Kyngdom Survival Guide
Power Story Thread
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Power Story Thread
Power Story Thread
Alright, this is where I'm posting the story using the Powers that I'm working on. I would love sujestion, predictions, edits, and spelling corrections especially! And anything that you want edited because of pirating reasons can be edited out. Here is the prologe!
Prologue
Billions of years ago, our land was a boiling red molten ocean, filled with lava and constantly bursting volcanos. No life could ever thrive on a place like this.
But from the burst of one dieing volcano emerged a flower. It bloomed up, up towards the stars, the sun, the moon. Up towards the universe to vast for us lower lifeforms to understand. Up towards the light. The pure moonlight and starlight.
It’s petals were red and flecked with gold. Its stems a brilliant red that looked as if live magma was trapped inside, constantly swirling and churning. It’s golden leaves stretched out towards the night, longing to live out of the ground, to be free, to dance among the stars.
This flower was the key to all life forms. Boren from the ashes of the volcano, it harnessed the magic of the land and magma. It’s photosynthesis created oxygen, and not long after, a strong atmosphere.
It sucked the fire and magma that consumed the earth through its roots, and spread its magic throughout the land to make life. Green plants, lesser flowers and ferns that had similar properties of herself. Yes, a her. We will call this flower a her.
From her roots sprang a stream, from her pollen spread light. And soon this molting death planet became paradies.
But nothing lives forever. This flower was dieing, and if she died the land would turn back to what it used to be. Bursting volcanos, streams of magma, and the only life that could survive would be fire.
The flower realized this, and in her last breath, she harnessed her magic into her six beautiful petals, and created the first life to walk her land.
The first petal fell and twisted to form a creature with feathers and fur, and eyes of pale blue. The tiny creature had a beak, curved and sharp, talons with small claws, and paws with sheathed claws. It had white wings with black tips folded in at his sides, and a small tail with a tuft at the end. This creature will later be known as Gryphon, he inherited the ability to keep the air clean and wind roaring free.
The second petal twisted free and coiled to form a creature with a long serpentine tail, two tiny talons, a flat, rock-slab-like face with two tiny teeth, and blazing yellow eyes. It had dusty brown sharp scales and a black diamond pattern down its spine. This creature will later be known as Clawed Basilisk, and he inherited the ability to change the land and form the rocks into large mountains.
The third petal gracefully fell from the flower and twirled towards the earth. As it touched the earth, it formed into a magnificent white foal, with a silver mane and sparking purple eyes. From her forehead was a knob of silver, soon to grow into a long and glorious horn. This creature will later be known as Unicorn, she inherited the ability to create and evolve life, and will be the face of all peace and happiness.
The fourth petal silently dropped from the flower, and slowly formed itself into another creature. It formed slowly, patiently, and touched the earth with it’s talons just as it was completed. This patient creature had a sharp snout but broad face, long nostrils, smooth, slick scales, and four tiny sharp teeth. It had brilliant green eyes with tints of dark blue, and spikes down his spine. He had two tiny talons with four skinny webbed claws and a short serpentine tail behind him. This fearful creature will later be known as Sea Serpent, and he inherited the ability to make water and forge oceans. This gentle creature will be the most humble sole of these creatures, no matter how fierce he is perceived to look.
The fifth petal tumbled from the flower and swiveled into a beautiful creature with a magnificent white speckled black, grey, and tan pelt, with shiny black eyes, and a long fluffy tail. From her back grew tiny, white feathered wings, soon to be large and reaching, and from her soft paws tiny black claws. This magnificent creature would later be known as Angel Wolf, and she inherited the ability to make all sounds, sights, tastes, smells, and feelings, she will also rotate the earth between night and day.
The sixth and last petal was twisted and already wilting at the tips. The flower knew that this pedal was going to turn into all things bad, everything that she didn’t want. But she was just a flower, so she had no way of stopping her magic into transforming into a creature after she let it go. So the petal plucked itself from the wilting flower and twisted into a dark creature, with glistening, earthy scales, large silver claws, already large wings, a long lashing tail, and white shiny eyes. This last creature would later be known as Dragon, and she will create destruction and death.
The flower wilted, turning brown and dying from her roots up. She knew her last child would end up destroying her perfect world, so she summoned what was left of her scattered magic into her pollen, including her lifesource and spirit. As the pollen drifted from the flower, she turned brown and dropped to the earth, sinking into the earth to be cherished and remembered forever.
As the pollen drifted away, it started connecting and growing, and before long was transformed into a small creature, a pale brown thing with glistening clear blue wings, long brown hair, soft brown eyes, slender limbs stretching down to the nimble finger. This is the guardian of the creatures, with the spirit of the flower as her own. She is to protect them and stop the wilted petal from ruining her perfect world when the time comes.
submitted by Claaws
(December 4, 2016 - 12:04 am)
(December 4, 2016 - 12:04 am)
Alrighty, Vola?, thanks for the sugestions! I'll do the same thing as I did last time, and respond to your comments.
I love this whole first section.
Thankyou! I tried to make it like you had to guess which one it was, then it reveils it with the black colors before Clawed Basilisk even says her name.
Beaten but happy. I love it.
Thanks! I gave them all an excited mood, nomatter what happens.
So cute.
I know, Right? XD
Maybe add something here?
What do you mean?
Nice.
XD
I don't quite understand this last sentence. What did you mean?
What don't you get? I personally might edit that one a tad.
A ping? I would have thought a creak... Not sure what's going on here.
Like a ping, like when you pluck a string it gives you a 'ping' noise when your holding it very tight. Same thing when strain on it, release your grip for a split second, then pull again. It makes a ping noise. What don't you understand?
Sorry, but, um, that is what she said.
Ya, I saw that. I think I'm gonna word it a tad differently, I didn't catch it when I read it through a few times. XD Woops, deffenatly going to try and word it differently.
As they learn of the powers that they have, or that they are Powers?
If it was that they were powers, I would have put The Powers, in caps. I'm also not using The Powers title, so they're just learning what they can do.
That was a very powerful scene... A very important one, I think, and definitely memorable. Is this the spark that ignites the chain of events that lead us through the rest of the book? It certainly could be. It wouldn't be unreasonable for the next chapter to take place a long time later.
Oh, you guessed it! Actually, I'm not quite done with this chapter, but that's the idea. I'm almost done with the second part, so you shall see soon what I have planned for Dragon.. ;)
(December 13, 2016 - 10:14 pm)
:D
To answer your questions...
For the first one, I thought maybe put something in to show that she gets herself untangled. It's a little confusing; you don't know that she has but she's also moving around like she has, so adding something might clarify that.
For the second, I didn't understand what emotion the eyes were conveying. You said they were excited, but also not amused, and it's kind of hard to imagine it as both.
As to the third, the vine is straining, the sound of which I imagine as a creak. It's not clear if it has broken or if it's still holding. Maybe something like "The vine strained as gravity pulled him back down, and snapped with a 'ping'" would work?
Hope this clears it up, and I can't wait to see what happens next!
(December 14, 2016 - 8:56 am)
Here is part 2 of the first chapter! I ave also edited the first part, I'll post that tommarow, to give the admins a break of all these long paragraphs. And thanks for clarafying, Vola?! I took your advice and edited to my liking. I'll post the editations tomarrow. But for now, PART 2!
~*~*~
The air was cool and dark around me. But my breath was shallow and panicked, with thorns of fear pricking the edges. My head was lowered and my talons moved slowly, making no louder than a soft squelch. My wings were lowered and trailed behind my tail, hovering only claw-lengths above Clawed Basilisk’s soft earth. I had journeyed far into the land my siblings had yet to explore, and it was dark and unwelcoming. Twisted tendrils of Unicorn’s creation laid in the shadows of the spongy undergrowth. The twisted trees stretched far into Gryphon’s sky, the trunks fat and stiff.
