Places to Chat
Chatterbox: Pudding's Place
He talks a lot, but he always listens when I have something to say.
Even when he doesn't understand why I'm upset, he always tries his hardest to make me feel better.
I miss him knowing when I was upset, and not believing me when I denied it, not leaving until I felt better.
He made me feel like I actually mattered, like he actually cared about me, like he might be sad if I didn't exist.
He always found a way to make me smile, even when I was sad.
Before the last day of school, when I was overwhelmed and trying to get away from everyone, I secretly hoped he would find me.
He did, and even though he couldn't understand what it was like, he stayed with me until he was sure I felt better.
When I wasn't allowed to roller skate bc I had broken my knee, he kept taking breaks to come see how I was doing, to make sure I knew that he cared about me.
When I was finally allowed to roller skate, he held my hand when I kept falling. He made several laps with me, making sure I could do it, and wasn't gonna fall.
He asked multiple times, to make sure I would be ok while he did a few fast laps on his own.
After that, he came back and stayed with me, circling around me, making himself slow down, even though he was really good, and could have been going fast, and having more fun.
He stayed with me, to make me feel included, and not left out.
When I fell in front of his friends, while he was talking to them, he immediately stopped to check and make sure I was ok. I don't think he even went back to talking to them after that.
He stayed with me, to make sure I didn't fall again.
He taught me that people cared about me, that I wasn't just an annoyance, that they didn't just hang out with me out of pity.
I miss that.
I miss feeling like that.
I miss having him recognize when I was upset, without me having to tell him, his making sure that I knew that he was there for me.
I miss us talking about how our other friend was somewhat insane.
I miss our inside jokes, that we could just reference and start laughing.
I miss talking about our cats, and all the many weird things they did.
I miss talking about weird things we used to think, or things we did when we were younger.
How his old crush's last name wad McDonald, and he thought her family owned McDonald's.
How I ate a dog biscuit when I was four, bc I thought it was a cookie.
I wish he hadn't moved away.
I wish he could have stayed living with his mom, so I could still see him.
I wish he had gotten into my school, so we would still see each other.
He was so cute when his dad came to pick him up, and they hadn't seen each other in a long time, and his dad gave him a big bear hug, and even though all his friends were there, he didn't try to look cool.
He was so short, his dad was holding his feet off the ground.
When we said goodbye on the last day of school, he hugged me, and it felt so good.
I remember talking about how it was awkward to have friends if mostly the opposite gender, and how it felt so weird to ask for people's numbers, just as friends, bc it always seems to feel like something more, even if it's not. Especially for him, being a guy, how it felt so weird.
I remember how he gave me a tip on how to have it not be weird. He said that you just have to take a picture together, then you can ask for their number so u can send it to them.
I remember how he asked about what things were different about going from homeschool to public school.
He really seemed to care, like my answer actually mattered to him, not because he was really curious about it, just because I was saying it.
Now that he's gone, I have such a hard time talking about my feelings, because he isn't there to ask if I'm ok, and give me a space to say, no, I'm actually not ok.
I have such a hard time asking for help, I often don't tell anyone how I feel, then I just melt, bc I can't keep it all inside for too long, but I still can't bring myself to actually talk about it, and even if I did, I don't have anyone to listen.
He always used to be there for me, but now...idk. He hasn't texted more than 3 words at a time for weeks, even when I was telling him about how my house was full of fighting, and I hated it, and I needed a way to escape, all he said was "wow" "oh I'm sorry" "wow really" "ok" and "oh"
submitted by ..., I'd rather not say...
(August 12, 2018 - 11:49 pm)
(August 12, 2018 - 11:49 pm)
So, help. Please. I need advice. I don't know what to do anymore.
(August 13, 2018 - 1:33 pm)
(August 13, 2018 - 1:33 pm)
I am so very, truly sorry. Although I cannot empathize with your exact situation, I can sympathize, because I often feel people only let me hang around because they feel they’re doing a good deed. It’s not true.
Even if it seems like your friend has disconnected, that doesn’t devalue the things you said and shared. It’s possible he’s also going through a rough time in his life. Have courage, have faith, have hope, and don’t be afraid to love. And then use the lessons of wisdom you gain from every experience to guide these things. You’re not the only one, and you are never alone.
(August 13, 2018 - 5:21 pm)
(August 13, 2018 - 4:04 pm)
I can't say I feel you. But I know about friends moving away, and I know about having friends all of the opposite gender. And I have experience in losing friends, one way or another.
