It happened one blazing day in the middle of August, and soon we were all mesmerised.

She descended from the skies like a blessing under the guise of platinum locks and peach flesh and steely blue-grey eyes and the pristine scent of snow -- blue black-rimmed, shimmering butterflies pouring off her very being as if the cold she emitted didn't matter at all; as if the ice off her fingertips was just an illusion spun up by our heat-sticken minds, and the slippery frozen trail left behind her floating footsteps could be forgotten the moment we remembered to return our attention to her ethereal form.

There's nothing to debate, something magic happened that summer.

We were all hopelessly fascinated and curious and transfixed; and made the best of existing with this supernatural being. This was our chance to catch a glimpse of the outside, fantastical world that we knew had to exist beyond our bubble. And so we blindly clamoured about her every second we could, to satisfy our small-town intrigue, if you will. 

But soon enough, autumn would come; and before we knew it, just as suddenly as that faery-of-a-girl had appeared out of nowhere, she simply disappeared. Like a night-shed snowflake fleeing, melting at the first rays of a glittering breaking dawn, she was gone. Gone before we had an inkling of an idea of where she had come from -- where she had gone to and what it meant for us. For it was a tragedy to our poor selves, in our small village where nothing interesting had seemingly ever happened, nor would shine the spark of interest again in our lifetimes. 

But her memory would last in all of our minds for the rest of our uneventful remaining years.

I sometimes wonder if she visits all the little villages in those areas; sweeping over the mountain nooks and crannies for the sole purpose of capturing the imagination and holding minds captive with her thin, elegant little hands.

She was such a curious little thing that happened to us, after all. What could it have meant? 

~~~~~~~~~

Short, sweet and mysterious~ :p

Edited version of that unfinished piece I posted a while back:

~~~~~~~~~~

[....] 

Eula gently swiped her thumb over Bitty's chapped lips, pretending not to notice the anguish in her eyes. The pink eyes and pale skin of the latter were scarred with unmistakable tearstains, traced and deepened by the thin shadows and highlighted dyed purple by the faint bluish-purple glow of the lab's 'equiptment'.

Only the golden eyes that stared back didn't match the scene.

"Lala..." The words were choked out, raspy and painful, "Lala, please don't... P-please- I beg you, I'll do anything... Just please don't do it..."  

The golden eyes remained empty as a smile creeped up into their matching lips. It should've worked. That was what made her want to laugh; just a little while ago--heck, just days ago--and that kind of begging from the only person that meant anything in her life would've made her drop everything and desperately go over in an attempt to soothe the girl. It really should've worked this time too.

The corners of the golden eyes creased until the gold disappeared, as if to hide the hollow irony within.

"Sorry, Bitty. I'm afraid I can't." Her thumb continued its trek across Bitty's cheek. The pink eyes widened in horror.

"W-why? If someone's threatening you, I can-" 

"Bitty."

The pink eyes lowered, voice trailing off, and Eula's hand fell to her own side. The invisible red string that connected them was clipped before her eyes. For good. It was a done-deal. Absolutely over.

"I said 'I can't,' didn't I?" Her eyes were dark and yet still seemed to shine, glinting ominously against the dimness of the room. "I meant it."

Her eyes swept the dim room, as if to punctuate her sentence, and red button caught her eye on the control panel. It was impossible to see from where Bitty was currently situated, and as long as she didn't come any closer and was kept distracted, it would stay that way. Eula smiled, a gesture that went unnoticed under the cloaking dark. She slowly edged towards the button, all senses peeled for any strange occurrences.

"Lala, wh-why are you doing this? Answer me for real this time." Bitty's voice trembled, eyebrows scrunched up like she was pretending to be angry or commanding, or maybe both. It was just adorable. The smile sunk deeper into Eula's lips. Why? Did it really matter, why? When had it ever mattered before? Did it- No. Calm down. Eula shook her head lightly and the dark crawling-feeling under her skin dissipated, like ice to a blowtorch. She was no monologging villain, and certainly not some idiot who’d ruin her own plans by revealing them to a party that couldn't be trusted-- especially not when the other party was clearly dead-set against her own goal.

She forced out a cold laugh. 

