Prince of Pea
Chatterbox: Inkwell
Prince of Pea
Prince of Peace~
Hello. You can call me Jazzy. First, I want to explain what this is! Then I'll tell everybody a little bit about myself :D.
I like to write. I don't have time to write and do Nanowrimo. I also don't have the motivation to write. But way back when I was a young lass, I wrote a 90k+ fanfiction and I only got that far because I publically had people reading it and encouraging me on! So, hear me out, I've got a theory. I can do the same thing, but with an original story idea, and having some people reading it and giving me feedback will (hopefully) produce the same results! Essentially, I just need some writing accountability buddies and you guys might just do the trick. I might attempt to post my story in regular intervals (like every two weeks), or I might not. We'll just have to see. Either way, if I keep this up, I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE AND APPRECIATE everyone who wants to comment on my story and give advice! Obviously this is a rough draft, so if you see spelling or grammatical errors just ignore them. Those are easy to fix. I'd love advice specifically about the story and characters and plot. All im trying to do right now is write a story! So come at me and rip it to shreds (nicely plz) with advice! My first book is called Prince of Peace. I wrote 15k on it last summer during camp Nanowrimo (whichwasmygoaldon'thateonmefornotfinishingNano. Isucceededokay). I am rewriting it because it needs some work, so everything you will be reading is fresh out of the brain-oven. Anyways, onto ME!
I am, surprise surprise, an old CBer. I was about 11-12 when I joined, and was a part of the Chatterbox for a few years. I'm 18 now. I'm a freshman in college, and I am a music performance major. Because of Covid, my first semester of college has been online, which saves me a ton of money, but really really sucks in every other way. But it's okay! We get through it. But yeah, I take about 17-18 credits every semester to do music performance, so that's why I'm busy and Nanowrimo isn't ideal. (For those that don't know, 18 credits is the max amount in college.) But hopefully a biweekly posting schedule that is very very lax will give me the creative space I need to keep pursuing writing as a hobby! Yay! :D Yeah, Jazzy isn't my original Cber name, btw. I have no intention of revealing my old identity, so you can try and guess, but I'd prefer if you focused your comments on writing tips or other neat stuff like saying hellooo and introducing yourself. I just don't want this thread to turn into a 'guess who I be' kinda thinga ma bob.
So, onto how this hopefully will work!
First of all, feel TOTALLY free to introduce yourself to me, and also ask questions about me if you'd like! I know I'm like, an 18 year old, and I hope that isnt creepy, but I loved this community as a kid. I don't feel comfortable posting my story anywhere else, honestly, and this format and website is familiar to me. It was a childhood home. Plus CBers are angels and really sweet. Anyways, for writing stuff, when I post a chapter (I use the term 'chapter' extremely loosely), if you want to give advice, click 'reply' specifically to the box that the chapter is in. Otherwise it'll get confusing and yeaahhhh I don't need more chaos in my life. Because, you know how you can click reply to the main box (which this text is in) and then you can reply to the specific reply to the main box that makes a smaller box underneath the specific box instead of at the END of all of the original replies and everyone gets confused and - yeh. That. Heh. Peace out, I guess. Ask away!
And, to start us off, what do you think of my first paragraph that I wrote 10 minutes ago? Would you read this book JUST knowing the title and first paragraph?
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"Mothers, as the sayings goes, always know best. They have
eyes on the back of their heads, their hugs and kisses heal the deepest of
wounds, and they know. There are some bad mothers in the world, certainly, but
a good mother can see through the most delicately woven lies and know that something
is wrong. They see. However, it is the wisdom and advice of mothers that should
be appreciated the most. Even on political topics, like assassination, their
advice should be followed. Especially when the topic of assassination hits
quite close to home. Literally. Mothers do, really, know best"
(I won't be able to post more writing until after FINALS UGH, so Mid-December, but I'll answer questions and chat for a bit when I can!!)
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(November 22, 2020 - 11:06 pm)
The action is so great! Personally, while I like world building and the slower more detailed parts, action parts are always welcomed. Especially after a few slower chapters, though they are definitely needed to set up the story. Perhaps you should add a little more suspense and /or action in the beginning parts as I feel you may lose readers with a shorter patience or attention span. Though if you aren't angling this story to those types of readers I think it is fine as is. Something to think about might be the audience you are writing Lucius's story for as it could help you in how you pace your story and what you include and pay attention to.
Poor Lucius. He's so likeable because he is so human. I think he would be hopelessly lost and a useless wreck without his mother, Oliver, Balec, Jaque, and so many others. I think that may be soemthing interesting to explore; how he deals without his mother and how he would deal with being alone with no one to help him.
