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New Fantasy Novel
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New Fantasy Novel
New Fantasy Novel
Hey everybody! I've been working on this novel for a couple months and I have a couple chapters written. I'm going to post them here as they come along. You can comment below with creative criticism, and things you like.
So...
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Prologue
A lone rider on a pure white
stallion galloped down the old dirt path in the heavily forested countryside of
Castle Telmarth. He was tall, strong, and heavily armed. The rider was an
emissary from King Ghvog, seeking an alliance with King Faroth, who ruled
Castle Telmarth. Castle Telmarth was huge. The outer walls were one hundred
feet tall, and they surrounded a keep, with walls one hundred fifty feet tall.
Inside the keep was the palace, and it towered two hundred feet tall, and then
had a twenty-foot spire with the standard of King Faroth. As the rider closed
the gap between himself and the castle, the huge oak doors of the castle began
to open. The doors of Castle Telmarth were not ordinary doors. These doors were
three feet thick, and towered twenty feet high. As the oaken doors came to a
stop, wide open, the iron portcullis behind the doors began to raise with a
high pitched CREEEEAAAK! By the time the portcullis was completely open, the
rider was fifty feet away from the castle. The stallion slowed as it entered
the castle. Immediately after the rider had entered, the portcullis slammed
shut with a smash. Soon afterwards, the oak doors thudded into their frames.
The rider was now trapped between
two gates, in a courtyard-like room with no escape. If the King felt threatened
by the rider’s presence, then the sentinels on the wall would shoot him with
their crossbows. He would not have time to lift a finger. However, the King did
not feel particularly frightened by this rider’s presence. The doors and
portcullis in front of the rider opened, and were replaced by 20 guards, each
pointing a spear at him. The rider was then escorted to the stables, where his
stallion was led into the foul smelling stalls. Now on foot, the rider was led
to the throne room, where King Faroth saw his guests. The moment the rider
stepped in the throne room, trumpets blared and a richly robed figure strode to
the ornate throne and sat down with a flourish of his cloak. The throne room
was decorated richly, with stain glass windows and plenty of gold and jewels.
The windows gave the room a deep blue tint.
“Prince Aros. I did not expect to
see you so soon,” the King said. His voice was deep, but pleasant.
“King Faroth,” Prince Aros bowed.
“My father, King Ghvog, seeks an alliance with you, King Faroth, against the accursed
Barbarians of the North.”
At the word “barbarians”, King
Faroth’s face became grave.
“Your skill in battle is widely
renowned. If you and your army were to fight alongside us, you would give us
the strength to defeat the barbarians, and your magicians would strengthen our
forces even more! Sometime you will have to go to war with them, you know that!
Why not do it now with us, rather than by yourselves, when all of us are
rotting in our graves?”
The king was silent for a moment,
then “You know I do not want to go to war.”
“Yes, but- “
“Why should I risk the lives of all
of my men and myself? What good will it do the world? The barbarians have never
bothered us.”
“Do you think that the barbarians
would leave you and your people alone after they destroy us? They won’t. They
won’t stop fighting until all of Ellevernien is under their control!”
The king was silent.
“Will you stay here and watch our
people die? Or will you help us?”
The king remained silent.
“I will not risk the lives of my
people.”
“But- “
“That is my final answer. Leave now
or I will set my guards upon you to throw you off the city walls!”
Prince Aros stormed out of the
throne room and ran to the stables, where he got his pure white stallion, whose
name was Arnaien, and galloped into the countryside. All that remained of the
prince was a plume of dust to the North.
There it is! Like I said earlier, please comment on what you like and don't like below!!
submitted by Strider, age 13, Earth, Inner Solar System
(October 10, 2016 - 10:55 am)
(October 10, 2016 - 10:55 am)
I liked it!
(October 10, 2016 - 1:02 pm)
(October 12, 2016 - 9:31 pm)
Thanks! Chapter 2 coming soon! Sorry about the HTML code. Trying to get the word Prologue centered.
(October 14, 2016 - 6:51 am)
Hey guys!!
Hope you see this! Please read my story and give feedback (like title ideas) I totally need it even though I fancy myself a good writer.
(October 14, 2016 - 5:33 pm)
Nice Job, Moonlight!
(October 14, 2016 - 6:52 pm)
Whoops! I meant Strider! Not Moonlight! Slight mix-up of names! Heh heh... O.O
(October 14, 2016 - 6:53 pm)
Hey everybody! As promissed, here is the first part of chapter one. Hope you enjoy!
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Chapter 1: News
Prince
Aros was now in the blazing hot countryside outside of King Ghvog’s castle,
Castle Frestar. The air was filled with the smell of juniper and pine, for
those trees made up most of the forests in the lands farther north. The path
that Prince Aros was now riding on was still packed down dirt, but he knew that
in about 20 minutes he would come upon an intersection, and his road would be
cobbled then. But for now, the Prince had to deal with the heavy clouds of dust
hanging on the road. At Prince Aros’ waist was a leather belt covered in
calligraphy and drawings, and hanging from the belt was a sword. Not a usual
sword, but a sword that was perfectly balanced, fit him perfectly, was light as
a feather, never scratched, never broke, and was pretty much invincible.
Hanging beside the belt were 2 ornate daggers, and on Aros’ back was an
unstrung longbow, with twenty arrows.