My siblings had never explored this part of the forest before because was too dark, strange, and cold to be of their liking. So I never dared enter either, of fear that the cool air and no sun would changed me.
And guess they have, in a way. My heart started to lighten as I traveled deeper into the murky forest. The caliginous shadows and tinny dappled patches of light started to make me feel at home. I felt safe, admired, and respected. I felt as if I was apart of the aphotic forest. I felt needed. Like I was finally wanted, like the darkness and vines need me. Among the acrid air, and thick-trunked trees, I was home.
With each new step I felt more at ease. The fight with Fae slipped off my back with the vines, carrying away all my fears and worries, to the tops of the trees high up in the cold air.
My talons sank into the spongy material of the ground, which I realized was not earth, but spongy fungus. Then the trees, which were tightly packed together, fell away to a clearing in the middle of the forest. The trees outskirting it curved inwards, there branches creating a sort of dome over it. There was grass inside, silvery and dappled with small patches of light. I curiously stepped through the barrier and into the middle of the clearing. I looked up and saw with amazement the branches weaved together. Twisting and folding, braiding and wrapping, to form a fern like layer over the clearing. Light shone through here and there, but besides that it was comfortably dark. I sat down calmly, and studied the branches more. The more I looked at it, the more it looked like the night sky. With spots of light that looked like small stars across the starry night sky.
Suddenly I felt one with my element. I felt the darkness in the air around me, I could sense the shadows of the trees and dark corners and wedges of rocks and plants. I closed my eyes, and suddenly I felt as if my brain had been catapulted into the sky. I saw an image of myself, calmly sitting on a layer of grass, with the wings spread to the darkness around her. I knew right then that I was about to learn my power by myself, with or without Fae, it was possible. I commanded my talon to lift lightly from the earth. I saw my own talon lift from the earth, then touch down lightly, with only the tips of the long claws reaching through the grass and to the earth. I watched in amazement as the ground started to part under my talons. Four small cracks barely the length of one claw. The cracks in the earth seemed normal, until a bubbling red liquid swelled from the cracks. I flung open my eyes and the vision of myself was cut off sharply. Instead I found that I was looking down on my own talons, and the mysterious bubbling liquid. I quickly drew my talon away, and studied the swelling liquid closer. I couldn’t quite place what it was, but it was somehow familiar. Reds and golds and blacks, churning slowly. Slowly it grew from out of the four small cracks in the earth, and in contact the grass wilted and burned to nothing more then, well nothing. That’s what it was, I realized with an agonised gasp. Magma. The death of all life, the opposite of mother.
I inherited the power of destruction.
I thought of this for a moment, watching the magma slowly grow larger and kill more. Then, without much thought, I reached out and touched it.
It was warm. It was almost, well, soft. Like a large talon-full of flowers. Melted flowers. It was actually sort of nice. But I knew I had to reverse it. I just didn’t think I could. It wasn’t my power to create life or new earth.
My power is destruction and darkness. Yes, darkness. I closed my eyes again, feeling the warm magma start to swell around my talons. I saw only darkness fluttering under my eyelids, and little sparks of red from the light the magma gave off below. Instantly I sensed the darkness around me. And felt the thickness of the darkness itself in the air, in my skin and veins, in the trees and grass.
Then I heard it. A whispering only a sound I knew and loved. Darkness. “Hello Dragon…” It whispered in a voice cool and silky, threatening but friendly. I could sense it around me, in the air, the branches, the rocks and plants. I opened my eyes to the clearing, observing the darkest corners and niches around me. Opals of light against obsidian of dark. The magma boiled below me, making my black scales glimmer and shine.
“Hello Darkness.”
(December 15, 2016 - 12:06 am)
I love it so far, Claaws!
(December 15, 2016 - 9:31 am)
It's beautiful! I will copy-edit as soon as I have an actual computer to do it on instead of my iPad, beloved for allowing me to post art but bad for longer comments.
(December 15, 2016 - 12:33 pm)
Hello Darkness, my old friend...
(December 16, 2016 - 10:33 am)
Here the first Chapter is edited:
Chapter 1
I bounded out of the cave excitedly. Dust scattered into the air as I made a sharp turn into the forest to the left of our cave. I let my wings flap in the wind and I raised my chin to the fresh breeze that was slowly growing stronger as I gained speed. My tail flickered in the wind behind me, and I looked back at it with bubbling happiness. It looked like it had a mind of it’s own! I turned my head back just in time to dodge a tree in my path. I lept over a log to the left of it, and almost tripped over a rock. Without losing speed, I stumbled over my large talons before gaining my balance again and racing into the thicker part of the jungle.
Ferns, vines, and branches whizzed by as I lept through logs and over rocks. I opened my mouth to the wind and let my eyes close for a second.
It was only a second, but long enough not to see the large furn right in front of me, step in the place where it would wrap around my clumsy claws, and land with a breath-knocking thump, chest first, on the cool earth. “Beat ya.” A silky, teasing voice announced from the trees.
I opened my eyes to see the blurry figure of a white creature standing a little ways into the forest. I puffed out a sigh and raised my snout a little bit from the earth I was resting on, to clearly see the purple-eyed face staring down at me. “I couldn’t say that I didn’t try.” I mumbled angrily, but still with an excited bounce in it.
“Why do we have to meet in the forest? My paw’s will get all covered in dirt!” The familiar whiny voice put a smile to my face. But this time, it was just teasingly whiny. She is just as excited as we are.
I pushed myself up with my front talon, the one not covered in the plant, and reached back with my snout to untangle my other front talon from the furn. I clamped my jaws down on the sweet vine, and feeling the juices drip down my teeth and onto my tongue, snapped the thick vine. It fell apart in my jaws was a muffled crack, and I spit out the pieces of the vine and thick juices. Satisfied, I pushed myself up to a sitting position and looked up through the trees. “Come on, Angel Wolf! We can’t always meet in the mountains! We take turns, you know!”
A piece of the vine was stuck between my two front teeth, and I reached up to dislodge it with my tongue. She snorted at my comment, but then her piercing black eyes appeared through the trees. She started laughing and couldn’t keep her stern look as she saw me struggling. “What a fall that one was!” Unicorn trotted forward, nudging me playfully with her soft muzzle, taking my attention off of Angel Wolf for the moment. “I don’t think Gryphon’s fallen like that yet!” She neighed jokingly.
I turned to her with my tongue between my teeth and she snorted in muffled amusement, lowering her head to hide her amusement. I dislodged the vine bit and spit it out, the sweet acrid taste not pleasant.
Unicorn raised her head again, her smile wide and bright, traces of laughter wrinkled across her face. But before she could say anything, there was a crash and a yelp from the trees further down. We all looked over to see a large grey figure fall through the greenery above. It fell onto a branch, and after a moment of relief, started sliding off. It tried to grab onto the slick wood with it’s talons, and I intriguingly watched as the wood splintered up around it’s talons from the deep gouges the claws had left in the wood. It’s talons couldn’t catch on the wood, though, and they slid off with a yelp of alarm from the clumsy beast. The creature flailed its wings as it fell, reaching with its clumsy talons for a vine or branch to stop its fall with, but never seeming to get a good hold on the slick surfaces. After a heartbeat of falling, it gave up on catching onto something, and concluded to flipping itself. I watched as the intriguing creature squirmed in the air, trying to flip itself, but failed to do so. But I did see a vine wrap around its furry back paw without it knowing. The vine tightened, and the creature bounced up with a shocked expression, talons scraping the air for the earth that was talons away from its beak a moment ago. Gravity pulled it back down with a sharp ‘ping’ of the vine straining under its weight, but still holding. Bearly.
