Chatterbox: Pudding's Place

HIATUS NOTICE

Hey guys, Starseeker here.

I have a lot of things to say, but no good way to say them. Obviously from the title you can tell that I’m taking a hiatus. The last time I took a hiatus was about 6 months ago in April/May. I announced that I was taking a break from being online due to personal issues and that I’d be back in the fall. And back I was, which you can certainly tell from the fact that I’ve been posting on the CB and on YWP (this message is going on both). That hiatus had a certain start and end date. This one? I’m not so sure.

You might have noticed that I haven’t been exactly active lately. It’s been a few weeks now since anyone has heard from me, and for that, I apologize. You guys have been a huge part of my life for about a third of my life now. The CB has always been a refuge for me, first to talk about my favorite books and hobbies and then to share my writing, art, and thoughts with the world. Now, I’m more thankful than ever for your support and the light you guys bring to my life. I’d like to talk about some of the reasons why I’m taking a hiatus, if possible; you guys have always been open and honest with me, and I’d like to return the favor. Admins, if any of this needs to be trimmed down or edited out, I understand, since some of my reasons are perhaps not what a nine-year-old needs to hear. But I would also like to think that the CB has matured a lot since I first joined it, so I would appreciate if you could edit as sparsely as possible. Thank you.

Reason number one: my friendships.

My friends were one of the main reasons for me taking a hiatus 6 months ago as well. In the time between then and now, I’ve fought heavily with my best friend, realized that two of my closest friends were negative influences on me, separated irreparably with my oldest friend, and discovered the meaning of “toxic friendships”. Each of those has its own nasty story behind it, but I don’t mean to be a downer, so I’m skipping those stories.

Reason number two: my family.

About 3 months ago, my sister-- who many of you know as Poetic Panda-- suffered a seizure. She has no history of seizures, no reason why she’d have one. That day was the most terrifying day of my entire life. Seeing my sister-- my other half, my doppelganger, the most important person in my life-- getting put into an ambulance and rushed to the emergency room… claws, that feeling has weighed on me ever since. 

Since that day, though, she’s had multiple tests run on her. The final results came back this Friday. Because of privacy reasons, I’m going to simplify it by saying she has epilepsy; the truth is that it’s a lot more complicated than that. And I could have it too, which is just… also so scary. It’s put a lot of stress on me and my family, and it’ll continue to put stress on us for a while to come.

Reason number three: my own mental health.

I was always taught to put other people before myself. That view was shaped by years of toxic friendships, expectations, teachers… a lot of reasons that have now culminated in me having a low opinion of myself. This low opinion led to a sort of downward spiral full of panic attacks and not-fun days and all sorts of stuff. This past week I talked to my parents, and they agreed to let me go see a therapist. I’ll be starting that sometime soon, I don’t know exactly when. But my related advice to that is, it’s okay to go seek help! It doesn’t mean that you’re broken or weak or anything like that. It means that you’re strong and smart enough to let someone else into your life.

So! That hits most of the big stuff. It’s, uh… it’s kind of a lot to drop on y’all all at once, which I’m sorry for, but I wanted to give some explanation for my previous and continuing absence. I’ll miss y’all so much!

And now, for some life advice and things I’ve always wanted to say but didn’t.

One: to all my artist friends-- you are awesome! I’ve spent most of my life doubting my art abilities, and let me tell you, it sucks. Have some confidence in yourself! Your art is wonderful and awesome. And, you don’t need fancy art supplies to make good art. Just because you don’t have an expensive digital art program or a nice set of pencils doesn’t mean that you can’t make good art. 

Two: to all my writer friends-- you are so amazing! Please don’t doubt your writing skills. If it makes you happy, do it! It doesn’t matter if someone else likes it or not. If you like it, then it’s a good piece of writing.

Three: to all of my other friends-- that’s all of y’all! Whether you’re an artist or a writer, a fashion designer or a songwriter, an astronaut or a mathematician or a dancer or anything and everything in between-- you are important. You are loved, you are awesome, you are incredible and most of all, you matter. Please don’t forget this. 

Take care of yourself, lovelies!

Until next time,

~Starseeker