I am in suspense waiting to learn more about what happened to Deanna. That evil Eno. And his son, though I can't decide what to think of him.
I think something might be added between when Balec is explaining to a doorsman and when Leopold's wife (blanking on her name right now) comes out. I think it would be a little longer after Balec explains to the doorsman that Leopold's wife would come out. But then, I know nothing about court life. This was just something that stood out to me a little.
I'm checking this thread way more than I should be, wanting to read more, and more -- and more! Look forward to reading you!
(July 14, 2021 - 6:47 pm)
As always, love your comments, Peregrine! I definitely feel you with the action part; I've been waiting for like a YEAR to get to the part I'm writing now and I'm SO excited. I'll have to work on the world-building/action balance in later edits.
And yeah, I forgot to explain that Lady Simmons heard the commotion on her own and came down. I guess she was nearby!
So glad you're enjoying! I'll have another post up soon, probably by Tuesday. I've got to edit it a bit first. I'm at 20000+ words in Nano! That's CRAZY.
(July 17, 2021 - 2:32 pm)
Same to you, I always enjoy reading your comments! I totally get that excited feeling. You've spent so long on lining everything up properly and you finally get to the part you've been longing for and you begin jittering with excitment in your seat as you write. I get the same feeling reading it and I look forward to Tuesday. (20000+ words is crazy!)
(July 19, 2021 - 11:29 am)
Maybe this seems like an odd question, but I was just curious: do you play an instrument? If so, what instrument and what type of music you play?
(July 19, 2021 - 8:36 pm)
That's kind of funny you asked that. I might have mentioned 8t on this thread somewhere, but I can't remember, lol. Basically, I do play an instrument! In fact, I am currently a sophomore music performance major. The flute is my main instrument, but I also play Piccolo, Piano, and just got a ukelele! I also own an accordion, but haven't played in a year because of an arm injury.
So, yes, I definitely play an instrument. On flute I play professional classical repertoire, but I have more fun with piano and Uke. I'm learning Howls Moving Castle theme (Merry go round of life) on piano, for example, and You'll be Back (from Hamilton) on the Uke!
(July 20, 2021 - 12:39 pm)
As always, love your comments, Peregrine! I definitely feel you with the action part; I've been waiting for like a YEAR to get to the part I'm writing now and I'm SO excited. I'll have to work on the world-building/action balance in later edits.
And yeah, I forgot to explain that Lady Simmons heard the commotion on her own and came down. I guess she was nearby!
So glad you're enjoying! I'll have another post up soon, probably by Tuesday. I've got to edit it a bit first. I'm at 20000+ words in Nano! That's CRAZY.
(July 17, 2021 - 2:32 pm)
Hi Jazzy, I'm actually 18 too! It's been five years since I've visited the cricketmag website, but for some reason I randomly remembered it today. I used to spend a lot of time creating stories in the Inkwell or Kyngdom, under a couple different names (I think the main ones were Arra and Starbringer), but I'm not really sure why it came to mind again.
Anyway, and my 12 year old sister were laughing at middle-school me's writing that I found on one of the back pages of the Inkwell, when I saw this thread.
Just wanted to let you know that I love your story, and I'm really happy that you've kept up with writing. I've always hoped to try writing for fun again, but since I'm leaving for college in a month, I don't think I'll be writing anything non-school-related for a while. Good luck with classes and any WIPs that you have!
(Also, isn't it really strange seeing all the CBer names and suddenly all these forgotten memories come back? I can't believe it's been years already.)
Best wishes,
Lydia
(July 14, 2021 - 1:37 pm)
Hi Lydia! I'm 19 now, but I also have a younger sister. She's 14 - I would NEVER have the guts to show her my old, cringey posts lol. Props to you! My old username is Katydid - I wonder if you remember me? Your username Starbringer is vaguely familiar. Maybe we were on around the same time!
I'm really glad you love the story! I'm enjoying working on it, too, and let me just say that I hope you are able to find time to write again as well! I'm going into my sophomore year of college. It IS a lot of work, but I don't regret keeping up writing atop of it. Good luck with school, too! Freshman year goes by really quick.
The nostalgia of the CB will always live with me. It seems like so long ago, but this place was a great outlet for my creativity when I was younger. It was also SAFE, which was huge for me as a kid with a lot of access to the internet.
Again, I'm so glad you could pop by!