"Quit playing around. It's over, Bridget." Bitty looked like she had just been slapped. 

"Bridget?" Disbelief and indignation rose in that usually-soft voice, actually making it sound angry for the first time. "Since when- What- Did you just- Why-???" She sputtered, seemingly incapable of forming a complete thought in frustration.

Eula internally punched herself, desperately forcing down the lid of the wooden chest that held her heart and those pesky left-over emotions with every mental ounce of strength she had left. Why did she have to say something so openly provocative??? Who knew what would happen if she let herself lose her cool here? That had been way too irresponsible! She exhaled and focused on her body, on steadily inching towards the button, biting back curses and forcing herself to retain a blank expression. Maybe… Just maybe, it was for the best, after all…

However, Bitty seemed to notice this strange behaviour and in an instant her eyes darted about Eula's direct sorroundings, and spotted the button. It all connected in that moment; her eyes widened, she lunged forward.

"LALA NO-" It was only a split second that Eula had to react, but pushing a button is so often easier than keeping someone from doing so. When the flurry of movement ended, there was only silence. Black, sickening silence. Eula removed her hand and the button stayed down, fixed in its "pressed" state. 

Suddenly, a wave of deadening sound rent the very air, pulsing through and rocking the ground like a violently hungry monster tearing to get in. A crack appeared in Eula's composure. The shaking and tension only let it spread; then silence again. 

But the damage was already done. By then, the crack had spider-webbed, wiggling itself into a thousand pieces, all threatening to shatter loose at the slightest breath.

A whimper stirred the thick silence.

And Eula broke.

A laugh tore from her throat, every last particle reverberating-- trembling in relief as she doubled over, her insides no longer threatening to burst open in the name of hiding that unwanted secret. It was over. She did it. Her laughter echoed and bounced around everything, tickling her into laughing again, somehow even harder.

"Lala-- no, Eula! How... How could you?" Bitty's torn voice drew her back to reality. It sounded painful, like getting those words out was ripping her throat apart, making the other girl grimace internally. She made no move of resistance when the gentle girl reached up and grabbed Eula's collar with all the force she could muster, wrenching -- or at least trying -- the sturdier-framed rebel. Eula's expression didn't change as she was fixed with a glare, eyes brimming with tears; her tiny frame trembling with anger and grief. Nothing came out of that golden-eyed face. She didn’t need to justify herself. Instead, she just watched, pretending as if she felt nothing as the girl she had once loved brokenly sobbed into her chest. 

Deep down, Eula knew it wouldn’t matter in the end. None of it would. It was simply never meant to be.

She raised her head, as if staring into the blackness would cue a hidden source of refreshing rain, or reveal the framework and machinery of a stage. But this was no play. The lab would not disappear, melt like undried paint under raindrops, no matter how hard they tried. Her empty yellow eyes dismally bore into the dark, thinking, but only faintly to tune out the sobbing. She wondered if she'd be ordered to kill Biddy next. If she would have to return to the torn world outside and witness all she'd done. If she'd have to face the villagers someday. But she knew-- her time had not yet come.

Fleeting emotions, or even deeper affection, would only hold out -- linger helplessly in this world -- for so long. But this was all for The Cause; and The Cause would last for years to come. It was the beginning of something new and real, and would change everything for the better. She just knew it.

And so here was no going back, nor was there any room for compromise. 

[Chapter, fin]

~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Hollyshock and her support, I'm considering fleshing-out the world some more and exploring the past, future and present of this 'World.'

See here for a preview of Eula's backstory and her relation with Bitty:

http://www.cricketmagkids.com/chatterbox/inkwell/node/502014?page=1

This is happening during/mostly directly after the scene with Eula and Bitty.

~~~~~

Ashe scowled at the screen, squinting. This was going to be a mess.

He had tuned in at Bitty's exclamation earlier on, calling out to someone she'd addressed as "Lala." She was supposed to have been alone on this mission and there's no way the Chydrians* could have foreseen the infiltration and had time to station personnel in time to thwart the Berlian* efforts, much less sending anyone this puny recruit knew. And yet, look at what'd ended up happening.

Ashe had no idea how to solve the issue at hand, but if one thing was certain in his mind, it was this: Bitty was now useless to them. Absolutely useless.

She'd been spotted by a presumably hostile force, distracted, and had ultimately failed in her mission, while also being a part of the terroristic actions of the second party. He'd always had the feeling she'd be more of a liability than she was worth, but the boss hadn't listened, and now they were technically responsible for all the… "Issues," popping up across the continent.

He sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

A young lady with shorter-trimmed brown hair stepped in, peeked at the screen -- now full of red blinking pins -- and seeing Ashe's dark expression, quickly back-pedalled out of the room. The door swished shut with a soft 'click.' 

Shortly after, a tall young man with short sandy hair and bangs carefully pushed the door open and glanced at his partner. 

"Um, Ashe?" 

"What." Ashe didn't budge, eyes fixed to the screen, body tight and supporting his screen-angled head.

"Are you… Are you alright?"

"No. Does this look 'alright' to you?" Ashe spat, waving his arm at the glowing wall, and glaring at the little box in the corner that showed Bitty's face, still trembling with her muted sobbing. 

Yes, he had muted her. And yes he had also stopped her video. It was still recording, but he didn't care to have to watch this pussy-willowing in real time as a catastrophe unfolded in the background as a direct consequence.

The lighter-haired boy patiently tried to reason with his ill-tempered partner. "Is there anything I can do to help?" 

"Dunno." 

"Ashe." The person in question desperately tried to wriggle himself away and remain at his seat, but his partner persistently pried him from his surveillance-spot.

"Cal! Quit it! What the heck?!" Ashe squirmed futility, thin grey-brown arms no match against Cal's toned fair ones. 

"You've been here for literal ages."

"Have not! It's only been two full days." Ashe whined, tossing his head to flick black locks out of his eyes.

"It's been two whole weeks. You've taken, like, 15 minutes of break all together in that time."

"First! Put. Me. Down!"

Cal reluctantly did so, crossing his arms and levelling his eyes at the shorter boy. They stared at each other, the only movement in the room being the ghostly lights --projections cast by the screen-- creeping across their skin.

Finally, Ashe broke, eyes glancing away from the disappointment in his partner's eyes. He muttered something about being sorry and plopped back down in his seat.

"Ashe!" Cal sounded incredulous, exasperated nearly; "At least come get something to eat?" He pleaded, "Please?"

Ashe pouted fiercely, but rather quickly gave in.

+×+×+

Coriander sighed in the next room over. She clicked her speaker on and her lip twitched when she saw both boys jump at her words.

"Would you two quit flirting and give me the file and feed-access?" She rolled her eyes as she watched, half-amused without letting it creep into her voice. "As soon as that's taken care of, you can both go on break."

She smoothed her long, sandy side-ponytail over one shoulder and lightly twisted the ends, lightly drumming her fingers as she waited for the notification.

"What's wrong, Miss Cora?"

"Just my silly brother and his partner." She deadpanned off-handedly.

Zoëy lazily looked over with a smirk, her greenish-yellow cat-like eyes curling up at her colleague, while the new intern squeaked softly. 

"A-actually… That's, uh, sorta… W-well, um," The more experienced pair glanced at her, and as if in response to the unintentionally added pressure, she quickly blurted: "Itwasmyfault!! I… It looked like Mir* Ashe was really upset andtheonlypersonthatcancalmhimdownisMirCal, so..."

Coriander watched on sympathetically, and gently explained, "I'm not blaming anyone, Dianthe. It's only their fault for taking so long and messing around."

Dianthe's hunched shoulders fell, the tension mostly dissipating from her being. Her shortish brown bob nearly entirely blocked her face from the world at this position. 

Coriander turned back to the screen, a slight smile adorning her lips. Her eyes brightened when she saw the file, and she switched on her personal view. 

Presently, she frowned. No wonder Ashe had had such a reaction.

Coriander hesitated slightly, then replayed the video. Finally, she spoke.

"Zoëy. I'm gonna need you to see this. We'll be acting tonight." Her eyes lingered on the yellow-eyed lass in the frame.

