Belated Valentines

hello, darling

you know i love you

i would write my

sonnet 18

to you

sing you

songs

drawers of

love letters

boxes of

hearts

we're star-crossed

if you're juliet

i guess i'm

romeo

but our love won't

be a tragedy

we'll write our own

story

where i meet your eyes

and say:

darling

i love you

and you meet mine

and say:

i do

too 

I shatter

Hard

The dim glimmer, a hope, lingers

That if I break enough

You'll come fix me again.

Maybe then I can be beautiful

Like you

Maybe then I will be normal 

Like the world wants me to

Maybe I will be loved

In a way that does not

Require flesh or lips or eyes or anything

I can feel or hear or see.

If you can write such beautiful words

Maybe you can craft me too,

With bandages of moonlight

And cold winter breeze

And delicate porcelain and watercolours, 

And amber tears and shrill starsong,

Clear skies and the scent of petrachor still fresh, 

Fusing into something greater;

Maybe you can command vines and leaves

and reforge me into something better,

Something anyone actually likes. 

But then,

I am still too scared.

Was it that easy to be loved all along? 

I just had to give up all the way 

And let the world ravage

-- consume wholly and entirely --

what little I am? 

Even the smiling have door locks,
Even the roses have thorns,
And for all of the sunshine,
I'm still a girl made of storms.

Something I came up with after having a bad day. Most poems I write don't rhyme, but I was feeling very brooding and very lyrical. 

You draw him in,

Pull him in so very tight,

So how could we ever escape

The crushing warmth

Of that love?

How could anyone ever hope

To slip away

Or not flutter like moths

To the candle that is your soul,

And eternally-giving nature?

Indeed, we have never danced about

A romantic relationship, nor attraction;

And yet watching you two

Has me addicted

To the exchanged saccharine words

And little blushes and touches

And acts of gentle tenderness.

Perhaps my own "love" pales in comparison

To what you two have,

But perhaps I too have matured,

Since I feel no envy.

Or perhaps that is the true beauty of love --

Not perfect, but so incredibly close 

That it brings happiness to all,

No matter their status.

Perhaps there is an element of truth

To all those love-spun fairytales

Where a kiss is all it takes

To save the world and remain happy forever.

You make it look so natural

And I am proud to stand by you

And unwaveringly support

Your love for him. 

masks masks masks

is anything true anymore?

why can't we stop hiding?

why is being known so absolutely terrifying?

isn't it worse to walk around believing we're acquainted with the fictional people other people have invented because they think we'll like them?

we want desperately to be known, but we take every measure to ensure we aren't

we don't want happiness to hurt

(why does everything hurt?)

we just want to be okay 

(were we ever okay?) 

this is just a thinly disguised rant with too many paragraph spaces

but then again, maybe that's what poetry is 

(I've thought myself to sickness) 

everything is so small and so big

(a poem written completely with lines taken from other poems I've written and posted on here)

 

fingers drumming on a table,

stars spilling out of a night sky,

voices twirling in the wind,

your nose and the tips of your ears . . . brushed with pink watercolors,

your clear brown eyes turning golden in the flames,

reflecting the stars. 

 

the tips of the mountains disappear in the clouds,

the symphony of insects starts to warm up beneath the stars,

[and] the light makes every leaf start to glow.

 

eucalyptus trees stretch into the sky,

the cicadas hum,

and [we] have smiles on [our] faces. 

 

it won't last forever. 

 

the clock is ticking.

 

minutes slip through my fingers,

vines curl around my ankles,

and the world keeps spinning on. 

 

perhaps it was just an instinctive thing,

written into [my] blood, 

being there one day and leaving the next. 

 

don't you accept it? 

As golden magma swims through your eyes

I wish, at times, you'd just spill your mind

But then I remember our shared ADHD, depression and dyslexia

And laugh at the thought of you spelling everything out

Calmy, with patience and precision, in neat little lines.

 

I can only watch as pour your love into caressing her strings, 

As if she was not a guitar,

but the girl I once crushed on and you now date.

I cannot tell what expression I wear around you,

Whether or not you can tell I wither before your blinding brightness.

For you are brash Apollo, and I your gloom-filled twin moon, Artemis;

Just as danger-prone, just as broken

Only less much bright, and much less successful.

 

You, who for far too long thought I despised you,

And me, who unconsciously might have,

Seeing my reflection in you, my dazzling mirror.

Bitter? No, I think not, something considerably less laced with envy --

More like a sibling rivalry.

Something that seethes when I see the way we saunter, swagger

And fool around at times,

That laughs when we fall, grinning together,

That cries when one of us does, and all the other can do is watch. 

 

Sometimes I decide that's fine; It's okay,

We share too many of the same burdens to battle each other,

So we stroll under the stars, side by side

And let silence swallow us up

While our inner minds scream on and on and on.

 

Dragons

Scaley beasts

Large and strong

Magnificent feasts

Teeth and claws

Glowing eyes

Zero flaws

Kind 

Yet fierce

Dragons are beauties

I think you’ll find

Tornado

 

Do you ever feel like

The whole world is against you?

No one cares about you;

Your feelings don’t matter?

 

Do you ever wonder

If anyone ever thinks about you,

And actually smile?

Or are you just invisible?

 

Do you ever worry

If other people care about you

Like you care for others?

Or are you simply unlovable?

 

Do you ever want 

For everyone to just shut up for once?

And is anyone else bothered 

By the constant noise?

 

Are you ever confused 

With how everyone seems to 

Like shouting and loud din?

Or are you a stranger among your peers?

 

Do you ever feel like

You don’t fit in anywhere?

No one is like you, 

You’re the outcast, misfit?

 

Do you ever question 

Whether your friends truly like you?

Or are they just tolerating you

Out of pity?

 

Are you ever

So desperate for company,

But at the same time,

Not want to be with the people you know?

 

Are you ever

Stuck in a group

Of people you only somewhat like,

But everyone else, you detest?

 

Do you ever want to

Break down in tears 

And cry your heart out

For no particular reason?

 

Do you ever want to

Find a safe dark spot 

To curl up in a corner

All by yourself?

 

Do these toxic thoughts

Ever swirl around your head

Like a tornado

Blocking out all the sunlight?

 

Or am I the only one?

Am I alone in the eye of the storm?

With no one to talk to,

And no one to understand.