Going to post!

Oh dear Gandalf I have so much to write! Katara really needed that, Buggy! MADISION IS MY FAVORITE <3 SHE IS SO AMAZING AND STRONG

Katara~

I know Madison is right. She's been the rightest one in the head,  and her words hurt me so bad. They just made me feel that much more pathetic, something I didn't even think possible at this point. She was about to leave. She had things to do, a world to save, and I wasn't about to sit here with Mason and Cammwren. Madison lowered my sanity far past the breaking point. It had been there for so long.

But she snapped it right back into place. For now, I had enough sense to shut out of idiocracy. Because that's what I was. An idiot. As her body flew by, I reached out and grapped her arm. Her speed had propelled her forward, and she was caught unaware by my sudden movement, and it brought her to a sudden halt. It might have been a bit painful, but I quickly made up for that by pulling her into a hug. 

"I'm so sorry." I could barely hear myself. There wasn't much I could say, but the words came pouring out. She had places to be, and it was my duty to follow her. But I had to say something. "I truly honestly didn't mean to almost make Cammwren die too. I just inteneded to scare him I'mnotamedicIdon'tknowwhatIwasthinking." 

"I really deserve to die. I sure as heck don't deserve your brother, and because I can't pick myself up he's hurting so much now." My arms squeezed her tighter, and I buried my face in her neck. I wasn't sobbing, though.

I wanted to, but smiling felt better. And I was smiling. I didn't deserve any of this, but Maddie was so right. She was so, so right. I could make myself deserve the world if i just tried. "I'm really, truly, sorry, Madison. You're an idol to me, and I don't know if that's what you want to hear, but I'll drag myself out of this pit to help everybody."

"I've sacrificed so much to save my friends. I sacrificed my humanity, but I need it back in order to help them once and for all." Finally, I let her go. My vision was blurry with tears. Madison, Clover, May. Marcia, even. They were out in the world doing things, accomplishing their goals. Roselyn was injured so badly. If she wasn't, I know she would be out there with them.

I was a coward.

I told Madison exactly that. "I'm a coward. I need to step up but so much has changed...I-" I was wasting her time. That was what. I knew it too, and she was fidgety despite how much I needed to get it all out. Glancing behind me, I saw Mason. I was an idiot, that was what, but i needed to make Sure Mason snapped out of this.

I somehow managed to at least slap some sense into my head. He could too. I pushed Madison away with a broken smile. "I'll come help when I can. But I owe many more apologies to people here, that I want to get out if we die."

Was it stupid, yes.

Was it what my brain was saying? No.

But my heart.

Pfft.

My heart was an idiot.

But I went up to Mason anyways. I could have slapped him, just like Madison, but I was just as insane as him. I was sad, and cowardly, and didn't deserve any wonderful things. 

Cammwren, she was so sorry. He looked asleep, hopefully alive. Her intentions hadn't been to kill him, just scare him. His death would be one she could not justify. Embry and Roselyn were still there, and I offered a sad smile, but Mason still stood. 

He was shaking, his hand upon his cheek, as he stared at nothing. There wasn't a chance for me to hesitate, and I stepped in front of him and pulled him into an embrace. The following words were more for me then him, I think. Just to reassure myself that I tried. I tried to bring him back. 

"Marcia confessed that she loves you, Mason. She told me. You've been chasing after me all this time and i feel so stupid. I keep running because I'm scared. I've never really deserved you, but I never, ever will." That wasn't the right way to start. It might cause more confliction is his heart, something I've toyed with for several years of my life. 

Now I was sobbing, words barely making it past my mouth.

"I really do love you, Mason. I really, really do. I know we are young, and immature, and obviously idiots, but I do know my feelings. Sure it might be because I am an emotion, stupid teenager, but you're amazing. You've been amazing, and now you've broken. Because of me. I'm really sorry."

"You've loved me all through my PATHETIC existence and you never ONCE gave up on me. I've destroyed myself, and you've still believed in me. I feel so bad...because I've hurt you. I have hurt you because of what I have become...and it's the worst feeling in the world. I've let everybody down, and you've finally realized I'm not that pretty. I'm not that great. I'm not as amazing as I tried to be. I'm really a stupid coward."