~~~~~

Notes:

*Chydria(pronounced KID-ree-uh) is the country the 'lab' from the previous story was located; Chydrians are people who live in/work for Chydria, and Chydrian is how to describe something relating to Chydria (like Russian dolls -- from Russia, therefore Russian)

*Berla(pronounced BUR-luh) is the country that Ashe and Bitty work for; Berlans are people who live in/work for Berla; Berlians (Like Brazilian football players -- from Brazil, therefore Brazilian)

*Mir is my way of clarifying that the male-identifying person in question is younger/unmarried; It's like the difference between Missus and Miss-- Mister and Mir. In the future perhaps I'll come up with an entirely new system that works better. 

+×+×+

Character log so far: (I'll add character details later on)

Ashe= "ash"

Bridget(Bitty)= "BRIH-jet"

Callahan(Cal)= "KAL-uh-HAN"

Coriander(Miss Cora)= "KO-ri-AND-er"

Dianthe= die-AN-thee

(Eula)Eulala= "YOU-luh"/"you-LAY-luh" 

Zoëy= "zo-EE"

I'm so sorry! I completely forgot about the critique. I'll try to get it done quickly. Sorry again!

Currently part 3 of Eula and Biddy's story(parallel timing to part 2's events), but this time focusing on Eula again! 

~~~~~~~~~

The wind howled, sour -- pushing plumes of grey dust over black valleys and slopes. The sky looked like a dirty reflection, rumpled and bleeding used linty-grey water on far-away horizons.

Dull silverish hair flapped in the harsh wind, skin slightly raw and cracked under the unending grating. She was used to this, anyway. The figure's golden eyes skimmed the distant skies, watching the dunes of ash-like sands crumble and gather in sadly-perpetuated cycles. 

Eula's head still buzzed, making it impossible to think straight. She knew she shouldn't be doubting The Cause, but... Had she done the right thing? Truly?

"Eulalia~" A sweet voice rang out from behind her, startling her, although she didn't react on the outside. Eula made no sign of acknowledgement to the speaker, only silently groaning on the inside. She really couldn't have picked a worse time, could she? Cold fingers wrapped around her and she desperately refrained from gagging or shivering or maybe both. "Eula~ Don't ignore me like this~" The sickeningly-honeyed voice, inevitably paired with a pout caused Eula to clamp her jaws even tighter together.

"Ophelia, I see you've been tracking me. Again." 

"Oh, come now! Don't be so cranky~" the other girl crooned. Eula finally, somewhat reluctantly, met her eyes, a trace of vulnerability slipping from the yellow pair to blue ones.

"...Bring me back to The Base?" 

"Of course!" Ophelia beamed, then slowly continued, "I think... The Highers will appreciate your effort. It seems everyone has been impressed by your show of faith lately~" 

Eula nodded, a slight softness dusting her usually expressionless face.

"Take me back." Ophelia nodded, smirking slightly. She locked her arms around Eula and with a sickeningly sweet-smelling burst of scarlet sand, Eula was no longer in Ajh'ini -- Desert of Nothing but Grey Sand -- but rather disoriented and stumbling around, ready to hurl in the familiar dim humidity of The Base. In a split-second Ophelia had an arm around her, and her vision reduced from ten blurry to side-by-sides, to six, then two, and finally down to one.

Eula straightened herself up, suddenly aware of the deadly silence that never seemed to grace The Base in its entirety. Something was wrong. Her eyes focused, body still a tad unsteady, and she froze. Panic set in. 

She was standing before the Highers. The buzzing in her ears became near-deafening. Frantically, she dropped to her knees, slamming her forhead to the chiseled floor of the Highers' chamber and scambling to pull her coverings over herself and offerings from from her bag. 

Ophelia giggled softly, prodding Eula with her toe. The frightened girl looked up in surprise.

"There is no need for that." A majestic voice rumbled, tickling the dark rock walls and projecting farther and more authoritatively than any natural voice should have.

"I-I, this Low One, understands." Eula raised herself, eyes still directed down out of deference. 

"Come, child -- closer." The voice sounded again, a light-brown willowy hand beckoning her while the rest of the figured remained hidden behind the Curtain of Fate, sending ripples through its surface.

She paused, squeezing her hands together to keep them from shaking. She glanced at Ophelia, who nodded back with a relaxed grin.

The silver-haired girl gingerly stepped forward, never straying from the chiseled path that led to the blood-red curtain, woven with intricate gold trimmings. She refused to let her heart leap or her pace quicken, even as the blocks around those that lie beneath her feet fell away; even as the rocks she stepped on fell behind her the moment her foot left them.

It was a test. This was one of the Chambers of Courage, after all. And she had already made up her mind to succeed.

Eula only faltered in her mind for a millionth-of-a-second when there was no step before her. She mentally braced herself. If she had to fall for the sake of the Highers, into an unknown and endlessly-deep abyss, so be it. It was the only way.

But the golden-eyed girl did not fall with that next step. A platform of the same cleanly-cut stone slabs had appeared beneath her foot. Yet, Eula was mindful and alert. She did not dare breathe a sigh of relief, or hurry along, excited with her new discovery. Who knew what would happen to her if she did that. 

She simply slowly tread forwards, persistent and patient, ever-closer to the Highers' Scarlet Curtain. 