Toodles~
(July 16, 2021 - 5:40 pm)
Oh my gosh I remember you! And I feel the same way about the CB. I know the thing about community is cliché, but it honestly does make a difference. I wrote more during 7th-8th grade then anytime in my life, and not just because I had more free time. I miss that level of creativity :(
I partially regret reading my old posts with my sister, bc she was completely brutal in her criticism. She won't take my excuse that it was for fun, not for a scholarship. But she also won't share any of her writing samples for comparison... I'm trying to convince her to check out the CB currently. Does your sister like to write also?
Thanks and good luck to you too! I'm excited to move out and to choose my classes, but everything else I'm very nervous about. If I may ask, during the school year, do you schedule time for writing? I'm typically bad at setting up a consistent schedule, probably the only consistent thing is how much I procrastinate. But I'm afraid that if I don't set aside time each week, I'm going to graduate without writing anything except political science essays.
(July 18, 2021 - 4:54 pm)
It's so good to find a fellow oldie! It's like finding a familiar face in a new crowd :D. I knew your name was familiar!
My sister does like to write as well, actually. In fact, she's doing camp nanowrimo with me this month! She did it last November and wrote 50k, and is well on her way to succeeding again. I like encouraging her to keep writing while she's young, because time gets a lot more difficult to find the older you get. I never did stuff like that when I was her age. I just roleplayed XD. I thought about having my sister check out the CB, but she's already 14 and I think a little past the age where she would enjoy it so much.
For me, personally, I didn't schedule specific time for writing this last school year. What I did, though, was set up a schedule and had people that held me accountable to it. This very thread, Prince of Peace, was specifically created for that purpose. It was a small enough dedication that I didnt feel overwhelmed trying to stick to it (one scene every other week), but it WAS a commitment. I didn't set aside specific times to write, but I committed to writing in my free time because I had people holding me accountable. It's been working out great so far!
But, again, that's just what I did personally. I would reccomend finding what motivates you (peer reviews? Meeting personal goals? Encouragement from others?) And find a way you can integrate that into your life regularly. Even finding one other person to get excited about writing with you or reading your writing can be a big help. My best friend does that for me.
You can set a word count goal, a project goal, a short story goal, a scene goal, a chapter goal. You could dedicate one hour to world building a daydreaming each week, ect. Whatever excites you the most! And the most important thing is not letting it become a burden. As soon as you are stressed about meeting your goals, you will immediately become burned out from your writing and eventually stop all together. If you can't meet your goal, take a break. Let your restrictions change depending on what you feel you're up to. Make sure your goal is something you enjoy, and the moment you stop enjoying it, change it up! It might take some experimenting to find a balance.
Okay, lol, that was long. But, anyways, as a freshman who managed to write during the school year with 18 credits and a part time job, it IS possible! And it is worth it. Especially if you're looking to be a hobby writer as opposed to publishing something, just make sure to have fun along the way! Having a community to encourage you will make the journey even better.
(July 20, 2021 - 2:53 pm)
Because this one is a bit shorter and slower, I'll post the rest of the chapter sometime in the next few days :D. Thanks guys!
---
13 hours later the sun rose, and with it came four well-rested, but terribly sore, travelers. The Simmons’ home was already bustling with activity. Servants were waiting to direct them to a comfortable room, at the middle of which was a table covered in food. The smell of roasted fish drew them in. Despite having eaten the night prior, they still felt as if they hadn’t eaten in days. They sat around the table and ate in silence.
There wasn’t much to say, really.
Finally, after his 3rd helping of breakfast, Lucius pushed himself away from the table. “I am going to find the Lady Simmons. I don’t know what I’ve been doing here, sitting – There is work to be done.” Oliver, despite being in the middle of a mouthful of food, stood to follow. Lucius shook his head. “The security here should be safe-“ but before he could finish, the great wooden doors to the hall flew open.
“I did not realize you would rise so early,” the Lady gasped. “I apologize for my appearance, my servants woke me as soon as they were aware of your rising. I came as fast as I could.” Her hair was tied up in a messy knot, and a loose green cloak thrown over her dressing gown.
The group rose from their chairs to greet her but she waved her hand. “No, sit, I insist. I can tell you have been through a great ordeal. Tell me while I eat – Eliza! Please bring drinks, our guests must be parched!”
She sighed and pulled out a chair next to Lucius. Her eyes scanned the group, curious, until she could restrain herself no more. “Lucius, tell me, why are you here? What happened?”
Now that the question had been posed to him, he wasn’t sure how to answer. Thankfully, Balec was more than willing to explain. “Lady Simmons – we were in the middle of our celebration with King Eno when his party, men and women alike, began to attack. They had hidden weapons. Somehow this escaped our notice. We fled the dining hall and escaped to the tower, only to realize the city was also under siege. There was no choice but to flee the city, as well. We came here as fast as we could travel, hoping for aid.”
