Chatterbox: Inkwell

Sea Vs. Stars

I have been writing this story about sea dragons, and I've tried to post it on here before, though hardly anyone commented, to my great sadness. :( Anyway, I hope to receive more constructive criticsm this time, and if not I may cease putting my writing on the CB since you don't seem to be appreciateing it. Wow, that sounded super mean. Sorry, and I know some people read it, but it just seems that way sometimes and it hurts my feelings kind of when people don't comment though I know of course that they have better things to do than read my loousy writing.

Anyway, I will be cutting and pasting and so, unfortunately, there will be all that weird stuff above it when I post, but you know better than to read that. Critiscm is greatly appreciated and needed, and compliments would be nice too.

Here are the first two sections:

It was the year 142 AGR, and horror and treachery would soon
descend among the spires of the underwater city Trekal. This city was a home to
many hundreds of sea dragons. But they were innocent of their possible fate,
and did not know that evil schemes were being hatched and put into motion, soon
to overcome them –

     But for the power
of one. One young, awkward draglet, new to the city, who was at the moment
swimming down Curlflip’s Way towards his new school. The dragon’s name was
Ronilian Roamson, and he was no ordinary dragon.

~~~

The green sea dragon swam lazily in a circle above the gate
of the opulent bluestone building. She narrowed her eyes, blue as the ocean’s
surface, as Ronilian came up to her, waterproof scrolls and clay tablets
clutched close to his chest.

     “New student?”
the guard asked, swooping down through the water towards him. Silver-colored
scales dotting her graceful wings shone dazzlingly bright in the ever-shifting
light of the sea, making Ronilian blink his yellow eyes.

     “Uh, yes,” he
replied. “I’m Ronilian Roamson.”

     “Right.”

      There was a short pause as the guard looked at
the timeteller she wore on her arm and Ronilian contemplated her. She was very
young for a guard; in fact, she looked as young as Ronilian himself.  

     A yellow fish
with black stripes swam by, and Ronilian glanced at it. Its eyes were slightly disturbing
and creepy, staring at Ronilian as if scrutinizing his every move -

     “Well then, time
for you to go,” said the green dragon to Ronilian. “When you get inside, you
are to go directly to the door with an angelfish carved on it. I’m Kelaziah, by
the way. I’ll see you next period; I’m a student too. Here the students
sometimes serve as guards.” She flashed the larger dark gray dragon a small,
fake smile, nudged him in with her wing, and closed the gate behind him.

     He swam through
the small coral garden and opened the graystone door, which moved lightly on
its well-fashioned hinges, and entered a long hallway with a flight of
upward-leading stairs at the end. Along the sides were twenty-four doors,
twelve on the right and twelve on the left, each with a different picture
carved on it.

     He quickly
spotted the door with the angelfish; it was the second door on the left side.
The carving reminded him of the fish he had seen outside.

     He was very, very
anxious. A new school, with new classmates, in a new city in which he had spent
hardly two days, was very . . . Over-whelming. Ronilian tugged on his gill for
a moment at the thought of it all before remembering his father telling him not
to; then, his ears back with fearful excitement, he pushed on the door. It
swung open, creaking slightly.

     Sixteen
multicolored heads swiveled towards him, including the teacher’s.

     Draykalia
Ashanah, Ronilian’s homeroom teacher, was quite an unusual dragon; she was
blue-white with black stripes, and had a strange tilt in her movement as she
swam up to Ronilian. She was rather small compared to him, and Ronilian felt
awkward.

     “Welcome,
Ronilian, to the School of the Sapphire. You are from New Riven, correct?”

     Ronilian nodded.
His family had arrived in Trekal only a day ago; his father had quit his job as
a builder in New Riven and taken the job of a doctor’s assistant here in
Trekal.

     “Let’s introduce
ourselves, shall we?” Draykalia motioned to a draglet in the front row. “Why
don’t you start? Oh, and it case it wasn’t clear; this is your new classmate,
Ronilian. Ronilian Roamson.” 

     Ronilian stood
awkwardly in front of the class as a sleek silvery-blue draglet with unusually metallic
and triangular scales rose from her lounging position on her sitting-stone.

     “I’m Silversheath
Darkdrop,” said the young dragon in a clear, confident voice. “Here’s why I was
named that.”

     Suddenly all her
scales flipped themselves up as if on hinges, revealing her bright, diamond-like
hide underneath. The light that came from it dimmed and grew brighter with the
beat of her heart, and her upturned scales looked lethally sharp. Ronilian
blinked as the light hit his eyes. “Very – uh - impressive,” he said.

     “Thanks,” replied
Silversheath in an “I’m used to that” attitude as she flipped the “sheaths”
fully on her slim body again.

     The second to
stand up was Jaggedgill, a sleepy-looking magenta dragon with uneven, sharp gills.
He said something that Ronilian could not quite make out (it was mostly mumbles
and yawns), sat down again, propped his head thankfully on his arm and stared
lazily at Ronilian through half-closed azure eyes.

     Next was a pink
and silver draglet named Salmon, who introduced herself with a soft, simpering
voice and a smirk.

     The other
classmates of Ronilian’s were Berayn, Tejayl, Crystal, Diamondweed, Drift,
Shumi, Steamfall, Polypsa, Ruffleneck, Mooneye, and Redstone. Ronilian’s
