Here's a poem

Chatterbox: Inkwell

Here's a poem

Here's a poem I wrote a little while ago--tell me what you guys think of it!!!:):):)

~~~
Let Me Dance
(Copyright Aliza S., etc. etc.)
If I am a poet, let me speak:
Let me pour my thoughts and emotions onto the blank wasteland
Of a sheet of paper, transforming it, in an instant,
To a tropical wilderness, governed by no being but I, it's creator.
Let me tame the dragon that exists nowhere but on this page,
And let the eagles soar from my mind to this white land.
If I am a musician, let me play:
Let my music flow from the page and my fingers, to dance, gently,
Plangently,
Upon the listener's ear.
If I am an artist, let me draw:
Let the vibrant colors on my canvas pleasantly merge,
Creating something that defies the laws of reality,
Yet is real enough to touch.
If I am a dancer, let my footsteps fly:
My movements tying with a string of silk
the history of joyful, leaping steps,
So common in the dawn of childhood,
To the slow, complex and infinitely wise twirls
Of one who has seen much and learned the meaning of
Both bliss and sorrow.
~~~
Originally, it wasn't a "string of silk" it was an "iron string." Which do you like better?
submitted by Aliza, age 13, Vermont
(April 22, 2009 - 1:01 pm)

back to the Inkwell

I like the iron string better, but what I really like is this poem!Smile

submitted by Dustfingerfan, age 11, Inkheart
(April 22, 2009 - 3:56 pm)

I like the string of silk better simply because I think it fits with the dancer better. Whichever you use, that's an awesome poem. I have no suggestions, which for me is saying a lot. :D

 

-Emily

submitted by Emily H. :), age 13, Sparks, NV
(April 22, 2009 - 7:43 pm)

Aliza thats AWESOME!!!! I like "string of silk", because, as Emily or whoever said, it fits with the dancer better. I like writing poems too! If you want, I can put an excerpt here from my poem that I'm working on right now!

 

Dreaming #2

(copyrighted Jennifer T)

 

In our dreams we never cry,

In our dreams, we can fly.

In our dreams, there is no strife,

In our dreams, there is eternal life.

 

If our dreams ever do come true

If our dreams can erase strife,

If our world can pull through

This time of darkness we're going by.

 

Then our world will be

All the better

For the dreamers

Will always dream

For a better life

 

And the dreamers sleep

Through the night

And the doers do

Through the day.

 

That's not the original version, as you can see on the title, when I put #2 on the end of it. Like? I think it's a little lame, so now I'm going to post it before I lose my courage.ANd, thats not the full thing either, liike I said, I"m still working on it.

 

 

submitted by Jenni T, age 12, Nowhere or some
(April 23, 2009 - 4:57 am)

I like it!!! I used to think that if a poem didn't rhyme, it wasn't actually a poem...it turns out I was wrong, and I've discovered that I'm much better at writing non-rhyming poems  (free-verse?) I really like poems that rhyme, but I've never been able to pull it off without it sounding...well, very cheesy....

Very random, but--YOU were Veronica? Oy. :p
submitted by Aliza, age 13, Vermont
(April 23, 2009 - 12:32 pm)

No, I wasn't really Veronica. She's my pen-pal(well, we email, but same concept)'s older sister. I recommended the site to Vivian(my pen-pal), and Veronica somehow got to it before her, and since the first thread she posted on was the SI one, I decided to annoy her and say that I was playing her! LOL!!! Anyway. I think you'll like Vivvie, she's a Diana fanatic too. She said she'd start posting soon!  I found the original version of "Dreaming", if you wanted to hear it, too!

 

In my dreams

I can fly

In my dreams

I never cry

 

If those dreams

Could come to life

If those dreams

Could erase strife

 

Then the world

Would be at peace

Then the world

Would be at ease

 

But only in dreams

Are wishes true

And only in dreams

Are hopes anewed

 

But someday

If they do come true

And someday

If the world pulls through

 

Someday

We will be at peace

Someday

There will be no war

 

But for now

We only dream

And for now

We only hope

 

But dreamers can dream

And hope

For a better world.

 

I think it's better than the second version, but that's just my view. I need critics! 

submitted by Jenni T, age 12, Nowhere
(April 23, 2009 - 4:39 pm)

Thanks, you guys! That was one of those poems where you just come up with the first line, out of the blue, and you go from there. I couldn't pass up "if I am a poet, let me speak!" 

submitted by Aliza, age 13, Vermont
(April 23, 2009 - 9:15 am)

That was an incredible poem, Aliza! (Same to you, Jenni.) :)

submitted by Mary W., age 11 and one, NJ
(April 23, 2009 - 12:06 pm)

Jenni, I think I'll need to think about your poem for a little bit before commenting on it. Give me a couple of hours. :D And Aliza, that's still an awsome poem!!!!! I want to put it in my collection of favorite poetry. Muahahaha! Into the Drawer of Doom... Just kidding, but it does seem like whenever I put something in there it disappears, because I can never find it when I want it. 

 

-Emily

submitted by Emily H. :), age 13, Sparks, NV
(April 23, 2009 - 1:24 pm)

Jenni, I like #1 better. First of all, I do cry in my dreams :P so that kind of skewed the whole poem for me. I think the first one is better for other reasons, too, but I won't go into them all here, :P

 

-Emily

submitted by Emily H. :), age 13, Sparks, NV
(April 23, 2009 - 5:14 pm)

It's a wonderful poem! I really, really, really like it. I like "string of silk" better- but that's because I don't see the connection to "iron string"- "string of silk" makes me think of a dancing slipper, what does "iron string" make you think of? Do you like to do all of the things in the poem? I like to do basically anything artistic, as long as I can do it freely.  

submitted by Olivecube
(November 2, 2012 - 2:59 pm)

I agree!

submitted by Abigail, age 12, SC
(January 9, 2015 - 11:17 am)

Totally love it!

submitted by Rose bud, age 12, SC
(July 1, 2015 - 4:54 pm)