Her hand went to her mouth while Balec explained. “How did this happen?”
“Delacruz,” Lucius added, his words sharp. “They found a way to scale the cliffs of Tione. He allowed the armies to pass, whether by intention or oversight, I do not know. Either way, it was by sea that the armies of Temellon reached Belfriese.”
“Whatever can be done? Is the city – does it still stand?”
“I don’t know. I was hoping Leopold would be here to aid me in a retribution.”
“I sent word to him last night, letting him know of your arrival and request for his presence. I do not know how far he has gone but he may be on his way home already – I am not certain.”
Lucius fell back into his chair with a groan. “Do we wait, Balec? What else is to be done?”
“Haynes is so far away - I fear it would be pointless to ride to him.”
“We must send out a word, at the very least. Do you have spare messengers, Lady Simmons? We must let the Dukes know.”
The Lady Simmons hesitated. “Most of the men are gone on the hunt - but I should have enough spare servants to send. Most of our pigeons for the dukes are out, as well-”
“I do not have time to wait!” Lucius left the table abruptly. He made for the doors, but at the last second turned. He turned again, and began to pace back and forth.
Balec exchanged glances with Oliver. They both wore the same grimace. “It won't be long before we hear word from Belfriese. News will travel fast,” Oliver supplied. “Let us work to call for aid. We shall start with that.”
There was nothing else they could do.
Lady Simmons made arrangements for her scribes and servants to arrive. While they waited, her eyes again scanned the group. Arielle, the servant girl, was sitting quietly in the corner. “I am familiar with the three of you, of course,” she nodded at the three men, “but I don’t believe I recognize the young lady you travelled with?”
The girl looked up from her hands and stood abruptly. She brushed out her dress and stepped forward to curtsey. “My name is Arielle Yversen - I am a servant in the royal kitchens.”
“She helped us escape the castle,” Oliver added.
“I am sure that must have been a terribly daunting task!” Lady Simmons gasped. “You are very brave.”
Arielle shrugged. “I am much safer out of the castle; I think I’m quite lucky. Besides, I’ve never eaten so well in my life, or slept in such conditions.”
“Oh, well, if the accommodations are too unfamiliar, I am sure the servants would love to have your company.”
“No. No- that’s quite alright.”
There was a twinkle in Lady Simmons’ eye as she smiled at Arielle. “If you insist.”
By this time the servants had begun ariving, so the conversation quickly turned to their predicament. There had to be some semblance of a plan, of course, to instruct. It all hinged on how quickly Leopold could return. Before lunch time, the letters were sent and the plans concocted.
“Let us go to the town and rally the men there,” Oliver advised.
“I am afraid that isn’t possible,” the lady winced. “Most of the able-bodied men also joined Leopold on his hunt.”
“What kind of hunt is this?” Lucius threw his hands into the air. “You don’t need a whole army for a deer, do you?”
She looked down at her hands. “A large wild boar, according to the rumors. You know how Leopold is – you must forgive him.” Her eyes met Lucius – they were a wild, vibrant green. She lacked the natural brown eyes of a typical Valorian, but was of verified noble birth. She leaned forward, her eyes imploring. “Forgive him, Lucius?”
He took her hand. “Yes, of course, this is not his fault – I only wish he would hurry. The state of . . . everything rests upon it.”
“Let us have lunch, we can go from there.”
Lucius stood from the table and shook his head. “I think I am going to rest more. My head is beginning to ache – my body still hurts from the toll of the last two days.” Had it been two days? Hardly. Lucius scoffed and waved away the worried gaze of Balec. His head was quickly beginning to blister – there was a relentless, throbbing pressure behind his eyes. “I will feel better after a nap, and perhaps another hot bath.”
“I will have the servants prepare your hot water.”
“Thank you, My Lady."
Lucius managed to find his chambers – he had been in such a trance the night before that it was a bit difficult to remember which rooms were his. His clothes were cleaned and folded neatly on a chair in the corner. It was a miracle they had been salvaged – the cloak, the silk fabrics, and the expensive furs still appeared presentable.
Not that he would wear them again, anyways.Not after he knew where they had been.
The servants were preparing him a hot bath in the adjacent bathroom, but the bed looked too enticing to reject. He cast himself upon it, oh sweet relief, and fell quickly asleep.
--
“Lucius, wake up!” Balec’s voice, and the excitement in his tone, brought Lucius very abruptly back to the land of the living. "We received word from Leopold, he is on his way back from the trip. If we head northwest we can meet him on his way back, closer to Belfriese. Lady Simmons is arranging to send the remaining men in the town after us.”
