I nod and hug and smile one more time before I say my goodbyes.

I can probably find a way to see her again, but others won't.

I disappear back into the darkness as I give Shadow one last smile.

~~~~

I wake to the curious eyes of Lycaella, Nygrune, and a new person with wings.

"Brynn, are you okay?" Lycaella asks.

I sit up quickly and inhale. I went to a weird level of consciousness.

"She's not coming back," I say with a sad smile.

Lycaella looks surprised but nods with another smile. "I understand. Let's go tell the others."

She helps me up and takes my hand as we walk back to the funeral. 

I flap my wings down, looking at Shadow's gravestone. 

Shadow. We were the original humans that SOCS experimented on. I'm not supposed to be here, but what SOCS doesn't know won't hurt them.

I took the darkest clothes I could, which included a dark grey sweater with the holes for my wings and a black overcoat with identical holes. I have dark pants and shoes on. I brought an umbrella, but my muscles are frozen, and I continue to stare down at her grave.

Why am I here?

I ask myself that over and over again, without finding the answer. She's an enemy! All these people at the funeral are. So why do I pay my respects? I can't answer that question, but I just realise that I come because I want to. I feel as though I'm repaying a debt.

I can't remember a time when she ever helped me. I mean, I can remember fighting with her, but nothing ever more significant than that.

But ever since Auva died and all these others, I feel so empty. I feel as though I shouldn't be working for SOCS anymore. Maybe by paying respects to Shadow, someone who was like me, it helps me ease my conscience, or fill some of that empty hole inside. I lost touch with Olympia a while back when she created the Rising. But I heard since then she's quit, donated the army to SOCS, and started on a quieter life where she has been successful. She's quite wealthy now, with influence. But I have the sneaky suspicion deep down inside that she joined the Black Skul. Or rather, they joined to become a part of her life.

So should I join the Resistance? Would they be able to tell it's me? Well, probably. Just because I dyed my hair brown, that doesn't mean they can't tell who I am.

I take a deep breath and walk away from her grave, and back towards a small crowd of people gathered around, talking to each other but having quiet conversations. I see Jake among them, looking sad. Of course. They were a thing. And then I see Brynn, who's the second Angel of Death. If only Shadow would have kept her powers, maybe...but no. It mustn't be altered or thought about. What happened is what happened. I see Mina. Of course. Shadow's best friend. I can't even face her, and I don't know how the others do. But how do I talk to someone about joining? I guarantee they won't let or trust me.  

I feel myself walking towards them, but I shake my head and walk the other way, running before bursting into the air. I can't face them. I can't face them.

I fly back to the nearest SOCS base, where some guards are waiting.

Then they shoot me. For no reason. But there must be a reason. There's always a reason. Could I have known too much? What happened? Was it because I visited the Resistance? 

Then I realise the real reason. I sent the Resistance information about SOCS and all of their plans. They must have found out. I laugh to myself. 

Either way, darkness engulfs my senses.

~~~~

Welp, that was special. Darkness, but then sudden light and a figure of a cat coming towards me.

"Hello Riuex."

"Am I dead?" I ask.

She nods. "Yes. Are you ready?"

"Well, it was kind of random, so...."

She laughs. "I know. But there is somebody waiting for you."

I look behind her, where a figure comes towards me. Shadow.

I walk up to her. "Look, I'm sorry for all the times that I hurt you, the Resistance, or anybody else. I guess I don't have excuses, but that seemed to have been all that I ever knew, and-"

"Hey," she softly interrupts. "Don't worry. You died bravely."

Ha. Bravely. I didn't feel very brave. I only hope the Resistance gets the info.

"Is there anyone you want to see?" Shadow asks.

"No, not in particular," I reply. I look back at her. "In fact, I wanted to see you. I think we should try being friends for once." 

Light everywhere, and then a cat figure. And then Shadow. And then more light. And then faces of people I haven't seen in ages. 

"Is this your final choice?" Shadow asks.

I nod my head. "Definitely. Was this yours?" 

She nods and suddenly Alexandria comes up to her. But she seems much happier than she ever was before.

"C'mon Shadow! Let's go see David. He's talking with Phillipe."

Shadow looks back at me.

I laugh. "Don't worry, I'll be fine!"

She laughs back before heading off. 

And so do I. 

I stare out the window of the inn. We're travelling back to the Resistance base in a few days.

There's a light drizzle, and I jerk the window open, feeling some of it on my face.

Oh Shadow. Why did you have to leave?

I yowl and throw the table over, watching as some of it leaps into the flames of the fireplace. I chuck one of the vases across the room and tear down the curtain of the window. I look around at the mess that the room has become. But I don't care.

I couldn't care less.

I feel so empty. 

The sun is setting behind the trees as a girl in a long black dress makes her way across the cold ground towards a new grave. She hugs her bare arms and shoulders, but her head is held high, and her hair blows away from her face, falling down her back like a river. She stops when she reaches the two tombstones, side by side. 

She kneels, longs legs folded beneath her as she bows her head to the ground and whispers something. The quiet words are blown away by the wind, and when the girl looks up, it seems as if she can see them flutter off, leaving her. She may be called Rae, but she is anything but a ray of sunshine now. Her dress pools around her as she bows her head once more, then reaches into the pocket of her dress, and pulls two things out. The girl places one on each of the graves, and stands. She slowly turns around, and the strong gusts blow her hair into her face as she leaves, this time with her head bowed.

Long after she has left, long after many suns have risen and fallen, long after many tears have been cried onto the hard dirt, a yellow butterfly flits by the graves. It passes over them, but not before it sees a small golden gear glistening beneath each name. The little creature understands, somehow, the significance of those tiny objects, and it carries that knowledge for the rest of its life.

A week.

That's how long it took me to leave her grave.

I can't find words. They drift in a stream, always floating out of my reach.

I can't find how I feel. I just can't find it.

I feel...angry? Is that how I felt?

At her for going off again. Adventuring.

At Brynn, for being...less of the angel of death.

I don't care about Shadow's official title or race.

I just want her back.

For a week I would come and just sit there for hours on end, lost in thoughts. I talked to myself for the sake of a familiar voice that wouldn't try to comfort me and make it all worse in the process. 

I've had to go through this twice. This time, I know she's not coming back. I saw Brynn. I knew.

If I had a talent, I would make something for her. I don't have a talent, but I helped make something with her.

I feel horrible. Mina must  be going through this, but more,  and I don't know how to reach her.

A barrier.

In the end, when it's our turn, is death really a barrier?

But it's still unfair. She had a life to live.

And what about Brynn? How will she cope without Shadow? How will we all?

My thoughts go in a loop and twist around themselves.

I hate the Black Skull. I hate Catastrophe, SOCS...they took this from her.

We all get better in the end...but I have a lot of thinking and wishing and hoping before I do. And even then, there might be a crack.