AHHHH! I just read it all!! In one sitting!! And it's WONDERFUL! Wow. Your comment about Trevor/Jasak entering in prompted me to read this finally! And am I glad that I did! Your writing is clear, unique and eye-catching, and Zoey is such a relatable character! Keep it up! (Also, I see that you have quite a few male characters who already have names that start with J.....)

@Vy: Thanks! Means a lot to me. :)

Side note: I started calling the dragons "PrairieFire" again. That's their old Blaze name. I was in a writing frenzy and couldn't remember the actual term. So the Prairiefires are the prairie Blaze that Zoey meets.

~~~

I wake up in the morning to the smell of smoke. My immediate thought is that a PrairieFire patrol has found me, and I scramble up, confused when my hands are tangled tightly in rough blankets instead of scratched by long grasses. But even as my bleary mind begins to recognize my surroundings, the smell of smoke becomes stronger.

Now it’s accompanied by screams as well.

I stand bolt upright, throwing off the last vestiges of sleep and running outside. It’s a strangely ordered pandemonium. There are people running, a few screaming, but most seem to know what to do. There are a few homes on fire, but there’s also a long line leading to the bathhouse. In it, people are handing buckets to their neighbors to quell the flames or be refilled. As I watch, the villagers almost get the fire under control, but a dark shape swoops down out of the sky and shoots a blast of flame that sets the house alight again.

I suck in my breath.

Dragons.

They’ve found me.

I freeze in shock and fear. I must have been careless somehow. I left a trail, or stopped being careful, and somehow led them right here.

Someone runs past me, but they’re a dark blur against the night. The flames flash bright in my vision, but I don’t see them. I have to do something. Something, anything, I don’t know, but I can’t let these people die. I just can’t. They took me in, and now they’re dying, and it’s all my fault.

I run forward, unfrozen now, pushing through the line of dark-skinned people. A few murmur in protest, but most are too focused on fighting the flames to chide me. A golden dragon swoops over my head, flames roaring from his mouth. I jump up, barely catching the edge of his talon, and when the dragon flies up again, it’s with me hanging onto his claw like a burr. The dragon stumbles in his flight a little, glancing downward and doing a double take when he sees me clinging onto him.

“I’ve found her!” he roars. He lands on the ground, almost crushing me, but I roll out of his grasp and out of the way. I end up with my face mashed into the ground a few feet away.

I hear five thumps, and then: silence.

I raise my head, cautiously. Around me in a ring are six dragons in varying shades of gold. One of them steps forward and peers at me, then rears his head back.

“Zoey?” it-- he-- says, surprise evident in his voice.

I squint a little bit at him. He looks familiar, somehow. I mentally run through the dragons, and decide he’s…

“Grytenth?”

He nods. “Yeah. What are you doing here?”

I snort. “Shouldn’t you know that?”

Grytenth frowns a moment, but then realization dawns on his face. “It’s you?” he asks. “You’re the criminal we’re hunting? What happened?”

“I’ll only tell you if you order your group to stand down,” I say, crossing my arms. “These villagers are innocent. They don’t know who I am, what I’ve done.”

Grytenth nods impatiently. “Yes, of course. Stand down!”

The patrol with him stops burning the homes and rejoins us, adding to the circle of dragons. The villagers gather around us as well, leaving a few of them behind to fight the flames. I now have an audience to tell my tale.

“You know by now that I was believed to be the One,” I begin. “Morrowmist brought me here to test that theory. I went through every test the Elder Spark threw at me. I fought my own reflection. I outran dragons. I puzzled my way through a booby-trapped clearing. Finally I made it to the final test. The Elder Spark was waiting there for me, waiting to give me a choice. I could either choose to save Chamarys, or a female dragon egg.”

Grytenth interrupts me, looking confused. “But then, you passed, right? You saved Chamarys.”

I shake my head, smiling grimly. “No. You’re right, I did choose Chamarys. But because the Elder Spark valued her life less than that of the egg-- which wasn’t even real, by the way-- I failed. He thought he could kill two birds with one stone-- get rid of Chamarys, who he didn’t like anyway, and gain a little puppet hero for him to toy with. And you know what, Grytenth, that’s why I’m a criminal. Because I’m not a puppet. And because I know-- truly know-- what your leader is.”

