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The Best of the Worst Contest
Basically this is the Edward Bulwer-Lytton contest (the person who coined "It was a dark and stormy night."), but CB version. The point of this is to write the best worst first sentence you can think of. To accomplish this, you can do things like go on tangents, add unnecessary information (or misinformation), write purple prose, write clichés (hence the name of the contest), or more. I highly recommend reading some entries on the contest's website for 2022 winners (though in a few days, the 2023 winners will be out) to see what is happening. Be as ridiculous and creative as you can! The deadline is Aug 28, two weeks from now, and the prompt is fairytale. Have fun!
submitted by CelineBurning Bright, age Contest, A dark and stormy night
(August 14, 2023 - 4:46 pm)
(August 14, 2023 - 4:46 pm)
Wow, sounds interesting!
Edna was a rather peculiar young lady who lived in a rather conventional metropolis whose head was consistently without exception completely enshrouded in oodles of novels that frequently planted rather unusual fantasies of being in a fairy tale, which many habitually ridiculed, yet little did they know, one fateful dark and stormy night, Edna brings to light a life-changing discovery that she was the thirty-seventh cousin of the long lost princess of Atlantis.
(August 14, 2023 - 6:24 pm)
Sorry, update: Bulwer-Lytton may not have even coined the line, like I previously said. The contest was just named after him, and by the time ppl realized, it was too late.
(August 14, 2023 - 6:45 pm)
And just making this clear, still has to be grammatical and stuff.
(August 14, 2023 - 9:32 pm)
sounds fun! here's my entry!
It was a dim and relatively rainy afternoon; the drizzle was leaving small polka dots on Little Red’s red cloak — she was nothing if not incredibly on-brand — as she hopped on her bright red scooter and sped off through the Enchanted Forest with the pizza she was supposed to be delivering to an old woman who apparently had an affinity for cottages in inconvenient locations, and with no knowledge of the sorts of creatures in the woods who might like to eat a red-cloaked pizza delivery girl such as herself.
(August 15, 2023 - 7:37 am)
Well, this is a long story, and every long story needs a long first sentance, so, once upon a time, there was a woman named Hazel, who loved hazelnuts, but that wasn't really importaint, no matter, anyway, Hazel was a baker and would bake just about anything, cakes, cookies, bread, shoes, it didn't matter to her, but that doesn't mater, anyway, Hazel had a daughter, named Willow, who delivered cakes, cookies, and shoes, to anyone who needed them, but neither Willow nor Hazel are importaint to the story, someone else is, the one they deliver to, anyway, one day, Hazel got an order for chocolate cake, and Willow quickly delivered it, but that didn't matter, really, then, they got an order for cookies, and they delivered that too, if a bit more slowly, but that still doesn't matter, soon though, they got an order for lemon loaf, and they brought it over, they knocked on the door, and a woman in a blue hood came out, this woman had a knife at her belt, and looked very cool, and she said; "Oh! Thank you, Red'll love this!", the woman then took the loaf, paied the price, then walked away, calling out for Red... and the woman, Blue, is the one that this story's truely about, it's about what happened to Blue... and when she finally found her home.
(OH BOY THAT WAS HARD!)
(August 15, 2023 - 5:54 pm)
As you all should know, Cinderella was a beautiful young lady, who was worked hard by stepmother and sisters. She loved animals, and had small feet. You should also know that her sisters prevented her from going to a ball, so her fairy godmother showed up, and Cinderella went to the ball in a beautiful dress and glass slippers. And she danced with the prince and fell in love with him and he with her. Then at midnight she ran away, leaving only a glass slipper behind. Then the prince vowed to marry the person who's foot fit the little glass slipper.
Isa was a small woman, with short blond hair and blue eyes. she had, in fact, not been to the ball, for she already had a love, although her love didn't know it yet. but as she was in her garden, the morning after the ball, a royal carrige pulled up, and out hopped the duke and footman.
"good day," the duke said, approaching Isa. "we are instructed to have all elegible young woman to try on this glass slipper, and if it fits, that lady will marry the prince."
"Oh!" Isa shook her head. "But I didn't even go-"
"If you could put your right foot in the slipper," the duke interupted Isa.
The footman bent and made to put the slipper on, but she jerked her foot up, rubbing the shoes that were already on. "I didn't go to the ball! I already have my heart set-"
"Yes, yes, now remove your shoe." said the duke, looking impatient.
The footman yanked the shoe off rudely, and then tried to put the slipper on. "Please!" Isa said, drawing her legs up. "I wasn't at the ball last night!"
"then this shouldn't be a problem!" the duke was exasperated. "we need to, wether you went or not. I'd hate to lie to the king."
"Ugh, fine." Isa rolled her eyes, and put her foot out. the footman slipper the shoe on her foot.
"it fits perfectly!" he exclaimed.
The duke look astonished, then reproahful. "you mustn't tell such lies, my dear. Don't you want to marry the prince?"
"no!" gasped Isa, shocked that this was happening.
"no that I think, you do look like the girl last night. blond hair, blue eyes. Wonderful! the prince will be pleased. to the carriage, if you will." the duke started to stride away, the footman removed the slipper, and put the shoe back on.
"but-but- I-it isn't-" Isa protested helplessly. she bowed her head and followed the two men. surely the prince would see sense that she was not the girl they were looking for?
Wrong. "we shall have our wedding at once!" the prince swooped Isa up in his arms. "tell me your name."