sitting-stone was next to hers.

     As he lumbered
over to her, the bright yellow draglet with a ruby on her forehead beamed,
claws clasped under her nose and thin chain necklaces swinging through the
water over her femininely muscular chest. A shy but mysterious smile, rather
like Salmon’s, was on her lips, and she turned her head to look at Ronilian as
he sat down.

     “Hello,
Ronilian,” she said quietly, lime green eyes flashing as she turned to face the
front again.

     The first class
of Ronilian’s first day was history.

     “Today,” said
Draykalia, “we shall be learning about the Throylen Massacres. Shumi, you tell
me, what is a massacre?”

     “Um – it’s a
thingy where –”

     “No. Salmon?”
Draykalia sniffed importantly, then frowned and sneezed as the salty water went
up her nose.

     Salmon leaned
forward as if sharing a great secret with Draykalia. “It’s an event where a
large number of animals or people are killed. All at once.” She licked her
lips, rested her silvery head on her claws, and stared up at her teacher with wide
eyes. Redstone and Silversheath were trying hard not to laugh.

     “Very good,
Salmon! That is a very adequate definition of a massacre.

     “Now, the
Throylen Massacres were horrible massacres that occurred in 4201 and 4203 BGR,
in the vicinity of Throylen, a small island to the east of here. It is empty
and desolate, but once many dragons dwelt on and around it, and they were a
wise and peaceful race, as are we.”

     The draglets were
silent as they listened to Draykalia’s silvery voice continue on. Ronilian
could see through the wide window to the tranquil, colorful garden outside.
Everything seemed so peaceful and safe, as Draykalia told them of terrors far
over the waves.

     “At that time
there lived a certain sky dragon named Staraxi Morish. As a draglet, his life
was hard. His parents treated him horribly until he was about your age, when he
witnessed their deaths. Then he lived with a family of sarpisons; most sky
dragons live in sarpison cities, and so naturally sarpisons were the first to
be volunteered by the government there for the taking in of orphans. Redstone,
can you tell us what a sarpison is, please?”

     Redstone stopped
pretending to chew her tail (she had been doing so for Silversheath’s
amusement) and began to tug and stroke her necklaces.

     “ ‘Once, nigh 36
years after this world was formed, the most beautiful bird, the deftest cat,
and the fiercest human fought on a high mountaintop over the possession of a
fine land; no one living knows what land.

     “The three great
beings were of equal skill, and when the skirmish finally ended, all were dead.
The stars witnessed this, and, for reasons we shall never know till we reach
them ourselves, sent down fine stardust, glimmering in the air, more valuable
than diamonds, silver, or gold. This precious dust mingled with the blood of
the bird and the cat, which had already blended; this mixture in turn merged
into the blood of the human, and the two first sarpisons, winged cats with red
on their wings and the power to take the shape of a human, were born, gazing up
at the sky; and the stars sang.’”

     The ancient words
of the tale, which Ronilian’s mother Prism had taught him when he was younger,
always gave him chills. Now was no exception.

     “Yes, thank you,
Redstone.” Draykalia smiled at Redstone; it was obvious that the yellow draglet
was one of her favorite students.

     “Now, about these
sarpisons that took in Staraxi. They truly were kindhearted, but he was so
different from them, and so surly and unappreciative, that eventually they no
longer attempted to show him true love and kindness. He grew up unwanted by
nearly all. Sad, isn’t it?”

     Most of the class
only nodded in response, but Ronilian was moved enough to say, “It’s extremely
sad!”

    “Heartbreaking,”
murmured Redstone next to him. Ronilian couldn’t tell if she was trying to make
fun of him or not.

     “Well, it
affected Staraxi in a very bad way. When he was just a little older than I, he
swooped down upon Throylen, above which his hometown was situated, and
destroyed every living dragon there. They fought back, of course, but Staraxi’s
grief and anger, so long trapped inside him, gave him uncommon power.

     “When he was
finished with the dragons, he destroyed their homes and even smashed any eggs
that he found. Then he killed all other animals on the island, gulls,
squirrels, anything. Then he put on his breathing necklace and dived into the
ocean. There he found Throylentia, a village of both sea dragons and merrows.
This he destroyed as well.

     “He went farther
out, demolishing a pod of dolphins on the way. He soon found another village,
this one entirely of merrows. He killed half the inhabitants and disappeared.

     “Two years later,
he returned. After killing many innocent seals in the Throylen area, he
attacked a school in Threynanil, a nearby city. He was almost apprehended by
five brave police dragons, but disappeared once more, leaving only his
breathing necklace, floating lazily on the waves.”

     Ronilian was sad,
so very sad. He was sad for the miserable star dragon, for all the beings he
had destroyed. He raised his claw.

     “Yes, Ronilian?”

     “Draykalia, I
don’t want anything like that to happen ever again. I want everyone to be happy
and safe. Even – even Staraxi. Wherever he is.”

     All was still for a moment.

     Draykalia nodded.
“It’s what we all want, isn’t it?”

     Sneerscar’s eyes
glinted.

~~~

Aah! Empyreal almost said a semi-bad word! I guess he REALLY doesn't like my writing. 

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