Grytenth reels backward, almost stepping on his own tail as I advance. “I’m DONE!” I shout at him. “I’m done being a puppet! I’m done being a pawn in somebody else’s game! So if you want to bring me back, fine. If you want to execute me, fine. But I won’t play your games.”

Grytenth shakes his head.

“I… I cannot, Zoey,” he says, looking torn. “I cannot leave you here and disrespect the Elder Spark. I cannot disobey. I was just given this position of command a moon ago. He’s counting on me. And yet, I know that this is not right. You made the right choice.”

“And now it’s your turn,” I say softly. I step up to him and offer him my bowed head. “You can execute me, here and now, and bring me back to the Elder Spark that way. I refuse to come back any way, to let him torture me until I crack and let him play with me. You could certainly make that choice. Or, you can let me go, and I promise to never bother you again. Never come back to the land of the PrairieFires ever again, never show any hint that I’m alive. I’ll find a little town somewhere, settle, and never return to the land of Zentara.”

Grytenth hesitates, his claws twitching as if wrestling with his conscience. Then, in a sudden movement, he scoops me up with one claw and launches himself into the air. “I will return shortly,” he roars to his patrol on the ground. “Do not follow. The Elder Spark had specific wishes for her execution, and I must carry them out.”

My heart goes cold. He really did it.

He chose his duty… over my life.

*gasps*

*hyperventalates*

*dies*

*comes back to life to say:* WHAT?!? NOOOoooo!!

WHAT?, NO! NONONONONONONONONOOOOOOOO!

AGH STARSEEKER HOW YOU TORTURE MEEEEEEEEEEEE 

WOW! Starseeker, that is SO good! PLEASE keep writing; I really really want to read more! That was like reading a real life published book! THAT IS SO GOOD! I just read the whole thin in one sitting! Anyways, I have a few critiques (people probably might have already said them, but I mostly just read the story).

Prologue:

I really liked it! But for the prophecy, I think the lines:

One That Does Not Fit

One That Cannot Flit

sounds a bit too sudden in the sentence, too short. Also, "lands out there" seems not formal enough, more like common speech. This is just my opinion! I think you should read it over againand see how the rhythm works, so you can tweak a few things.

Chapter One:

I don't think you need the "the end" in the first sentence. Also, why is Justin suddenly so nice to her? Before, in the years Zoey was there, it seemed like even Justin was mean. Why start being nice suddenly, now? Also, Zoey seems a bit too quick to anger, but that might just be her personality, or just me benig classic "give everyone a chance!" me. ;P

The REDRAGEBLOODBLACKDEATHBONESREDRAGEBLOODBLACKDEATHBONES seems a bit over the top. Maybe you should just add description instead of putting all those words in caps there. 

And what happens when the C Squad's blankets turn black? How are they not black anymore when they return? Or is the blackness just Zoey's imagination? Or is that supposed to remain a mystery until later...? Maybe you could clear that up a little bit, but again, just my personal opinion.

I noticed that Kelsey's name also ends in "C", like the C Squad. She laughs at their names, but her own name is also in that category. You could (don't have to, of course, I love the name Kelsey!) change her name to something that doesn't end in "C". But this is very very likely me being overly picky.

Very small detail: When you say:

One of them-- Macie wrinkles her nose.

You should technically add another -- after Maisie, and take out the space between the first -- and Maisie. I'm sure there are more grammar mistakes that you'll catch when you edit. I know I'm just supposed to be commenting on the story, but I can't help it! My friends call me Grammar Queen because of how I edit their grammar in their stories! Sorry again for being super picky...!

Alright, FINALLY done with Chapter One. This post is going to be 100 pages long by the time I finish!

Chapter Two:

I noticed some tense fluctations, like some slipping into past tense (ex. I checked my watch), but that's easy fix.

For: The C Squad, it would appear, had no shame-- sharing everything, from mirrors to hair supplies to uniforms., I would change the -- to a comma.

I'm pretty sure PJ's should be capitalized (you wrote pj's).

OMG I'm just doing grammar! Sorry if I'm super annoying with all this little stuff. I'm somewhat of a perfectionist...

