ALL NEW POETRY

Chatterbox: Inkwell

ALL NEW POETRY

ALL NEW POETRY CLUB!!!!!!!!

Okay, I started one a long time ago, but that one died, and then I started yet another one, and THAT ONE DISAPPEARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This time, I am confident my thread will not disappear or die.

So here's how it'll go. If you join, you'll vote between these random three poets: Robert Frost, Edgar Allen Poe, or Emily Dickinson. You must vote for ONE OF THESE, though you may, ALONG WITH YOUR VOTE, suggest nominees for the next time we vote (which wont be too far away).

If you dont know any of these poets, just vote for a random one or go with the majority. 

Once we have voted for a poet, I will present some of their poems and discuss them a and explore their meaning, and at some point, I'll give you a prompt related to the poem, and we may write our own poetry inspired by the poems.

Oh, and can we have someone to be a "Word Wizard" and look up words you thinkwe wont know.

I cant wait to start!

I vote for........R-no, I vote for Edgar Allen Poe! 

submitted by Owlgirl AKA Elena O., age 11, Texas
(July 11, 2015 - 5:32 pm)

back to the Inkwell

Okay! What next?

submitted by Rose bud
(August 3, 2015 - 9:11 am)
Oh the chains of human mortality
The manacles ensnaring my soul.
If Death essentially
Is considered celestially, 
Then we plummet into a black hole!

Why must the dark shadow consume us
Then snatch us right out of the day
And if mortal evil
Causes our upheaval,
How must we make the wrongdoer pay?

The clock doesn't tick and tock like they say
It pounds and chants like a typhoon
Time never tires
It's like an endless fire,
And when you you slow, it will catch up to you soon.

The dark shadow's shadow wrings out our eyes
A river is born, and it flows.
Our hearts are burning, 
Our stomachs are churning
And for the price of what?
I'll never know.
there. The rhyme scheme isn't perfect, so please let me know about anything I should patch up. 
submitted by Owlgirl AKA Elena O., age 11, Texas
(August 3, 2015 - 10:32 am)

feedback on mine......?

submitted by Owlgirl AKA Elena O., age 11, Texas
(August 3, 2015 - 5:46 pm)

Wow.

 

Just one thing- the final line of the third stanza? "It will catch up to you soon" just doesn't seem quite in rhythm. I'm not entirely sure what I'm getting at, but... The phrasing there seems slightly awkward. No offense.

submitted by Sydney C., age 12
(August 4, 2015 - 5:11 pm)

oh thanks for pointing that out!

:) 

submitted by Owlgirl AKA Elena O., age 11, Texas
(August 4, 2015 - 6:48 pm)

Oh, and I sort of updated the moon poem.

 

Why is the world falling as the moon rises?

Reality slips away on padded feet of night,

 

creatures, nature, they sleep, they hide. 

Surreal is a dream that I woke from, a 

 

dream whose fragmented images are

already lost in the library of my mind. 

 

Surreal is now the world I arise to, though

there are noises, sounds with no recognizable

 

source, beating against my window’s glass,

wailing in synchronization with the wind; I feel

 

silence from the depths of dark sky, and

intricate complications of nature only refer 

 

placidly to a perfect pearl shape, rolling in 

blackness, surrounded by tiny white and 

 

red beads. I crawl to the edge of my bed, 

stretching out my hand; letting night flow over it. 

submitted by Rose bud
(August 3, 2015 - 10:51 am)

i LOVE THAT, rose bud!!!!! I think this is your best one yet....:) :) :D :0

uh, it's so good, I don't know what to critique...... I can only compliment....

I really like how you divided the poem, and I really love the abstract thinking.....I really like the part when.....uh....daaaah, I don't know, I love the whole thing.

Poe would be proud.

 

submitted by Owlgirl AKA Elena O., age 11..., Texas
(August 3, 2015 - 3:00 pm)

Sydney C. I LOVE YOUR POEM! I personally don't have anything to critique.

It was better than Cats! (The play. :)  ) 

submitted by Buggy
(August 3, 2015 - 11:29 am)

Thanks! It's kind of hard to make a rhyming poem sound serious (for me anyway) so it ended up kind of half serious, but it sort of worked.

submitted by Sydney C., age 12
(August 4, 2015 - 4:40 pm)

Perhaps the line: "It's like an endless fire" would flow more evenly without the "it's." Just a suggestion. Overall, I like the theme of the poem!

submitted by Rose bud
(August 4, 2015 - 8:00 pm)

Also, Owlgirl, you say "you you" on the last line of the third stanza... and I think perhaps you could use something to replace one of the "shadows" in "shadow's shadow." Perhaps illusion or something...?

submitted by Rose bud
(August 4, 2015 - 8:03 pm)

Oops, typo on the "you you" thing.

And I guess I'll change the "shadow's shadow" to "the shadow's gloom."

submitted by Owlgirl AKA Elena O., age 11, Texas
(August 5, 2015 - 6:21 pm)
True story...
It's not supoosed to have rhyme or rhythym, and it's not Longfellow, but oh well.
It's only part of a longer poem I wrote inspired by a dream within a dream. I just wanted to share this part.
Stuck in a Dream 
Time goes too slow
When you’re a kindergardener
And you pulled Mary-Jean’s hair
And now the teacher makes you sit out
At recess.
You pick at the grass in front of you
And smash an ant with your finger.
Time goes too slow.
Time go too fast
When you’re running, running, running
From a demon draped in black
You try to scream 
But the scream is caught in your throat 
And you can’t speak.
It gets harder and harder to run
Because the air gets thick
like you’re running through JELL-O.
Then you realize
You’re dreaming!
You’re happy for a moment 
Because you know it isn’t real.
But the happiness fades
When you realize you can’t wake up
The monster is getting closer.
“Wake UP! Wake UP!” 
You keep on dreaming.
You stomp
And yell
And pinch yourself.
The scenery begins to fade away
And you’re back in your room
You think.
You don’t know for sure because you’re having trouble opening your eyes.
They can’t seem to roll back into place. 
They seem to be stuck.
No, no, you can’t go back to sleep!
You muster all the strength you can and…
There you are
In your room
Your teddy bear beside you
The painting your cousin drew for you
Hanging on the back of the door.
Phew!
submitted by Hermione A., age 11, Hogwarts
(August 5, 2015 - 6:47 pm)

Wait, daaaaaaaaaaaaah, do not critique the part about the kindergardener! Just ignore it!

That wasnt supposed to be part of my poem!!!!!

I repeat, do not critique the part about the kindergarderner!!!!!!!!!

Please. 

submitted by Hermione A., age 11, Hogwarts
(August 5, 2015 - 6:49 pm)

Alright, Hermione, let's see....creative idea. I like it!!!!!!

I am not saying anything about....what you said to ignore.

I can totally relate to your poem! The not being able to scream, and the slowing down of the running, and the not being able to wake yourself wake up! I hate when that happens. 

Uhhh....put a period after "a demon draped in black."

Uhh...put an enter between  "You don’t know for sure" and "because you’re having trouble opening your eyes," because it seems you're dividing your poem into shorter lines, so that part sticks out.

 

Just friendly critique. :) 

submitted by Owlgirl AKA Elena O., age 11, Texas
(August 5, 2015 - 6:53 pm)
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