"I'm Isa, and I didn't go to the ball last night! you have the wrong person!"
"We will invite everyone in the kingdom," the prince ignored her last part. "Isa, my love. Come! we must plan!"
Isa was married (quite unwillingly) to the prince, while Cinderella flirted with her actual love during the wedding. Fate is certaintly cruel.
(that wasn't really funny or anything, but I've always wondered, what if the slipper fit someone who looked like Cinderella before they got to her house?)
(August 21, 2023 - 2:43 pm)
Why this won't stay one the front page I don't know...
(August 23, 2023 - 7:21 pm)
Most elderly men have strong opinions, and I am one of them, so I am going to tell you about my lousy neighbor and her lousy cat and that has lousy lice (I am convinced that cat is more lice than cat, but as long as I am allergic to cats it shouldn't matter), and how that old lady (Named Louise by the way), took over the entire nation of tomato production, ruined the Campell Soup Company, and also managed to run over my garden with the back of her lousy fire engine red truck.
(August 25, 2023 - 4:09 pm)
(August 28, 2023 - 7:30 pm)
Ackk, sorry!! Forgot about this! Eek, ok, judging. Everyone's was really lovely to read, so I want to start with a sincere congratulations and good (or bad?) job to everyone!
Dishonorable Mentions (in no particular order, the dishonorable part is something I stole from the actual contest)
KatPrincessForever!!
I noticed that your characters are also from another contest, and that was a fun easter egg (I'm all for easter eggs!). I really liked how you kept going on tangents and steering the story one way then completely dismissing what you just said, it made me laugh, and I liked the first part of the first sentence, "Well, this is a long story, and every long story needs a long first sentence", nice job!
Hawkstar!!
Very interesting idea, I've wondered that also (and also what if people put Sleeping Beauty in a coma and locked her in her room and enchanted it so nothing, and I mean nothing, could get in in any way, and the coma was magically induced too, and just to be safe everything would unlock a year after her 16th birthday? But, magic, so probably she would've pricked herself in a dream or coma-walked out or everyone would've forgotten her birthday and they set the enchantment to disappear too early.. and then there's the matter of food and drink, so nvm). I really liked the line, "Fate is certainly cruel.", it's so true. However, I didn't think that this piece was that consistent (first Cinderella fell in love with the prince, then flirted with her actual love? I mean, I get that you can have multiple loves/crushes, but when you say "actual love", it's like, wait, what?). Anyways, overall good job, and keep writing (but remember, this is also supposed to be one sentence only).
Third Place-
Moon Wolf!!
I love this. So much. First of all, "Edna was a rather peculiar young lady", already great, you can almost always get me with the words "rather peculiar", they just have such a quaint and... peculiar sound to them, "who lived in a rather conventional metropolis whose head was consistently without exception completely enshrouded in oodles of novels", ooh, love this, so many words to look up to make sure I know the meaning!! Great descriptions! Useless repitition! And, "oodles of novels," of course! "that frequently planted rather unusual fantasies of being in a fairy tale, which many habitually ridiculed" again, "rather unusual fantasies" and "which many habitually ridiculed" are just such precious phrases... "yet little did they know, one fateful dark and stormy night, Edna brings to light a life-changing discovery that she was the thirty-seventh cousin of the long lost princess of Atlantis." And here's the inspiration and I love how, no, she's not the long lost princess of Atlantis... she's the thirty-seventh cousin, which of course is just as, if not more, important! I must confess I didn't like that last part as much though, bc, yes, I am a stickler for grammar, and while this sounds like it could work... I'm not so certain . But, great job, truly! Keep on writing!
Wait, are we already here already? Ok, ooh, I had such a hard time deciding this one now! Both of these entries are amazing! So, to settle the tie, I based it off of my weird first impressions.
Second Place-
Pangolin!!
This is marvelous, as usual, however my brain upon first time reading oddly didn't think so (who knows why). Masterful use of a semicolon, I do not know how and when to put one, so I never do! I especially loved the words, "Little Red’s red cloak — she was nothing if not incredibly on-brand —", that made me laugh, and "apparently had an affinity for cottages in inconvenient locations," what a spectacularly funny look at the story, and then, of course, the adaptation of the inspiration "It was a dim and relatively rainy afternoon", which is gorgeous as well. Bravo!
First place-
Neverseen!!!
I loved this right off the bat, how the speaker is so honest while seeming wise and unafraid/defiant at the same time, ("Most elderly men have strong opinions, and I am one of them") and then how you go on to describe everything as lousy (lousy lousy lousy), even the lice, which are louse anyway (and even if that wasn't an intentional pun, wild applause. I guess you're just naturally punny!), and I loved how you placed the parenthesis (you can see I love to incorporate parentheses too), giving us unnecessary information (the universe would've collapsed if you hadn't told us the woman's name was Louise!) or information that seemed a bit like, ok, until you were like, but that doesn't matter. :) And how you ended the sentence with the your garden getting run over situation (like that was the most important thing (oc it was!)). My favorite thing (I just used "thing" but I'll use it again, oh well) about this, though, was that you're telling us how you're going to tell us about this, but while telling us you're going to tell us about this, you're actually telling us already (if that makes sense)! Sneaky... Congratulations! You're our next judge!
And, again, cookies to everyone!! Lovely jobs!
(August 29, 2023 - 7:02 pm)