To whom it

Chatterbox: Pudding's Place

To whom it

To whom it may concern, to the brave of heart, the adventures, the explorers, the discoverers, to those who venture beyond the limits. We have an offer to make you. We're sure that you've heard* wondrous tales of the magnificent Hotel Le'Faye and the various wonders contained within its walls, but little did you ever hope to set foot in its hallowed halls? 

Well hold onto your hats (and top hats, hair, chopsticks and other headwear), ladies and gentlemen, and prepare for the adventure of several lifetimes! You need not dream of such things anymore! Because now here, and very real**, you are invited to the wonderous Hotel Le'Faye!!

Terms and Conditions***

~All foodstuff (cakes, pies, cheesecake, donuts, wasabi peas, pickles, etc.) will be confiscated for the purpose of sedating the great monster of the Broom Closet.

~We do not provide intergalactic transport. Get your own spaceships, people!

~You enter at your own risk and amazement! (And death, and possibly getting erasing from all of history. Who care about that anyways?)

~For your comfort, we provide:

Lodging

Food

Entertainment and Recreation

And most of all......A complete**** tour***** of the WONDEROUS WONDERS of the Hotel!!!!

~We start in one week.

~If you are unaware of how this works: This is a murder mystery story. l write the story, and one of you is randomly chosen to be the murderer. Every day, l choose someone else to be murdered. l write the day, murderer murders the appointed person, and basically you can expect complete nonsense for the rest of the day.

~l will post every day, unless otherwise noted. Or get eaten by spiders, or get kidnapped, or......you get it.

~You may write your options of the day in whatever form you wish, be that letter, journal, recording, or random screaming. (Though, really, tone down that screaming, will you? Sheesh, this is a hotel.)

~l honestly have no idea why people need to tell me what they're packing. l really don't know. Why do you even need this--What's that? No ranting? What is this nonsense? Who even makes these things up anyways?

~Imaginary friends and non-existent people are welcome. No, you can't bring your real friends. Who are you kidding? You don't even have any real friends, anyways. 

~We have a state of the art and friendly staff,  ready to serve you and always smiling creepily. 

This is the Hotel Le'Faye. The wonders of the galaxy are here, just for you, dear adventurer. Wonders are everywhere, if you only look with the right eyes. 

Welcome one and all, welcome and enjoy your stay! 

__________ 

*Unless, then, you haven't. But now you have, so that doesn't matter anymore.

**Unless it isn't real. (Shh, you don't know anything.)

***There was a lot of fine print in this section, but l skipped it. l mean it really can't be that important. Don't put things in fine print if you want people to read them!

****And more fine print. Why do they even bother with this stuff anyways? As far as you are concerned, it is what is said. Nothing else. Really. What's that? You don't trust me? Well here you go, you can read all of the fine print yourself! 

*****Tour includes: The Marvelous Museum of Impossible Wonders, The Library of Voices, The Library of Silence, The Infinity Hall, Desert of All Time and Space, and a broom closet.

submitted by The Teller of Tales, Hotel Le'Faye
(July 17, 2016 - 11:21 am)

Ehhhh.....

Did l ever tell you the story of my editor dying?

No?

Nevermind.

Do remember what l said about "scatterbrained."  

submitted by The Teller of Tales, Hotel Le'Faye
(July 30, 2016 - 12:03 am)

Oh my, that is such a... err... unique mind you have there, The Teller of Tales! (No that was not sarcasm)

You should really do it in that perspective more often. And RIP September.

Wait, where is Zeon?

...

What?

...

I'm mad for having to leave. AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

*Sighs* This isn't the place for tears of leaving, Zeon. We are crying for the deceased, not ourselves. 

submitted by Ashlee G.'s Ghost, age 15, The Future
(July 30, 2016 - 1:33 am)

I don't understand how September died... if all that was there was just the remains of Apollo 7342, how did she get killed just by being pushed into it?

MMMAAAAAGIC! 

submitted by hotairballoon
(July 30, 2016 - 6:06 am)

Maybe there was more to it......But you'll never know.

