Okay, so personally I wasn't as happy with Part II as Part I, but here's Part III and hopefully it's better.

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Part III

Khaira surveyed the crowd. Two people caught her eye- and not because of the way they looked. Actually, that’s inaccurate. It was because of the way they looked- at her and her companions. Everyone else’s eyes were on the floor, but these two stared directly at them. “I wonder why…” she thought out loud. Lianna was looking at her quizzically, so she quickly leaned over and whispered her thoughts.

Lianna nodded. Khai was right, that was strange. But where was the Inspector? According to the current leader of the Heilona, they were supposed to report to him as soon as they reached the camp. But he was nowhere to be found. Something was wrong. “Where’s the Inspector? We need to find him,” she told-slash-asked her friends. Yes- she considered them friends even though they’d only met the day before.

Delilah stared. The strangers were whispering about something. She thought she caught the words “Inspector” and “those two.” Finally, after conferring a little bit more, the kids- who weren’t much older than he (and some were clearly younger)- came over to her and Taz. The scarf-girl spoke. “Where can we find the Inspector?” Delilah’s eyes widened. “You don’t want to meet him.”

Taz looked at Delilah. She was clearly still annoyed that the Inspector had thought she was a spy. “Um. What she means is, why do you need to find him? He’s often not very helpful. Also, what are your names? What are you doing here?” “Are you going to get us in trouble?” Delilah broke in.

Jena rebuttoned the top button of her dress- a nervous habit. She took a deep breath in preparation. She knew the only way… and she was prepared to do what it took- even if that meant lying again. “Miz Jei.” Oh great- they were here. “Mister Mbila.” Jena nodded in his direction. She noticed that his pompous bow was missing- he was also clearly prepared to do whatever it took.

Luila was puzzled. “No, of course we’re not going to get you in trouble!” she said. “And I’m Luila. He’s Raymond, that’s Lianna and she’s Khaira- but you can call her Khai.” She pointed at each of them in turn. And why did the girl have a grudge against the Inspector? At that moment, Lianna broke in. “We’re here to help out and we’re supposed to get our assignment from the Inspector.” Continuing her contemplations, Luila wondered why Raymond thought she looked like the Aelaanians…

Raymond was getting a little impatient. “Okay. Well, do you know where he is?!” The man shook his head. “What’re your names anyways?” The man nodded. “I’m Taz- Tazandyr Meindor. She’s Delilah Karma, and yes, she’s a spy.” Raymond laughed uncertainly. “Hmmm… Karma is a Likhan last name… but you were being sarcastic. So you’re saying Delilah is NOT a spy.” Raymond turned around. “Who said that?” he asked.

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Khaira saw a shadowy cloaked figure laugh. It was a cruel, cold laugh. “Quite right: she is not a spy. I happen to know Miss Karma’s father, though. And that is also why I am here. I am the Empress and I would like to recruit you, Delilah Karma.” Khai was shocked. “You destroy her home, everything she knows, and now you expect her to JOIN you?! Unless Delilah is the biggest coward, which I know she’s not or she wouldn’t be here, she would NEVER join you.”

Lianna’s jaw dropped. The Empress? Here? She turned to Delilah. “Please don’t. She is evil. She doesn’t care. Look around- all these people are here because of her.” Delilah, nodding in agreement said, her eyes flashing, “I will never join you. Ever.” Lianna thought she heard someone whisper, “You go girl.” She wondered if it was herself.

The Empress laughed again. “Ah. Your father was the same way, child-” she said the world “child” full of contempt- “but he is dead now.” Delilah was shocked. Her father? Who’d left her and her mother for dead on the outskirts of Aelaas? She didn’t care about him anymore- the Empress wasn’t going to get to her this way. “I. WON’T!” she said, in the closest thing to a yell she’d ever used.

“Ooooohhh, you will. Eventually.” The Empress cackled and brought out a silver nailed hand and sprinkled black powder in front of her. She went up in purple flames which dissipated within the second… and she was gone. “So. The Empress.” Taz was not impressed. Luila nodded. “Yeah, that was her.” Her voice shook with anger. “We need to find the Inspector.” Taz snorted rudely. “Good luck.” And with that, he and Delilah walked away.