Ok, finally some real content-based comments. I never really cought on from her introduction to Zoey that Kelsey loved blue, so when you said "blue (of course) suitcase" I didn't really get it. You might want to change her clothes from the first day to only blue, and add some more blue things around her to make it clearer. 

About the high-heel incident: Isn't that bullying? Would there be consequences, or no? And would a high-heel really make her shoulder bleed. I don't think high heels are very sharp, and it would be hard for it to even go through her shirt. But I also get that bleeding makes Justin want to help. Maybe you could make her scrape something as she falls, maybe on a locker nearby?

I saw a third person "her" in there--again, easy to fix.

I feel like the last sentence "And then the dragons landed" is a bit too abrupt. It was a normal school story, until suddenly it turned magical, with no hints beforehand. The first time I read it, I thought I read it wrong! Maybe you could drop a few magical hints beforehand?

Chapter Three:

This "understanding dragons." I never like it that much in books, because it doesn't make sense. Shouldn't she realize she is speaking a different language. For example, I am fluent in two languages, but I can still realize when I am speaking Chinese or English. And when she talks, is it English or Dragon?

There's a sentence that's unfinished: Didn’t dragons usually maidens?  

Did you just skip something there? 

The part: “Tell me,” I said, sweeping an arm out at the crowd, “is there one person, even one, who would care if I left?”

makes me kind of feel like she's asking for attention to her courage and bravery (like, showing it to the readers of the book too much). You could maybe reword this or tone it down a little, I don't know. Maybe this is just me being weird... probably.

Also, does Justin have a crush on Zoey? It really seems like it to me, but you said he was just a side character...?

There's a paragraph all in third person, in the part when Catfish is coming back from catching dinner.

Why do they call Zoey "it"? They know that the humans in Avalon have names, so why not Zoey?

What is an Astrera? You never explained that to us. From mane and tail, I'm guessing she's some sort of horse... maybe a unicorn or pegasus? Could you make that more clear?

Chapter Four:

Oh, you skipped it! Awww I wanted to read a fighting scene. Well, then, moving on to...

Chapter Five:

What's an Astra? You say: "the Astra rests against my shoulder." Is that a part of the dragon's body?

Also, I should have mentioned this earlier, but when the dragons/Zoey communicate, you might want to italicize their words/thoughts. I think you do this afterwards, so it's fine.

When you say: "Grytenth droops a little bit. “I know,” he says, “But look! Morrowmist’s back!”"

I don't think he should droop; he should just be excited Morrowmist's back. You could make him say: "I know, I know, but look; Morrowmist's back!" But this might also depend on his personality.

A Sidenote: Is Chamarys pronounced Ka-mar-ees or Cha-mary-s? Or soemthing else. I had always been pronouncing it the first way, but I'm pretty sure it might be wrong... 

Also, is Morrowmist a male or female? I think you called Morrowmist both "he" and "she," later, but I might be mistaken.  

How did all the misfits get to Lydianzaa in the first place? What if two people have a child there, and the child is normal, not a misfit? Does he or she get to stay there?

"I did not know how fragile you would be"

Is that supposed to be polite? But then, it might just be the dragons and how they see things.

After Morrowmist bows, Zoey says: "I don't do all the bowing and scraping stuff."

What "scraping stuff"? Didn't Morrowmist just bow?

The "But I'm human... aren't I?" is a little cliche, but I still thing it's a good choice for what Zoey is feeling at that time--confused.

I have to go now; I'll comment on the other chapters later (if you want me to, that is)! Sorry if I sound super super mean/rude about all of this! Your story is really, really, really good and I really, really, really LOVE reading it!!!! 

I... um... drew fanart? And if you like it, I can draw you a cover? I’m sorry, the dragons aren’t very good... alright, I’ll just post it now.

I start to struggle, then, but it does no use. Grytenth simply tightens his claws and soars higher, so high that the land below us disappears behind a wide swath of clouds.

I catch my breath. If I have to die, I want this to be the last thing I see. It’s so beautiful-- like we’re the only ones in the world. Like the rest of the globe doesn’t exist, and it’s just a blue dome overhead and fluffy clouds beneath. If I hadn’t been petrified with terror I think I might have yelled with the pure freedom.

