I like it! I really want to see more! The main character is good so far, and I like the name, too. I don't think I've ever seen a book with someone named "Jacqui" before. Very creative.

One thing I would suggest is maybe change the first paragraph ("Before I tell you...") a little bit. Just word it a little differently or something, because it seems sort of confusing in the way it's written. Maybe that's just me. 

Thanks, HAB! I intended Jacqui to be a nickname for Jacqueline. 

-------------------------- 

The next morning at about eight, I was eating a bowl of Toasty O’s cereal, which were about a month old, when mom skipped in. Yes, she was that excited. She had her pretty blond waves (I got my dad’s dark, frizzy mess) in a professional little ponytail, and wore the uniform. Wow. I blinked. She looked like one of those perfect waitresses in the movies that the men always tip more than necessary.

“What do you think?” she asked, twirling like a teenager showing off her cute new style. For mom’s sake, I glanced at it up and down. Besides the afore-mentioned hairstyle, she wore a white peter-pan collar blouse, a matching tight, white skirt and a clover-green apron with Melissa embroidered on the pocket in swooping cursive.

“Mom, your name’s not Melissa.” I pointed out, jabbing my wet, milky spoon at the nametag.

“Ah, it’s a recycled uniform.” Mom chirped cheerfully, refusing to let my bleakness ruin her mood. “Besides, no one can trace my identity this way.”

Before I could mention that there is not one case of that ever happening in the history of diners, she danced out the front door, singing. Oh, what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day… The door slammed before I could catch the next phrase. Then it opened again and Mom’s eye peered through the crack. “I’ll be back at four!” It shut for the last time.

Things were considerably quieter and less optimistic after that. My day went by in a smooth, comfortable blur of snake feeding, comic books, and ham and cheese sandwiches. When four o’clock rolled around, I was sprawled on the stairs reading Calvin and Hobbes. I heard our annoying door creak open and Mom call, “I’m back, Jac!” She loves saying that. She thinks it’s so clever that it rhymes. I don’t have the heart to tell her it's not. 

Awesome story Abigail! I can't wait to see how the boss's daughter turns out!

Also, on a sort of unrelated note, "Jacqui" is how my cousin spells her name. 

1. This is VERY realistic Abigail.

2. YOU MENTIONED CALVIN AND HOBBES!!!!! YAY!!!

This is really good, Abigail! The first time I read this, I skipped the top part and thought this was something that actually happened to you :P. Guess I should read the whole thing next time. Also, I love Calvin and Hobbes! Woo Hoo!

Abigail, this is AMAZING!!!!! I can't wait to read more, and I love the idea! :)

I think this is absolute perfection, beside all else that I obsess over, and you should continue soon.

This is random, but I thought when you began the story saying how you were grounded that you actually were grounded.....

I walked downstairs with my book draped over my arm, curious to how mom’s day went. “How’d it go?” I asked as mom began untying her apron.

“Great! The job isn’t hard, I get tipped well, and… Jacqui, can you help me with this?” I walked over and pulled the string. The apron fell limp.

“Thanks, honey,” she said, leaning to give me a hug.

“Oh no, you don’t!” I danced out of her way. “What’s for dinner?”

“Takeout from the diner, and it’s not for another two hours,” she replied. I realized something as she began waltzing toward her bedroom. We had never been to the diner. I passed it every day on the way home from school and when we went to the barber shop and everything, but I had never been inside. Mom seemed to avoid it, actually… until now.

It was obviously just because we couldn’t afford it. I went back to my reading. Mom insisted that cartoons aren’t real writing, and kept getting stacks of books like The Phantom Tollbooth, Old Yeller, Bridge to Terabithia. Sure, I read them all.They’re good, I guess, but they will never overtake my love for good ol’ Peanuts and Calvin and Hobbes. I finished the comic book and went into my room for another. I stuffed it back into my shelf and tugged out the one next to it. Then I settled on my bed’s fluffy cushions for a nice, relaxing read.

By the time mom called for dinner, I was halfway through my second book. I set it down on the bed and swing out of my room to the dinette, which is really just the part of the kitchen with a table where we eat. I was actually really looking forward to tasting the diner’s food. Even if it wasn’t great, it wasn’t not a Shop Yum salad, which is an added bonus.

I stuck my hands under the faucet and slapped some soap on. Rinse, towel, done. I sat down at the table. Two place settings were set out. I duly noted that it was a little nicer than usual: Orange knit placemats, polished glass goblets, and new, clean, white linen napkins.

“Isn’t it lovely?” Mom chirruped. “A day like this deserves extravagance.”

I didn’t point out that it was a bit sad that chain diner food and dollar store placemats qualified as extravagance.

I LOVE THIS.

I love it! You're a really great writer, Abigail! I can't wait to read more!

I didn’t point out that it was a bit sad that chain diner food and dollar store placemats qualified as extravagance.

Mom twirled over, carrying the food. She had changed into jeans and a t-shirt I had made for her in second grade. The shirt declared, in bold black fabric marker: CHIRP. A scruffy bird was drawn under it (the creature looked more like a horse though). Her hair was thrown out of the perfectly prim mini ponytail and down over her shoulders. I peered up, trying to see inside the bowl she was carrying.

Spaghetti, covered in marinara sauce and with a few meatballs tossed in. It smelled amazing, warm and meaty with undertones of cheese. I really don’t know if it was that high quality, but believe me, if you ate cold pizza, stale cereal, and terrible salad for three months, you would think it excellent too.

Mom served me generously, and I waited impatiently until she had spooned out her share too before I dug in. Mmmm.

“This is really tasty!” I admitted, shoving my utensil into the pile of pasta for another bite.

“Yes, it’s quite inexpensive too! Very low-priced, delicious chain...” Mom sang, twirling a few noodles onto her fork and popping it daintily into her mouth.

“Why haven’t we been before?” I asked, watching mom out of the corner of my eye. “If it’s so cheap…”

Mom stopped, a clump of noodles sliding off her spoon. Her eyes tightened for a second, then relaxed. “Oh, no reason.” She shrugged. “I guess I didn’t notice it before.”

I opened my mouth, preparing to prod, but thought better of it. I wouldn’t get answers, and there most likely weren’t any. There was no reason for mom to lie. She was probably just tired.

Toppity toppers! Don't stop writing!