I have always been observant.

I don't mean to listen or look, to search for secrets

But they kind of just fall into my lap. 

I never meant to overhear the late-night arguments

Twisting bitterly between my parents

When they thought we were asleep.

I never meant to see those texts,

What good would I achieve

By tearing myself down like that?

It's not that I was eavesdropping,

I simply happened to hear

Them say she got kicked out,

Or that they got mandated again,

Or that he was planning to do this or that. 

How was I supposed to know not to mention it?

It was, to me, out in the open.

You said it out loud,

And that meant it was public property now.

From the moment

The words sprang forth

In an ugly mucky current

Striving to become magnificent birds -- Phoenixes --

But internally knowing they're nothing better

Than the filthy mouth they come from,

They were laid bear for all to see;

Except everyone knows to avert their gaze when necessary.

At least, everyone but me.

Eyes are for looking,

Ears for hearing.

I'm not watching or listening

For anything in particular, much less drama  

But I was never taught to turn away from unpleasantries.

Not talking about them is one thing,

Not acknowledging them all is another matter entirely,

And pretending not to have notice yet another.

I cannot claim to be blind,

Despite being legally so without aid.

I cannot ignore the cries and whispers

That echo my world at night,

Nor blot them out,

Even if I tried. 

I am observant,

And it can be a Curse --

A cause for doubt

And my own mental anguish.

But it's a huge part of who I am,

I I wouldn't give the world to out-learn it. 

Please don't ask me why I know where he lives.

I happened to mention him to a close friend, who told another, who gave an exclamation of surprise, saying he lives on her street. Really, that's all. I mean, she said he was stuck up and spoiled, used by the crowd he hung around with for his pool. She said he'd go cruising around the neighbourhood in his lil golf car thingie and that's kind of hilarious, but besides the point. I haven't been to her house since.  Also, we're currently in a kinda posh, overly self-agrandising suburban village. Of course most people will be a tad pretentious and all that. Plus he's a single child, so it makes sense he'd be a little spoiled.

Anyway.

Please don't ask me why I know where his locker is. 

Bruh, I had social studies and went to get a drink before the bell rang. Then, while walking back I saw him come up late (it was second period) from across the corridor. He stopped by at his locker before heading a mere couple of doors down. Simple as that. Funnily enough, I don't know where my own locker is (I haven't quite adjusted the American public schools yet). Anyhow, nothing major. Just basic observation.

So yeah. 

Please don't ask me why I know he has basketball practice every Tuesday and Thursday, plus alternating Wednesdays.

So I tend to stay after school a bit late almost every day, be it for masque, or one of the various clubs to which I am part of. Plus, I have to walk and it's winter, and home is a long way so I just kinda hang out. He's pretty tall, and even with the gymnasium's doors shut tight, the little window peeking through the top bit is enough to provide a fleeting glimpse of inside. Not that I look on purpose, but my eyes are prone to wander. I blame it on the ADHD. Oh, and what about when he comes out to grab a drink? That is precisely 2 inches less of non-see-through material, plus again he is tall. Like, sunflower amongst buttercups tall. Not that that matters, but it makes accidentally spotting him real easy.

Um. 

Please don't ask why I know which classroom he is in 4th block. (It's 167, Science Wing)

I promise I just happened to see him in a science classroom when I passed by for an errand for my Physics teacher. My bestest friend who has Physics with me will never let me forget, since we have to pass by that room every day for class. Ah, why do I tell them these things.

Seriously... 

Please don't ask how I know his average in AP History. (It's an 82. Yeah, it sounds rough, but they're only sophomores half-way through the year, this is his first AP course and jt is a difficult one; Imwould know, I took it last year.)

Ok... I can explain.  

