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MysteryAlone
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MysteryAlone
Mystery
Alone in a room full of dark, dark secrets.
Wishing my heart wouldn't keep it so locked up.
Mystery skeletons in a closet.
Feeling so insane, I think I've lost it.
Tell me that it's alright, tell me thats okay.
Tell me that you forgive me, for my mystery.
You probably don't get this poem, because it's a bit personal, but I will tell you this - it's about a girl that has a dark past, and someone knows about it. The person is maybe, avoiding her a bit or looking down on her, or atleast she THINKS they are. She's asking for forgivness for the lies/mysteries she told. So subsitute 'lies' for mystery, and you've got..
Alone in a room full of dark, dark secrets.
Wishing my heart wouldn't keep it so locked up.
Lying skeletons in a closet.
Feeling so insane, I think I've lost it.
Tell me that it's alright, tell me thats okay.
Tell me that you forgive me, for my lies.
It was a spur of the moment poem, yet I hope you like it.
submitted by Starry, age 15, NYC
(November 1, 2009 - 2:18 pm)
(November 1, 2009 - 2:18 pm)
I like it, but am irrevocably confused. I'm not gonna ask you to dig into your personal life or anything for me, though. That would be... weird. *coughs* awkward conversation...
(November 1, 2009 - 3:40 pm)
What confuses you? I can brush the surface of my personal life if it helps. :)
Love, hug, Starry
(November 2, 2009 - 10:31 pm)
I've got to say that I like that. I would guess that it's a deep thing in your life, and I think you did a good job of expressing it. A couple of technicalities, all in the next to last line. Alright is not a word. It needs to be divided into all and right. I think that you meant thats to have an apostrophe, and I think perhaps what you mean with thats okay is "That's okay." If it's supposed to be 'Tell me "That's okay,"' then I think you should put in the quotes. Oh, and on the last line the comma shouldn't be there. Other than those punctuation issues, it's a good poem. Nice job! I should warn you that I'm famous.... or maybe infamous.... for my lengthy critiques. :D You got off easy this time cause I'm tired. (kidding, kidding. There's hardly anything else I would change.) Just don't be surprised if I post a critique that's a full page in MSWord. :D
-EH
(November 3, 2009 - 12:50 am)
Ah, your correct. Thanks! But in poems I don't usually concern myself with grammar, its more of a free-thought type thing. But, you'd be correct on those changes! :)
Love, Hug, Starry
(November 3, 2009 - 3:53 pm)
Awesome poem! Do you mind if I copy-and-paste it into a text file so I can keep it and read it again years from now?
(November 3, 2009 - 11:58 am)