Mwhahaha. 

submitted by The Teller of Tales, Hotel Le'Faye
(July 30, 2016 - 11:37 am)

Day Five

Hooray and cheers, for dead is something that we are not. Yet.

~~~

Boom.

The CBers weren’t quite sure if they had just woken up, it had seemed as if they had never been asleep and yet they could not remember any of the past events. Strange and stranger still.

Thud.

They didn’t remember being asleep, neither did they remember actually waking up, but they couldn’t remember not doing that.

Bang.

There seems to be an awful lot of forgetting today…….

Crash.

They woke (or whatever it was that they did) to near complete darkness. They did not remember where they were, or their purpose in life. They did not remember five plus three thousand, four million and a few trillion. That, however did not matter.

None of it seemed to matter anymore. for, squinting in the light of the green glowing clocks, they began to make one and another out. They began to ask questions, and such questions that would baffle the philosophers for ages.

Like, “Are we alone?” “Who dunnit?” “Where is my pudding?” “What is the meaning of life, the universe and everything?”

Questions without answers. Like half of a galaxy. Or something. But suddenly, one of them, Jarvis, slowly comes to her senses.

She blinks a few times, trying to take it all in. That was an understatement, she couldn't see a thing.

“Is….this a dream?” She says wonderingly.

Richard and Saphira exchange glances.

“Um, yes. Of course. Yes. it’s a dream.”

Jarvis narrows her eyes at the two of them. “l don’t think so….this is really real…..no, it’s not a dream.”

“Er, a tophat!”

(“Why are you wearing a tophat, Richard?” “l don’t know!”)

“Wait, okay. This is getting weird--”

“Tuna fish!”

Much to everyone's dismay, piles of tuna fish have suddenly appeared, scattered all over the place.

“This isn’t a dream! It can’t be--”

Emerald is interrupted by a flood of neon pink dye and overdue paperwork from an insurance company.

“Oh my goodness gracious!” Fia pretty much squeaks. In turn, some dishwater and a disgruntled cocker spaniel descend on her from above.

“See! It’s a dream!”

Jarvis is still frowning, but before she says anything, what seems to be a truck load of dull, gnawed on pencils is unended on her head.

“Where is that infuriating manager?” Kate huffs, disturbed, very disturbed in fact. “This--this isn’t supposed to go this way!”

“What way?” Sydney asks, picking her way over the paperwork, cocker spaniels and pencils.

“Oh l don’t know. Like normal for once!”

“Terribly sorry, but this is a dream, don’t you know? They’re never normal.”

Tara says, pointedly.

“For the last time, This. Is. Not. A. Dream.” To push this point, Kate pinches her arm. She freezes for a second, staring. Her limbs are starting to very quickly disappear into smoke.

“Um….This is a dream, right?”

No one answers, as for a single, crystal second her form before it disappears in a draft of electricity bills.

“Right….People can’t die in dreams.”

Again, no one answers the question spoken by Shadow.
“Well then.” Scylla takes a deep breath and promptly inhales most of the electricity bills. She’ll spend the better part of an hour trying to dislodge them from her lungs. Anyways.

“This is a dream. Of course. It all makes sense.” Quill waves her hands about.

“No….” Jarvis says hesitantly. “It’s not a dream. Definitely not.”

“Oh yeah?”

The Novelist raises an eyebrow.

“How come l've already finished college with my Ph.D, and written my best selling memoir of my life?” She waves a old, thick book, entitled, How l Got Successful and Really Rich in Life.

“And how come l've become a world renowned librarian for simply sitting around and reading books?” Says Bookworm, looking over her newly acquired glasses.

“Well l've just got kicked out of the CIA (Culinary Institute of America) for supposedly selling poisoned pies to the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency).” MP points out.

“I've become a legendary bobsledder!” Daisy exclaims, holding up her Olympic Gold medals.

“....In bobsledding.”

“Look, this is weird,--” Jarvis says.

“And this is even weirder!”

Brookesia grabs part of Mirax's hair and pulls it completely off. Mirax yelps. “You pulled my hair off!”

“No worries, l’m sure l can put it back…..Nope, it’s a toothbrush.”

Jarvis is still not convinced.

“We have broadswords and know how to use them!” Paris and Bella yell over their shoulders, as they mock fight. Paris attempts to do some sort of spin, which sends the swords whirling dangerously. They don’t realize before it’s too late. Paris drops the sword, and it spins through the air, running into the nearest bystander. Which only happened to be Esthelle,

They watch in horror as the sword neatly divides Esthelle into two very symmetrical pieces.

“See!” Says Alexandra, trying to keep her voice cheerful and her shoes from getting soaked in Esthelle's blood. “No one ever dies in a dream! She’s just fine!”

“About that. It’s not a dream. Gravity doesn’t work in dreams!” To father this point, H.A.B drops a apple to the ground. Well that’s what was supposed to happen. He relates his hand and…..Nothing. The apples simply hangs there.

“So there goes Newton’s Law.” Ultron grumbles, no one pays any attention to him.

“Bunch of sheep, l tell you.” Nova also huff, no one also pays any attention to her. Except for that they are now literally a bunch of sheep.

Spyro the purple sheep sniffs around, while Moon the sheep attempts to dance, Daisy the yellow sheep simply looks the sun, she is so bright. Silvery the sheep ambles around, gnawing at those electricity bills. Kestrel the sheep tries to screech like a bird, but only ends up making a pathetic sound. Summer the sheep has decided to start butting her head against the wall. It’s not impressive. None of it is, actually. They’re just sheep, after all. (If rather oddly colored sheep to book, Sprankle is bright rainbow, Mrs. Elton a burnt orange [that might explain why she’s now on fire] Sandra sand colored, Ellak book colored [whatever that means] and Brian and Beth completely invisible.)

Boom.

Is this, after all, a dream?

Bang

Jarvis doesn’t know.

Thud.

Someone is shaking her shoulder--her human, not sheep one.

Crash.

Someone is screaming, crying, a name, over and over again.

Hallia.

Burn.

All of it will burn.

