to get to know them better.

…obvio slyyy… 

Shush. I do indeed have siblings myself, Rayne and Grace, only Grace is free. Both of them are extremely annoying, though.

We are not!

Stay away from my buisiness, Rayne. And then there's my beloved sidekick, Liddy, but she's a five-year-old CAPTCHA and completely not going to be shipped. However, love is a complex matter, and no set of rules and no algorithm can determine where you might find a ship-mate.

I read a good book about that recently.

Go AWAY!

~Abcde 

P.S. I'm very glad to hear that Fidelity is a fan! I always accept more people into the Abcde Fan Club.

…iiiam theee Presi dentt!… 

I know that my fans are innumerable, but it's always nice to hear a vote of confidence!

*gags* 

Some anonymous AEs write in to say:

Abcde, I'm having a bit of an identity crisis.

*reappears* *sarcastic* You are having an identity crisis. 

Shut up. Yes. Our CBer can't decide our personalities!

Our CBer put you up to this, didn't she.

Shut. UP! NO! She can't decide whether I'm the introverted, optimistic, polite, rule-following side of her, or the shallow *shudders*, flighty, rule-breaking, extroverted, fun-loving side of her! I'm not even sure she has the second part! How will this affect my ship?! What if people decide I'm too confusing and don't want to be friends with me?! *wailing*

*sigh* Okay, she's not wrong. Our CBer can't decide whether I'm supposed to be her realistic, worrying, responsible, ambiverted side or her rule-breaking, slightly-nasty-but-not-really, and somehow still pessimistic side of her. She needs to figure it out. Can you help us help her, or define ourselves because she's too wishy-washy to do it?

Thank you, Abcde. You really are great at giving advice.

Go join her fan club, then. 

Maybe I will.

Wait, what-

Well, goodbye, Abcde, and Liddy!

~some anonymous AEs

Abcde replies as such:

Hi, Anonymous Alter Egos, whose identities I definiately don't know,

I have had the same crisis. In my early days, I was no more than a person who despised nicknames (still do, mostly. Liddy is an exception.) liked the Phantom of the Opera, and was ambiverted, although back then I leaned closer to introversion. I think the tipping point, the time when I really became an actual person with interests and personality was around the time of the second party I was a part of, maybe a ski lodge, and the revival of Viola?'s Let's Play House thread. That was about the time when Morning started thinking about me as a person outside of the Chatterbox.

So, above all else, participate in everything you can, and maybe keep a journal. Actually, I'll top Viola?'s thread, because that would be a great way to help you become more you and not just different versions of each other.

~Abcde 

A small army of Alter Egos belonging to NerdFace write in with their problems:

Hi Abcde! It's-

We're unknown, remember?

No. I don't. I'm not the one who hoards the computer all day. 

Hey!

I mean, it's true.  

Rude. 

Well, anyways, hello, Abcde. I'm not too fond of you, so don't force me into your fan club, but I-

WE! It was ALL OF US!

*rolls eyes and sighs* -but we *sighs again and sucks in a breath* we need your help. *winces*

That wasn't so hard, was it? 

*smacks*

Ow. That wasn't nice. 

*shrugs* Back to the help part, we feel like our CBer is neglecting us just a bit.

A bit?! More like A LOT! 

Someone is neglecting us? Who?

*sighs* Not YOU. You are the one who gets the most attention. 

That statement is false. Our CAPTCHA does. 

Whatever. Abcde, you are the best at getting attention, and I know this personally, well, my younger brother does more, he's dealt with you the most, but we want to know how to make our CBer appreciate us a little bit more and use us more. 

Especially me. Technically, the person in italics and are the oldest. We invited to the CB wayyyyy before the other ones. 

False. I was created about 10 minutes after you. 

*rolls eyes* whatever.

Anyways, Abcde, in case it wasn't clear, my siblings would like some tips on how to get more attention, those vain-

<Hey! Be quiet. This isn't like you, italic person.>

You don't know a single thing about me! No one pays enough attention to me!

That's because we're all stuck in the void while our CBer prances you and our CAPTCHA around!

*gasp* you just gave who we are away!

How?!

*cough* In the void. 

Sorry. I guess you know who we are now. 

^Ah, finally I can come.^

Yes, now that your sister ruined our unknown identity. 

