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Prologue:
The cold ache of the ocean twisted and slithered through Mariano’s veins, infiltrating every crevice of his body as the current pulled him down, rendering his limbs numb, stiff and ultimately useless. This wasn’t supposed to have been what happened. ‘That doesn’t matter anymore, though.’ he thought, the darkness of the ever-deepening water colouring him a deep blue, then black, until he was no more. He couldn’t fight any longer. It was over. The saltwater stung his nose and throat, heart beating desperately, bleeding energy into the abyss until the tides lulled it into a barely-present thrum. Mariano stopped struggling. It was all over.
Meanwhile, it was a big day for Angelique. She was to be officially recognised as heir to the katash¹ of all of Merouge, the sole ruler and master of the waves. Despite her characteristically calm demeanour, nothing could hide the spark of excitement within her. All the angri² of hard training and constant studying and navigating treacherous mind-games would finally pay off. Her younger brother Charles-Danté peered around the corner into her vahtor³ and leaned against the vadishe⁴, smiling affectionately. The makayavri⁵ had been meticulous in encrusting her scales in the finest of gemstones and draping her in expensive fabrics interwoven with rare plants, even painting her in katyavima⁶ befitting of the First Katarva⁷. She was beautiful; even more beautiful than usual, but petite compared to Charles-Danté, although she was a full angri and a half older than him. The Maka-katyiva⁸ was finishing up the final touches with her when she noticed her brother had sauntered into the room.
“Brother!” She exclaimed, waving away the Makakatyiva.
“Angelique,” he then smoothly added, “Your Majesty, first heir and Katarva to the katash of Merouge” with a bow.
“Charle, you know that’s not true yet! Do you mean to jinx my coronation?” She laughingly teased. He shrugged sheepishly, seemingly embarrassed.
“I would never. And it may as well be true by now, after all the effort you’ve poured into it. I-” He paused, overcome with emotion, “I’m truly proud of you, sister.”
Angelique smiled softly, placing a fin over his shoulders.
“Thank you, brother.” Charles-Danté nodded, squeezing her fin meaningfully.
“I wish you the best, Angelique. As I always have. Please lead our dear Merouge well.” His voice dropped down to a whisper; “I will always serve you and these people, to the very best of my ability."
“As will I.”
Charles-Danté laughed, “But dear sister, do put the people and yourself before me. Has one ever heard of a Katarva whose brother was to sit upon the katash? Not in this lifetime will I ever.”
Angelique shook her head, amused. “Very well then, brother. I will take your wishes into consideration.”
And so it was, Angelique declared the next Katarva. However, little did she suspect that within the very first meshtamra⁹ of her rule, a situation that would eventually pose a dire threat to the Katarvarate would be encountered.
^^^^^
¹ - Comparable to the concept of a throne
² - Comparable to a year, 12 moon-cycles
³ - A chamber, particularly of an underwater structure
⁴ - The “doorway”/opening of a chamber leading into the rest of the structure. Similar to doorposts or a doorframe
⁵ - Comparable to maids/servants of the royal family, particularly the ruler
⁶ - A special ceremonial type of pigment, most often used in ‘coronation’ ceremonies
⁷ - Comparable to a King/Emperor, usually female though
⁸ - Similar to a Royal Advisor/Chief Vizier, performs the katyavima ritual
⁹ - Comparable to a month, a twelfth of an angri, 48 tide reversals each
¹⁰ - Like a Caliphate (Calif → Caliphate; Katarva → Katarvarate)
~~~~~~~~~~
submitted by Jaybells, age Obscure, Lost in the Universe
(February 3, 2024 - 1:49 pm)
(February 3, 2024 - 1:49 pm)
Oh that was good but how did you yet the numbers little. I've tried so many times and never gotten them like that.
(February 3, 2024 - 5:43 pm)
I looked up superscript numbers, got a website which had them and then copy+pasted. :)
(February 3, 2024 - 6:18 pm)
I actually have 10 more pages of this story written down in a notebook (~5 chapters), so now I just have to type them out and edit them a little, in case anyone's wondering. I'll try to post as consistently as possible this time. Hope you all enjoy this, and if you do, wish me luck! :D
(February 3, 2024 - 6:22 pm)
hi, Jay :D I've missed seeing you around...
this is very intriguing and I'm in awe of your worldbuilding, as always—looking forward to reading more!!
(February 3, 2024 - 8:17 pm)
I am seriously in awe of your worldbuilding :0
(February 4, 2024 - 2:28 am)
Ooh, interesting! I absolutely love the way you use words from Merouge instead of just putting everything in English, it makes it seem so much more authentic and vivid. (Were you inspired by Hindi...? The words kind of remind me of the sound of Indian languages.) Your writing is really good too - your style and voice are still the same, but I think they've developed a lot. The dialogue is my favorite part :) I'm not altogether sure if Charles-Dante is trustworthy?