We all stoically watched the creature slowly spin in the air for a few heartbeats, shocked into staying silent. The creature itself was also too shocked to say a retort to his clumsiness.
Suddenly realizing what had happened, I turned to Unicorn with a triumphant expression. “Correction,” I responded to Unicorn’s earlier statement, before turning to look at the grey-feathered creature and bounding over to him. “Now he has.”
She laughed as I approached the resentful Gryphon, and I looked back to smile gleefully at her. As I did, my talons caught on a rock and I tripped forward. My wings flew forward as I tried to catch myself, and the sharp claw on the joint of one of my wings caught on the vine attached to Gryphon’s paw. I failed to catch myself though, and landed with a thump on my side. My tail flicked upwards, and my wings continued forwards to flop down at my sides. There was a yelp of warning from above, and I didn’t even have time to look up before Gryphon collapsed onto me. I yelped in shock, and heard a familiar teasing laughing from above.
I sighed, then groaned. But then a smile crossed my jaws as I scooped a talon-full of dirt, and twisted so I could throw the flaky earth into the air. I heard a yelp from above and an angry gasp, and knew I had hit my target. “My fur! My beautiful fur! How could you!?” Angel wolf announced with a dramatic ‘I can’t believe you did this’ tone, but at the same time a little sarcastically.
I laughed, then tried to move, and found that I was stuck in this talon-raised, twisted position. I sighed and flicked my tail at gryphon’s beak. He snorted in surprise. “Alright, get off.” I murmured to him, waving my tail and trying to raise my wings, but as Gryphon is way heavier then me, failing.
He rolled off my back without another word and I slowly staggered to my feet. “And they’re tied in clumsiness!” Unicorn announced with an amused neigh.
I fake charged her, stopping at the last moment to stare her in the eyes. We stood there for a moment, before I burst out laughing and collapsed to the ground. She looked down at me, laughing and waving her main in my face.
Suddenly I felt the dirt by my head start to rise up. Something sharp jabbed me in my lower neck just a few heartbeats later, and I yelped in shock, and tried to twist over and out of the moving dirt’s way. Unicorn neighed in surprise, and quickly backed up, allowing me to roll over and leap to my feet. Just as I did, something furry landed on my tail, and I roared in ultra surprise. Already being surprised from the earth moving, this caught me completely off guard, even though I should’ve been expecting it. I saw something umber-colored emerge from the earth where I just was, and Unicorn shy away and look at me anxiously, but I ignored it as the creature on my tail began to speak. “That’s what you get for throwing dirt at me!” Angel Wolf said in her displeased sarcastic way, as I turned my head to look at her quizzically.
Without warning, I thrusted myself off of my back talons and leapt straight at Angel Wolf. My talons landed in the center of her chest, knocking her over and onto her back. Her head thumped on the earth loudly, her wings flared to her sides, and she looked up at me, shocked.
I smiled, standing over her, talons still pressed to her chest. “Dragon!” A booming voice growled from behind me.
I turned my head, and saw Clawed Basilisk glowering at me with disappointment. That’s what Unicorn was so anxious about. I sighed, and stepped off of Angel wolf without hesitation, turning to look down at him as I did. “Basilisk, lay off. We were just playing.” Angel Wolf growled in my defence, rolling over and to her feet to walk up and stand by me.
Clawed Basilisk turned to glare at her. “Maybe Dragon was.” Clawed Basilisk growled, pulling himself from the ground. He turned back to face me, letting his body coil under him, making him seem taller than us. “But that’s no excuse. Attacking Unicorn and then Angel Wolf?” I paused.
“She didn’t attack us, Basilisk. We attacked her and she was only playing along.” Angle Wolf growled.
I felt Gryphon walk up on my other side, quiet with his embarrassment until now. “What did she ever do to you, Basilisk? Why don’t you yell at one of us every once and awhile?”
A soft, but authoritative voice interrupted our stand off, and we all turned to face the source in shock. “You never get yelled at because you never did anything wrong.”
We all gasped and turned to face Fae, no smaller than one of our eyes, fluttering in from the denser forest. No one had the guts to stand up to our mother, even if she was smaller and a less powerful version of herself.
She landed gracefully on a large flower, looking up at us-no, just me with disgust. “Dragon, leave. Go back to the cave. You don’t deserve to be here as they all learn they’re powers.”
My wings dropped and my ears drooped down as she said this. Suddenly I felt weak. Powerless. But then, a surge of anger rose through me. No, not just anger, fire and anger, seeking to know the truth. “What did I ever do wrong, then? I didn’t do anything different from Angel Wolf! Or Unicorn! Or Basilisk! Why me, Fae? What did I do wrong?”
Clawed Basilisk stayed silent as I said this. Unicorn pawed the earth nervously, lowering her head as to not watch. Gryphon and Angel Wolf stood side-to-side with me, defending everything I had to say. I nodded to both of them thankfully, before walking away from their defencive hold and up to the flower Fae was standing on, bending down to look her right in her glowing, ice-blue eyes. She lifted her chin to me, and flared her wings. “I said leave.”
We glared at each other for a long moment. Her ice-blue eyes cutting into my clear, white eyes. They were demanding and authoritative, and drove me to look away and surrender after just a few heartbeats. “Fine,” I growled.
“Dragon-,” Angel Wolf started, raising her paw as to walk up to me, but I gave her a piercing look to be quiet. She cut herself off without another word.
I strode silently past the flower Fae was standing on, and walked a few steps back towards the denser forest. Then I hesitated, with one talon raised, and turned to look back, meeting Fae’s ice blue eyes that were staring after me without a hint of emotion. “Please tell me Fae, what did I do wrong?” I whispered eagerly with self-pity, without expecting for her to answer.
She stared at me for a long moment, as if debating whether to say anything. But to my surprise, she spoke. “You are of darkness. In your heart, stretching to your soul. You have no compassion for others. You’re destined to be evil, the evil among us. That’s why we cannot trust you. Even now, at this young age.”
I took a step back, shocked. Then I bared my teeth and growled, “I’m what you made me.” Before turning and bounding into the forest with the comforting darkness and shadows that allows me to disappear from Fae for a sunrise or two. That allows me to be alone, and think what I was just told over. To debate if I can change fate.
*~**~*
The air was cool and dark around me. But my breath was shallow and panicked, with thorns of fear pricking the edges. My head was lowered and my talons moved slowly, making no louder than a soft squelch. My wings were lowered and trailed behind my tail, hovering only claw-lengths above Clawed Basilisk’s soft earth. I had journeyed far into the land my siblings had yet to explore, and it was dark and unwelcoming. Twisted tendrils of Unicorn’s creation laid in the shadows of the spongy undergrowth. The twisted trees stretched far into Gryphon’s sky, the trunks fat and stiff.
My siblings had never explored this part of the forest before because was too dark, strange, and cold to be of their liking. So I never dared enter either, of fear that the cool air and no sun would changed me.
And I guess they’ve started to, in a way. My heart started to lighten as I traveled deeper into the murky forest. The caliginous shadows and tinny dappled patches of light started to make me feel at home. I felt as if I was part of my surroundings, my obsidian-black scales blending with the darkest niches, and my opal-white eyes like two large spots of sun shining through the trees above. I felt safe, admired, and respected. I felt as if I was apart of the aphotic forest. I felt needed. Like I was finally wanted, like the darkness and vines need me. Among the acrid air, and thick-trunked trees, I was home.