Literally, I swear I'm not stalking this guy. It's plain observation and dumb luck (or lack thereof, depending on how you look at it). You're just like, extra hyper-aware of the people you're interested in, right? That, plus ADHD plus not having anything better to do and a long-term crush will do the trick. Also, when they're walking right behind you, how are you supposed to ignore them??? Especially when you realise how much deeper their voice is than you remember, and then wondering how you recognised their voice earlier that day in a crowd, and you're on auto-pilot cause you're lost in thought and then you're suddenly in your next class, realising you've accidentally committed their whole conversation to heart and-

Yea. Finally process what any of those words even mean. Hm. Now that I think about it, I probably should have realised he was in AP classes earlier. I hadn't pegged him as much of an academic achiever, seeing as when I knew him he was much more of an athletic and social dude (he's still surrounded by girls all the time, which somehow convinced my brother that he's gay?? But I also heard from the dude's mouth that that isn't true, so... idk) who seemed a bit hyper and hard on focus. Like, I know people aren't limited to one area/skill, but idk, he just never struck me as the studious type. But the reason I should've known is because I'd seen him in the AP history room earlier this year. Several times, actually. Like that one time I made eye contact with him when walking by during lunch break and just... Like, fell apart? 99.9 sure no-one missed the little mini squeal-fest I had with my bestest friend (the only one in the know). And the rest my friends, who were with us didn't know yet, so I had to tell them that day. Anyway... 

I've been thinking about that some, but it's really still a shame. Like, I'm being so silly at this point, even after effectively deciding that anything more would be unfeasible. Like, as cute and sweet as he once was and how responsible he now is, hate to admit it, but there's really nothing I could add to that splendor, no matter how hard I try. I know I'm not suited to a "regular" relationship and it bothers me to a degree, but I really don't think that's gonna change. I'm not sure if I really want it to either.

And yes this is the same guy from before.