~~~~~~~~~

It's been a while, but this is happening shortly after that first scene with Biddy and Eula, and deals with Eula's side of the story, along with some more world-building and characters! 

I plan for the next chapter to continue on from where it left of here, to flesh out more of Eula and her experience(s) with The Cause / The Base and the Highers, who are carrying out, or perhaps rather being directed/driven by The Cause.

Thanks for reading! Tell me what you think about recent developments if you're comfortable; I always appreciate it!

Ciao~ 

There is a man who sits on a hill.

Day after day he sits there, stumming away, singing softly. Sometimes he laughs as he sings, sometimes tears run down his cheeks, sometimes he stares off into the distance until his voice wears thin and tired.

He sings of the things he remembers, of people he loves but are no longer here. He sings of true love, of heartbreak, and of desire, or of disappointment. He sings of what he used to have, of happiness and of pain and loss.

Sometimes he lies in the tall grasses in the sun, sometimes there is shade that falls over him and his stares at the sky through the leaves; sometimes there are clouds, and sometimes it rains, but he never stops strumming away and singing.

There is a man who sits on a hill, and he sings there every day. 

Okay, here it is (finally). I'm unsure about a few things due to lack of context and will get back to you within a week from when you answer with a few more focused thoughts. Thank you for waiting, and I hope you can get use out of this! 

~ 

I think that changing the part “In her head, she cut the string that connected them for good” would be a good idea; this seems to be speculative fiction, and that might confuse readers. If this is further in the book and you’ve explained more about technology/magic, it should be fine.

I think the angst with Eula was well-written, and I found her likable (which I define as interesting to read about, not like “a good person” or “someone you would want to know”). 

I think a little more explanation on what the button does would be helpful; I didn’t completely understand what was going on.

Explaining, or at least alluding to, Eula’s motivation at the beginning might be helpful for understanding what her goal is and making her seem more like she had a reason. But then, I don’t know where this is in the story, so it’s hard to say what you’ve already explained. Holding back information that readers will need to fully invest in the story will probably backfire and make readers frustrated or turning back pages to see what they have missed. And especially because this is in close narration, readers will expect to know everything that Eula knows. But as I said, there might be other things in other places.

I think that Eula and Bitty seem like well-developed characters, and the part about fleeting emotions was a strong part of that. It explained her reasoning well.

I sometimes found it difficult to figure out whose point of view it was or who was talking. I’m assuming this is close limited narration; making that clear earlier might help. However, this might be easier with more context as well.

In a few places, the narration seemed to be coming from Bitty’s point of view.

The focus on their eyes got a little repetitive.

In the place in the narration with multiple question marks, I found it a bit melodramatic. I think it’s fine in the dialogue, but in the narration it felt out-of-place.

Questions:

Is this around the beginning of the book or closer to the climax? (I think it might be a little emotionally intense for a beginning; it will be hard to build emotional tension from this.  If it’s from the beginning, you might want to consider how you’re going to build tension. If this is the climax, I think you’re doing well. It reads like that.) This affects so much of the critique, especially at the content level, that I think I can add a few more notes, and also some thoughts about building tension from here. 

What is the main conflict of the overall story? 

Is Eula the main character throughout? 

~ 

Thank you, and sorry for taking so incredibly long! I'm going to do my very best to get it done quickly.