Chatterbox: Inkwell

My Nano Story!                       A Day in the Life of Barli

~SATURDAY~
5:30 am: The sound of running water wakes me up. Somebody's bathing themselves in that treacherous room. The flushing of that seat scares me to death. I don't understand the point of cleaning yourself. You're just going to get dirty again, so what's the point? I hate going to the groomers. Those hideous people. I decide to fall back asleep.

6:00 am: I go outside. I scrounge around trying to find the best spot to do my business. Suddenly, I hear a rustle in the woods! I look up. It's a squirrel! I start to chase it. "Barli!" yells Tall Slipper man. "Get over here!" I do what I'm told and waddle over. He tells me to go pee so I find a spot, do it, and prance back inside.

6:10 am: I hear he clanking of the food plopping into my dish. Yum... I guess I do get sick of it after a while. But, I'm a dog so I'm always hungry. After I finish my scrumptious meal, I wait for my favorite human on the couch. Since I didn't go number two, I have to stay in this room.

7:00 am: Comfy Bed Woman comes downstairs. Along with the Crying Tiny Boy. I dread Crying Tiny Boy. They let me out of my room, but they have to keep an eye on me. I mean do they really think that I'm going to do number two on the carpet? Well, I might, but whatever.I search around trying to find my red chewy toy. I look everywhere but can't seem to find it.

7:30 am: The door beeps, which means tall slipper man has left. Then my furry buddy hops on the couch. The cat. I totter over to the cat, and give him a nice, slobbery, kiss all over his face. He grasps my face with his paws, thinking that he can win this battle. For the record, I have won once out of fifty times we've "played." I think it's a great score.

8:00 am: I see a flash of red run by me. I try to follow it but I don't know where it went. I'll investigate later. I creep my way up the steps careful not to attract Comfy Bed Woman. I sneak into Fun Buddy Girl's room a place my chin on her sleeping chest. She moves and grunts, but then she awakens. Yes, finally! Fun Buddy Girl is awake! She is my favorite human. She sits up and pats her bed, her motion for me to hop up. I stay there while she looks at this box thing with symbols all over the pages inside. So confusing...

 

8:30 am: I feel Fun Buddy Girl move the sheets off of her. She kisses me on my furry cheek, and walks out of the room. I do not get why humans make fish lips and push it onto us dog's faces. If you want to show affection, just give us a big, slobbery, lick! It drives us dogs CRAZY! I see the red flash again in Fun Buddy Girl's room. hmm...

8:35 am: I hop off the bed and trudge down the stairs. Crying Tiny Boy is begging for treats, So I decide to help him out. I get Fun Buddy Girl to get me a treat, so I can hand it off to Crying Tiny Boy. Apparently, humans don't like dog treats so he rejects my offer and continues to whine. I give up and eat the treat myself. 

9:00 am: "Lilly?" asks Comfy Bed Woman. "Can you take Barli out to go poop?" YES!! I get to go outside with Fun Buddy Girl! "Yeah, sure." Fun Buddy Girl responds. She puts on her foot cover things, and heads outside. I beat her down the stairs. (again) She tells me to go poop, so I wander off trying to find a good spot. Ooh...what is that smell? Aw... It's just some previous peeing spot. But then I check it again and notice that it's not my pee.

9:20 am: I eventually went poop, and figured out that I will have to investigate more on the urine area the next time I go out. Yellow Fur Boy comes downstairs sluggishly. He is the only one is this dog house with yellow fur. I think he might actually be a golden retriever. But he sounds like a human, and the body shape is different. Another one of my quizzing thoughts.

10:00 am: Comfy Bed Woman, Crying Tiny boy, and Fun Buddy Girl leave. I'm home alone with Yellow Fur Boy. He's so boring, He looks at this noise making box thing for a while. Then he puts it down and walks to the food closet. He turns the nob slowly, peers in with curious eyes, and walks away with a human treat. I don't get why I can't have human treats. They're so much better than these dog ones. I figure that I go to sleep for a little while. He leaves the door open so I take a peek inside. There it is again! The red flash. 