With each new step I felt more at ease. The fight with Fae slipped off my back with the vines as they carried away all my fears and worries, coiling up to the tops of the trees to let my worries burn out in the sunlight.
My talons sank into the soft material of the ground, which I realized was not earth, but spongy fungus. As I realized this, I also noticed a gap in the trees ahead. As I looked closer and approached the gap, I saw that the trees, which were tightly packed together behind me, fell away to a clearing in the middle of the forest. The trees outskirting the clearing curved inwards, their branches creating a sort of dome over the empty space. There was grass inside, silvery grass dappled with small patches of light. I curiously stepped through the barrier of thick tree trunks, and boldly wandered into the middle of the clearing. I looked up and saw with amazement that the branches were in fact weaved together. Like they grew together, like they were one. Twisting and folding, braiding and wrapping, to form a fern like layer over the clearing. Light shone through here and there, but besides that it was comfortably dark. I sat down calmly, and studied the branches more. The more I looked at it, the more it looked like the night sky. With spots of light that looked like small stars across the night sky.
Suddenly I felt one with my element. I felt the darkness in the air around me, I could sense the shadows of the trees and dark corners and wedges of rocks and plants. I closed my eyes, and suddenly I felt as if my brain had been catapulted into the sky. I saw an image of myself, calmly sitting on a layer of grass, with the wings spread to the darkness around her. I knew right then that I was about to learn my power by myself, with or without Fae, it was possible. I commanded my talon to lift lightly from the earth. I saw my own talon lift from the earth, then touch down lightly, with only the tips of the long claws reaching through the grass and to the earth. I watched in amazement as the ground started to part under my talons. Four small cracks barely the length of one claw. The cracks in the earth seemed normal, until a bubbling red liquid swelled from the cracks. I flung open my eyes and the vision of myself was cut off sharply. Instead I found that I was looking down on my own talons, and the mysterious bubbling liquid. I quickly drew my talon away, and studied the swelling liquid closer. I couldn’t quite place what it was, but it was somehow familiar. Reds and golds and blacks, drowsily churning and bubbling. Slowly it grew from out of the four small cracks in the earth, and in contact the grass wilted and burned to nothing more then, well nothing. That’s what it was, I realized with an agonised gasp. Magma. The death of all life, the opposite of mother.
I inherited the power of destruction.
I thought of this for a moment, watching the magma slowly grow larger and kill more. Then, without much thought, I reached out and touched it.
It was warm. Not boiling hot like Fae had told us, but a comfortable warm. It was almost, well, soft. Like a large talon-full of flowers. Melted flowers. It was actually sort of nice. But I knew I had to reverse it. I just didn’t think I could. It wasn’t my power to create life or new earth.
My power is destruction and darkness. Yes, darkness. In instinct, I closed my eyes again, feeling the warm magma start to swell around my talons. I saw only darkness fluttering under my eyelids, and little sparks of red from the light the magma gave off below. Instantly I sensed the darkness around me. And felt the thickness of the darkness itself in the air, in my skin and veins, in the trees and grass.
Then I heard it. A whispering sound, only a sound I knew and loved. “Hello Dragon…” It whispered in a voice cool and silky, threatening but friendly. I could sense it around me, in the air, the branches, the rocks and plants. I opened my eyes to the clearing, observing the darkest corners and niches around me. Opals of light against obsidian of dark. The magma boiled below me, making my black scales glimmer and shine.
“Hello Darkness.”
(December 17, 2016 - 11:18 pm)
Does this mean I shouldn't copy-edit your last post?
(December 18, 2016 - 9:46 pm)
Wowa, Admins, what's up with the font? And yes Vola?, plz do! It's just the first bit of editing I did instead of finsishing my english paper (ya I'm a procrastinater. You know, I should be finsishing it now with the xtra day I have cause of that huge car crash that I had to miss school for (dont ask) but you know what, whatever. I'll do it later)
*Cough* Famouse last words...
Oh, shut up Naax.
Anywho, ya plz edit it! I'd love your oppinyon!
I think I just fixed the font. I think the previous font was due to your copying and pasting from some other format. I changed it to Plain Text, then resubmitted it.
Admin
(December 19, 2016 - 6:12 pm)
Okay... I hope the crash wasn't bad and you get better soon. :)
Full-chapter copy-edit begin! Goku style! (XD I never watched that anime) (Also spoilers: THERE'S STILL SPELLING ERRORS D:) (Also it doesn't look edited... (disappointed and suspicious face) But then, I only glanced. I put the parts I talk about in italics now and insert comments directly after. Sorry about all the weirdness. Also sorry about the lack of praise and frequency of edits.)
Chapter 1
I bounded out of the cave excitedly. Dust scattered into the air as I made a sharp turn into the forest to the left of our cave. You don't need to state that you have a cave twice; "as I made a sharp left turn into the forest" works just as well. If you want to indicate that it's shared, you can replace the first "the" with "our". I let my wings flap in the wind and raised my chin see what I did there? to the fresh breeze that was slowly growing stronger can still be replaced with"grew stronger" if you want. as I gained speed. My tail flickered in the wind behind me, and I looked back at it with bubbling happiness. It looked like it had a mind of it’s "its" here for possessive; "it's" is a contraction meaning "it is". own! I turned my head back just in time to dodge a tree in my path. I leapt you forgot the 'a' over a log to the left of it, and almost tripped over a rock. Without losing speed, I stumbled over my large talons before gaining my balance again can be "regaining my balance" and racing into the thicker part of the jungle.
Ferns, vines, and branches whizzed by as I leapt rememberthe 'a'! through logs and over rocks. I opened my mouth to the wind and let my eyes close for a second.
It was only a second, but long enough not to see the large furn what is "furn"? Is it form, fern, or a plant you made up? right in front of me, step in the place where it would wrap around my clumsy claws, and land with a breath-knocking thump, chest first, on the cool earth. “Beat ya.” A silky, teasing voice announced from the trees.
I opened my eyes to see the blurry figure of a white creature standing a little ways into the forest. I puffed out a sigh and raised my snout a little bit can be excluded from the earth I was resting on to clearly see the purple-eyed face staring down at me. “I couldn’t say that I didn’t try.” I mumbled angrily, but still with an excited bounce in it. In what? Your voice?
“Why do we have to meet in the forest? My paws (plural; not possessive) will get all covered in dirt!” The familiar whiny voice put a smile to my face. But this time, it was just teasingly whiny. She is just as excited as we are.
I pushed myself up with my front talon, the one not covered in the plant, and reached back with my snout to untangle my other front talon from the furn. What is furn??? I clamped my jaws down on the sweet vine, and feeling the juices drip down my teeth and onto my tongue, snapped the thick vine. Replace with "it"? You can put 'thick' just before 'sweet' if you want. It fell apart in my jaws was *with a muffled crack, and I spit out the pieces of the vine and thick juice. Satisfied, I pushed myself up to a sitting position and looked up through the trees.
“Come on, Angel Wolf! We can’t always meet in the mountains! We take turns, you know!”
A piece of the vine was stuck between my two front teeth, and I reached up to dislodge it with my tongue. She snorted at my comment, but then her piercing black eyes appeared through the trees. She started laughing and couldn’t keep her stern look as she saw me struggling.
“What a fall that one was!” Unicorn trotted forward, nudging me playfully with her soft muzzle, taking my attention off of Angel Wolf for the moment. “I don’t think Gryphon’s fallen like that yet!” She neighed jokingly.
I turned to her with my tongue between my teeth and she snorted in muffled amusement, lowering her head to hide her amusement. I dislodged the vine bit and spit it out, the sweet acrid taste not pleasant. Maybe try "the acrid, unpleasant aftertaste remaining."?
