Day Three

“ ‘ello folks. Todayr on ‘Wildest CBers” weyre lookin’ a’ the most tewriffying place ‘o be ‘if youwr a wild CBer or AE: a mystac Ski Lowdge.” The australian host said.

“Good evening.” ALfred said, smacking the host, and making the cameras return to him. “That disturbance was what we like to call an IDIOT. It stands for “Insolent dumb idiot on television.”

Everyone sat at the bad-way-to-dispense-small-pastries, the buffet. Suddenly, Machina dropped a speaker playing Daft Club and Hamilton (at the same time.) This resulted in “I am not throwing away my *guitar riff* Oh! I am not throwing away my *beat and guitar riff* I am just like my *guitar riff* and I am not throwing away my *buzzing noise*

“Oh God from the Machine, we are not yet ready for your PURE GLORY! (“It's not your fault, All hail the general!” Was the new mashup)” Gared yelled, throwing a small pastry at the Ex Machina. It died, and a new one was born.

Gared muttered something about the quality of mass-produced gods which I did not hear. Though I am Gared.

Anyway, the new Ex MAchina liked Daft Clubton even more. And a riot broke out, ending the life of the poor speaker.

Thankfully there was no mumbling from Phoenix mixed with rapping from Guns and Ships.

_________________

The murderer snuck through the window of Grey. Grey turned suddenly, and shrieked. The murderer threw a bottle, containing Hamilton and Daft Club.

“Who knew? You really can bottle this up and throw it at your enemies!” The murderer said, throwing the bottle.

__________________

“My name is Novelist, and I am a detective.” Novelist said. SHe looked around the crime scene. Nothing, then she heard it. A 90’s techno beat, and Hamilton. She almost fainted.

“Bang!” When a noise. Jack was standing behind her, holding something behind his back.

“WHy did you shoot a gun at a song?’ She asked

“What gun?’’ He said.

“The one behind your back.” Novelist said.

“Oh, sorry, I just thought you told me two. A creepy voice from behind me said: shoot over there, and destroy the evidence.” Jack replied.

“AHHAHH” Novelist screamed.

__________________________

Secret walked down a LONG CREEPY HALLWAY. No hints here. Something moved behind her. She turned. It was just THE MURDERER! Oh, sorry. It was just Deus Ex Machina, giving Secret a present. False alarm.

Death Toll: One

NOOOOO!!! Not grey?!?!

Relax, I'm only dead in the story.

Unfortunately 

Niccolai! Get out of here! Also, has anyone noticed that only AEs are being killed? 

Yikes!

This is excellent.

Irony, creative ways of killing, Deus Ex Machina, no fourth wall, hilarious jokes, all of this is excellent.

Highly optimal. High approval from here. 

Day Four

“We are here today to mourn the passing of several AEs.” Alfred said.

The murderer smiled, fingering a logic bomb, compliments of Deus Ex Machina

“RIP, AEs.” The murderer said. Everyone turned, and saw not a murderer, but three dead AEs. The murderer was nowhere in sight.

____________________

“AAAAAAANAAAAAAAAAARCHYYYYY!!!!” GAred yelled.

“Who is the murderer it? It must be a CBer.” Novelist thought.

“Guys. We need to work together.” Somebody said.

Everyone sat down at the buffet. Then, a slight rumbling could be heard. And in all its glory was EVIL DEUS EX MACHINA!!! AHHHH! This is worse than Pepper Star listening to Hamilton!

Evil Deus Ex Machina (EDM for short) looked like a cat, but standing on its hind feet, with a leather jacket. Everyone turned, and emitted a very loud scream.

“WE ARE GOING TO BE KILLED BY EDM!” One of the people screaming yelled.

“Over my dead body.” Ohio Bob (Not Indiana Jones, Ohio Bob.) yelled, who had just ran in.

What followed went like this: Bob attacked EDM. EDM attacked Bob. Everyone else ran.

Death Toll: Three

TO THE TOP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day Five

Kate-The-Great walked down the creepy empty hallway.  She held a flickering flashlight. There was a moment where the flashlight went out, and the darkness swirled around her. Then, the flashlight flickered on again. Why was she in this hallway? DEUS EX MACHINA. (Writer’s code for IDK.)

