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She sketched each
Chatterbox: Inkwell
She sketched each
She sketched each name out carefully, attempting to recreate every person's personality into the way she wrote their name. One by one she finished writing them, fixing all the lposided letters and outlining them with sharpie.
She continued blissfully until she couldn't find the motivation to draw for the moment. She turned to her computer. She hoped Alizarine wouldn't mind that she had stolen the idea.
Gosh, I'm so bad at this.
She tried to push the thought out of her head. She turned back to the page covered in pencil and ink. She read each person's name, and thought about what they might think of her.
No, don't think about that, it'll take you to the dark side again.
They probably hate me
She shook her head. No, that can't be true. No one hates her. Right? She seemed desperate to get her mind off the issue.
Writer's block, artist's block, why can't you just draw something? Get something done!
She felt like crying. Because when she looked at the paper, she had written someone who was leaving.
It's not your fault she's leaving.
But you took part in that. That makes it your fault.
At least I know that it's a touchy subject for some people.
She turned back to her computer and typed an entry.
Attention seeker.
I just -- I need help.
You need attention.
No, I'm actually struggling!!!
But she still had the feeling that she was just begging to be noticed. She shook her head. She wanted, no, needed someone to talk to.
~~~
This is no one's fault but mine.
submitted by Lucy B., age 13, Emmilvien
(April 6, 2018 - 2:46 am)
(April 6, 2018 - 2:46 am)
is this a story?
(April 6, 2018 - 12:31 pm)
No, it's really not. Tell that voice in your head to shut up, because it's lying.
(April 6, 2018 - 3:18 pm)
Absolutely not. You are wonderful, Lucy, and that voice can go take a hike off a cliff.
(April 6, 2018 - 8:33 pm)
Lucy, everyone feels like this sometimes. Whatever happens, you are always a valuable, irreplaceable human being. Now that it's over, you have the opportunity to learn from it and move on. We all make mistakes, and those mistakes can help us refocus and realize what it takes to be more of who we really are. It's very healthy to stop, reflect, and consider, but don't let yourself get swallowed up. That voice has no power over you: you can use it for good.
(April 7, 2018 - 8:50 am)
I won't mind.
(April 7, 2018 - 5:32 am)
No! We all feel like this, Lucy! Trust me! We always have voices inside of us that tell us we're bad at stuff! I have so many telling me that I am worthless-that people think I'm dum. But.... most of the time, people are too busy worrying about what everyone else will think of them to actually think bad thoughts about other people. So... I know it's hard, but, just..... I do this sometimes. Sometimes I think, (And this thing may just be me-I know you aren't wallowing in anything, Lucy B, just sometimes I do... bit of a, ah, problem of mine...) "I'm just wallowing in self-pity, aren't I? WAIT SECOND-THAT WAS YOU, WASN'T IT?! STUPID VOICES. Well, YOU KNOW WHAT, *Bleeeeeeeeeep* YOU, EVIL VOICES! SHUT UP, I AM A GOOD PERSON (I hope..) SO STOP DEMORALIZING ME AND JUST STICK YOUR HEAD IN *Bleeeeep*-ING *Bleeeeeeeeeep*!!!! Also-this may be stupid, but if I feel awful and I can't get the voices out of my head, I do this.... I breath out in one long slow breath, I kind of imagine this smoke of blackness and all the bad feelings being breathed out. And then, it usually works and I feel a bit better. This may not help though...
Also, my old slogan, if you're feeling awful and crappy, 'fake it 'till you make it' (This is usually better for when you're feeling grumpy) pretend to be happy. No, really, this actually works well with me. Feeling awful and horrible and that life is pointless and that all we can do is bow down to the corporate overlords and surrender our lives to the void? If you're helping around the house, act happy. More cheery. Read a book. Liste to nice music while drawing. Maybe not depressing music. Take a walk with a pet of your choice. Or bake something. Phone a friend, organize some kind of thing this week (Maybe today) where you and them will meet up. Having something to look forward too is nice. I hope that was helpful. Just, remember that you are not alone in this. We all feel like this! And also, I don't hate you. Personally I actually have always liked your posts, and enjoy your writing. "VWIN!" Win? We can win? Wow, Frederic, that was very peppy. *Claps* '
(April 7, 2018 - 3:25 pm)
You are amazing. You have so many amazing ideas and somehow manage to write them out, something I have not yet achieved. The voice needs to take a long walk off a short pier in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle.
(April 7, 2018 - 3:39 pm)
Haha, I like that :D
(April 7, 2018 - 8:38 pm)
I know that voice. Nymph might have a tenuous wisp of it in her, and Sea Glass hears it a lot. Me, I haven't heard it in a while. It's wrong, by the way. If you're hearing it, you do need someone to talk to, and that's okay.
(April 7, 2018 - 4:00 pm)