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okay, here's a
Chatterbox: Inkwell
okay, here's a
okay, here's a little taste of two poems i wrote. tell me what you think. idc if you say you hate it. i'd like constructive critisism.
Spring Sunrise
I emerge into the morning air/ my bare feet treading/ on dew paved grass./ a painted sunrise/ chases away the/ shadows of a past night./ crossing the threshold/ of the horizon/ the dawning sun/ brings the brisk/ freshness of another/ magical day.
Autumn Sonnet
What subtle breeze blows through the yellow wood?/ leaves of red and orange are stirred and scattered/ all reminders of summer gone / from the tree's knarled knotted branches./ as night sets in/ the blue harvest moon/ shimmers bright/ casting its own reflection/ over a frosted lake./ an icy wind howls/ bringing news that winter/ will arrive much too soon./ fall has arrived/ in the woods/ at longest last.
submitted by Katie, age 11, Outside looking
(September 14, 2009 - 3:19 pm)
(September 14, 2009 - 3:19 pm)
They are very beautiful. On Spring Sunrise, though, I don't like how there are so many... whatcha call it, line breaks?
Yours: Maybe something more like this:
My bare feet treading My bare feet treading on dew paved grass.
on dew paved grass. A painted sunrise chased away
A painted sunrise the shadows of a past night.
chases away the
shadows of a past night.... Just an idea.
It doesn't read right. Do you get what I'm saying? :) I like the idea though. Actually, they both have too many new lines. Sorry... don't mean to be cruel. I really do like your beautiful writing though.
(September 14, 2009 - 7:23 pm)
Wow. That didn't work at all. Hmm.... Yikes. Oh well.
(September 16, 2009 - 6:31 pm)
They're really nice, Katie. :) I like them.
(I 'gree that the spacing got messed up, though. I dunno why that happens sometimes... ah well, hardly your fault.)
(September 17, 2009 - 3:08 pm)