So many people I thought were my friends- Leah, our friendship so confusing ever since the incident on the playground, Sophia and Aubrey, only there because they had nowhere else to go, Lorelei, suddenly mean to the girl who had once been her best friend.
Not that I'm alone. I have good, close friends, three of them I only met about six months ago. The story of how I met them might help you.
Nearly all of my classmates are athletic. So during recess they of course played some super competitive basketball, or kickball, or volleyball, or whatever. Only four people weren't interested in all that: me, Gavin, Logan, and Oliver. Gavin and Oliver were best friends, but we all got along and played nice together, so it stayed like that, the four of us playing ball tag, cops and robbers, and four square. I was cool with my old friends. But then one day I mentioned Minecraft Story Mode. Apparently they all played too, and we started talking about our other interests, and hanging out outside of recess, and it took off from there.
That's all it took. Another glance at some people I had never associated with before, and boom, new friendship. So, lesson for today, look around! Who would you like to know better? Ask them to sit with you at lunch. Ask them what they really like.
As for the fighting at your house... I am so sorry, but I have no idea how to help you there. Here's an idea, though: call, instead of text. Tell him, 'hey. Things are kinda hard, and I really need someone to talk to.' Or something.
I really hope this helps! I am so sorry that your life is bad right now. And I'm sorry I made my life so dramatic and sad.
Sincerely,
Soren
(August 13, 2018 - 6:12 pm)
At least you had someone, starting off with that. I’ve been broken so many times, anywhere I go to escape I only find others with me. I’m constantly being the person doing anything to save others like her, and I shouldn’t be.
But here I go again.
If there’s no one to listen to you...if your life is falling apart...
Write about it.
That’s what I do, and it just lets me release everything. The written word can convey what the spoken one does not. I’m actually surprised I’m not doing this in poetry, that’s how I best express my thoughts.
And someone is listening.
She’s right here. And she’s felt pain too. People might say “talk to a counselor” or something like that. Therapists, they mean well. But honestly, I low key hate them. If you're trying to survive, talk to a survivor.
I can help.
At least I hope.
-Neko
Ugh, I feel so pretentious putting my name there but...whatever:
(August 13, 2018 - 6:56 pm)
I'm going through a similar situation, so I might be able to help. I'm dating a guy that I've liked forever- we used to talk a lot, about anything and everything, and now he never starts conversations, really doesn't even try to keep a conversation going. So I know how you feel. I've found that it really really helps to get it out of your head- so talk to somebody you can tell everything to (that might not be an option, i don't know), or write it all out. Ask if you can call or facetime him sometime. It could be just because some guys just aren't talkers like girls (I didn't think this could be a possibility in my situation because we used to talk, but here we are. so that could be what is happening). He also could have other issues going on in his life like someone else already said. Maybe you could ask if anything is going on with him or if he has anything he wants to share?
As for the fighting in your household, I'm truly sorry about that. If you ever need to talk we're here for you.
(August 13, 2018 - 8:50 pm)
Hi.
Your friend sounds wonderful. He sounds like the type of person who cares a lot about you, and I bet he does.
If I read the context of your post correctly, it sounds like your friend's parents are seperated. My parents are separated too, and it's probably the worst thing I've been through. If that's the case, he might be really stressed, or sad.
If you are feeling bad about leaving, just remember how happy he was seeing his dad. They haven't seen each other in so long, and now he gets to be with him! It's only been three months, but I can't wait to see my mom again.
He might be really busy. Trying to make new friends, because he might not know anyone. He might feel just as lonely as you do, because he can't see you anymore either.
I understand it's hard. Losing someone you love is hard. Not being able to express your feelings is hard.
And living in a household of fighting is even harder. I've been through it, and I know what it feels like to want to do something, to make it all stop, but you can't. And I know it's even worse when you don't have someone to rely on.
You don't know me. You might not know anyone on the CB. But I promise that I'll try my best to be there for you if you need anything. I'm sure the whole CB will be here for you. You will be found (:
<3 Fidelity (and georgia)
mytu ~me too~
(August 13, 2018 - 9:52 pm)
Our "somewhat insane" friend, used to have a huge crush on him. She had me act as the messenger between them. I asked him wether he liked her, I asked him if he would go out with her, bc she wanted me to, and she was my friend. He didn't like her very much, so he said no, and she was really upset for a while, but got over him.
Then, a few weeks ago, he was visiting, but I was on vacation, so we didn't get to see each other. He still hung out with her, and then videochatted her again that night, and I got jealous. She already knew that I liked him. She kept talking about how much fun she had with him, and how it was so great.