~~~~~~~

End Day Five. Death Toll: Kate and Esthelle. (yes, two of you died today. I don’t know why. Go ask the murder before you’re dead or something.)

Also! Cliffhanger.

Mwhahahahaha. Stay tuned.


submitted by The Teller of Tales, Hotel Le'Faye
(July 30, 2016 - 11:39 am)

Nooooo1ooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! I diiiiiieeddddd!!!!!!!!!!

 

That was certainly a very peculiar way to die, seeing as my mom recently forgot to turn in her electricity bills. The electric company is taking revenge on our family!  

 

P.S. Cardinal says "ewpn". There are a lot of ewes around here. After all, everyone turned into sheep!

 

I now officially declare 'book color' as my favorite color!!!

book coler? *scoffs* that is the stupidast thing i evr herd! 

Yeah, well, you turned invisible which is even worse! 

not! i can sneek up on u wen yor aslep!!! then ill steel yor books!!! *laughs evilly* 

You dare to atempt such a risky and evil deed?!

obviusli. wen hav i evr not don riske and evel deeds? huh? wen?

Ummm... Uhhh... That time when! Uhhh...

ha! that tim wen wat? 

That... That time when... When...

yur borin. im leevin. 

Where? I don't trust you at all!!!

ohhh... just on a litle exkurson...

You better tell me where, or I'll throw you in a pit of lava!!!

ohhhh... u want to no, huh?

Yes!!!!!!!! Tell me now!!!

well, i was just goin to go blow up som librarys, then hed ovr to MPs hous. c u!

Wha, wha, WHAT????????? BLOW UP LIBRARIES?????????? Kate!!! KATE!!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU????????!!!!!!!!! WE MUST STOP BRIAN!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!

Kate iiis dead. 

WHAT???????? DEAD?????????? SHE WAS JUST TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That wass herr gost. 

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Think of all the innocent people who will have no books to read!!!!!!!!!

Bian wass kidd iing.

Really?

Yuup.