Unicorn raised her head again, her smile wide and bright, traces of laughter wrinkled across her face. This makes her sound old. Is she old here? But before she could say anything, there was a crash and a yelp from the trees further down. We all looked over to see a large grey figure fall through the greenery above. It fell onto "landed on" might work better here. a branch, and after a moment of relief, started sliding off. It tried to grab onto the slick wood with it’s ITS, NOT IT IS talons, and I intriguingly Move and/or change; this wording indicates that it is you who is intriguing, not the wood. watched as the wood splintered up around it’s WHYYYYY talons from the deep gouges the claws had left in the wood. It’s THE BIGGEST PET PEEVE talons couldn’t catch on the wood, though, and they slid off with a yelp of alarm from the clumsy beast. The creature flailed its wings as it fell, reaching with its clumsy Sorry to have to say it, but this is redundant. Delete one 'clumsy'. talons for a vine or branch to stop its FINALLY IT'S CORRECT! fall with, but never seeming to get a good hold on the slick surfaces. After a heartbeat of falling, it gave up on catching onto something, and concluded Maybe replace with "resorted"? (please do) to flipping itself. I watched as the intriguing You've already said intriguing; perhaps describe its color, size or shape instead. creature squirmed in the air, trying to flip itself, but failed to do so. But I did see a vine wrap around its furry back paw without it knowing Could be "realizing". The vine tightened, and the creature bounced up with a shocked expression, talons scraping the air for the earth that was talons I like that 'talons' is used as a measurement, but it's a bit confusing. Maybe change to "inches" or "mere claw-lengths" away from its beak a moment ago. Gravity pulled it back down with a sharp ‘ping’ of the vine straining under its weight Still confusing; please change, but still holding. Bearly. *Barely. Also, giving this word its own line/paragraph might add more drama.
We all stoically watched the creature slowly spin in the air for a few heartbeats, shocked into staying silent. "shocked into silence" is a perfectly good phrase, quite able to replace this one. The creature itself was also too shocked to say a retort to his clumsiness.
Suddenly realizing what had happened, Not realizing so much as accepting the reality. You don't have to put that in there, but... I turned to Unicorn with a triumphant expression. “Correction,” I responded to Unicorn’s earlier statement, before turning to look at the grey-feathered creature and bounding over to him. Do you want to move this to after "Now he has"? You'd have to alter it a little, but it might be good. “Now he has.”
She laughed as I approached the resentful Gryphon, and I looked back to smile gleefully at her. As I did, my talons caught on a rock and I tripped forward. My wings flew forward Redundant; I'm sorry, but please change or delete one "forward". as I tried to catch myself, and the sharp claw on the joint of one Notice the absence of what used to be here. caught on the vine attached to Gryphon’s paw. I failed to catch myself though, and landed with a thump on my side. My tail flicked upwards, and my wings continued forwards to flop down at my sides. There was a yelp of warning from above, and I didn’t even have time to look up before Gryphon collapsed onto me. I yelped in shock and heard a familiar teasing laughter from above.
I sighed, then groaned. But then a smile crossed my jaws as I scooped a talon-full of dirt, and twisted so I could throw the flaky earth into the air. I heard a yelp from above and an angry gasp, and knew I had hit my target. “My fur! My beautiful fur! How could you!?” Angel wolf announced with a dramatic ‘I can’t believe you did this’ tone, but at the same time a little sarcastically.
I laughed, then tried to move, and found that I was stuck in this talon-raised, twisted position. I sighed and flicked my tail at gryphon’s beak. He snorted in surprise. “Alright, get off.” I murmured to him, waving my tail and trying to raise my wings, but as Gryphon is way heavier then me, failing.
He rolled off my back without another word and I slowly staggered to my feet. “And they’re tied in clumsiness!” Unicorn announced with an amused neigh.
I fake charged her, stopping at the last moment to stare her in the eyes. We stood there for a moment, before I burst out laughing and collapsed to the ground. She looked down at me, laughing and waving her main in my face.
Suddenly I felt the dirt by my head start to rise up. Something sharp jabbed me in my lower neck just a few heartbeats later, and I yelped in shock, and tried to twist over and out of the moving dirt’s way. Unicorn neighed in surprise, and quickly backed up, allowing me to roll over and leap to my feet. Just as I did, something furry landed on my tail, and I roared in ultra surprise. Already being surprised from the earth moving, this caught me completely off guard, even though I should’ve been expecting it. I saw something umber-colored emerge from the earth where I just was, and Unicorn shy away and look at me anxiously, but I ignored it as the creature on my tail began to speak. “That’s what you get for throwing dirt at me!” Angel Wolf said in her displeased sarcastic way, as I turned my head to look at her quizzically.
Without warning, I thrusted myself off of my back talons and leapt straight at Angel Wolf. My talons landed in the center of her chest, knocking her over and onto her back. Her head thumped on the earth loudly, her wings flared to her sides, and she looked up at me, shocked.
I smiled, standing over her, talons still pressed to her chest. “Dragon!” A booming voice growled from behind me.
I turned my head, and saw Clawed Basilisk glowering at me with disappointment. That’s what Unicorn was so anxious about. I sighed, and stepped off of Angel wolf without hesitation, turning to look down at him as I did. “Basilisk, lay off. We were just playing.” Angel Wolf growled in my defence, rolling over and to her feet to walk up and stand by me.
Clawed Basilisk turned to glare at her. “Maybe Dragon was.” Clawed Basilisk growled, pulling himself from the ground. He turned back to face me, letting his body coil under him, making him seem taller than us. “But that’s no excuse. Attacking Unicorn and then Angel Wolf?” I paused.
“She didn’t attack us, Basilisk. We attacked her and she was only playing along.” Angle Wolf growled.
I felt Gryphon walk up on my other side, quiet with his embarrassment until now. “What did she ever do to you, Basilisk? Why don’t you yell at one of us every once and awhile?”
A soft, but authoritative voice interrupted our stand off, and we all turned to face the source in shock. “You never get yelled at because you never did anything wrong.”
We all gasped and turned to face Fae, no smaller than one of our eyes, fluttering in from the denser forest. No one had the guts to stand up to our mother, even if she was smaller and a less powerful version of herself.
She landed gracefully on a large flower, looking up at us-no, just me with disgust. “Dragon, leave. Go back to the cave. You don’t deserve to be here as they all learn they’re powers.”
My wings dropped and my ears drooped down as she said this. Suddenly I felt weak. Powerless. But then, a surge of anger rose through me. No, not just anger, fire and anger, seeking to know the truth. “What did I ever do wrong, then? I didn’t do anything different from Angel Wolf! Or Unicorn! Or Basilisk! Why me, Fae? What did I do wrong?”
Clawed Basilisk stayed silent as I said this. Unicorn pawed the earth nervously, lowering her head as to not watch. Gryphon and Angel Wolf stood side-to-side with me, defending everything I had to say. I nodded to both of them thankfully, before walking away from their defencive hold and up to the flower Fae was standing on, bending down to look her right in her glowing, ice-blue eyes. She lifted her chin to me, and flared her wings. “I said leave.”
We glared at each other for a long moment. Her ice-blue eyes cutting into my clear, white eyes. They were demanding and authoritative, and drove me to look away and surrender after just a few heartbeats. “Fine,” I growled.
“Dragon-,” Angel Wolf started, raising her paw as to walk up to me, but I gave her a piercing look to be quiet. She cut herself off without another word.
