I wrote this last night and I kinda like it. Feedback/critiques appreciated!

improv

i. you had a plan once or

maybe it was just an idea of where you were going but then it

all of sudden

disappeared

your mind went blank and grey and

all your meticulously organized thoughts scattered

like snowflakes in the wind

against a grey sky

ii. it’s easier to dance i think

when you know the steps

every count is 

laid out neatly like

stones in a line and 

you’ve done it so many times and

you know it by heart it’s ingrained in your brain and

you couldn’t forget the moves if you tried

but this is

improv 

you’re making it up as you go and you

don’t ever know where you’re going 

really

iii. now darling you’re on your own

you’ll have to find your way from here because i 

can no longer help you

you’ve lost your

compass

your map

look at the stars to find your way

step by step you’ll choose your path and you don’t know where you’re going

you’re choosing every move as you make it but

that’s okay you just have to 

keep moving

iv. you’ve been thrown out onto the stage

you don’t have a plan and

they’re all watching you

watching

you know the song that’s playing 

and you knew the steps once too but your mind is blank now 

life isn’t choreographed darling

this is improv so

go

just go, don’t think

let the music take your hand and 

lead you where you wouldn’t go alone 

don’t second guess yourself, darling 

when you feel it, go

the time is right and

it’s pounding in your chest now

it’s beating inside you it’s coursing through your veins like

liquid fire

don’t hold back

you were made to fly believe it or not so just 

jump off the edge and

v. let yourself go

I've got two short poems, both untitled....

----

another month

passed away--

it fell to the depths of

lost calendars and

crossed-out days

leaving only traces

of slightly color-bled

memories

----

drooping eyelids,

lethargic, sleepy and moving slow

wishing to fall back into dreamy

lack of pain, warm and sweet

snow falls outside and

one could rest forever

almost suspended in

time 

----

They'd probably be a lot better with titles. 

@Leeli, I so agree- I'm all like 'wow, this poem is great, I'll post it!' then I see Leafy's and Abi's and I'm like 'my life is sad'. XP

@Leafpool my poems almost never have titles and they still have the same amount of meaning. 

Far

i. in a furious whirlwind of 

shouts and anger and tears

I lost you 

and you were all i

had, because you were all i 

ever needed.

ii. I am left to fumble in the dark, to

wonder if the lightswitch 

can ever be found, or if

it was never truly there.

iii. I feel like i'm  

stuck in a cold tunnel with

no light at the end that i can

(or will ever)

see. i think that

that means

I will never see you standing there,

reaching out to me.

iv. it's all my fault that

you will never come back to me- 

i slipped on the tightrope

we were walking together

and plummeted down

into the depths of reality.

v. I feel empty now,

like a jack-o'-lantern with

no candle, a hollow,

lifeless shape

doomed to forever stare at

looming figures with the

same stupid expression.

vi. i wonder if you miss me

but i guess i'll never know

i'll be stuck in my own head,

trapped with my own awful thoughts.

vii. i need you.

before i am gone.

Also, ~weird~ Boo says aeam.  

@Leafpool, I love those! They’re both really good. The last one is my favorite, I love the end.

I have another poem that I think turned out not entirely bad. For a title, I’m debating between ‘black and white and fake smiles’ or ‘black and white and bright fluorescents’, or possibly something else if I come up with anything better. I’m open to suggestions!

—-

it was his photo and he had on a fake smile

she was in the background doing something silly (and her smile

was almost real) but

they didn’t notice her

(she didn’t even want to be in that picture

originally)

she tried to brush it off but

she couldn’t deny that it stung a little

when the words they used were obviously 

singular

and she had to wonder if they’d even 

realized she was there

she’s invisible too often now it seems

slipping in and out of shadows 

in and out and

in and out

she stands in the background with a fake smile and

she pretends like it doesn’t bother her and

she watches as they shine the spotlight (white white fluorescent light)

on him and her stomach sours every time and it

gnaws at her insides when she lies in her bed at night

in the pitch black and stares at the ceiling and she wonders

why it bothers her so much because

she knows it shouldn’t

she knows it shouldn’t 

these days it seems like she’s always

dancing in the background

black and white floral leggings

and nothing special

she does the same things the same things and she tries

and when the others step forward to receive their praise

she stands in the background and

smears a fake smile on her face so they 

can’t see the tears

maybe it's just because

her pale ivory face is so easily washed out by

bright fluorescents but

when they look at her sometimes all they see is

black and white and

black and white and

grey 

something about

imagining you

ice skating with the dark sky full of the milky way

i bet you would go slowly

i bet you wouldn't like it

you're so careful

but i bet if i gave you a chance

i could watch you glide

one crisp, clear night

you walk out alone

trudge through woods

emerge in a clearing sorrounded by birches

you can dance with yourself here

you pull on your skates

and stand up on the ice

you think you're going to fall but

straighten

and all of a sudden you're gliding, gasping in the cool air, spinning, your hands flying out, hair streaming behind you 

you're beautiful

if only we could see you

you pirouette

i sit at home and think

you slice big circles on the ice

i do the sudoku you love so much

and when you come home

your cheeks are red and you 

have a smile on your face and 

secret stars in your eyes

where were you?

we ask and you laugh in a way that's unlike you

~~~~~~

This is about my friend but not really. I was inspired by a line about improv in one of Leeli's poems that made me think of my friend. 

I attempted to re-write the poem "river roses" that I posted a long time ago! I also regulated the syllables so that it's six syllables, eight syllables, six again, and so on. It made it just a little more tedious but I like it! Kinda.

roses

i. it was the springtime, love

you were watching yourself in the

water and i had lost

myself in how beautiful you

looked so that i didn't

notice a thing was wrong until

ii. it was too late for me

you were too naive and so was

i, with my flower crown

iii. you were self-focused and i got

cursed (to linger at the

riverside among the roses

and the trailing ferns and

lilacs) i will neither come nor

go i will never leave

iv. lost lost heart and ruined by you

now i am haunted by

the echoes of my former self

because these days i don't

know if i even exist or not

perhaps i am just a

memory or a fairytale

told to those with broken

hearts (shattered splintered fragmented)

i feel insubstantial

v. love came in at the worst time for

me and you never saw

one-sided love stories: tragic

vi. now you can visit my

grave though the crumbling headstone

is choked by vines and leaves

vii. i guess you didn't know that grief

was fatal, narcissus,

or maybe you would have noticed

my hands full of flowers

just in time to save my broken

heart

(Hazel says empo. Is that supposed to mean tempo?) 

the Taj Mahal