He threw off the covers and shot out of bed. “Is that the plan?”
“I figured it would be-”
“Don’t explain yourself to me, Balec. Let’s just hurry and go.”
“Yes, your majesty. Lady Simmons is arranging to have horses packed and ready with food and clothing, and Oliver is taking care of weapons. She asked us to meet them at the front entrance.”
Lucius took one glance at his ceremonial robes and decided to leave them. Balec and he hurried out of the room and through the castle to the outdoors. There were three horses across the courtyard, in the process of being saddled up by the servants. The Lady Simmons was at the bottom of the stairs, talking quietly with her assistant. She looked up and smiled as the two approached. “I am sure you’ve heard the news, Lucius. The townsmen won’t be ready to fight for several hours, and I assumed you didn’t want to wait around for them when it would save you time to meet Leopold on the way.”
“Of course. Thank you, Lady Simmons. Your hospitality and aid in these difficult times will not be forgotten.”
Her smile grew tight. Forgoing protocol, she drew Lucius into her arms and embraced him. “You are family, Lucius. You have been so good to me and Leopold, and the girls.”
He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. “Thank you, Alyse. I haven’t seen your daughters around, but tell them I send my wishes. After this whole ordeal is over, you shall have to come pay a visit.”
“I would like that.” She pulled away and patted him on the arm. Her eyes were wet. “Well. I- I will send help to follow you.”
Oliver walked to the group. He had just saddled the horses with weapons and armor for Lucius and himself. “Only three horses?” His eyes were on Arielle, who was helping load the saddles with food.
“Oh, yes, of course. Arielle!” The lady called, waving her over. She handed a bundle of food to someone else and hurried over. “Won’t you explain what we discussed?”
“The Lady Simmons agreed to take me on as help in her kitchens until the castle has been secured. I believe I am safe enough, here.”
Oliver looked disappointed for a fleeting moment. Balec spoke before he could find something to say. “How wonderful, my girl. We must again thank you for your assistance in escaping the castle.”
“As I said, the situation worked out better for me, as well.”
Lucius glanced at the girl. She was tall and broad, with dark skin and darker eyes. He met her gaze. She didn’t duck away or bow - not like servants normally did. The challenge in her eyes took him off guard. “Thank- thank you. Your assistance will not go unrewarded.”
Her grin was contagious. “Thank you, your majesty.”
Oliver said nothing.
“Alright!” The lady Simmons clapped her hands together. “Looks like everything is set to go - you have enough food and water for three days of riding, more than enough to meet up with Leopold and make it to Belfriese.”
“Thank you again -” Lucius began, but was silenced by a wave of her hand.
“On with you, now. You have a castle to save and a kingdom to run. No time for idle chatter - go on, hurry.” The Lady Simmons shooed the three men to their horses. They mounted their steeds and bid her farewell before departing through the gates.
If they travelled fast and rested during the night, they might meet with Leopold by the morning. “She said he was returning on the Lantern path through the woods. If we head west from here and then ride north along the woods, the path should be obvious.” Oliver glanced at a map to verify the directions, and then clicked his heels into the horse's side.
They set off at a gallop, away from the lake with a town and a castle. Towards Leopold - towards an army and a war.
Lady Simmons was going to send out updated instructions to the Dukes - Haynes could meet them in Belfriese in a few days if all went according to plan. Yes, he had been lied to, and for a moment all was lost. But Lucius had a plan to get his city, and his kingdom, back.
--
<3
(July 20, 2021 - 12:35 pm)
Aaaand they're off to war! I enjoyed this section a lot- it kind of reminded me of the calm before the storm. I'll admit that I disliked the decision to keep Arielle away from the action- I enjoyed reading a female character in the more active parts of the plot. Anyway, this comment is terribly short because I have to leave now, but I can't wait to see how they plan to take the city back!
(July 21, 2021 - 10:15 am)
Okay, I had some ideas about how things will be working for the next little while. Basically, from this point onward in the story, my characterizations suck. We get to see more of certain characters, but I realized that I didn't know them really well. 20k+ words in the future I do, but if I keep posting stuff unedited then you'll begin to see some conflicting identities.
Hope that made sense.
Basically, I am going to be totally reworking most of the upcoming stuff for y'all. I am going to keep plowing ahead, too, (because I am way in the future writing-wise) but I want you guys to get the best I can give. You'll probably see me post Tuesdays or Wednesdays, because I don't work 8 hours those days lol.
The next scene is a disaster in terms of character, so within the next couple days I plan on totally reworking it and it will probably be up by Thursday. Thanks again for sticking with me!