I SHALL THROW HIM IN A PIT OF LAVA, FISH HIM OUT, JUMP ON HIM TWENTY TIMES, AND THEN LOCK HIM IN HIS CELL FOR A CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *flies away snorting smoke everywhere*

submitted by Kate-the-Great
(July 30, 2016 - 4:48 pm)

~SCYLLA'S JOURNAL OF MYSTERY, WITH INTERJECTIONS FROM EO-LAHALLIA AND CHARYBDIS~

Day Five has now passed. I must proceed to evaluate the situation.

-There are strange noises. 

-Random things come out of the sky. Imagineering?

-A dreamlike state is undeterminable.

-Scylla is a blundering idiot.

-I see fire. 

-Spyro is a Purple Shepp. 

-I seem to have disappeared from the face of Hotel Le'Faye.

-And, most importantly, the murderer has been revealed.

-*Audience gasps*

-Yes, that's right. The murderer is (or appears to be)....

-*drumroll*

-PARIS!!! *Audience faints*

And now for a personal report with random interjections from Hallia and Chary.

I feel like a blundering idiot that ate a lot of important documents.

~TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF SCYLLA'S JOURNAL OF MYSTERY~ 

submitted by Scylla
(July 30, 2016 - 7:18 pm)

Before you go about jumping to conclusions, please note that l eat red herrings for breakfast.

submitted by The Teller of Tales, Hotel Le'Faye
(July 31, 2016 - 12:09 am)

Ah. 

submitted by Scylla
(July 31, 2016 - 11:01 am)

...

what? 

submitted by hotairballoon
(July 30, 2016 - 8:02 pm)

....

....?

 

submitted by The Teller of Tales, l don't know
(July 31, 2016 - 12:11 am)

Oh my, so confusing. In a good way though, but confusing nonetheless. Zeon, what do you think of this whole thing?

Paris is stupid.

Be nice!

SHE KILLED ESTHELLE!

It was probably just a mistake-

AND WHO KNOWS WHO ELSE!

And it was-

What if she goes after Quill next...? I'm... I... *Wipes eyes* She's my sister.

I know, it's just-

QUILL!

I give up trying to talk... 

submitted by Ashlee G.'s Ghost, age 15, The Future
(July 30, 2016 - 10:08 pm)

WHOA! We were in a dream!

And my beautiful memoir was published ! *weird starry eyes*

But . . . *flips through book* it's empty! I don't think you can read in dreams!

*POOF!*

Baaa

Baa

OH MY GOSH WE'RE SHEEP AAAAA

You mean Baaaa

 

submitted by Novelist, The Secret Forest
(July 31, 2016 - 12:12 am)

Day Six

“Jarvis! For heaven’s sakes, wake up!”

Mirax shakes the sleeping Jarvis by the shoulder, roughly. It doesn’t seem to have any effect.

“Oh my lucky stars!” Fia says, panicked. “They’re coming for us!”

Noises of chattering and crashing arise in the distance, the sound of footsteps and the snapping of wood, as if this mysterious “They” are crashing through the very walls.

“We've got to go! It’s too late for her!”

Mirax stand up, facing Chary and Fia. “C’mon. We’ve got to get out of here. We’re the last ones.”

Chary shakes her head firmly, mouthing a single word that she dare not speak. Hallia. Hallia is gone. She has not been found, and Chary isn’t leaving without her.

The noise of They comes ever closer. Jarvis moans softly, before starting and blinking open her eyes.

“Thank goodness!” Fia gasps.

“Jarvis! Get out of here.”

Not questioning, and seeing the panicked looks on their faces, Jarvis follows Mirax's lead.

“Are you sure about this?”

Chary nods.

“Very well then. Adieu.” Mirax raise a hand to Chary as a wall of dust involves her. Jarvis blinks. “You do know, l had the strangest dream. Kate and Estelle died in it--”

Mirax cuts her off. “Is that even relevant? More running, less talking, or you’ll be dead.”

Jarvis is too suprised to make a comeback. “She seems to be…..almost meaner.” She tells Fia, as the two of them follow Mirax. Fia nods.

After an amount of running through what appears to be some sort of building, it appears to be in various states of disrepair and falling apart,  except Jarvis has  no idea what it is.

They stop in a large, musty room, where a part of the CBers are gathered. Jarvis nearly collapses on the ground.

“Okay, okay. What exactly is going on?”

