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Chatterbox: Inkwell
My attempts at
My attempts at rhyming poems :D. Please refrain from laughter and the throwing of rotten fruit. I'm posting these here for constructive critiscism, 'cause boy do they need it! Here's the first one: Working title: Ripples
We are merely ripples
On the ocean that is life
Merely flecks of dust
On this canvas that is strife
We are merely guests
On this planet we call home
Surrounded by our earth
Yet claiming to be alone
Stuck in our ways
For all of our days
Convinced that we are vital
When we are merely ripples
On this ocean that is life
When the sun sets
We shiver from the cold
We feel so strong
But our bodies are fragile and old
We are merely ripples
On this ocean that is life
Convinced that we’re important
That we’re the only ones in strife
But we are merely ripples
On this ocean that is life
That one is the worse of the two, I believe :D Here's the second one: Working title: Inside the mirror
I looked at myself in the mirror today
Saw nature reflected there
Precious gems were in my eyes
Raven feathers within my hair
My lips were that of rose buds
My legs the trunks of trees
My cheeks were rosy sunsets
My soft breath the rustling leaves
I stared for so long at the mirror
And thenI couldn’t find myself again
As I said, keep the laughter, heckling, and fruit throwing to a minimum :D
submitted by Koffee
(August 7, 2009 - 10:26 pm)
(August 7, 2009 - 10:26 pm)
I liked your poems. I certainly couldn't write a rhyming poem so good (sorry, that means I don't know what to criticize), although that isn't saying much. I'm horrible at rhyming poetry. These were really good, though!
(August 8, 2009 - 1:40 am)
I like them! They have interesting ideas and make you think.
(August 8, 2009 - 7:32 am)
I like the second poem.
You are much better at writing poetry than me. I can never find rhyming words.
(December 31, 2009 - 6:07 pm)