My chest heaved, and I pressed my forhead against his as I shut my eyes closed. He had to have been reacting to me. I certainly was. Madison was right, at least I was a human. At least I did still have feelings. I was better then Elisha because I felt guilty. I wouldn't give this emotion up for the world.

And i certainly wouldn't give up love.

"The easiest thing to do would be to get rid of myself," I confessed. It had been a feeling hounding my heart for so long. I just didn't want to go on...but If I did that, I lost all oppurtunity to try again. "This isn't the time or place for that....because you are becoming like me."

"I can't let that happen, Mason. It is the worst place to be. To be filled with insanity and hopelessness....even now, it tears at the sides of my vision....It messes with my mind. So...dear, dear Mason, I will tell you for the rest of my PATHETIC existence that I do love you. I will say it again, and again, and again!"

"IF YOU EVEN THINK OF FOLLOWING MY EXAMPLE!" My voice rose to a cresendo, and I leaned away from him, gripping his shoulder with my hands. "I...I-" I pulled him into a hug again. "Things won't end well. I've hurt you for so many years, but Madison beleived in you. She was there, so don't feel stupid. Don't feel sad because you couldn't make me love you."

"Mason all you failed at was making me love myself, and thats something that only I can do."

My face was coated in my tears, and I dug my fingers into his back as my chest rose and fell with my frenzied breathing. "My dear, dear Mason..." With my voice barely at a whisper, I had almost finished what I needed to say. "If you loose yourself too....don't forget about me." My fists clenched and I bared my teeth, letting out a low whimper. "And I will swear not to forget about you."

And then I was done. He didn't need to know how much more I though Marcia deserved him. She was out there fighting, with Madison, and May, and Clover. But, you know what? I didn't care anymore. I didn't need to base my existence around what I deserved, but if I really got what I deserved I would be dead ten times over.

But, since I wasn't dead, it was obvious the person judging me was better at it then myself. 

Mason hadn't quite reacted yet, and I honestly didn't want to wait around. For the first time I felt filled with a vigor to really go and do something. But yet, there was something in his eyes. I had taken a step back, staring at his shocked exspression for a moment. The others couldn't wait around for me but my feet were rooted to the spot.

Yeah yeah I know. I switched the third. I'm not sure how it happened but it was only for one paragraph XD. I'll try not to do that again whoops?!

Cammwren~

I start to wake, or at least l think. It’s hard to remember what happened.

Oh right.

l got shot.

By her.

By that monster.

l think we all knew what she was. l just didn't’ want to believe it. l wanted to see the good in her, wanted to see the person that l thought l had known. l was wrong. and l knew that l needed to accept what was true.

Katara killed her sister.

She nearly killed me.

She is going to kill all of us, whether she means it or not. She’s a ticking bomb. l’m tired of waiting. This needs to end, now. l slowly push myself into a sitting position, leaning against the wall. Sounds begin to register. Katara and Mason. Oh joy.

“Are you done now?” l ask them in a voice barely above a whisper. Both of them turn towards me. Katara’s eyes are wide, wider than l’ve ever seen them.

“Good. l’m going to the skip the you-tried-to-kill-me part and move right to the l’m-going-to-die-very-soon part. Which doesn’t matter as much, seeing that we’re all going to die very soon.”

“Since when do you care about us dying?” Mason challenges. He folds his arms, looking condescendingly on me. “Traitor. You just serve your own self-interest. You do whatever benefits you at the time. You don’t care about us.” Katara still hasn’t said anything to me. l decide to ignore her. l can deal with her later, when l have the luxury of not dying.

“Doesn't matter. You care about me, or l’d be dead far, far sooner. We all want to get out of here alive. Good. Common goal. Until the goal has been meet, put everything aside. l assume you can actually do that, yes?”

“l….that makes sense, yes.” He says grudgingly.

“Right then. What about the others….?”