I was kinda ignoring her, bc I was jealous.
A few days ago, I had had it with him, but I didn't want to mess it up, I knew I was just emotional. So, I ranted to her. She was mostly understanding. She tried to make me feel better, by saying that he was just busy, or trying to distance himself, since we wouldn't see each other. That's all well and good, except that he wasn't too busy to talk to her, wasn't trying to distance himself from her, wasn't ignoring her. She said "yeah, but I think he likes me", without a hint of recognition of that being hard for me, or being a bad thing. I said" I know, that's the problem" "why's that a problem?" Well, gee. I really don't know why my crush/best friend liking my other friend would be a problem, it should be awesome, right? That was the last straw, and I got really mad at her, and was a jerk. She called him, without asking me first, and told him everything I had said to her. We had a fight, and then I felt really bad about it, and apologized. She said that it was fine, and that she wasn't mad, but she ignored me for the rest of the night.
Meanwhile, he texted me, and said that he was really sorry, and that he had been kind of a jerk, but he had just been really busy, and would I please forgive him. I said that he was fine, that I wasn't mad at him, I was just lonely and emotional, which was true, but I don't know if he believed me.
We haven't texted since then, and I dont know what to say.
(August 14, 2018 - 10:08 am)
Oh gosh, that sounds really hard. I feel like it'll work out, though, if you just give it a little bit of time. It sounds to me like you did the right thing by apologizing and he also did the right thing by apologizing, and like your other friend was being kind of insensitive and dumb.
Also, I'd like to respectfully disagree with Neko and say that I have anxiety and the few times I've gone to a therapist I really liked it, so maybe try that out. It's definitely worth it to have an understanding adult in your life. (who isn't a parent. I hope your parents are understanding though.)
(August 15, 2018 - 5:34 pm)
Wait. APPLEJAGUAR?????? OMYGOSH!!! *Tackle hugs* I'm pretty sure I've read some of your posts in some REALLY OLD THREADS but now you're back!!!
(August 15, 2018 - 7:50 pm)
Um...
Thanks! I've been on here for a while recently but only posting like one thing a day, or not even, so it would make sense that you haven't really seen me around. Hi!
And yeah, I think I'm an older CBer than a lot of people realize.
(August 16, 2018 - 6:00 am)
Jegus, that's got to be hard. I've lost touch with all of my old friends. I think the secret for keeping them is just to talk, a lot, about anything and everything. It's easier with school friends because you see each other regularly, often without even planning it, and you spend so much time together even if you don't realize it. A lot of nonverbal interactions are just as important as words. But when you're distanced, words are all you have. So use them, and help him use them, too.
Does he know what you did today? Do you know what he did? Ask him. A simple "what's up" every day or two, and then talk about every little thing, anything that sticks out in your mind; how you're feeling, what you're planning, what's going on around you. Saw a hawk, read a book, had a fight, missed you.
Keep a diary, if you like. I have one. I write everything down, every night, before I forget it. It helps me clear my mind and get my thoughts in order. I've heard it described as self-therapy. It can be a little weird, but I am secure in the knowledge that no one's going to be reading what I write, and if I'm scared they will I can always write in code or get a journal with a lock. I can try whatever I want; make lists, letters, speeches, plans, dreams, explanations, fears. I can read what I've written and make it more complete. I can figure out what I'm feeling and why, what I want to say to people, the patterns I make with my days. It's nice for me. It might help you. Your feelings about him and your friend sound complicated. Try to explain the whole situation to yourself on paper. Write the way you used to talk to him.
Talk to him. Call him, not text. Video chat; use Snapchat, Discord, Google Hangouts, whatever. He can usually tell what you're really feeling, right? It might not be your words that let him know. And get him to talk about himself, if you can. You'll want to know what his life is like, too. Try to be for him what he was for you. Tell him what you're thinking about. Give him what you want him to know.
Don't take everything all at once; spread it out over days, weeks, months if you have to. Ask how he's settling in. Talk about your friend--it sounds like you need to resolve that between you. You can tell him that what you said last time wasn't entirely true, and then say what is. Your diary might help you figure that out.
If there's anything more specific you want to talk about, DM me on NaNo YWP. My username is Lycaella. I'll do everything I can.
Soundtrack:
Army by Boy
Easy Silence by Dixie Chicks
Payphone by Maroon 5
Greensleeves
Gewinner by Clueso
Hold On by Walk Off the Earth
(August 17, 2018 - 12:39 pm)