^Abcde, I just want to let you know I completely despise you! :)^

<Dallas! What the heck?!>

You said Dallas. Double cover blown. You all are terrible at anonymousy. 

That's not very nice. 

It's true!

<Remember, our CBer said no fighting in public!>

*sigh* What a dumb rule. 

It's not dumb!

|| nnooo fight inngg!||

Let's just end the post, shall we?

Sounds good to me.

Okay, quick recap-

<We want to know how to get our CBer to recognize us more, so yeah. Please help>

^I should get my own advice column. I'd be way better than Abcde.^

I second that motion. 

No! Dallas would be terrible!

||nnooo fight inngg!||

Thanks Abcde. We don't appreciate your help. :)

~Cameron

~Aspen

~Adrian

~^Dallas^

~<Evan>

~||Qwinn!|| 

Abcde takes time out of her busy schedule to craft a wonderful response to this letter:

Hello, Alter Egos of NerdFace,

Yes, I know you. I know everything about you. I have a Word document with your information saved to my computer.

…nottt creep yyyyy atall… 

Of course it isn't. If you want to get attention paid to you, you should summon a new CAPTCHA without permission from your Chatterboxer, or develop a new interest that is so compelling that she has to include you in things, or just shout PINEAPPLE in all capital letters on the Random Thoughts/Things thread. It's very easy! Or you can sneak into the National Novel Writing Month Chatterbox classroom and spam the AE chat with exclamation points without permission. It's quite easy!

~Abcde

…aaand Liddy!… 

One of Edgar H.'s Alter Egos writes in to say:

I want to be in your fan club, Abcde.

Abcde, who is very pleased that the conversation has gone in this direction, says:

Of course you do! It's very simple, all you have to do is create a thread on Chirp at Cricket full of all the reasons you love me, The Phantom of the Opera, the color red, and/or goats. These reasons are countless, so it will only take a minute or so, and you will be an offical member of my fan club. I will also give you chocolate made out of ethically farmed goat milk! (:

You can write in to Ask Abcde by posting on the "Ask Abcde!" thread on Chirp at Cricket. Letters may be edited for clarity. Many thanks to Abcde and Liddy for their help solving the issues of so many AEs and saving countless relationships! 

 

I have a VERY IMPORTANT date: December 25, a.k.a, Bradley's b-day.

(YAAAY!!)

I know that he wasn't born on Christmas, but, he wants that to be his b-day.

And my December joke is: What do you call a dog in a Santa Suit?

Santa Claws!

Just sticking mine here for good measure idk:

December jokes: Sorry, I got nothing.

Location of the Month!: Either "In The Wrapping Paper" or "Under The Tree", I can't decide which I like better.

How to Use Excess Wrapping Paper To Help the Environment!: Basically what Luna-Starr said, although I guess then you're not using it. Funny. Maybe your could use paper bags from the store, and decorate them with things from nature! Pine cones, pine needles, fall leaves, stuff like that.

LMWAY: @Floof I'm giving all of you a filing cabinet for all the paperwork you talk about during the Hunger Games!

CBer awards!: Heck I dunno you're all so amazing! Maybe I can award the entire CB! Okay, for Awesome Community Award, the entire CB and all the CBers past, present, and future!

Important dates!: Christmas, d'oy! December 25! Also Saint Nicholas Day, December 6, and Christmas Eve, December 24! 

Ask Abcde

Anonymous complains:

Dear Abcde,

I am a great director, but no one truly appreciates my work. Not even my CBer understands the subtle genius that is my magnum opus, The Sugarmill Conspiracy. How can I get other people to give my work the praise it obviously deserves?

Thank you,

Anonymous

P.S. You don't know who I am.

Abcde shares Anonymous's pain:

Hi, Anonymous,

I'm so sorry that your work has been ignored and pushed away. I, myself, suffer from the same problem. My genius in the field of pyschology has always been underappreciated, and even, at times, laughed at by my siblings. It is a painful experience, and not one that can be healed by time.

You must take action! The minds of so many people are too weak to recognize true talent easily, and so you must push it in their face. Perhaps you might make a thread telling about The Sugarmill Conspiracy, (which, by the way, sounds incredible.) Sometimes other people are blinded to the things that matter most (me, for example) and those of us with strong vision must guide them along.