Rosalyn is lost…..somewhere in her own mind. l don’t think any of us will be able to bring her out from it soon. l don’t blame her.  Embry is leaning against the wall, head in her arms. Actually, she’s fallen asleep. Mason nudges her awake. She blinks blearily at him, almost insulted at this invasion of her sleep as if nothing at all has happened. She turns and squints at me, with a face that says  “l think you should be dead right now”

“l’m sorry?” l venture, carefully.

“That doesn’t matter.” she snaps back.

“Embry, please.“ Mason attempts, diplomatically.

She sighs.

“We need to get out alive, so l don’t care what you think, just shut up, okay?”

“That’s rich of you.” She mutters.

“l am sorry, if that’s what you want to hear me say, none of us asked for this, but that doesn’t matter, we’re here and we need to get out. l hear there’s a bomb that needs defusing. Anyone?”

~~~~~~~

Rushed post :/ l think l’ve completely forgotten how Mason feels about Cammwren, so l’m super sorry if l wrote him wrong, Buggy.

I will post asap. But the computer is currently being used, and I'm not quite sure if the page accidentally reloaded or not. Which would really suck. Cause I wrote a lot. And Shadow, I can't wait to read your post! (Using iPod currently) Love you pals!

Marcia~

May, Clover, and I darted through the halls, pushing what ever we found behind us to slow our almost captor, May and Clover ahead of me. I could tell Clover was trying to find a way to get us to the bomb and lose our persecutor at the same time. Suddenly, May turned, leaping past me and over the junk we had thrown behind.

"May! What are you doing?!" I screamed to her, about to rush back for her, before Clover grabs my arm and rushes me around a corner. We hear the sound of the tranquilizer gun going off. After getting lots of ground between us, Clover rushes me into a room, allowing us to catch our breaths.

What had May done?! Does she realize the danger she just put herself in?! I sit in the room, shaking, crying dry sobs.

May~

I can tell, that woman is getting closer, the sound of her heels clicking close behind. If one of us doesn't do something, she's sure to catch us. Maybe...

In an instant, I plant my heel to the ground, turning around, and dart back at her. I somersault over the chairs we had thrown back, and pounce like a panther, trying to grab her gun. I'm able to grab her wrist, and slam it to the ground to grab the gun in her hand. She tries to shake me off of her, but it doesn't work. I can almost reach her gun, when I feel a stabbing pain in my injured side. She kicks me off, her heels having been digging into my side, and I crumple to the ground in pain. That's all I feel, before I hear a bang, and everything is dark.

~~~~~

"I found another one! I found another one!" A young Marcia called out to her sister, pointing up at a tree, a nest resting on a branch. May picked up the daisy chain she had been making, before darting over to see.

"Oh! I think it's a robin nest!" May exclaimed, "You can tell by the blue eggs!"

"Hold on," Marcia said, reaching up for a close branch, "I'm gonna try to get a better look at it." Marcia pulled herself up onto the branch, pulling her leg up over it.

"Please be careful. What if you fall?"

Marcia laughed. "I won't fall. Besides, this branch is as sturdy as a rock!" To prove it, Marcia proceeded to stand up on the branch.

"Marcia!" May whined, "Get down! You're gonna fall!"

Just as she said that, her sister lost balance, tumbling out of the tree. May ran over to her, seeing if she was okay. Marcia slowly sat up, before spitting out a tooth.

"Look! I lost a tooth!" She cheered, pointing where her left front tooth had last been.

May hugged her, before crying, "Don't ever do that again, you had me worried sick!"

