"Are you willing to fight for the desires of your heart??" Aea held a weapon out, her fangs gleaming in the moonlight. Shrike looked disturbed.

"Define 'heart'..."

~

"And the scrub jay be like 'Heh, I sound like a hawk. SIKE I'M NOT A HAWK'."

~ 

Storm was dead. He was most definitly dead.

"I'm dead." He announced out loud, just to be sure. "I'm dead, and now I must be punished for-"

"You're alive you idiot." A sharp voice interrupted, bringing him back to reality. Crystal sat in the shade of a nearby tree, her ice-blue hair perfectly combed by some miracle (as always).

"I'd rather be dead." Storm sighed. 

———————

This is from something I wrote a while ago. I’ll probably do a rewrite at some point, but I’m keeping this scene because it’s gold.

I love reading these, they're so funny! Insomniatic, you're a really good writer, I'd love to know more about that story!

Here's some I wrote, they're mostly from the same story. I'm not very good at humor in writing, but I try.

—— 

“There is a path right there,” Levi points out.

“Well, it might not be the right path. Here, hold this.” Noah passes Eva a frying pan. “And this.” A red-and-white windbreaker. “And this.” A headlamp. “And this.” A sponge. “And—”

“I’m not a shelf,” Eva says, indignant, as Noah hands her two bottles of sunscreen.

“Aha!” Noah pulls out a sheet of paper, folded into quarters, and shakes it out. “You can put the stuff down now, Ev.”

Eva unceremoniously drops it onto the ground.

——

Further argument is wordlessly exchanged through the use of exaggerated facial expressions, glasses adjustment, and hand gestures. They get sidetracked and end up wiggling their eyebrows at one another for a solid minute before Levi feels stupid and stops. 

——

Eva mentally files that information away before moving on to her next question. “Why did you want me specifically to go with you for this?”

“Because you’re my best friend,” Noah trills, batting his eyelashes at Eva.

“No, I’m not.”

“You’re right, you’re not,” Noah says. “But Val drew mustaches on all the characters on my Disney posters last week— Don’t roll your eyes at me, Ev, it’s a serious offense— and Levi is far beyond best friend status, so, you know. Process of elimination and all that.”

——

“Look,” Eva says. “There are things that I will hate but grudgingly accept, and things that I will not. I draw the line at walking through some random forest at night, in the dark, with wolves and spiders and things, where we can’t even see when we’re about to be killed.”

“Spiders?!” Trish squeaks.

“Imaginary spiders,” Noah says quickly, “They’re all imaginary! I mean, if there were any! Which there aren’t! But I’d kill them for you!”

Trish still looks upset, so Levi pats her head in a gesture of reassurance that he has seen Val employ on small, similarly distressed creatures such as dogs, cats, and Eva. Trish relaxes slightly. 

——

They take a moment to gaze into each other’s eyes in a way that is totally platonic and definitely not indicative of needless mutual pining. The moment ends. Another moment passes. Another. Now it’s just getting awkward. Eva clears her throat and they spring apart. 

Here are a few excerpts!

The first is from a short piece I wrote from the perspective of Max, a French Hogwarts transfer student; the second and third are from the beginning of a novel that I started and will redo for NaNo, also from the perspective of Max, though he's not a wizard this time; and the last is from the perspective of Sinn, a Quidditch player, talking about one of his teammates.

~~~

Oh shoot getupgetup shot through his head like a bullet, and in his panicked scramble, he got tangled up in his blankets, tripped over nothing (and laying down, too, a new record), and toppled headfirst onto the floor. "Ow," he groaned, unable to conjure up anything more colorful in his sleep-addled, likely concussed mind. "That hurt."

~~~

"Even small acts of heroism are still heroism," I said brightly. "To thank you for saving my life, I'm going to take you out for ice cream."
Sinn is a steadfast guy. His emotions rarely show on his face. Therefore, his demeanor didn't seem to change. But if you were paying attention, you would have seen laughter in his eyes. "It's the middle of December." Annoyed tone, a well-practiced eye roll.
"Hot fudge sundaes, then." I started leading him down the street.
"You know they don't work like that, right?" he asked, this time grinning as he followed me towards the shop.

~~~

"So, you're a . . . " I wracked my brain, trying to remember if I'd heard which sport Sinn participated in. "Rugby player?"
"Lacrosse," he corrected.
"Got any friends on the team?"
"Not really."
"Any friends at all?"
"Nope."
"Well, why not?"
"Why would I need them?"
I stared at him like he'd just said he eats his broccoli with syrup. "Er. Because. Friends are a thing that are sort of important to your mental health?"
"Well, in that case," he said, with another eye roll. I wanted to punch him.

~~~

Before Eliot could do anything stupid, mean, or otherwise Eliot-like, 

"You're not a very nice person." Nico muttered at Thorne.

"You wanna go next, Goldilocks?" Thorne spat.

"Consider the fact that Zayn will actually kill you for beating me up if you decided to next time you threaten me."

"Psh.  You're only getting a free pass because you said that."

"Guys, there are children present," Farlan cut in.

"No one wants to hear what you have to say," Nico and Thorne said in unison.

~~

Matthew was alone.  Or so he thought.

"How much would you give to get them back?" Grimm asked from behind him.

Matthew turned.  "Why are you here again?  And behind me of all people, as I'm mourning.  What the actual heck."

"Answer, guardian angel."

Matthew wrapped his arms around himself.  "I'd give anything to get them back."

~~

I'll probably post some later.