“For crying out loud, fine! I’m not going to argue with you for another five hours about this. You know my views on the matter,” Jena almost-shouted. She didn’t need Mbila to carry out her plans- she could do it in secret. “I’m glad to hear we agree on this, Miz Jena.” Ha. That’s what he thought.

To put it simply, Luila was confused. Delilah and Taz hadn’t seemed to like the Inspector very much. And the Empress? What was she doing here? How did she get here? Did the Inspector know? It was fortunate she hadn’t seen the thin bronze chain peeking out from each of their shirts. The pendant was a small “H” made of wood with a tiny bird flying away from it on the top right corner. It was the mark of the Heilona…

Raymond let out a half-sigh, half-laugh. Everyone looked at him oddly, including the Telijetni-dogs. Bizarre. “Well. That was odd,” he said. “What, that sound you made, or that Empress encounter?” Khaira asked with a grin. “Both,” he told her. He wondered why Delilah hadn’t been more bothered by what the Empress had said about her dad… and what did she have against the Inspector?

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“Ah, good, you’re here!” The Inspector strode towards them. He was a pink-faced man with oily black hair and a rather round belly. “I have the perfect jobs-” “You know the Empress was just here, right?” Khaira interrupted him. “Oh. Yes. In that case.” The Inspectors mouth curled into an unpleasant grin.

Lianna looked at him curiously. “Yes…?” she prompted. He continued: “Why are you still here? I told her that some members of the Heilona were coming to help out.” “Hm. Well, she didn’t recognize us. Wait. YOU told her?!” Khaira said it dismissively, and then incredulously. “I don’t remember telling you we were from the Heilona,” Lianna told him icily.

The strangers were finally speaking with the Inspector. They looked upset, and on their guard. Delilah wondered what they were talking about. One girl- Lianna- said something to him. He punched her in the face. Khaira screamed. Delilah gasped. Before she knew what she was doing she had jumped up and was running towards them.

“Delilah! Wait!” What was she doing? Taz followed her at a jog, until he almost tripped over a body on the floor. He looked down and saw it was… Lianna? She didn’t seem to be unconscious, fortunately. “Are… you okay?” She sat up, rubbing her head. “I think so…”

Okay. Good- Mbila wasn’t going to keep pestering her anymore. Now she needed to contact the head of the Heilona. She would help- Jena just knew it. Pulling the diamond from her forehead, she whispered a name. “Ashei Adira.” The diamond lit up and spun for a minute, before falling on its side, one of its facets creating a picture of a young woman. The picture spoke with a smile. “Yes, little sister?”

Luila had shrieked when Lianna hit the ground. But then the Inspector started running and she ran after him shouting, “Stop! You- you- you- traitorous coward! Someone stop him! ARGH!” She grabbed the back of his shirt, only for it to rip in her hands. She grabbed his arm but he sprinkled some powder and disappeared. “UGH!” she shouted in frustration.

Time seemed to stop, Raymond thought. Between the Inspector and the Empress, Lianna on the floor with blood spouting from her nose, Luila disappearing into the crowd, Khaira screaming, Delilah appearing out of nowhere and grabbing his arm, and Taz teetering dangerously over Lianna’s body… he was VERY overwhelmed. “I’m okay,” said Lianna. Khaira had calmed down, Taz had balanced himself, Luila had reappeared, and Delilah had since let go of his arm. But then it happened.

“Hmm. You’re still here. Not for long,” said the Empress. She was back. 

Um hello? Is this dead? Ah well. It was my first one... It's fine.

I’m still reading it!  I don’t think it’s dead.  Sorry I haven’t been responding, I’ve been busy and haven’t been on CB much.  Even if I don’t respond, know I am reading it!  Looking forward to your next post.  The story is getting even more suspensefull!