I strode silently past the flower Fae was standing on, and walked a few steps back towards the denser forest. Then I hesitated, with one talon raised, and turned to look back, meeting Fae’s ice blue eyes that were staring after me without a hint of emotion. “Please tell me Fae, what did I do wrong?” I whispered eagerly with self-pity, without expecting for her to answer.
She stared at me for a long moment, as if debating whether to say anything. But to my surprise, she spoke. “You are of darkness. In your heart, stretching to your soul. You have no compassion for others. You’re destined to be evil, the evil among us. That’s why we cannot trust you. Even now, at this young age.”
I took a step back, shocked. Then I bared my teeth and growled, “I’m what you made me.” Before turning and bounding into the forest with the comforting darkness and shadows that allows me to disappear from Fae for a sunrise or two. That allows me to be alone, and think what I was just told over. To debate if I can change fate.
*~**~*
The air was cool and dark around me. But my breath was shallow and panicked, with thorns of fear pricking the edges. My head was lowered and my talons moved slowly, making no louder than a soft squelch. My wings were lowered and trailed behind my tail, hovering only claw-lengths above Clawed Basilisk’s soft earth. I had journeyed far into the land my siblings had yet to explore, and it was dark and unwelcoming. Twisted tendrils of Unicorn’s creation laid in the shadows of the spongy undergrowth. The twisted trees stretched far into Gryphon’s sky, the trunks fat and stiff.
My siblings had never explored this part of the forest before because was too dark, strange, and cold to be of their liking. So I never dared enter either, of fear that the cool air and no sun would changed me.
And I guess they’ve started to, in a way. My heart started to lighten as I traveled deeper into the murky forest. The caliginous shadows and tinny dappled patches of light started to make me feel at home. I felt as if I was part of my surroundings, my obsidian-black scales blending with the darkest niches, and my opal-white eyes like two large spots of sun shining through the trees above. I felt safe, admired, and respected. I felt as if I was apart of the aphotic forest. I felt needed. Like I was finally wanted, like the darkness and vines need me. Among the acrid air, and thick-trunked trees, I was home.
With each new step I felt more at ease. The fight with Fae slipped off my back with the vines as they carried away all my fears and worries, coiling up to the tops of the trees to let my worries burn out in the sunlight.
My talons sank into the soft material of the ground, which I realized was not earth, but spongy fungus. As I realized this, I also noticed a gap in the trees ahead. As I looked closer and approached the gap, I saw that the trees, which were tightly packed together behind me, fell away to a clearing in the middle of the forest. The trees outskirting the clearing curved inwards, their branches creating a sort of dome over the empty space. There was grass inside, silvery grass dappled with small patches of light. I curiously stepped through the barrier of thick tree trunks, and boldly wandered into the middle of the clearing. I looked up and saw with amazement that the branches were in fact weaved together. Like they grew together, like they were one. Twisting and folding, braiding and wrapping, to form a fern like layer over the clearing. Light shone through here and there, but besides that it was comfortably dark. I sat down calmly, and studied the branches more. The more I looked at it, the more it looked like the night sky. With spots of light that looked like small stars across the night sky.
Suddenly I felt one with my element. I felt the darkness in the air around me, I could sense the shadows of the trees and dark corners and wedges of rocks and plants. I closed my eyes, and suddenly I felt as if my brain had been catapulted into the sky. I saw an image of myself, calmly sitting on a layer of grass, with the wings spread to the darkness around her. I knew right then that I was about to learn my power by myself, with or without Fae, it was possible. I commanded my talon to lift lightly from the earth. I saw my own talon lift from the earth, then touch down lightly, with only the tips of the long claws reaching through the grass and to the earth. I watched in amazement as the ground started to part under my talons. Four small cracks barely the length of one claw. The cracks in the earth seemed normal, until a bubbling red liquid swelled from the cracks. I flung open my eyes and the vision of myself was cut off sharply. Instead I found that I was looking down on my own talons, and the mysterious bubbling liquid. I quickly drew my talon away, and studied the swelling liquid closer. I couldn’t quite place what it was, but it was somehow familiar. Reds and golds and blacks, drowsily churning and bubbling. Slowly it grew from out of the four small cracks in the earth, and in contact the grass wilted and burned to nothing more then, well nothing. That’s what it was, I realized with an agonised gasp. Magma. The death of all life, the opposite of mother.
I inherited the power of destruction.
I thought of this for a moment, watching the magma slowly grow larger and kill more. Then, without much thought, I reached out and touched it.
It was warm. Not boiling hot like Fae had told us, but a comfortable warm. It was almost, well, soft. Like a large talon-full of flowers. Melted flowers. It was actually sort of nice. But I knew I had to reverse it. I just didn’t think I could. It wasn’t my power to create life or new earth.
My power is destruction and darkness. Yes, darkness. In instinct, I closed my eyes again, feeling the warm magma start to swell around my talons. I saw only darkness fluttering under my eyelids, and little sparks of red from the light the magma gave off below. Instantly I sensed the darkness around me. And felt the thickness of the darkness itself in the air, in my skin and veins, in the trees and grass.
Then I heard it. A whispering sound, only a sound I knew and loved. “Hello Dragon…” It whispered in a voice cool and silky, threatening but friendly. I could sense it around me, in the air, the branches, the rocks and plants. I opened my eyes to the clearing, observing the darkest corners and niches around me. Opals of light against obsidian of dark. The magma boiled below me, making my black scales glimmer and shine.
“Hello Darkness.”
Oh no, I have to go, sorry, so sorry, I'll do the rest later.
(December 20, 2016 - 3:33 pm)
Whoa Viola, can you edit all my posts? JK, that's too much for anyone, not even an amazing somebody who offered to finish the "Story so Far" to help out the Admins and all the confused Chatterboxers out there. But I do need your kind of correcting, you're really good at this!!!! If it's not too much, can I ask for your help on a long thread that I might post in the future?
(December 20, 2016 - 8:23 pm)
Wow, Claaws! This is great! And your Copy-Editing is amazing Viola?! Do you mind maybe copy-editing a book I'm writing on the CB? It's in Inkwell, and it's called The Five Doors Series. My CB name is Leeli. It's funny, the main Charrie in my book is named Viola too!
(December 22, 2016 - 7:47 am)
You're right that I wouldn't be able to edit all of your posts, but I'll certainly help you with the thread. And thank you for the compliments. I don't know what to say!
(December 22, 2016 - 7:51 am)
Oh, nice! That's great! You caught literally everything! So, I took some of your sujestions, like, full on, while I took others and worded it differently. I'm still keepng the 'ping' though, it is staying FOREVER. Cause, if you listen to a vine straining under someone's weight, it goes 'ping' if you pull really hard and then let go so it bounces. Don't ask how I know this. I have cosusins. Crazyy cosuins...*stares off into space*
Here is the edited first part, hope you like! Its looking better and better! You should really be a profetional editer, you could make billions on that! And here's me, ripping you off for free...
Chapter 1
I bounded out of our home excitedly. Dust scattered into the air as I made a sharp turn into the forest to the left of the cave. I let my wings flap in the wind and raised my chin to the fresh breeze that slowly grew stronger as I gained speed. My tail flickered in the wind behind me, and I looked back at it with bubbling happiness. It looked like it had a mind of its own! I turned my head back just in time to dodge a tree in my path. I leapt over a log to the left of it, and almost tripped over a rock. Without losing speed, I stumbled over my large talons before gaining my balance again and racing into the thicker part of the jungle.
Ferns, vines, and branches whizzed by as I leapt through logs and over rocks. I opened my mouth to the wind and let my eyes close for a second.