(July 25, 2021 - 1:11 pm)
Anyways, back to writing!
@silver crystal HAHAHA YOU THOUGHHTTT.
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Through endless fields they rode, only reaching the trees
after a few hours of hard riding. The sun was beginning to set, but they
travelled in the reaching shadows of the trees until they found a wide path
through the forest. A wooden sign was nailed to a tree that read, “Lantern
Path.”
Oliver led them on the path for a ways, and then through the woods. They could see the clearing
through their position, and would certainly hear anyone passing through, but would be difficult to spot behind the brush if someone wasn’t looking. They tied their horses to a distant tree and set up a small tent Lady Simmons had packed. It was a long, thick tarp that could be tied to close trees to provide cover. They chose to opt out a fire - the food that was packed needed no warmth to be eaten - and no one wanted to stay awake to manage the flame.
By the time they had set up camp, the sun was gone and twilight long past. Distant lights begun to
flicker alight along the path. “What’s that?” Oliver stood to peer out at the trail.
Balec stood as well, curious by the sudden glowing lights. “I assume that is the reason they call
this path, ‘Lantern.’”
“It’s too cold for light butterflies.”
“And they aren’t moving.” Lucius added.
Balec was already moving towards the light. Lucius chuckled, but found himself following. Oliver wasn’t far behind. They reached the path and found the lights further into the woods on the other side. They crossed and journeyed a few steps into the forest before stumbling upon a small creek. It was lined with what looked to be cattails that glowed.
“How fascinating!” Balec gasped. He squatted down to examine the plant, and when he reached out to touch it, the glowing light jumped into the air. His eyes were bright as he watched the seeds fall to the ground. “I do believe this is a *fancy word.* I haven’t seen one for myself, but they are quite common.” His fingertips where he touched the plant were covered in the glowing dust. He wiped it on his pants as he stood.
“They’re beautiful,” Oliver whispered. “I haven’t seen these for a long time.”
“You’ve seen these before?” Lucius asked.
“I grew up on a lake.”
They grew quiet. The silence allowed the sound of the wind to wash over them, and sounds of the
night forest to come alive. The distant sound of hooves grew steadily louder in the calm.
“Do you hear that?” Oliver glanced at Lucius and Balec to confirm before darting back to the path.
He squatted down behind a tree, motioning for the two others to follow. Whoever rode the horse was in a rush. In a few moments the horse and rider were before them, whizzing by on the path before them. Even in the dim moonlight they could make out the familiar form.
Oliver jumped out of the bushes, calling her name. “Arielle!
Stop!”
Arielle yanked on the reins when she heard her name called.
The horse came to a halt, the sudden change of speed nearly throwing her over its
head, and turned wildly around as she struggled to regain control. After a
moment of resituating she managed to stop entirely. “Who is there?” Her eyes
scanned the dark tree line and the silhouetted figure that had jumped nearly in
front of her. It had to be someone she knew, and the voice and figure were like
Oliver, but a part of her didn’t want to hope. Had she just stopped in the dark
for a stranger, then? Could she get the horse moving?
It was him, thankfully. “It’s Oliver. What – what are you
doing out here?” He twisted around towards the bushes and waved his arm. “Come
on – It’s just Arielle.”
Two more figures appeared from the trees, their tall, skinny
shapes towering over Oliver. They moved towards Arielle, and she dismounted the
horse. Her legs wobbled beneath her, but her grip on the saddle gave her enough
support to stand. Never, in her life, had she ridden so fast. Not that she had
ridden much ever, but that was beside the point. Oliver stepped beside her and
grabbed the reins before the horse could run off. He stroked its neck,
whispering soothing words until it calmed down.
Arielle stood on her own two legs after a moment. She
crossed her arms as she scanned the trio, her eyebrows raised. “Where are your
horses?”
“We made camp,” Lucius gestured towards the woods. Arielle
couldn’t see at all where he pointed, but she nodded anyways. “I think we are
all waiting to hear what you are doing here.”
He seemed so stiff – Arielle tilted her chin upwards at the
king. “I’ll tell you, but I can’t do it here.”
Even in the dim light, Lucius noted the posture of defiance
the girl carried. Had she come all this way to step on him? He ignored the
slight and turned to glance at Balec.
The advisor shrugged. “We’ll walk you back to our camp.
Olive-“
“I’ve got the horse,” Oliver cut in. It had calmed down
significantly from his efforts. It had never been ridden by someone so
inexperienced. It was still reeling from the insult but enjoyed the new person
enough to follow him off the trail. The roots were a bit tricky to maneuver,
but they managed just fine. They were, after all, a thorough bred.