A sharp tip pokes into my side.

Grytenth’s Astra.

I’m not going to kill you, he says, cutting off all my indignant and panicked thoughts. I just needed to make my patrol believe you were dead. I know a small town, a few leagues from here, that you could stay in. If it’s not to your liking, you can go anywhere you wish. But you must swear to never come back to Zentara.

I swear, I say. Will you tell Morrowmist and Chamarys I live? And a small cadet, named Jelein. They helped me escape.

Grytenth mentally shakes his head-- quite an odd feeling. No. I cannot. No-one must know. I am sorry, but they must believe it as well, or our plot would be revealed. It will be hard enough now that I know.

I feel a pang of sadness for Morrowmist, Jelein, and Chamarys. They risked everything they had to help me, and now they will think it was all for naught.

Thank you anyway, I think. Thank you for choosing me.

He sighs. It was not an easy decision. But it was the right one, I think. The Elder Spark… has not been quite right in a long time. He has not chosen a successor either.

Then why do you follow him? I ask.

Grytenth shrugs. He is my leader, both physically and spiritually. He guides our Sparks, pulls on them. Without him, I am nothing.

But you could be, I think impulsively, putting my hand on Grytenth’s shoulder. You don’t have to stay.

But I do, he thinks. If you are to get away safely, I must come back.

I understand, I think back. Will you watch over Morrowmist and Chamarys for me? Please, keep them safe as they kept me safe. Please.

Grytenth smiles sadly. They are my sisters. I would do anything to keep them safe. But yes, for you, I shall strive to do more.

Thank you, I think, just as we clear the clouds and sweep out over the open land. I catch my breath. Somehow, during our conversation in the clouds, we travelled many miles. The land beneath us is now less flat and barren. Instead of prairie grasses and dry winds, the ground is fresh and green-grassed. There are a few trees, but nothing like the scrubbly trees on the prairie or the tall pines of the forest. No, these are oaks and maples, the kind you might find in your suburban backyard, not a fantasy land. “Can we get a little closer?” I ask Grytenth, yelling over the wind. He grumbles, but swoops down closer to the land. Even though I’m hanging from his claws, I feel like I’m the one flying, and I let out a loop of joy. Grytenth rumbles again, this time in laughter, and swings down so close to the ground that my feet brush the top of a tall oak. Then we’re higher into the skies again, swooping among the clouds like the birds we startle from their flight.

Grytenth swoops lower again, and I see a small group on the ground. When they spot us, they start running in all directions, waving their arms and getting stuff out of packages. It looks like complete chaos, but as we get closer, I can see that it’s actually pretty organized. There’s someone with a long blonde braid standing in the center of it all, waving her arms and directing people around. They follow her instructions and assemble a contraption like I’ve never seen before. As we start to pull back up into the clouds, the leader shoves someone aside, plants herself beside the contraption, and pulls a rope.

“Grytenth!” I shout, but it’s too late. The bolt that the contraption fired slices through the air, straight at us. Grytenth swerves to the side but it’s not enough. The bolt grazes his wing and sets him off into a spiral, and in his panicked attempts to stay upright, his claws open. And then I’m falling, falling, falling…

I close my eyes tightly and clamp my mouth shut over a scream as I fall wildly through the air. I won’t scream, not now. I hear voices below me for a split second and then I land, with an ominous thump, on the ground.

And yet, and yet-- the ground would not be this soft. The ground would not have made a slight grunt as it caught me.

As I open my eyes, I find a girl staring down at me. It’s the same girl that had been in command of everyone earlier, the one with the long blonde braid. She frowns at me for a moment before unceremoniously dumping me on the ground.

I land with a thunk, laying there groaning for a second before awkwardly pushing myself to my feet. I find myself surrounded by a group of people, mostly girls but a few guys as well, with weapons slightly raised but not fully out. They don’t know who I am yet, and they’re not taking any chances.

I raise my hands slowly over my head, showing them I’m unarmed and nonthreatening. The girl in the blonde braid marches around the circle to face me, then looks me up and down, assessing my worth. I know how I must look to her-- too-large borrowed dress, tangled shoulder blade-length hair, pale skin flushed and scarred. At least I bathed before Grytenth came, so I’m not smudged and filthy.