It was only a second, but long enough not to see the large fern right in front of me, step in the place where it would wrap around my clumsy claws, and land with a breath-knocking thump, chest first, on the cool earth. “Beat ya.” A silky, teasing voice announced from the trees.
I opened my eyes to see the blurry figure of a white creature standing a little ways into the forest. I puffed out a sigh and raised my snout a bit from the earth I was resting on, to clearly see the purple-eyed face staring down at me. “I couldn’t say that I didn’t try.” I mumbled angrily, but still with an excited bounce in my voice.
“Why do we have to meet in the forest? My paws will get all covered in dirt!” The familiar whiny voice put a smile to my face. But this time, it was just teasingly whiny. She is just as excited as we are.
I pushed myself up with my front talon, the one not covered in the plant, and reached back with my snout to untangle my other front talon from the fern. I clamped my jaws down on the thick, sweet, vine-like stalk of the fern, and feeling the juices drip down my teeth and onto my tongue, snapped it. It fell apart in my jaws with a muffled crack, and I spat out the pieces of vine-like material and thick juices. Satisfied, I pushed myself up to a sitting position and looked up through the trees. “Come on, Angel Wolf! We can’t always meet in the mountains! We take turns, you know!”
A piece of the vine was stuck between my two front teeth, and I reached up to dislodge it with my tongue. She snorted at my comment, but then her piercing black eyes appeared through the trees. She started laughing and couldn’t keep her stern look as she saw me struggling. “What a fall that one was!” Unicorn trotted forward, nudging me playfully with her soft muzzle, taking my attention off of Angel Wolf for the moment. “I don’t think Gryphon’s fallen like that yet!” She neighed jokingly.
I turned to her with my tongue between my teeth and she snorted in muffled amusement, lowering her head to hide it. I dislodged the vine bit and spit it out, the acrid, unpleasant aftertaste remaining still.
Unicorn raised her head again, her smile wide and bright, traces of laughter wrinkled across her face. But before she could say anything, there was a crash and a yelp from the trees further down. We all looked over to see a large grey figure fall through the greenery above. It landed on a branch, and after a moment of relief, started sliding off. It tried to grab onto the slick wood with its talons, and I captivatingly watched as the wood splintered up around its talons from the deep gouges the claws had left in the wood. Its talons couldn’t catch on the wood, though, and they slid off with a yelp of alarm from the clumsy beast. The creature flailed its wings as it fell, reaching with its blundering talons for a vine or branch to stop its fall with, but never seeming to get a good hold on the slick surfaces. After a heartbeat of falling, it gave up on catching onto something, and resorted to flipping itself. I watched as the intriguing creature squirmed in the air, trying to flip itself, but failed to do so. But I did see a vine wrap around its furry back paw without it realizing. The vine tightened, and the creature bounced up with a shocked expression, talons scraping the air for the earth that was merely talon-lengths away from its beak a moment ago. Gravity pulled it back down with a sharp ‘ping’ of the vine straining under its weight, but still holding. Bearly.
We all stoically watched the creature slowly spin in the air for a few heartbeats, shocked into silence. The creature itself was also too shocked to say a retort to his clumsiness.
Suddenly processing what had happened, I turned to Unicorn with a triumphant expression. “Correction,” I responded to Unicorn’s earlier statement. “Now he has.”
I turned to look at the grey-feathered creature and bounded over to him as I finished speaking. Unicorn laughed as I approached the resentful Gryphon, and I looked back to smile gleefully at her. As I did, my talons caught on a rock and I tripped vanward. My wings flew forward as I tried to catch myself, and the sharp claw on the joint of one caught on the vine attached to Gryphon’s paw. I failed to catch myself though, and landed with a thump on my side. My tail flicked upwards, and my wings continued forwards to flop down at my sides. There was a yelp of warning from above, and I didn’t even have time to look up before Gryphon collapsed onto me. I yelped in shock, and heard a familiarly teasing laugh from above.
I think thats about where you left off. I think. About. Maybe.
(December 22, 2016 - 12:35 am)
Thanks! I don't actually mind the 'ping' at all, it's just that it happens after the weight is released, and you have it where the vine is still holding. Creaks as it strains, 'ping's when it snaps.
I never thought about being an editor... People always told me I should be an artist. Maybe I can be both? And don't worry about ripping me off. I'm just an amateur, so you don't have to pay me unless you want to and can.
Yes, that's where I left off, so I'll continue from there. I hope you don't mind me doing it this way.
I sighed, then groaned. But then a smile crossed my jaws as I scooped a talon-full of dirt, and twisted so I could throw the flaky earth into the air. I heard a yelp from above and an angry gasp, and knew I had hit my target. “My fur! My beautiful fur! How could you!?” Angel Wolf announced Doesn't quite fit; maybe try something like exclaimed? with a dramatic ‘I can’t believe you did this’ tone, but at the same time a little sarcastically.
I laughed, then tried to move, and found that I was stuck in this talon-raised, twisted position. I sighed and flicked my tail at Gryphon’s beak. He snorted in surprise. “Alright, get off,” I murmured to him, waving my tail and trying to raise my wings, but as Gryphon is way heavier then me, failing. failed, past tense. Tenses have to match! He rolled off my back without another word, and I slowly staggered to my feet.
“And they’re tied in clumsiness!” Unicorn announced with an amused neigh.
I fake-charged her, stopping at the last moment to stare her in the eyes. We stood there for a moment, before I burst out laughing and collapsed to the ground. She looked down at me, laughing and waving her mane in my face.
Suddenly, I felt the dirt by my head start to rise up. Something sharp jabbed me in my lower neck just a few heartbeats later, and I yelped in shock, and tried to twist over and out of the moving dirt’s way. Unicorn neighed in surprise and quickly backed up, allowing me to roll over and leap to my feet. Just as I did, something furry landed on my tail, and I roared in ultra-surprise. Already being surprised from the earth moving, could be "Already surprised from the earth moving" or "Already having been surprised from the moving earth", maybe rephrase the whole sentence to something like "Although the earth moving should have led me to expect it, this caught me completely off guard". Some version of one of the three, please. this caught me completely off guard, even though I should’ve been expecting it. I saw something umber-colored emerge from the earth could be replaced with "ground" where I had just been, and Unicorn shy away and look at me anxiously, but I ignored it as the creature on my tail began to speak.
“That’s what you get for throwing dirt at me!” Angel Wolf said in her displeased, sarcastic way, as I turned my head to look at her quizzically.
Without warning, I thrusted myself off of my back talons and leapt straight at Angel Wolf. My talons replace with either "front talons" or "claws", please landed in the center of her chest, knocking her over and onto her back. Her head thumped on the earth loudly, her wings flared to her sides, and she looked up at me, shocked.
I smiled, standing over her, talons still pressed to her chest. “Dragon!” A booming voice growled from behind me.
I turned my head, and saw Clawed Basilisk glowering at me with disappointment. That’s what Unicorn was so anxious about. I sighed, and stepped off of Angel wolf without hesitation, turning to look down at him as I did.
“Basilisk, lay off. We were just playing.” Angel Wolf growled in my defence, rolling over and to her feet to walk up and stand by me.
Clawed Basilisk turned to glare at her. “Maybe Dragon was.” Clawed Basilisk Just "he" will do. growled, pulling himself from the ground. He turned back to face me, letting his body coil under him, making him seem taller than us. “But that’s no excuse. Attacking Unicorn and then Angel Wolf?” I paused.
“She didn’t attack us, Basilisk. We attacked her, and she was only playing along.” Angel Wolf growled.
I felt Gryphon walk up on my other side, quiet with his embarrassment until now. “What did she ever do to you, Basilisk? Why don’t you yell at one of us every once and awhile?”