“We were attacked by this…...creature?” Nova attempts to explain. “It chased us down a passageway that we didn’t even know existed. We lost all sense of time and space. We think it wants to eat us. Or something.”

“So...you’re just running? Why don’t you try to fight it?”

Silence. Tara and Richard exchange glances.

“Er…..we want to stay alive?” Daisy ventures.

“Well you don’t even know if it’s going to kill you!”

“Hallia hasn’t been found yet.” Scylla points out.

“And if it didn’t want to eat us, way in the world would it chase us?” Brian points out as well.

“And l think most of us want to keep alive.” Kestrel confirms.

Jarvis just sighs.

“Wait, where’s Emerald and Ultron?”

More glances.

“We’re not exactly sure.” Moon says carefully, not meeting Jarvis's eyes.

“But,” Mirax cuts in. “The most important thing is to stay alive. Correct?” No one challenges her.

She begins to pace the room. “We need to scout out the area and get our resources.”

Saphira raises an eyebrow, which was a rather difficult thing to do when you’re a dragon. “Why? Why not, you know, just run away? It makes more sense. Doesn’t nearly take half as long.”

Mirax whirls on her heel.

“Are you questioning me?”

The dragon draws herself up.

“Why yes, l believe that l am.”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. Quit fighting.” Though putting on a brave face, Spyro is obviously nervous. The sounds of “they” keeps coming closer and closer, no one else seems to be noticing. He doesn’t like this as well.

“Oh yeah? And what do you have to say about it?” The blue dragon snarls.

Like most people, Spyro doesn’t like being pushed around. Neither does Mirax for that reason.  

“That’s the last straw--”

It appears that “they” have arrived, announcing themselves in a roar of falling debris and dust, swirling around and covering everyone for a few seconds.

Though so sort of a time, it certainly was long enough for a certain someone to awkwardly stab Spyro in the throat with some clumsy, but brutal weapon.

The dust settles as quickly as it came, the CBers are left blinking it out of their eyes and wondering.

“It’s gone.” Quill whispered, wonderingly.

“We’re…...alive?” Bella asks.

Alexandra just falls to her knees.

Jarvis blinks. She’s still confused, like the majority of people reading this.

It takes them a long while until they notice the purple dragon lying on the floor, in a gathering pool of blood.

H.A.B. blinks and keeps on blinking, as if in response to this shock.

“I'm dying…..?”
Novelist nods.

“Well this is strange.” No one else knows quite what to say.

Saphira shifts back to human form, hurriedly glancing around and shoving her bloodied hands into her pockets. Good. No one suspects a thing.

A few more awkward minutes pass, before any of them realize that while Spyro is dying, he’s doing it rather slowly.

“Well this is lovely.” Paris huffs.

“They always do die faster in movies, you know, Spyro?” MP informs him. “Not just bleeding all over the place.”

She waits for a reply, before realizing that Spyro is in no position to speak. He’s, in fact, rather dead.

“Rest in peace.” Ellak says, solemnly.

“Rest in peace.” Bolton echos.

“Pax Romana.”

“Sydney, what does that have to do with anything?” Bookworm asks.

“You know, the Romans fell, but they did so peacefully….oh nevermind.”

“What now?” Sprankje asks, unable to take her eyes off the dead body of Spyro, in some horrific fascination.

“l…..don’t know.” Mirax seems to be defeated. She suddenly seems very tired.

“Keep running. Isn’t that what we all keep doing?”

~~~~~~~~~

End Day Six. Death Toll: Spyro. Rest in peace.

submitted by The Teller of Tales, Hotel Le'Faye
(July 31, 2016 - 10:52 am)

["the final log": ramblings of a dead man]

... 

oh. that's what.

i guess i'm dead now.

fantastic.

hey, it could be worse.

at least now i know.

stupid herrings. swedish fish.

poor h.a.b. poor living souls. it's so much better now.

at least now i don't have to endure the countless days, weeks, months, decades of waiting, wondering, what-where-who-why-how?

how could you do this?

how did i forget?

how...?

submitted by hotairballoon, torment
(July 31, 2016 - 7:11 pm)