Please don't ask why I'm so hung up on this dude. 'Cause to be honest, I really don't know either.

~~~~~

Part 2 / sequel of pining poetry-ish thingie!!! :D Time to turn my own experience into a heartbreaking story of angst!!! :DDD But where to start though....

Bruh I just wanna write compelling narratives about hurt and broken people who aren't me. :'(

I said I was over you.

I lied.

If you wholeheartedly believe something's true

when it's not, 

Does that still count as a lie?

If I think I'm done, insist I've moved on and just

fake it til I make it

Would that make it any more true? 

If I repeat it enough times, will it become a reality.

I swear, you're not making this easy for me.

I've been trying to be lowkey.

I've tried to brush you presence off (as I always have),

But I swear there are signs.

I'm not trying to overthink.

In fact, I'd rather fancy I dismiss a lot of potential hints,

if nothing else.

It's not that I don't see them (I see everything, just like before)

It's just when you see a lot, you start to learn to pretend you don't,

For your own sanity and safety.

Coincidences and correlations can make you leap to conclusions

And so you sometimes have to discredit observations as just that.

But then again, sometimes those

"coincidences" really do mean something --

That correlation really is causation.

There's always that nagging feeling of "What if it's not, though?" 

Literally, you pop up everywhere I go.

I'm not just being hypersensitive.

You never go out to eat lunch.

(I mean, neither do I, that's mostly how I know)

But the one day I do, you show up at the same place.

With your friends.

And even with my back turned,

I can feel your eyes on me. 

I subtly caught it 3 times too. 

Not just my imagination, see?

Maybe that's just a coincidence though. 

Which is why it's not at all strange

That you sat right behind me at lunch at school the next day.

I mean, yes, I chose a slightly different seat than usual,

But you always sit on the other side of the cafe. 

What changed? 

And yeah, I slipped into your gym class the other day,

But that's because my best friend is also in that class,

Plus it was field hockey. I love field hockey~

You seriously hit me with a hockey stick though.

I can't tell if you secretly hate me or not. 

We were on opposite teams, but still. :/ 

Also funny how you had a question at the exact same time

I went up to persuade the gym teacher to let me stay for the class.

I most certainly caught prolonged gaze from you then.

Maybe that was just curiosity, since this pink-haired masked child 

Suddenly barges into your gym class, but still. 

It didn't have to be that obvious. 

It's not like it's the first time either. :p

Well, anyway.

You're still cute, and it's fun seeing you get excited.

You're still, like, a skyscraper taller than me.

You're still a little clumsy, but good enough.

I saw you in the hall again today so now I know about 1/2 your schedule.

Kinda funny 'cause now I'm remembering the first day of school

This year (it feels like way longer ago),

And we all went out since we have open campus.

You were right next to me and my friends,

Walking with your own friends and I was just nervous inside

But no one noticed anything at all.

I wonder if that'll be my undoing someday.

Being too good an actor to the world,

Whilst drowning in the lies I tell myself.

Maybe my whole world will shatter because

Of one ill-placed Deception.

But who knows.

It just gets me thinking, sometimes. 

based on a writing prompt for school~

Adrian never did expect to see a demon so soon. His heart pounded in his ears as the large entity towered above him, quiet and haunting. An awful smell emitted from the fog, as if the demon was made of rotten eggs, almost making him gag. The trees around Adrian shuddered with every breath the monster took from its gaping jaw. His hands tightened around his flashlight as the monster shifted slightly to the left. He knew what kind of demon it was, of course - A Cryptid - but he still couldn’t believe it was right there. Not even six feet away, Adrian could take a few steps and touch a demon. He could catch it. He could prove that he was deserving of the title passed down in his family for generations; Demon Hunter. He just had to do it. Just… A few steps…

He took a deep breath as the leaves under his feet crinkled, and then, without truly thinking, he launched into a run.

how to introduce an intimadating character while showing that they are actually a cinnamon roll?

There was something bitter about the rain to Luccia. Something like pooling dread. A truth too hard for him to swallow. Quiet, almost like humming, seeping and chilling hum until he could scarce remember that warmth had ever existed in the first place. 

Kaoru could handle those so-called friends talking behind his back. He could take the way his teachers and classmates watched him when they that he wasn't looking -- eyes filled with wonder, curiousity, scorn, jealousy -- you name it; he knew, and he could not care less. He didn't crack when complete strangers would come up to hassle him. He could handle not having a "real family," or the security to know he always had somewhere to sleep, but that didn't matter. He was fine. 

What hurt was when Ivy stabbed him in that back. Not literally, of course, (although perhaps it wasn't too far off, given her rather...  'unique' personality) but having her leave him behind was perhaps the only thing that could've effected him anymore. After everything they'd been through; from battling away the morbidly mundane to helping each other through their hardest moments and sharing the grins and giddy giggles when things finally straightened themselves out for a second, not just seeing the other's lows, but their highest highs, and yet... she would still chose someone else. She would be just like everyone around him, just turn around and walk out whenever she felt like it, despite being the one to reach out first. What had he done to deserve that?

The pit on the inside of his cheek beckoned, but he refrained from taking out his frustration on it. It was getting bad enough as it was, and really didn't need to get infected on top of getting scraped raw again when Kaoru felt anything -- any emotion he couldn't accept.

He would get better. Not for her, though. No, it was all for him. For every shred of anything that no-one else had ever spent on him, he'd make it up to himself. He could be self-reliant. He was smart. He was pretty enough. 

He could get places. Kaoru was going to become something more than a runaway foster kid.

~~~~~

I was thinking of connecting this to the other short story I posted the other day, but not sure yet. We'll see.

The prompt was "describe yourself as if you were in a novel" :]

~

The first thing you noticed about him was his hair- green, though not a neon green. More of a pale, lime-like color, with splashes of lemon where the dye didn't adhere correctly. It seemed to compliment his olive skin nicely. Their eyes were shockingly dark, like a bitter chocolate, though their dirty glasses distract from them. Another thing one might notice were his hands; long, lanky fingers and dirty nails, two bracelets ever-present around his wrist, which he fidgeted with often. His face had something melancholic about it, like they were constantly on the verge of tears. But when he laughed, it lit up the room. It was loud and sometimes hurt your ears, but it was joyous and chaotic. It's almost funny how quickly they can fade back into sadness, how quickly anxiety can consume them and force him to pull his headphones over his ears.

Or something like that.