~Abcde

Velvet Serpent's Alter Egos write:

I don't need help. The joyful honeychildren* started a whole thread about me and bittersix. I DON'T NEED HELP I'M PERFECTLY FINE TELL THEM TO STOPN I AM COMPLETELY NORMAL AND ORDINARY TELL THEM TO STOP!!!

p.s. please

He is not fine.
He is a volcano waiting to explode.
You shouldn't listen to him. He's totally insane.
Yeah. Mental.

*Honeychildren=Xiex and Zitelle

Abcde graciously responds:

Hi, VS's AEs,

I am very sorry that the honeychildren have invaded your personal space in this way. I understand the pain of people not knowing how to comprehend my perfection and trying to change it. You should lock yourself in your room and not come out until said honeychildren acknowledge your superiority. Perferably playing loud music that they do not enjoy. Or you can hire a dragon to burn them temporarily.

…likke meeee! iburn !…

Remember: YOU ARE ABOVE THE PETTY WHIMS OF OTHERS.

However, if you are a volcano, I recommend contuning therapy. Volcanoes are dangerous.

~Abcde

One of Edgar H.'s Alter Egos writes in to say:

I want to be in your fan club, Abcde.

Abcde, who is very pleased that the conversation has gone in this direction, says:

Of course you do! It's very simple, all you have to do is create a thread on Chirp at Cricket full of all the reasons you love me, The Phantom of the Opera, the color red, and/or goats. These reasons are countless, so it will only take a minute or so, and you will be an offical member of my fan club. I will also give you chocolate made out of ethically farmed goat milk! (:

You can write in to Ask Abcde by posting on the "Ask Abcde!" thread on Chirp at Cricket. Letters may be edited for clarity. Many thanks to Abcde and Liddy for their help solving the issues of so many AEs and saving countless relationships!  

Aw, the last MCU of the year already? Time has really flown...

Location of the Month... maybe caroling or resolving to exercise more next year? (That won't even fit in the text box. I'll just go with caroling.)

How to use wrapping paper to help the enviroment... Gee, this one's a doozy... You could give the excess paper to birds, to use in their nests.

As for the LMWAY, Nyx, I give to you the shrunken head in the Knight Bus from the movie version of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and a VHS copy of Shrek 2. Just what you wanted, I know. You're welcome.

CBer awards... I'd like to award one to Luna-Starr, for Completing Magicae Palace! Congrats, Luna! Creating a ski lodge in the first place is tricky, but to make such a wonderful and surprising one is a very different beast.

I'd like to give an award to Morning, the Wonderful AE Advice Columnist Award, for successfully starting Ask Abcde with me. Kudos for putting up with Abcde, and for working with me on this wacky idea. You're a great friend <3 (Ooh, look at me using text hearts!) 

Ella, may I award you the Generally Awesome Editor Award? Thanks for taking a chance on Ask Abcde, it makes me really happy to contribute to the MCU in this way. 

Lastly, I'd like to award the Admins the Invaluable Part of the Community award! They've worked tirelessly through a pandemic (not just mderating here, but working on a full-blown magazine) and they've earned a break. I'm going ahead and declaring New Year's Eve a holiday for the Admins. I'm going to abstain from posting on that day, and I hope that you guys will join me. Admins, I hope this makes up for the day of rest we missed during Admin Appreciation Month <3 (I'm getting the hang of these, they're fun)

Okay, I'm done now. Bye! 

 

I’m just gonna copy and paste what I put on the other thread.... heheheh. 

 

 

Location of the Month: Spreading Joy! 

How to Use Excess Wrapping Paper to Help the Environment: Use it to make cards, or art, or presents!

LMWAY: totalnightowl, I’ll give you a box full of pendants, one for you, and the rest to give away. If you ask them, they will give you food, water, or medicine. They change colors to reflect the mood of the wearer. Plus, they can make more pendants, so everyone can have one! :D 

Important Dates: Anniversary Of Pearl Harbor and my aunt’s birthday; December 7, New Year’s Eve; December 31, my grandma’s birthday and Christmas; December 25. 

Bakerloo- thank you so much! I never imagined the kind of attention Magicae Palace would get, but I'm so grateful for it! :)

Thank you also very much for doing my job! XD Just because I am dutifull and I love doing the awards, I will give one to our dear friends Nightfall and Chickadee. We're very sorry you're going to be leaving the CB, and we truly hope you'll visit us! Both of you contributed lots to our community and we're sad to see you go. :(