Anyway, I'll read more of this if you'd like to post! I feel like I should specify that because I'm very sensitive/empathetic, I probably won't read any parts that involve violence or extreme dark themes. I'm sorry about that, but I just don't handle it very well. But I'd love to keep reading the rest of this anyway!
(February 4, 2024 - 9:23 am)
I was indeed inspired by Indian languages when creating a lot of words for the subaquatics! My idea is that similar to the real world, where French kind of took over England for a bit (less in a colonial way and more like conquering a neighbor for a while), which is where English gets so many words from, especially more "high-class" words, since the royalty and nobility were French, while the majority of mid-to-low classes were more English-based; Merouge is now ruled by a different group (culturally and ethnically) conpared to when the words were originally coined (in the more high-class, Indian-inspired language of the long past), leading to some dissonance there.
You'll see this a little more in the coming chapters, but Merouge is not a homogeneous society/Katarvarate. Neither linguistic-culturally nor literally, with there being a diverse spread of races/species that populate it. The current regime, lead by Angelique, is rather French-inspired and based mostly on the elite Merlasians (what Angelique/Charles-Danté are), whereas some races/ethnic groups are more culturally and physically tied to the areas the higher-class now inhabit (basically fantasy gentrification :D). It'll all become more clearer as more of the story unfolds (I'm trying not to give spoilers, lol).
Hehe, you'll see about the drama with Charles~ And I don't plan on getting too terribly dark/violent (I don't enjoy that either), just so you know. I doubt that would get along well on here even if I did plan to. There will be passing mentions of things like war/torture/dark pasts etc., but I do not intend to go into detail at all about that. It's simply not that kind of story. I've got some queer fluff planned out as well as some relatively light-hearted adventure/intrigue coming up soon. Of course, I'll shed light on some morally grey/questionable things, as I tend to do, but that is the extent of it. Basically, I won't get much darker than a Zelda (Nintendo) game. :)
(February 4, 2024 - 10:43 am)
Thank you for all the support you've shown already, all! It means so much to me.
I do plan to release Chapter 1 later today and work ahead on the story, so stick around frendies~
(February 4, 2024 - 12:10 pm)
:00000
I love the way the measurements of time are ride and moon based, as would be realistic in an ocean kingdom.
I'd also like to give a word of advice, if you don't mind. Beware of putting in too many story-specific words and phrases---it's certainly a distinctive creative choice you are free to make, but you want to be careful while doing it. Use too many, and the reader will forget most of them, and become confused and tired of too many unfamiliar words. I also think it's best to avoid unnecessary ones, or ones that you won't use more than once---like "vadishe," for example. It pretty much means "doorway" or "doorpost," and leaves your readers wondering why you couldn't have just said that. A lot of your words don't have this problem. Take "katarvarate," for example. There's no easy English translation for this, and it definitely benefits from having its own word. Many of your words are somewhere in the middle---"angri" could go either way, as you could say "lunar year" or something like that, but angri is more specific. In your position, I'd try to cut out several of the more unnecessary ones, but you aren't me and it's your choice to make---it's an excellent story either way. Anyways, just something to think about.
Plus Admins may find it tedious to have too many unknown words explained in footnotes.
Admin
(February 4, 2024 - 1:45 pm)
Mn, this is a good point; thanks for that. I definitely do struggle with knowing when to use either generic/specific words, and have been looking out for that. My thought process was initially indeed to use the more generic term, however, in my head, there was a dissonance in the fact that seeing as the doorways, for instance, can be more 3D (due to the fact that moving through water provides more versatility)and doesn't have a nice word since it's a mixture of doorway and porthole plus has religious/cultural symbolism in here. I wasn't sure if I should include the specific word or not; same idea with chambers (although I think just calling them chambers may be alright) and time measures. I definitely agree that it may be too many new words to parse through, and for what? I actually started limiting myself to fewer footnote words in the later chapters I have typed out to try to mitigate this issue, but kind of avoided that ultimate problem; I'll be a lot more mindful moving forward (please let me know if there is anything distracting like that again, specific or general). Again, thanks for pointing that out and bringing attention to that, it's a little tricky to know when the situation calls for a more specific word/description (at least for me, since I build a whole world but only get to show of small glimpses of it) and I hadn't considered just how distracting it could be. I really appreciate critique like this, especially earlier in the writing process, so thank you for chipping in Scuttles!