And yet, May deeply wished she was as fearless and brave as her sister.

~~~~~ 

Haha, okay funny story. I had my story all written in an open tab. I wasn't able to get to it until just now. To find out, the tab had been closed. That's okay. I saved it to clipboard. Unfortunately, someone had copied an address. An ADDRESS. I had spent more than an hour on it yesterday, and it was nowhere near close to being done. Today has been a very, very unlucky day for me. The kind you think only happens in stories. Although seeing how iconic life can be, I'm sure you've had one of these too.

It all started when I woke up late. Which made me late to seminary. I almost fell asleep three times, three. To be fair, I was up really late last night. Like one, which is not good if you have to wake up in six.  Lol.  I'm sure you've had those nights too.  So then when I get to math, we have Sage Testing, it's this test that gets harder if you get the question right. Math wasn't so bad this year, but considering that I've completely forgotten everything because it's the end of the year, it didn't go so well. Then we have this thing called "Pride Time", where you have a half hour to go the teachers class you need the most help in. My group had made a video for biology, and we needed to post it online website. But every time I tried to my iPod would glitch and log out. So, yeah the thing never got put in. This made me very, very angry.  

So now second period rolls around, and I just stay in biology because that's what I had next. I was not in a good mood, and this kid, grrr, I just couldn't deal with him today. He always comes up to me and teases me non stop. A running gag of his, is to mock my voice. Intentionally making it go extremely high. I started to tell him to stop, but then it happened. Ever been talking and not thinking, so when you think of two words at the exact same time they kinda just mushed together? That's what happened, and one of my biggest peeves is when people point they out. Like, typos can happen with your mouth too. He made fun of me, and I told him to knock it off, and then he said, "What ever you say blue tounge" . I had a blue tongue  because I was given a jolly rancher in math. Of course I ate it, what else do you do with a jolly rancher? My face must have gotten red because this kids friend told him it was time to go. But this kid wouldn't leave. So then his friend picks him up (this kid is a literal stick, I kid you not.) and carried him back to his desk. So, the day was okay, but then we went outside for class. And Stick, (I'm going to call him this now) started to elbow me with those boney hinges of his. Then he starts smacking me with his paper. Usually I can take it, and give some really witty comebacks  (Ex: Me: I really want to hit you right now. Stick: Go ahead, do it. Me:Sorry, I don't hit girls.)

Then, we had PE, and for some reason I always do the worst at the end of the year. I got my worst mile time because my stupid heart rate monitor wouldn't work. And then we did the fitness gram pacer test. I have never been an athletic person, and you need to get fifty five pacers to get an A. My goal was forty five, and I got forty two. Because at that time things were staring to go grey. I finish and tell my teacher my score, he looks at me and asks if I could run again. Caught off guard and confused I just say yes. Now I have to do the dumb thing over again on Friday because I was three off of my goal. Only a puny three! Great, he also just stopped me in the middle of curl ups, like for no reason. I was doing everything right and could have kept going. Only four away, my teacher tells the TA to stop the recording. So everyone just stopped. I was four away from eighty! He is on my list right now!

Then finally lunch. Yay! I'm a very loud and rambunctious person I've noticed. So I begin to rant about my awful luck (ironic, I'm doing that now), and then I told them about Stick . Bad idea, I have a friend who is very protective to everyone she is friends with. She wanted to talk to him, and my friend can be a very scary person. Later, I'm smacking my mayo packet because I was a little antsy, and then it popped. All over me, so after I clean it I complain about having bad luck again. Which resulted in my hand snagging and breaking my necklace. Karma is a beast. When my ferocious friend leaves, low and behold Stick shows up. But just when my friend comes back, Stick leaves. She asked if that's him, I say yes and then she takes off.  