Chatterbox: Inkwell

I'm working on a story about some kids who go to boarding school. The headmistress is evil, so they have to escape. I'll post some here. Come back for more, and tell me how it is!SmileChapterOne: Important Plans

The doorbell echoed through the small house that Halle O’Malley sat in, waiting for her son to get home. She opened the door tosee a thin redheaded boy soaked from the rain, his normally spiky hairplastered to his head. “Riley!” She said, hugging him. He hugged his momquickly, shrugged his backpack off and ran up into his room to change into dryclothes.

            Riley flopped onto his bed and heard the familiar groan of the springs. He peeled offhis socks and sighed. His room was dusty, dim and small. The only thing heactually liked in his room was the picture on the splintery wooden dresser. Itshowed his father sitting on a dock, feet in the water. Riley and his dad looked a lot alike. They both had red hair and dark eyes. Riley tried not to cry as he looked at the dusty picture. His father had been dead for seven years, since Riley was five. Riley remembered his dad staying home once when Riley and his mom went to the store real quick, and not being there when they returned. He remembered to frantic calls to the police, the sadness, but mostly he remembered the note his father left.

                        Halle-The time has come, and they need me. I might be back someday. I love you andRiley so much. – Liam

His mother read it and cried. Riley read it and wasconfused. He had spent countless hours trying to figure it out. In fact, hegave up on decoding it just last year. His mother had found him asleep on his creaky desk, the note in his sweaty hand. She told him to forget about the note. The police had declared the disappearance of Liam O’Malley a cold case.

            Rileyset the picture down and clicked on the TV, trying to push everything out ofhis mind. He punched in channel 69, looking for ESPN. Basketball was on now.Riley loved to shoot hoops in his driveway. The net was gone, it was just a rimnow, but that didn’t stop him from spending countless summer days shooting baskets on his make-believe court.

            About five minutes in to Wisconsin Vs Florida, the screen went blank.

            Thenews anchor for the local news broadcast came on. “This is a government message. Soon citizens of America will receive a packet in the mail of information regarding sending your children to a government-sponsored boarding school from age 7 until age 15. Students will come home June 7-September 2. At fifteen, a government-sponsored college will be selected for them based on their Graduating Exams, which will cover careers, interests, habits, personality, social skills, reading, writing, math, science and history abilities, and personal life. It is required to mail these packets to the place designated on the packet by JANUARY 22nd! If you do not do so, youwill face consequences. Thank you for your patience and enjoy your day.”

            Rileywas not surprised. For a year, there had been reminders of this plan of the President’s. Honestly, Riley didn’t mind. It’s like starting my life over, he thought. His mom, however, was upset, like many people. But the government made the decisions. They were carrying through with the plan, despite endless protests. He reminded her that it was only three years, plus breaks. She calmed down a bit, especially when Aunt Kellie had invited her to lived in the countryside with her until Riley was 15. She had 3-year-old quadruplets, three boys (John, Joseph and Jack), one girl (Jesse), and an older girl (named Lila)who would go to school with Riley. Lila was a year and 2 months older than Riley, but treated him like they were the same age. When they were younger,they lived across the street from each other, and often played basketball andhad races and played video games. On the Fourth of July, they lit sparklers and threw them into the air. Those were the days Riley held onto, the days when heand Aunt Kellie and mom and Lila and dad sipped lemonade in the backyard of abig house in a friendly neighborhood. School was easy; he had 2 friends thatoften came over (Reed and Mackenzie). When he got home from school, mom and dad would be there, fixing him a snack, smiling. He would eat, then run off and play in his big, soft, grassy backyard. His dad threw the football with him; his mom made dinner and looked out at them, grinning that beautiful grin that Riley now longed to see once more, just once more. But it was gone. And it was never coming back. And so Riley was stuck here, in a place of wanting and dreaming, forever.

            That night, there was a knock at the door. Riley opened it and saw a UPS worker whoheld out a big packet.

            “Registration.Due January 22nd. That’s in two weeks.”

            “Yes,sir.” Riley nodded and dashed inside. He handed the packet to his mom who began to cry

            “Mom, it’s fine. I’m going to be at school, safe and sound. I’ll come home for breaks and all…” He hugged her. She began to fill it out. Riley grabbed a sandwich for dinner and went back to watch ESPN.

            Before he knew it, it was January 23, pickup day for boarding school. He was going to Sunny Acres, on an island in Lake Michigan, near Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. Riley lived in Augusta, Maine, and had always wanted to see Michigan, which added to his excitement. In fact, Riley had his boarding school wishes written down in his notebook that he was taking to boarding school.

Plans For The Next Three Years

1.            Make at least two friends.

2.            Discover things about dad

3.            Do something exciting (like bungee jumping)

 

Just as he tucked his notebook under his arm, there was a car-reek! The bus was outside of his house.

submitted by Riley M., age 12, USA
(May 9, 2009 - 1:25 pm)

Okay, I don't know how some of those words got stuck together, probably just a computer error. Sorry for any confusion.

submitted by Riley M., age 12, USA
(May 10, 2009 - 10:30 am)

Riley, you're amazing!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! 

submitted by Aislin S., age 10, The Netherlands
(May 13, 2009 - 11:02 am)

I like it, it is really believable! 

submitted by Meadow, age 11, 11
(May 12, 2009 - 9:31 pm)

Intriguing! Can you please post more? :)

submitted by Lena G
(May 13, 2009 - 7:11 am)

OK, if you critisize yourself on that you are soooooooooooooooooo wrong! It's awesome. I'm writing a 5 books, so you are major inspiration. I love knoowing I'm not the only one who loves to write. Paper and a pencil are the third half of my brain(literally!!!). LaughingWinkTongue outCool

submitted by Aislin S., age 10, The Netherlands
(May 13, 2009 - 10:59 am)

Um, third half?

That's good, Riley. I did notice a tiny plot hole, which might not even count- you said that Riley (in the story) has friends that came over when his dad was still alive and Riley was in school. This is sensible, if he was in kindergarten, but if he was in k, then I might not specify the names, because the way I recall (from, er, what, six years ago?), there are specific friends/not friends in k. Just a thought; depends on your writing style.

The one other thing would be that you might wat to change the "evil" headmistress- or at least add something to make it more original, like, I dunno, she's training kids to become terrorists or something, or brainashing them, or another detail that's sightly more creative than another evil headmistress to join the already overfilled realm of evil headmistresses and stepmothers, if you know what I mean.

It's very good, and with a bit of polishing it'll be even better.

submitted by Mary W., age 11.35, NJ
(May 13, 2009 - 2:46 pm)

Um, how can that be literal?

submitted by Lena G
(May 13, 2009 - 3:20 pm)

Really nice, and, like Lena said, intriguing. Only, I think you said 'In fact' too much.

submitted by Ella
(May 13, 2009 - 2:38 pm)

Ditto Lena, how is that literal?

submitted by Mary W., age 11.35, NJ
(May 14, 2009 - 3:07 pm)