“It might be best to lay off the fires,” Arielle said once
she saw the state of their camp.
“We weren’t planning on one,” Lucius replied, his arms
crossed. He scanned her pose – she seemed confident, still, but the slightest
breeze had her peering over her shoulder with wide eyes. His curiosity piqued,
he again asked what her business was.
Seeing that all three men were staring expectantly at her,
Arielle sighed. What she had heard – it was necessary that the king knew. She
had rehearsed the words several times as she rode, but they left her as soon
the moment arrived. Her legs felt like pudding, her hands were freezing, and she’d
probably never done anything so important in her life. Arielle squatted down on
the ground and focused her gaze on some trampled flowers. “Leopold arrived at
the fortress not long after you left.”
Lucius looked at Balec in alarm. “How did we miss him? We
must head back-“ Arielle’s hand on his ankle cut him off. He looked down at the
girl with his eyebrows raised. They remained that way for a moment, frozen by
the audacity of the servant, before Arielle broke contact abruptly.
She fell back onto her bottom to sit more comfortably. “Let
me finish, your majesty. Leopold came home, but-“ again, the words left her.
Out with it! “He came from the capitol. Apparently the people think both you
and the queen are dead, and in light of King Eno’s attack he was made acting
king. Duke Simmons convinced King Eno to retreat after brief negotiations.”
Balec laughed. “Why, that’s wonderful! We must-“
She shook her head. “No, that’s what the people think
happened. I overheard the Lady and the Duke Simmons talking – Leopold aided
King Eno in the attack. He – let’s see –“ she racked her mind for the words he
had said, “He said ‘everything went according to plan’ and ‘the attack was
successful.’ And he was not very happy when he realized the Lady Simmons had
let you leave.”
They didn’t respond. She looked up at the men to find their
faces frozen in shock. Lucius was staring at Balec, his mouth partially open.
From her position on the ground, she could easily see his hands shaking. He
recoiled suddenly and clasped them behind his back as he began pacing back and
forth.
“You’re certain.”
“Yes.”
“Positive?”
“Yes!”
Lucius ran his hands over his face. “The Lady Simmons was
hiding something – I shoulder have realized.” The moment of relief that had
swept over him when Arielle first spoke was replaced by a gigantic wave of
endless, drowning fear. His thoughts attacked him on all sides and his words
poured out of him just as unorganized. “Why would Leopold betray me? He
betrayed me? Oh heavens – Lady Simmons intended to send us right into his arms?
How did he miss us?”
“Stop yourself! You still haven’t let me finish – Lady
Simmons saved you, don’t you get it!?” Even Arielle was startled by the volume
behind her voice. She paused to compose herself – her gratitude for Lady
Simmons was no excuse for such behavior. Neither was her annoyance with the
spiraling King. “Listen – She arranged it perfectly, you see? She sent us away
from the Duke. If he was returning from Belfries, she wouldn’t have sent us
north first!”
“She could have told me the truth-“
“She’s smarter than you give her credit for! Not once did
she lie to her husband, but still she managed to save you. It is also because
of her that you know this information. She sent me, personally on an errand
directly beneath the window where her and the Duke had this discussion. It was
open, I was able to hear everything, and there was a packed horse waiting for
me at the gate.”
Lucius stopped his pacing to glare at the girl. “She lied to
me.”
“But at what cost? Had she been caught lying to her husband,
the consequences might have been immediate. At least she is safe for now from
your punishment.” Arielle stood up despite her sore legs. She wasn’t as tall as
the king, but was close enough that she could stare him directly in the eyes.
“It’s treason! I’m the king!”
“Not right now you’re not.”
Oliver’s sharp intake of breath let Arielle know she had
crossed a line. Lucius’ leaned towards her, his eyes wild with fury, but he did
nothing more. She was prepared for shouting, violence, anything, but instead the anger left his face and was replaced with
a mask of calm. He stepped back and
turned, stalking to the edge of the camp.
Lucius took deep breaths, as silently as he could. No one
was speaking – were they all watching him? He felt their eyes lingering on his
back. Arielle, undoubtedly, was still glaring daggers. What right did she have?
She knew nothing of diplomacy or tradition or law. Her words – her words would
never be tolerated back at the castle. Lucius had been so angry, and he still
was, but it left him just as quickly as it came because she had been right. He couldn’t do anything because
she was right. Leopold had betrayed
him, his people thought him dead, his city and castle was in ruins. He was no
king. He was no Maeflesta – his ancestors, his father, had certainly never been so disappointed in their lives.