With a start, I remember my Earth clothes, and I put my hand to the deep pocket of the dress. To my relief, I feel the soft fabric of my top and skirt, and the sharp edges of the clue-scales, Morrowmist’s scale, and the sea-dragon’s scale. I draw my hand out of my pocket.

My actions did not go unnoticed by the leader girl, and she frowns.

“What’s in your pocket?” she asks, visibly tensing up and letting her hand stray towards her weapon, a sharp quarterstaff strapped across her back..

I smile, a little nervously. “Just some stuff from home, my old clothes, things like that,” I say.

“Show me,” she orders, and I turn out my pocket, showing her the torn top, skirt, and tie from Northbrook. The girl holds out her hand and I obediently hand her the items. She fingers the claw holes in my shirt, looks at the dress I’m wearing, and frowns.

“Why do you keep these, if you have perfectly good clothing?” she asks me.

I shrug. “They’re from home. They’re the only things I have from there.”

She raises an eyebrow. “And where is home for you?”

I sense a bit of suspicion in her tone. “Home is… far away,” I hedge.

To my surprise, she nods knowingly. “I understand. Many of the Eagles were snatched from their homes by dragons, too.”

I start. “You mean-- these people are from where I’m from?” I ask, turning to face them, looking around. These people are from Earth!

The girl nods again. “Yes, dragon raids used to be a lot more common in years past. They stopped soon after the Treaty of Khua’kahame”-- she spits the word like a curse, and her eyes flash-- “But they’ve started up again in the past few weeks. Villages burned, homes pillaged. We’ve had a busy time of it, not only hunting down dragons who break the Treaty, but trying to get villagers home again. So, what’s the name of your village?”

She hands me back my Earth clothing as my mind struggles to come up with an answer. These people aren’t from Earth-- they’re from villages all around. And now she thinks I’m one of them too.

As I take the clothes, my hands fumble, and one of the scales falls out with a metallic plink.

“What was that?” the girl asks, bending down to pick it up. Her face hardens as she turns the scale over in her hand, and when she looks back at me, her eyes are full of hate.

“Dragon kin,” she spits at me.

The words are carried around the circle like a growing wave, rising in volume until it’s being shouted in hatred.

“Dragon kin!” the people roar.

The girl holds up her hand and they all fall silent.

She steps forward into the circle and gestures for me to hand her my skirt again. I do, and she puts her hand into the pocket, pulling out the glass shards, the sea-dragon’s scale, the clue-scales, the bird-creature’s feather, and Morrowmist’s scale. With each new revealment, the circle of people hiss in anger. She turns one of the clue-scales over in her hand, the one that was given to me by Jelein. “What is this?” she asks me, then immediately adds, “Don’t lie. I’ll know.”

I swallow nervously, conscious that the other people within the surrounding circle have moved their weapons so as to be more threatening and at the ready. “It’s… it’s something I call a clue-scale,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.

The girl snorts. “A clue-scale?”

I nod. “Yeah. It’s, well, it’s kind of a long story, but I was on a journey-- no, not a journey, a… time limit, and I had to find these things, or the dragons were going to kill my friend. Who, is also a dragon.”

The girl tilts her head at me. “The dragons… were going to kill your friend, also a dragon… if you didn’t find a scale?”

I shake my head. “It’s more complicated than that. It, um, well, it involves a prophecy. And, I should probably mention now, I’m not actually from here? I’m from Earth, but I’m here now because dragons kidnapped me, and…” I trail off. “It’s just, really, really complicated.”

The crowd starts murmuring. A tall guy pushes his way through and sets his hand on the blonde-braided girl’s elbow, saying something quietly in her ear. She tenses up and turns toward him, but he tightens his hold until she relaxes again and nods. Then the girl turns back to me. “You are obviously delusional,” she says. “We’ll keep you here, with us, until you’re feeling better. Then we’ll let you make your decision.”

“My-- my decision?” I stammer, but the tall guy has already come forward and gently taken me by the upper arm. “What decision?”

“Shhh,” the guy murmurs comfortingly, leading me away from the main group and towards one of the only trees in the area. “It’s okay. We’ve all been here. Once the shock wears off, it’ll be okay.” I follow him in a daze, the world slightly tunneling around me from exhaustion and stress.

