Chatterbox: Inkwell

You are in that class.

You know, the one that you are supposed to be in. The one that you signed up for just a week ago -- remember, the one who's invitation appeared in your desk the other day singing Rubber Ducky? That happened. That’s the one.

The teacher hands out an envelope to each of you. His earlobes are abnormally large, you think. 

What will this envelope contain? An invitation to the slicing of the largest watermelon ever to be grown by a 32-year-old Englishman named Bob? Instructions on how to paint the Google logo on a pencil? A combination? But, alas, no. You tear open the envelope and pull out a letter neatly tucked inside the flap. It reads:

Dear CBer, 

You have been invited to the first 3.5-day session at Camp Weird. If you would like to attend (which I assume you would, considering you are in this class in the first place,) please fill out the following form.

Name:

Pronouns:

Eyebrow thickness (see back):

List three words following the specified constraints (see back):

Are you or are you not The Malevolent Owner of the Original Foot-Measurer?:

Make sure to arrive at Camp Weird at 6AM sharp. 

-The Director

P.S. Check capitalization. I expect the beginnings of sentences and proper nouns to be capitalized and no words to be unnecessarily capitalized, even for emphasis.

P.P.S. Except for Larry. Any capitalization goes for “Larry.”

P.P.P.S. And don’t use a glitter pen. I hate glitter pens.

Huh. You turn the letter over in your hands.

Eyebrow thickness should be measured vertically from the thickest point of your left eyebrow in centimeters. It must be written as a fraction (improper if need be, but not a mixed number) where the denominator is some multiple of seven.

The three words do not need to be related. They may not contain double letters which are consonants or share any consonants with each other (i.e. muskrat, open, wail). Do not use proper nouns. Open compounds and hyphenated compounds do not count but closed compounds do.

Confused, you fill out the form. Unbeknownst to you, you are about to embark on the strangest adventure of your life.

No, this is not a Ski Lodge. Nor is it a Solo Write. This is a story with 3.5 installments centering around the first 14 CBers (CBers only) to sign up. You should definitely not take this seriously. Good luck, guess me if you can, and lick a wall.