11:00 am: I wake up. It's still me and Yellow Fur Boy. I go back to sleep.

12:00 pm: They're back and I'm begging at the door for Fun Buddy Girl to let me out. It takes her a while to realize, but finally she opens the door. I beat her down the steps again. She doesn't care, but I am roaring with happiness inside of me. I love it when I win our challenges. I dunno if she even thinks of it as a challenge, but I do. When she commands me to go pee, I suddenly remember the mysterious pee spot that I discovered earlier this morning. I decide to explore later because Fun Buddy Girl will get mad if I don't go pee and poop.

12:15 pm: Honestly, I don't know the difference between pee and poop, so I just do whichever one I feel like doing. Humans don't like talking about this stuff so I'll just shut my yapper. I hear a car pull in the driveway right when I was about to poop. (or pee, whichever one it was.) "Ugh..." Fun Buddy Girl groans.

12:30 pm: I run over to the car ignoring Fun Buddy Girl's grunt and notice who it is. It's Good Smelling White Fur Super Awesome Old Woman! OH BOY, OH BOY, OH BOY! I love Good Smelling White Fur Super Awesome Old Woman. SHE IS MY SECOND FAVORITE HUMAN! I start to pee and wag my tail as I greet her. She loves me too. She calls me a poor baby which which means that she loves me.

12:45 pm: We have moved inside. You are probably wondering why I have such a long name for Good Smelling White Fur Super Awesome Old Woman. I like to name everybody for their character traits. Turns out, Good Smelling White Fur Super Awesome Old Woman has a lot of character traits. Hey, why don't I give her a nick-name? How about O.W., like old woman, or G.S.W.F.S.A.O.W.? Hmm... what about Jolly Old Woman? Nah, that sounds like Jolly Old St. Nicholas. Good Smell'n Old Woman. Yeah, I like that.

1:00 pm: Comfy Bed Woman stuffed a treat in my Kong, (their trick to get me away from Good Smell'n Old Woman.)

1:30 pm: After Good Smell'n Old Woman leaves, I eat lunch. I love the sound of food clanking in my bowl. Us dogs have selective hearing, which comes in handy a lot. But there is some cons to our listening abilities. First of all, Crying Tiny Boy has an ear-bleeding scream, the sound of those big cars with flashing blue and red lights scares the poop outta me too.

2:00 pm: I am tuckered out. I just ran at full speed around the house two times, burped up my food, and chased my soccer ball. I'm going to go lay down and take a nap. I dream about a carrot that barks like a dog, and he's eating cheese and bacon. Yum. That makes me drool. I bark at the dog. Apparently, humans can hear when I bark in my dream because Fun Buddy Girl comes over and wakes me up to tell me "It's Okay." Yeah, I know I'm okay. I just dreamed about a carrot dog eating cheese and bacon. I'm fine. So I fall back asleep.

3:00 pm: Oh BOY! I wake up to the fragrance of carrots. Was this a coincidence or what? Let's go beg for some. I stroll casually over to the counter to get some of that delicious indescribable goodness. "Mom?" asks Fun Buddy Girl. I bet she's gonna get me some carrot. "Can I give him some of this?" Aha! I told ya. Here it comes... That's not carrot! That's cheese going to the Cat! How despicable of her. Wait. Now Fun Buddy Girl's getting carrot shreds, bring it to me...bring it to me...YES! Oh yeah, this is soooooooo good. 

3:56 pm: Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. I listen to those heavy footsteps at the door. And, wait for it, Yes! He's home! Hello Tall Slipper Man! I jump up on his shoulders unaware that it will end with a crash landing. oof. That hurt. Whatever. Fun Buddy Girl greets Tall Slipper Man with a comforting squeeze and walks off. I follow her. Where is she going? She looks up and down and all over. I bet she's looking for her chewy. Then she picks something up and hands it to Comfy Bed Woman. She laughs and keeps on making food. I wonder what that was about.

