Chatterbox: Inkwell

Nobody Knows Princess

 

 

Prolouge; Ady's story. 

To you, animals do not speak. To you, there is no other world except the world you live in. To you, that is a fantasy. To me, it's real. The first talking animal I met was a rabbit the size of a dog, and her name was Sachi. Her fur was the color of sunshine, roses, and the ocean, all depending on what light she was in.

 

The reason I met her is a long story, but I will shorten it as possible. When I was five, my mother, the queen, died suddenly. And I, being but a young princess and the only heir to the throne (My father had died when I was two.) was going to be crowned Queen Adalayna Marisol Bridgetta Roshe.  

 

Now, it was well known that I had other, older, competitors for the throne. My father's neice Jeffrii Daniel Jonathon Mince had tried many times without success to convince my mothers royal advisors that he should be crowned King. He argued that he was older, wiser, and a man, which all made him a better pick to rule Spain.  

 

Though the royal advisors were cautious of him with me, they never thought he would boldly waltz into my coronation parade and try to cut my throat, but he did. I was walking through a crowd of people, smiling and waving, when he stepped out into my path and held out his arms. "Ady, darling, give me a hug sweetheart, being Queen is quite a big thing!"

 

I ran to him and opened my arms. With my face pressed against his chest, I felt a cold sharp item at my neck. He told me loudly not to turn around, and that he really didn't want to hurt me, but if he had to he would. 

 

My mother's favorite royal advisor, Massie, stepped behind him. "Now Jeffrie, would you really kill little Adalayna? That's such an unmanly, and weak thing to do. What accomplishment is it to kill a five year old? If you kill me, I will tell Adalanya to announce you as king. Be a man Jeffrie, not a weakling," he reasoned gently, drawing his sword.

 

Jeffrie's competitive side came out, and he let me go and lunged toward Massie. A hand grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the street and towards our castle. I looked up into their face and saw my Nanna Ambrosa. "Nanna, I'm scared!" I screamed as I was pulled up the castle steps. 

 

We flew into my room, and my Nanna immediatly started packing. She threw things into a small carpet bag and pushed the bag towards my chest. "We've got to go dear Adalayna." she said kneeling down. "Listen, my sweetheart, if something happens to me that will not allow me to go on with you, I need to tell you this." She took a deep ragged breath. "You don't need to know how I know this, but there is a world unlike ours, where Jeffrie will never find you. If I am unable to go on, I want you to take this key, and go to your bed. Crawl under it, and you will find a small hole in the floorboards. Press this key to it, and you will be transported to the world."  

 

I heard loud footsteps on the stairs outside my bedroom. Nanna's eyes widened with fear, she grabbed my wrist and pushed me under my bed. "Go now!" she whispered pressing the key into my hand and running out my bedroom door. "Jeffrie! Stop this nonsense!" I heard her cry, then I heard a thump and silence.

 

As I peeked out from under my bed I saw Jeffrie run into my room. "Ady! Oh Ady, my sweet child, come to me," he said looking around the room. The last thing I remember of him was the insane look in his eyes.

 

Before he could say another word, I found the hole and pressed to key into it.  A rush of wind surrounded me, I heard laughter, and weeping. I screamed as I twirled around in a vast space of nothingness. It only was for a second, but it seemed like years had passed me.  

 

When the wind left, I saw before me Sachi, who I didn’t know at the time of course. She jumped back, I screamed. She leaned forward, then her face burst into a smile. “Are you Adalayna? Yes, yes, of course you are. Your Nanna told me you would be coming someday...where is she anyway? Come inside dear...come inside!” 

 

Sachi took care of me till I was sixteen….and that is where the real story begins.

submitted by GloWorm, age 12, USA
(August 29, 2009 - 10:58 pm)

Ooh, that's really good. I like Jeffrie. :)

I wouldn't change anything, except "And I, being but a young princess and the only heir to the throne (My father had died when I was two.) was going to be crowned Queen Adalayna Marisol Bridgetta Roshe." If I'm correct, it should be "And I, being but a young princess and the only heir to the throne (my father had died when I was two), was going to be crowned Queen Adalayna Marisol Bridgetta Roshe." Actually, if you want to be even better, take out the parentheses completely and just enclose "my father had died when I was two" in -s.

Also, the paragraphs ran together, but I could tell you did have breaks by the extra space.

Grammar aside, though, excellent job. :) Are you going to post more?

submitted by Mary W., age 11.69, NJ
(August 31, 2009 - 11:20 am)

Heehee, it's so hard to tell over internet, were you being sarcastic about Jeffrie? ;P

 

Yes I will post more! Thankyou for the advice, I changed the thing with () and also, I have no idea why the paragraphs ran together. ;-; I had them all nice and orderly when I posted...admins?!

 

I don't know either, but I just broke it into paragraphs. I'm not sure if they are the same breaks as your original, though.

Admin

submitted by GloWorm, age 12, USA
(August 31, 2009 - 4:48 pm)

Ooh! I like it! I think that Mary W. covered everything, but the only other thing I would change is the fact that if Jeffrie is a boy, he would be her father's nephew, not niece. And it might be easier just to say cousin. Other than that, please post more! I love it!

submitted by Koffee
(August 31, 2009 - 7:05 pm)

Oh no, I'm quite serious. I love Jeffrie. :D He's very cool. :)

submitted by Mary W., age 11.69, NJ
(September 1, 2009 - 8:42 am)

Cool! It's really great beginning to a story, very interesting!

submitted by Emily L.
(September 5, 2009 - 2:20 pm)