Wow. I finished this way way way faster than I thought. Yay! :)

By the way, I’m changing up my formatting because I think I was being too rigid (and not very creative) before. Also, I’ll try to post more often.

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Part IV

Khaira giggled nervously. Lianna squeezed her hand so hard both of their hands were going numb. Luila was glaring at the Empress, but her face was pale and her hands were shaking. Raymond looked dazed, but he was clenching his fists so hard that they were turning a blotchy red and white. Delilah’s mouth was open, and she was trembling slightly. Taz looked mournful, like they were all going to die and there was nothing to be done.

But there was. Each of the Heilona’s members pulled up the H pendant and gripped it hard enough for it to dig into their palms. With her other hand, Khaira grabbed Delilah, because she was standing nearest to her. Taz started forward, and grabbing Khaira’s arm- the one that was gripping the pendant- he hissed, “What on Ayith are you doing?!” 

The Empress cackled. “It won’t work!” she said, hysterically cheerful. “Yes. It will.” Lianna said it so quietly, the Empress almost didn’t hear. She stopped laughing. “WHAT did you say?” The Empress grabbed for Lianna’s throat, but she found herself gripping nothing, her long silver nails jutting into her palm, breaking the skin. 

The whole group had disappeared, seeming to have spontaneously burst into golden flames, which soon disintegrated into a small, charred scroll. The Empress unrolled it. “Our sacrifice wasn’t for nothing,” is what she read.

Meanwhile, in Halieka… 

Khai, Lianna, Luila, Raymond, Delilah, and Taz, had fallen to a forested floor in a flurry of dust and smoke. Coughing and gasping, they sat up to stair at the woman standing above them. She was about twenty-five, and wore a white blouse and brown leggings with a belt. Her hair was tied up in a knot at the base of her neck. 

And she wore a Heilona pendant.

All six stared up at her. Raising an eyebrow at their speechlessness, the woman spoke, saying “I’m Ashei Adira. I have a job for you.” Raymond nodded. Luila elbowed him. “What?” he asked. Luila slapped her forehead with her palm, and shook her head wordlessly. 

Khaira had been looking at this exchange bemusedly. She turned to Ashei Adira. 

“You’re Ashei Adira.” 

“That’s what I said.” 

“THE Ashei Adira.” “

Yes.” 

“Wow…” 

Delilah looked on, clearly confused. She said nothing, though, waiting for someone to say something in explanation. Taz was less subtle. “What are you talking about? What assignment? Who are you?”  Ashei’s eyes scanned both Delilah’s and Taz’s collarbones for the bronze chain she would not find. She raised her eyebrow at the other four. “This does complicate things.” Turning back to Taz and Delilah, she said, “Who’re you?” 

“Taz Meindor and Delilah Karma- Aelaanian refugees. The vulture is after the girl,” Khaira interjected, with a significant look at Ashei. Understanding flooded her features. “Ah. In that case. Have you two heard of the Heilona?” Delilah’s eyes widened. “My mother. She disappeared.” Taz shook his head confusedly. Ashei smiled, her eyes smiling with her lips. 

“I am Ashei Adira, current leader of the Heilona.”

At this point, Raymond covered his mouth. Luila giggled at him.

“Call me Ashei. We, the Heilona, are a secret organization, whose aim is to take down the vulture- code word for the Empress. I’ve heard of you, Delilah. From your mother. Our organization is called the Heilona after our founder, who was called that. When did your mother disappear?” Delilah’s eyes were wide. 

“After my father left us. For dead. In the forested edge of Aelaas.” She said it quietly, but the words still felt too loud. She couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice. Ashei looked at the floor. 

“Do not blame him, Delilah. He did it to protect her.” Delilah continued, and pretended not to hear her. “After we made it to the city, she left on… frequent trips. One time she didn’t come back.” Ashei seemed to know Delilah didn’t want to talk about it anymore, but she pressed on. “Your mother’s name was Heilona Liya.” It wasn’t a question, but…

Delilah nodded.

Lianna gasped. 

I love it!  I cannot wait to learn what happens next!