Something jumped out at her! AHHHHHH! NOOO! A MONSTER!?!?!? Na. It was just Jar Jar Binks. Oh God, not Mr. Binks! He is pure evil. Kate-The-Great ran back, but there was only so much space until she reached a wall. Then, GEM (Good Ex Machina) gave Kate the MODTBC (Machete of death to bad characters) to destroy Binks. She raised the weapon, and a glorious light flooded the room. Binks was blinded by the light of the God of Good Characters, coming to seek revenge for Bink’s creation. KAte pointed her machete, and Binks turned to poison-flavored dust. Sadly, the murderer was a very Good Character, even if she/he was evil. The God of Good Characters left, and Kate was left in the dark with a good character: the murderer.

_______________________

“WANNA GO, BRO?” Action-hero Gared yelled. (Yes, I get to be an action hero) The lobby was full of horrible characters. There was the person in Scene 24 from the Monty Python’s HOLY GRAIL (Foreshadowing), a bland bad guy from a 1950’s Sci-Fi bad guy and a host of others. Luckily, our great friend Gared had the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

He threw the grenade after counting to 3 (after two and before five). The horrible constructed characters turned to cherry-flavoured dust.

“Wait, my friend,” Machina said. “Kate has been killed. It was probably essence of AE.”

Everyone ran towards the prespecified spot that you didn’t hear about.

Kate was dead. And there was the faint scent of essence of AE, which is so insane, it kills.

____________________

Later, Machina forced everyone into an elevator. (A big elevator) Then, Machina gave the killer the ability to telepathically cut the strings of elevators. There was a crash. Then the elevator fell down. Sadly, I mean, Happily, only one CBer was killed: Nebula. She had been pushed out of the elevator(Because physics no longer are a worry.) NOOOOOO! You may soon guess the killer.

“Is there anything I can do, oh Machina?” Gared said.

“Yes, you can switch places, and die instead of Nebula.” The Great and Kind Deus Ex Machina said.

“Na. I will pass.” Gared said.

Death Toll: Two

Note: In this setting, Bad Characters refers to flat, one dimensional, pointless, stupid, dead-to-the-world characters.

I am I dead?

Hush up, Secret. I have an idea. Sharp tortilla chips are extremly dangerous, if improperly chewed......

Doublock: RIP Nebula.

Niccolai: We will miss you.

Grey: We shall remember you always.

Me: X_X

*all AEs look somber and sad*

Me: Just kidding!

Niccolai: awwww...

Grey: You sure you aren't dead?

Doublock: We wouldn't mind if you were... 

Me: I'm really feeling the love you guys. 

Day Six

Alfred had an announcement: “Today, we are turning on cartoon physics. That means none of you six can be hurt. Unless somebody pulls the switch by my hand here.” (FORESHADOWING)

So, everyone found that they could run into things, fall, and have cacti fall on them without getting hurt. But the colours in the room had gone insane.

Everyone was having fun, but the murderer had gone over to the switch, and slapped it. Everyone felt a change. But the murderer had a small bouncy ball, and she threw it at Gared, who fell of off a cabinet, into a shark-filled swimming pool, and then was eaten as a hors d’oeuvre. Sadly, I have died, which means there is no more story to tell. I guess you will never find out the murderer…

Ok, fine. Everyone looked around. Another one was dead, and the murderer was happy. Everyone looked towards the switch, but the murderer pulled the lightswitch. Darkness fell. Alfred floated away, out of harm’s sights.

Horse Spirit Girl ran forward, but she grabbed only Somebody, who had grabbed a small lobster, provided by Deus Ex Machina. Then, a fight broke out. Everyone had suspects. There was yelling, and fighting, and throwing of pies. But suddenly, the front door flew open. It was the typo lord Ward Valdomort, and his Deat Eateries. AHHHHHHH! Everyone ran back. They were too terrible. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Luckily, Novelist had the MODTBC, and typos have no character at all, so she could attack. The blade never touched a typo, but they shrivelled into piles of words at the sight of the machete.  Everyone was terrified they might come back to life when… INTERMISSION.

INTERMISSION IS OVER. EVeryone ran for their lives. Typos from every book chased them. Chtulhu, Frenkenstein, and of course: Jack Skeleton. The machete lay broken on the ground. NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Then, every CBer woke up from her dream. It seems they had all fallen asleep after Gared died. DREAM SEQUENCE OVER.

Death Toll: One