A soft, but authoritative voice interrupted our standoff, and we all turned to face the source in shock. “You never get yelled at because you never did anything wrong.”
We all gasped and turned to face Fae, no smaller than one of our eyes, fluttering in from the denser forest. No one had the guts to stand up to our mother, even if she was smaller and a less powerful version of herself.
She landed gracefully on a large flower, looking up at us-no, just me with disgust. “Dragon, leave. Go back to the cave. You don’t deserve to be here as they all learn their powers.”
My wings dropped and my ears drooped down as she said this. Suddenly I felt weak. Powerless. But then, a surge of anger rose through me. No, not just anger, fire and anger, seeking to know the truth. Other possible phrasings include: "A desire to know the truth", "A raging sense of justice that demanded to know the truth", and "A burning passion seeking/desiring to know the truth".
“What did I ever do wrong, then? I didn’t do anything different from Angel Wolf! Or Unicorn! Or Basilisk! Why me, Fae? What did I do wrong?”
Clawed Basilisk stayed silent as I said this. Unicorn pawed the earth nervously, lowering her head as to not watch. Gryphon and Angel Wolf stood side-to-side with me, defending everything I had to say. I nodded to both of them thankfully, before walking away from their defensive hold and up to the flower Fae was standing on, bending down to look her right in her glowing eyes. She lifted her chin to me, and flared her wings.
“I said leave.” You can add extra punctuation here if you want, to further emphasize the words; something like " 'I. Said. Leave' " or " 'I-said-leave' " or " 'I said, leave' " with 'said' and/or 'leave' in italics or bold.
We glared at each other for a long moment. Her ice-blue stare cutting into my clear white one. They were demanding and authoritative, and drove me to look away and surrender after just a few heartbeats.
“Fine,” I growled.
“Dragon-,” Angel Wolf started, raising her paw as to walk up to me, but I gave her a piercing look Insert "saying" or "telling her" here? to be quiet. She cut herself off without another word.
I strode silently past the flower Fae was standing on, and walked a few steps back towards the denser forest. Then I hesitated, with one talon raised, and turned to look back, meeting Fae’s ice blue eyes, which were staring after me without a hint of emotion.
“Please tell me, Fae, what did I do wrong?” I whispered eagerly with self-pity, These two emotions don't go together. Try replacing "eagerly" with something like "softly", "quietly", or "emphatically", or just deleting it without a substitute. without expecting for her to answer.
She stared at me for a long moment, as if debating whether to say anything. But to my surprise, she spoke.
“You are of darkness. In your heart, stretching to your soul. You have no compassion for others. You’re destined to be evil, the evil among us. That’s why we cannot trust you. Even now, at this young age.”
I took a step back, shocked. Then I bared my teeth and growled, “I’m what you made me,” before turning and bounding into the forest with its comforting darkness and shadows that allow me to disappear from Fae for a sunrise or two. That lets me be alone, and to think about what I was just told over. Can be deleted. To debate if I can change fate.
*~**~*
The air was cool and dark around me, but my breath was shallow and panicked, with thorns of fear pricking the edges. My head was lowered and my talons moved slowly, making no louder than a soft squelch. My wings were lowered and trailed behind my tail, hovering only claw-lengths above Clawed Basilisk’s soft earth. I had journeyed far into the land my siblings had yet to explore, and it was dark and unwelcoming. Twisted tendrils of Unicorn’s creation laid in the shadows of the spongy undergrowth. The twisted trees stretched far into Gryphon’s sky, their trunks fat and stiff.
My siblings had never explored this part of the forest before because was too dark, strange, and cold to be of their liking. So I never dared enter either, out of fear that the cool air and no sun would changed me.
And I guess they’ve started to, in a way. My heart started to lighten as I traveled deeper into the murky forest. The caliginous shadows and tinny dappled patches of light started to make me feel at home. I felt as if I was part of my surroundings, my obsidian-black scales blending with the darkest niches, and my opal-white eyes like two large spots of sun shining through the trees above. I felt safe, admired, and respected. I felt as if I was apart of the aphotic forest. I felt needed. Like I was finally wanted, like the darkness and vines need me. Among the acrid air, and thick-trunked trees, I was home.
With each new step I felt more at ease. The fight with Fae slipped off my back with the vines as they carried away all my fears and worries, coiling up to the tops of the trees to let my worries burn out in the sunlight.
My talons sank into the soft material of the ground, which I realized was not earth, but spongy fungus. As I realized this, I also noticed a gap in the trees ahead. As I looked closer and approached the gap, I saw that the trees, which were tightly packed together behind me, fell away to a clearing in the middle of the forest. The trees outskirting the clearing curved inwards, their branches creating a sort of dome over the empty space. There was grass inside, silvery grass dappled with small patches of light. I curiously stepped through the barrier of thick tree trunks, and boldly wandered into the middle of the clearing. I looked up and saw with amazement that the branches were in fact weaved together. Like they grew together, like they were one. Twisting and folding, braiding and wrapping, to form a fern like layer over the clearing. Light shone through here and there, but besides that it was comfortably dark. I sat down calmly, and studied the branches more. The more I looked at it, the more it looked like the night sky. With spots of light that looked like small stars across the night sky.
Suddenly I felt one with my element. I felt the darkness in the air around me, I could sense the shadows of the trees and dark corners and wedges of rocks and plants. I closed my eyes, and suddenly I felt as if my brain had been catapulted into the sky. I saw an image of myself, calmly sitting on a layer of grass, with the wings spread to the darkness around her. I knew right then that I was about to learn my power by myself, with or without Fae, it was possible. I commanded my talon to lift lightly from the earth. I saw my own talon lift from the earth, then touch down lightly, with only the tips of the long claws reaching through the grass and to the earth. I watched in amazement as the ground started to part under my talons. Four small cracks barely the length of one claw. The cracks in the earth seemed normal, until a bubbling red liquid swelled from the cracks. I flung open my eyes and the vision of myself was cut off sharply. Instead I found that I was looking down on my own talons, and the mysterious bubbling liquid. I quickly drew my talon away, and studied the swelling liquid closer. I couldn’t quite place what it was, but it was somehow familiar. Reds and golds and blacks, drowsily churning and bubbling. Slowly it grew from out of the four small cracks in the earth, and in contact the grass wilted and burned to nothing more then, well nothing. That’s what it was, I realized with an agonised gasp. Magma. The death of all life, the opposite of mother.
I inherited the power of destruction.
I thought of this for a moment, watching the magma slowly grow larger and kill more. Then, without much thought, I reached out and touched it.
It was warm. Not boiling hot like Fae had told us, but a comfortable warm. It was almost, well, soft. Like a large talon-full of flowers. Melted flowers. It was actually sort of nice. But I knew I had to reverse it. I just didn’t think I could. It wasn’t my power to create life or new earth.
My power is destruction and darkness. Yes, darkness. In instinct, I closed my eyes again, feeling the warm magma start to swell around my talons. I saw only darkness fluttering under my eyelids, and little sparks of red from the light the magma gave off below. Instantly I sensed the darkness around me. And felt the thickness of the darkness itself in the air, in my skin and veins, in the trees and grass.
Then I heard it. A whispering sound, only a sound I knew and loved. “Hello Dragon…” It whispered in a voice cool and silky, threatening but friendly. I could sense it around me, in the air, the branches, the rocks and plants. I opened my eyes to the clearing, observing the darkest corners and niches around me. Opals of light against obsidian of dark. The magma boiled below me, making my black scales glimmer and shine.
“Hello Darkness.”
Agh, have to go AGAIN
(December 23, 2016 - 3:33 pm)