(February 4, 2024 - 5:57 pm)
You're welcome :)
(February 5, 2024 - 8:13 am)
ok
Chapter 1:
It was early in the farijaba¹ when they found* it — the strange thing with no gills or blowhole or fins or hardscales. Too large to be a fish or seal, too small to be a Merlasian or baby whale, with smooth skin, two sets of bending arms, and a tuft of strangely-shrivelled baleen on the wrong side of its head. They figured it must have been a discarded malformed infant of a Sorovinyat species or a badly tortured individual. Either way, they pitied the poor thing and cautiously carried it from the Depths, where the sun never reached, to the Makashtika² (Imperiace) where the makavyarush³ could inspect it. It was not in good shape. Indeed, perhaps it was no longer alive at all.
Everything felt cold and dark and grey when Mariano came to. He found his back catching on something prickly when he tried to sit up. His lungs still burnt, throat and chest achy, and a dull ringing throbbed through his head. The pain made him want to curl in on himself and vanish from the vodish⁴-forsaken place. He reached up to rub his bleary eyes and winced at the pain in his arms, all scratched up and sore. Eyes stinging, he closed them again, inhaling deeply, trying to force air into lungs. All he ended up doing was choking harshly on water, bubbles bursting from his lips and making his vision darken once more. For a moment he struggled to breathe, until he heard something — a low din vibrated against his skull, coming from close by. He instinctively flinched, pressing himself flat as possible upon the head of coral he lay across, prepared for a conflict with whoever, or whatever, was approaching. A large group of flippered-people burst through the vadishe and spilled into the dim vahtor, graceful necks tilted and mouths wide open in inquisitiveness. They circled about him like a hoard of sharks around a wounded creature. He traced their dull forms with his eyes until another group slipped in, grabbing his attention. Indeed, despite appearing bland in colour from afar, now that they were closer up he could see their bright colours⁵. Particularly one figure in the front-centre was adorned in stones and blazing white fabric that flashed in the low light of the chamber. She was mostly a soft light blue with deeper purple and red patches, as well as luminescent and gold patterns woven through her tail. It was Angelique and her entourage of makavyarush, makayavri and makasavrana⁶. They looked thrilled when the specimen stirred. Mariano still felt like a wet noodle and could not even prop himself up, on the other hand. He still was struggling to breath, could hardly see and it felt like his head was going to explode. The situation hardly made any sense, either. Merpeople? And a whole court full of them? Simply put, it did not make much sense at all.
Anyhow, Mariano looked up at the lavishly-dressed one and slowly opened his mouth. All that came out was a choked gurgle. The merpeople seemed taken aback, and Angelique’s face furrowed in perplexion. She quickly waved forward a pair of makavyarush³ who gaped at Mariano for a moment before whipping out a slab of stone each and hurriedly carving symbols into them. Angelique finally spoke:
“Hello strange traveller. It is a pleasure to meet you.”
^^^^^
* found with sasraki, or the “second sight” that many Merlasians and even some Sorovinyat races have. It can function without the presence of light, meaning that an entirely dark environment can be easily parsed by individuals with this ability, and some have even lost their sight due to such a heavy reliance sasraki.
¹ - first tide-reversal of the day
² - Comparable to a Castle/Royal City; a palace surrounded by a self-sufficient community of people important to the welfare of the Katarvarate
³ - Royal Scientists/Researchers (often reside or work within the Makashtika)
⁴ - Comparable to a god(ess)/deity
⁵ - This is actually a real phenomenon where water particles ‘diffuse’ colours, making an object far away look plain greyish-blue when it could actually be very colourful
⁶ - Armed guards of the royal family, particularly the Katarva; similar to worker-bees in function
~~~~~~~~~~
Hey all, do let me know if there is anything you think I could improve! As always, I'd love to hear what you all think of this next chapter. I still have a few more chapters ready to post (we're only on page 3 of my notebook out of 11), and I plan to start getting going on the 12th page as soon as I can.
(February 5, 2024 - 8:43 am)
:0 another wonderful part. I love the inclusion of the color diffusion---i generally love realism and realistic stuff in fantasy. did you know that warm colors like red and orange diffuse faster than cool colors? So purple and blue are visible further away than red or orange.
(February 5, 2024 - 3:02 pm)
Yeah! I knew I had to include that in here! :D
For anyone who doesn't know, this is actually why there are so many brightly-coloured fish, particularly in coral reefs, whereas on land it's usually only poisonous animals that are striking in colour. Colour diffusion from the water actually makes those bright reds yellows and oranges skew more blue from a distance, so up close they're colourful for communication, but at the distance predators tend to hunt at, they appear to blend in with the coral/texture of their surroundings. Yeah, science!
(February 5, 2024 - 8:30 pm)
I'm planning on putting chapter 2 up after I'm done with work today! Just a heads up!
(February 10, 2024 - 8:16 pm)