Hate to say this, but as much as so wanted a Stick to stop I didn't want his feelings to get hurt. My friend could be very intimidating. I thought Stick was sensitive and might even cry if my friend got to him . So dashing off I beg my friend to stop. I pulled with all my weight on her backpack, but she just pulled me around. We eventually got to him, he saw me, and came right over. I really didn't want to be there, so I went back to the lunch table. Finally when my friend got back, Stick was trailing behind her. Oh dear. When they got to me, my friend he him a look. He then apologized for making fun of my voice, and I quickly rush to say it was okay. As he is leaving he calls to me in a very exaggerated high voice, "Okay, see you later!" I can't believe I actually felt bad for him. He mocked my voice. Again. I'm practically fuming now. All of my friends say that Stick has a huge crush on me, but I really can't stand him sometimes! My friend told me their conversation, Friend" Please stop making fun of my friends voice." Stick"Why?" Friend, "Becausr she doesn't like it." Stick, " that's what makes it fun"

Grrr, then I got so side tracked in English didn't finish the assignment. When I got home I meant to practice my violin two hours. But then I got distracted again, and then had to go somewhere. The end of th day came, and I hadn't gotten anything I needed to done. So I hop on Cricket to let off some steam. Come to find out, my post was gone! All of it, gone! Guys, I cried. Believe it or not, it was longer than this, and still not finished.

But now Ive learned my lesson, ALWAYS SAVE YOUR STUFF! Oh and go to bed on time! I bet Burr can relate, you always used to say your computer refreshed, and you lost everything. I don't know about you but rewriting your stuff can be really really hard. But Im going to try again tomorrow, it was really emotional too. So I wrote this because, 1. I needed to vent, 2. Give you a very good reason as to why post today, and 3. I need some time to mentally prepare my self for what I am going to write. Again so sorry, and if you read all of this kudos. I love you guys, and just needed to explain why I didn't post. 

Also Katydid, if I do recall you said your birthday was nearby?? 

Ps sorry for typos and grammar errors. I'm on my iPod  again.  

Aww. Buggy.

Let me tell you what.

If that young man continues to bother you, either give him a speech about just how LAME it is that he is ruining your day because he has a crush on you. (Lol even if he doesn't have a crush this might not scare him)

If it gets really bad, tell a teacher. I know it seems like he's just teasing, but if it's making you angry and embarassed, it could qualify as bullying. Let a teacher know if you can't handle it yourself.

Also I hate when that happens!
I wrote a super long post...THREE TIMES.

and lost it...

like....

A lot. I was soooo mad at the world i felt terrribblee. The time I had copied it, my battery died, and I LOST all that I copied. It was so terrible. AUGGHHH. I'm really excited to see from Mason and Madison's perspective regarding PoV. Stay strong,Buggy dear!

And yes. My birthday is this SUnday

ALSO

TOMMOROW

*Freaks out*

IM GOING TO AUDITION FOR THE STATE SOLO AND ENSAMBLE. I'm playing a flute solo and a duet with my best friend.It's a pretty big, two day event. There are two concerts, and If I get a command performance then I get to play at the Friday evening one.

I just need prayers for peace!

Regretfully, yes, Buggy, I can relate. I mostly use my school computer, which feels the need to restart every three or four days. It usually doesn't warn me, but when it does it gives me about 100 seconds to save everything I'm working on. I got so fed up I made a Google Doc that I named 'Chatterbox stuff THAT I DID NOT WANT TO BE DELETED'. Unfortunately, I only remember to use it AFTER my things have been erased. 

I'm sorry about your day, Bugster. I hate when people are jerks like that. I agree with Katy: Try to shame him into stopping by pointing out what a jerk he's being. Maybe you could try asking him if he knows how awful it makes you feel when he mocks you. It's possible that he thinks he's actually funny, but if you and other people tell him how he's not amusing, just a bully, he might quit. If he's doing it simply to be nasty, tell him that being a twit is reflecting badly on him, not you. Everyone can see how mean he's being and everyone knows that you didn't do anything to him. You even tried to forgive him, which takes a lot of kindness.

(Just a point: Maybe don't use these exact words to tell him. I'm sure there are much nicer ways to explain to someone that they are a jerk.)

If he really won't stop, then definately talk to a teacher. 

Good luck good luck good luck, Katydie! You will be brilliant! And happy birthday, too. Are you going to be FIFTEEN?! Nice! Welcome to Team Fifteen, with Booksy, Caroline, and I! And some other people who I don't remember. I'm sure you will be great at the audition! I'll pray for you!

Toppity top, this RP will never stop

GUYS GUYS.

I DIDNT GET A COMMAND, this AWESOME senior got command.

But.

I GOT THIRD.

I GOT THIRD PLACR I GOT STINKING THIRD OITTA THE BEST FLUTES IN ALASAKKAAA !!!