Balec took a wary step towards Lucius. He was about to reach
out his hand when the king spun around.
Lucius avoided Balec’s gaze. He spoke only because he was
certain his voice would not falter. “And the queen?”
“What?”
That stupid little look on that stupid little face enraged
Lucius more than it probably should have. He took a deep breath and again
addressed Arielle. “You said the people thought I and the queen were dead. I am
obviously still alive. Did Leopold mention anything about her?”
Realization dawned on her face. Her mouth set in a grim line
– Lucius already knew the answer. “He said she’s dead, but they couldn’t find
your body.”
A body. There had been a body. Lucius felt the ground sway
beneath his feet. Balec was by his side in an instant, but he stepped out of
reach. “Did I have to drag that information out of you? You couldn’t explain
everything in a straight line?”
“You wouldn’t let me finish!” She clenched her hands. His
posture, his fake composure, everything about him was arrogant. “Would it kill
you to be grateful? Lady Simmons did her best; I’m doing my best. I didn’t have
to ride that bloody rotten horse to come and tell you!”
Lucius’ nostrils flared. *** “Stop it. Stop – stop talking.” He didn’t know what he’d
do if she kept going – her mouth just ran on and on. Every word that left her only
served to irritate him further. The people that made him angriest – diplomats with
their subtle, passive aggressive barbs – were nothing compared to this blasted
servant girl. The audacity.
Though several insults flashed through Arielle’s head, she
bit her tongue to keep them contained. If she stopped, he would, too. Her jaw
was beginning to ache from clenching her teeth. She turned on her heel and
stalked over to her horse. There was bedding tied to the pack which she yanked
off the saddle and began to untie.
Her compliance – a miracle, really – left Lucius more
confused than anything. The anger fueled a grim satisfaction in her submission.
She was a servant, and damn was he grateful when she finally acted like it. His
body still trembled with tension. There was a pressure behind his eyes that
didn’t want to go away, and it only increased as he watched the girl begin to
make her bed. His tone was hollow as he spoke; “You’re staying?”
“Of course. Where else can I go?” She snapped. When the king
didn’t respond, she glanced over her shoulder at him. His eyes were glazed
over.
Balec reached out to Lucius’ shoulder. His voice was soft. “It’s
getting late, your majesty.”
Lucius startled. He looked around at the others. Balec and
Oliver appeared to be concerned. Arielle, when his eyes fell on her, turned
back to her work. Her motions were aggressive as she untied her bedding and
shoved it under the tarp. Lucius stepped out of Balec’s grasp and walked to his
own horse. His bedding was already laid out, but he pretended to look through
his bags. “Goodnight. I’ll be to bed shortly.” He waved when he heard Oliver
approach him. They were acting like he was about to shatter – that, too,
angered him. What did he prefer? The disrespectful servant girl or the two men
that were treating him like a traumatized child?
He tore through his bag until the others crawled into bed.
They must have known he was avoiding them, but he didn’t care anymore. He just –
he just didn’t. The extreme waves of emotion tore at his heart until it was
raw, leaving nothing but a subdued ache.
It took all his effort to crawl into the same tarp as
Arielle. She was obviously still awake – so were Oliver and Balec, too, when he
listened to their breathing.
Thankfully they kept their mouths shut.
He lay next to Balec. Only when he slowed his own breathing
did the man fall asleep – Oliver and Arielle followed behind. Lucius could hear
their slow, deep sighs and occasional snore. One would readjust occasionally,
the ground rustling beneath them.
It struck him, then. His mother was dead.
Unless Leopold was lying? He could have been. Arielle, too,
could be lying. Lucius rolled over and pulled his knees up to his chest. He had
plans to make – only when he had exhausted all trains of thought did he finally
fall asleep.
--
Hopefully the formatting is alright. Yes. Definitely let me know what you think of this! A LOT happened in the scene, haha. What are your thoughts on Arielle now? What about Leopold?
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(July 29, 2021 - 8:45 pm)
BDJWJDKWNDB LEOPOLDDDDD NOOOO-
I KNEW that the weird mystical boar was a sus excuse for Leopold to be gone for so long! I wasn't expecting this tho T.T
I LOVED Areille doing a 180 and going from being the quiet, obedient servant girl to being absolutely done with Lucius as soon as he's not royalty. This entire scene was Arielle going 'guess what rich boy you're not the king anymore and also surprise women have OPINIONS that MATTER honestly you're lucky that i'm even here gracing you with my presence' and Lucius is just like '??? the audACITY????' and Balec and Oliver are just scared.
(July 31, 2021 - 2:14 pm)