“Decision?” I say again, holding on to that one word.

He turns slightly, still walking towards the tree. “Yes, your decision,” he says. “Once you’re non-delusional again, we’ll let you decide if you want to start a new life in another village or stay and become an Eagle. If you choose to leave, that’s fine. We’ll take you to the nearest village and leave you with enough money to provide for yourself until you can get a job. But if you choose to stay, we’ll assess you to make certain you’re Eagle material. If you are, you’ll start intensive training to become a member of our band. If you’re not, well, hardly anyone ever is.”

We’ve now reached the tree and the guy guides me down into a sitting position, with my back against the trunk of the tree and legs sprawling into the dappled shade it provides. The guy does the same, relaxing into the trunk next to me and putting his arms behind his head. He looks up at the clear blue sky with a small smile and closes his eyes. I take the opportunity to study him. He’s tall and lanky, I’d estimate around six foot. Despite that, he doesn’t look much older than me. His skin is a rich hazelnut brown, and his hair is an inky black, the layered top spilling over his head and into his eyes. The guy cracks open one honey-brown eye and says bemusedly, “Done looking?”

I blush a little. “Yeah, sorry. I just haven’t really seen a human up close in a little while.”

The guy grins, one of his smile crinkling up a little more than the other side. “Well, then,” he says, “I suppose I should introduce myself, then. I’m Jasak, Jasak Forandra.”

“I’m Zoey,” I say.

He raises an eyebrow, much like Kelsey did back in Delta Dorm on Earth. “Zoey…?” he asks.

I shake my head, looking down at my feet. “Just Zoey. I never knew my parents or my last name.”

Jasak nods sadly and takes my hand. “I know what it’s like to lose people you love. I lost my entire village to dragons a long time ago. Sterling took me in-- but things were different then.” He gets a faraway look in his eyes before snapping himself back to the present. “Zoey,” he says. “I like that, last name or no. It suits you.”

I grin, matching his wide smile. “Thanks. I’ve always liked it, even though I don’t have a last name. Besides, I’m kind of stuck with it. It’s not like I can change it now.”

Jasak tilts his head at me. “Well,” he says, “If you really want a last name, what’s stopping you? You don’t have any ties to family or to your old village any more-- I’m assuming the dragons burned it, like they have with so many more. So why not make up a new name?”

I think a bit. “I think… I think that’s a good idea,” I say slowly.

Jasak winks. “That’s the only kind I have,” he says cheerfully. “What were you thinking of for a name?”

I bite my lip, considering my options. Then I shake my head. “I don’t know,” I say. “I’ve never really thought about it before.”

Jasak considers me for a second, then snaps his fingers. “I’ve got it,” he says. “Magpie.”

“Magpie?” I splutter. “Why?”

He stammers. “Well… I don't know. It sounded better in my head, I will admit. I’ll keep working on it.”

“You’d better,” I say, laughing, and Jasak joins in. Just then, another person approaches the tree, this time a girl. She’s shorter than me, with reddish hair that kinks into a natural bob and hazel eyes. Jasak’s grin fades as he sees her, and he says, “Hey, Blaiyre.”

Instead of responding, the girl says, “Don’t go getting too attached to the fledgling, Jasak. She probably won’t even decide to stay.” She turns halfway, pauses, and turns back. “Chief sent me to tell you that the trons are up and running again, and that we’re leaving on your signal.” Then the girl turns fully and strides off. Jasak sighs as he watches her go.

“Who was that?” I ask.

Jasak turns to face me. “That was my half-sister, Blaiyre,” he says heavily. “We… don’t get along too well, as you can tell. I didn’t even know I had a half-sister until we picked her up after a raid a while back and she recognized my face.”

I nod, taking this all in. “And what’s a tron?” I ask.

Jasak pulls back his sleeve to show me a metal clasp around his wrist. “This is a tron,” he says. “Short for transporter, I’m not sure why.”

“Yes, but what is it?” I persist.

Jasak looks up, past me, to the main group. The blonde-braided girl waves one arm, and Jasak waves back. Then he looks down at me again. “You’re about to find out,” he says.

~~~

~Starseeker