When the Prince finally reached the
cobbled road, it was about midafternoon. Arnaien’s hooves sounded loudly on the
stones, a clippity-clop, clippity-clop, whereas on the dirt path they were more
of a THUD. There was more traffic on this road, because it was the main road to
Castle Frestar. As he rode, there were shouts of “hail Prince Aros”, which we
would return with a stiff nod or the raise of his hand. On this road and other
busy roads, the first thing Aros would do was loosen his sword in his sheath.
These roads were the ones where danger would come. But so far, nothing
occurred. He continued riding, now at a trot instead of a frenzied gallop to
avoid the many people on foot or with carts.
“Prince Aros, Prince Aros! I need
to talk to you!” He reined in Arnaien and turned, looking for the voice. Then,
Prince Aros heard a steadily growing louder whistle. A whistle that meant an
arrow. His ears told him it was coming from to his right. He slowly reached for
his sword, Agarethen, and when he was sure the arrow was about ten feet from
him whipped out his sword and batted the arrow fifty feet into the forest,
where is it stuck into a tree. To this day, nobody has ever been able to get it
out. All of his senses were listening, listening for anything in the now-silent
crowd. Someone just tried to kill me! He
realized. Somebody thinks I’m so
important for doing something they don’t like that they would attempt to kill
me!
Aros realized that staying put
would make him look somewhat scared, so he sheathed Agarethen and continued
riding like nothing happened. While he was riding though, all of his senses
were on high alert and he loosened his daggers and Agarethen in their
scabbards. He continued riding. In the distance the Prince could see Castle
Frestar towering in the distance. Castle Frestar was shaped like an eight
pointed star, or a compass. In the center of the magnificent castle was the
keep. The points pushed out of the keep’s walls. On the tip of each point was a
catapult. Lining the walls were sentinels, for an attack by barbarians was
imminent. Every gate was closed, only to be opened to let the people of the
castle inside. There were four gates, each on the longer points. The Prince
would enter through the North gate.
So, please comment on what you think is good and etc.
Thanks
Strider
(October 17, 2016 - 7:10 pm)
Chapter 2 pt. 2 coming soon!!
(October 20, 2016 - 6:02 pm)
Wow! Just got the new Cricket and Cobblestone magazines! Looking through the Cobblestone I realised that the article about the start of the Civil War was published in there! So if anyone here gets Cobblestone here too... Hope you enjoy it!
(November 2, 2016 - 6:25 pm)
And... Chapter 2 pt. 2 as promised:
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When Prince Aros arrived at the gate, the guards did not
open the gates. Prince Aros expected this. One of King Ghvog’s rules was that
you never opened the gate until the people wanting admission had stated their
business and who they were.
“Who are you, and what business do you have at Castle
Frestar?”
“I am Prince Aros. I have come to see my father.”
The soldier motioned for the gate to be opened. “Very well.”
Prince
Aros rode Arnaien straight to the stables at a fast trot. When he arrived at
the royal stables, he jumped off Arnaien, handed the reins to one of the
servants and ran to the palace. As he ran to the palace. He yelled at a
messenger to alert the King of his presence. The messenger rode off on his
horse ahead of Aros. It took approximately 7 minutes for Prince Aros to arrive
at the castle’s gates, and he gained immediate admission.
The
doors to King Ghvog’s throne room were spectacular. They were crafted by the
finest craftsmen of the far west and were pure gold with diamond handles. As
two ornately armored royal guards opened the doors, Aros stood impatiently,
bouncing on the balls of his feet. When the doors had opened all of the way,
(it was a custom for everyone to wait until the doors were completely open to
enter King Ghvog’s throne room) Prince Aros stalked in.
“Is King Faroth with us?” Came the King’s immediate inquiry.
“He refused. I- “
“Did you persist?”
“Yes. I begged him for around five
minutes.”
The king banged his arm on the arm rest of his throne. “The
coward.”
“His reason was that he did not
want to risk the lives of his people, but I suspect that he did not want to
risk his wealth and welfare.”
“You are probably right.” Both father and son were quiet.
“We are on our own. Prepare the troops for war. I want every
able man and boy armed. Get the carpenters and half of the blacksmiths to
reinforce the gates. I want nobody to be able to get in to this castle. I give
you full command of the defenses and troops.”
“Yes Father.” Prince Aros ran swiftly out of the room.
First,
the Prince ran to the messenger’s tower, where he ordered the horns to sound
the call to arms. When he was a quarter of the way down the 400-foot ladder, he
heard horns blaring the call. Next, Aros went to the blacksmiths, where he
ordered half of them to find the carpenters and fortify the castle in any way
possible. The other half he set to work making weapons, shields, horseshoes,
and anything else that could be of use to the castle’s defense.
When he
finally finished with those tasks, he went to the parade grounds where the
troops practiced and were gathering right now. Already, there were 300 soldiers
gathered, fully armed and ready. More were steadily streaming in until the full
2,500 of Castle Frestar’s soldiers were assembled, as well as around 500 able
bodied men.
The
Prince climbed onto a roof of a nearby house and raised his hand. Silence was
immediate.
“For years, we have lived in fear of the barbarians of the
North. But no longer. Now, we defeat the barbarians in our homeland! Fight with
me! Fight for your homeland! Fight for your wives, your children! Fight for
good!”
Enjoy!!!
(January 13, 2017 - 6:51 pm)