Chatterbox: Pudding's Place

Hey! You! Yes, you! Who do you think I'm talking to? *looks down deserted street* Come here for a sec! Can you help me? So, I wrote a short story for my writing class and my teacher said that she loves my writing! She even asked if I had ever had any of my short stories published. Of corse, I haven't because I didn't start writing until I took the class. (Which I started 1 year ago) So that's where you come in. I need your feedback! Give me as many tips as you want! So, will you do it? Good! Here's the story. It's named "Forever Friends".

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King Edward was upset. There was talk of a cunning dragon in the villages. He had decided to send a brave knight to kill the fetid beast, but he had not returned from his quest. Edward had an only one child. Lorena was her name. She was a girl thirteen, with wispy golden brown hair, and she loved wearing green dresses with pockets for a snack or two. She and her father were very close, even if he was the king. Lorena visited her father often while he was “doing kingly things” as her father would tell her when she asked what he was doing. Today she was wearing a forest green ankle long dress. With her she brought a brown satchel and it was bulging with books of all sizes. (She loved reading all sorts of books ever since she could make out her “p”s and “q”s.) “Ah!” exclaimed King Edward, his face lighting up when he saw his daughter enter the stone room, “Where were you off to this time my dear?”

“Where I always am! At the…” Lorena glanced around the room making sure no one else was there but her father, then knowing that nobody else was in the room continued, “ … At the oak tree near the tunnel!”

“Oh, yes. You always did like that tree.”

“It's the most beautiful place, Father! The tree has sturdy branches that you can sit on without the fear of it snapping in two, and around it, it has lush green grass. Oh! and when the sun sets it's like you're in a world of silver and gold rays of light. You really should come sometime!”

“Maybe I shall.”

And with that he let out a sigh. Because her father was almost always cheery, Lorena knew right away that something was wrong. It must be about the dragon and the knight, whose name was Peter,  that had not returned. she thought.

“Have you heard any news from Peter, Father?” Lorena asked. As she headed out of the room.

“No, I have not, and I fear he might have been killed by the dragon. I have no choice but to send more knights, and that I am reluctant to do for that beast may slay them all!” Edward groaned, “But I must send them out today to track down the dragon. And that won't take long. How hard could tracking a massive animal be?”

“I hope all goes well, ” And with that she closed the door on the distressed king.

Lorena headed out of the stone castle, but before she did she smelled something. “Cookies!’’ she whispered under her breath as she walked to the kitchen. The stone room was filled with the wonderful scent of pastries, pies, and cakes, but most of all cookies. Lorena loved cookies like any other kid. She usually waited for dessert, but she couldn't help taking just one… or two. As she meandered towards the tray of fresh baked cookies, she made shur that the cook was nowhere near. Lorena swiped two small cookies before she exited the sweet smelling room.

After eating one of the cookies she decided to walk to her oak tree. As she was walking through town several people greeted her, and she replied unconscious “hello”s. She was thinking about Peter the Knight, and the dragon. Shehad read all about dragons, and what different breeds of dragons looked like, and how docile or aggressive they are. She had always wanted to meet a dragon. Perhaps I will someday. The girl thought as she rounded a corner and came upon her secret place.

A silent shape twisted around the thin passageways. Its razor sharp claws scraped against the cobblestone, scrambling to get away. It could hear the loud clunking of knight’s boots as they tried to chase after it as it ducked into a tunnel, its large feet running on the cold cobblestone . Shadows pranced on the dark walls like the Northern Lights. The figure emerged from the tunnel with a deep breath of relief, soaking up the the warmth. It was a dragon. Above the opening was soft green grass, and large oak tree standing proudly in the sun. There was a girl. Because there was a human child in its midst, the dragon was a bit shy. She had a green velvet dress, a tattered book in her hand and a brown satchel on the ground. It was Lorena, but of course the dragon had no idea who she was. Lorena, who was a bit flummoxed, looked up and stared at the dragon with kind eyes. The dragon in return, looked away. Lorena climbed down from the branch she was sitting on and approached the dragon slowly. She held out her hand to touch the creature, but it backed away with a scant hiss. Lorena took a step backward and placed her hand into her dress pocket. She pulled out a smooshed cookie and held her hand to the dragon once more. The dragon approached her shyly and ate the smooshed baked good out of her hand.

Lorena couldn't believe what that she just gave a cookie to a dragon. The dragon was small, but you could tell it made up for it with its strength. It had dark emerald scales, its tail had spikes on the tip and its wings were a beautiful blue. This must be an jewel dragon  thought Lorena. When the dragon was done eating, he looked up with hopeful eyes at Lorena. “ Sorry,” admitted Lorena, “ I don't have anything else except for a few crumbs, but I don't think you want them.”

The dragon nuzzled her pocket in case she was lying.  She wasn't. But she did have a rubber ball. And it so happens that this dragon loves balls. He took it out of her pocket and held it in his mouth like a boisterous puppy. Lorena laughed and took the ball from the dragon. She threw it, then he retrieved it. This continued on for several minutes, but suddenly the dragon dropped the ball from his jaws and he retreated.  It was the sound of footsteps behind Lorena. She turned around quickly to see what was in the tunnel. Knights! Father must have sent them after this dragon. But they couldn't kill him! He wasn't an evil dragon. He is kind and friendly… Lorena made up her mind. “I'm not going to let you hurt him!” she yelled at the knights, as they came into sight. The dragon hissed and flicked his tail back and forth like a tiger just before the pounce. Lorena knowing what the dragon was about to do, whispered to the dragon, “I don't want you to hurt them either.” The dragon understood. He sat down beside her and looked as calm as ever. The knights were astonished to see the king’s daughter beside a dragon. The first knight, whose name was Jarnen, advanced rawer during the dragon but Lorena barred his way. He was not amused at this gesture. “Move out of the way, Lorena! We must get rid of this beast at once.”

“Just try!” cried Lorena.

“This is silly! Get out of the way before I get you out of the way!” He usually was a very patient man but not when it came to the King’s orders.

Before Jarnen could stop her, she ran to the dragons side. The knight could take a hint. He walked over to Lorena.

“I have seen a many dragons in my lifetime, but have only seen one like this.” The dragon hissed but Jarnen continued, “ It's a jewel dragon. It's very hard to befriend one, but obviously you have.”

“Are you going to hurt him?”

After a few moments Jarnen replied, “No. We will not hurt him.”

“But,” He cautioned, “You must tell your father.”

“... Deal!” Lorena laughed.

A day later after Lorena had her run in with the knights, the dragon had been following her everywhere much like a puppy. Even when she told her father what had happened! King Edward was sceptical of a dragon being in his kingdom, but after a few days enjoyed having an animal around! The dragon, Jarnen and him would sometimes stroll out of the castle and play “fetch” as he would comment. As for Lorena, she had named the dragon Amnon, which means loyal and faithful, and that represented that of their friendship. Because Lorena would sometimes ride on Amnon’s back above the little towns and villages, she learned to love hights. Amnon, her and her father would walk to the oak tree  and spend hours, playing, reading and talking. But when the sun set, they all lay upon the green grass and let the last light of the day fall upon them, soaking them in rays of orange and gold. They would be friends forever.

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So let the comments begin! (please?)