4:30 pm: Food is almost ready (for the humans), and that means that I might be able to fit in a little extra snack. I mean if anyone drops anything from the table. "Lilly?" asks Comfy Bed Woman. "Can you set the table?" Another one of my quizzing thoughts. I've gotta jot it down in my brain notepad. I have no IDEA why humans use sharp pointy things to eat. JUST GULP IT DOWN WITH YOUR MOUTH! It really drives me bonkers. At least the babies know what I'm talking about.

5:00 pm: Dinner. That's what the humans call it. So much better than our dog food. So delicious, scrumptious, and just over all awesome. I wish dog food came in good flavors. Chimken and carrot soup. Ooh, and peanut butter and cheese kibble. And best yet, beef jerky carrot pumpkin dog treat salad. Mmm...~so tasty~

 

5:30 pm: I've gotten food from under the table. I just ate five crumbs, two pieces of carrot, and one piece of chimken. I'm full. But I could still eat more. Dogs' stomachs' always have room for more. Trust me. Everyone walks in separate directions. Tall Slipper Man walks to the kitchen to clean up. Another weird human thing. If you are going to eat from the same plates again, why clean them? I really don't understand the ways of humans. I guess we're just different; right? Except that Yellow Hair Boy looks like a golden retriever.

6:00 pm: I hear Crying Tiny Boy from upstairs crying. Classic Crying Tiny Boy. He's probably crying because Comfy Bed Woman won't let him out of his crate. Been there, done that. Sometimes I want to help those humans. They do a lot of things wrong. I guess all of my "Quizzing Thoughts" are all of their mistakes. I guess.

6:30 pm: "Come on Barli!" yells Tall Slipper Man. He motions toward the door outside, so I follow. I've totally forgotten about the mysterious pee spot. But I've just remembered. I run over to the spot that I think it was before. It's not there. I check somewhere else. Nope. Nuh-uh. No. Zero. Zilch. Nothing. I have checked six different spots but have not found it. I give up. I see the red spot again! Then it stops. It's my red chewy toy! But how was it moving? Then something pops out from the hole at the bottom of the toy. It's a mouse! I run over and get my toy and then go pee and head up the steps.

7:00 pm: A half an hour until Crying Tiny Boy falls asleep. Not that us dogs have a concept of time. All we know is that we take about 4-6 naps throughout the day, eat three times, receive love and affection from our folks, and go pee and poop a few times too. The sky does get lighter and darker; but I'm still not sure how that works.

7:30 pm: Tall Slipper Man goes over to the cozy and soft couch to watch the color box. We need to talk about that too. That color box thing is really dumb. Why watch people do stuff when you can give me treats and watch the trick I can do. The colors on the screen are all a blur. Dogs can only see gray, blue, yellow, and white. 

8:00 pm: I listen to a noise coming from upstairs. I rush up but become shushed as I reach the top of the staircase. Fun Buddy Girl calls me into Comfy Bed Woman's room. She pats the bed, so I hop up. This is whee Comfy Bed Woman got her name. This is THE comfy bed. I could just sleep here for the whole day! So comfy...

9:30 pm: I feel a shove on my back. It's Fun Buddy Girl telling me to get off of the bed. Fine. I hop off and walk into Fun Buddy Girl's room. I jump onto her bed, and fall asleep. She leaves the room to the treacherous water toilet place. I follow her but sh shuts the door. I run downstairs and go to sleep down there. Today was fun. I'm glad I found my chewy toy. But now I'm tired. Pft-toot. I farted. Good night. 
~MEET BARLI~
Barli is my dog. She's a Bernese Mountain Dog who loves the snow. Barli means "little bear" in Swiss. She is so kind and funny. She's one year old. I'm her favorite friend. She loves to get affection from everyone. Do you remember Good Smell'n Old Woman? Barli goes CRAZY when she comes. She's my grandmother. In real life, Barli does have a red chew toy, but the mouse is all made up. Barli really does hate the bathroom in real life. She will not go into any of them. :D 
Thank you so much for reading my story! 
I hope you enjoyed!