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'Varellie!'T
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'Varellie!'T
'Varellie!'
The words shot through the air like a flaming arrow, Varellie lifted her head startled. When she looked into the face of the caller, she wished she hadn't. The woman's face was covered in warts, her eyes turned up in an unsual fashion, and her nose resembled a pig's. A stench like that of a garbage can waved off her body.
'Oh...um, yes Mistress Kara?' Varellie asked, trying not to gag as the stench hit her nose. Mistress Kara glared down at Varellie, 'Did I not tell you to wash to clean the guest room, your impudent wretch?'
'Yes ma'm.' Varellie confirmed, hanging her head in a mixture of guilt and fear. 'Then why, Varellie, isn't it done?' Mistress Kara's voice was slow and soft. Varellie knew this was a sure sign that if she wasn't careful with her words, she would either be made to do a horrible cleaning task, or made to stay in her room for a few days with nothing to eat but stale cereal or, if she was lucky, old crumbly corn-bread.
'I...I'm sorry Mistress Kara.' Varellie said slowly, tears welled up in her eyes. 'I say girl, if you don't get to cleaning that room, I'll have you in your room for a week! Now go to it!' Mistress Kara stomped out of the room.
Varellie ran down the hall to the cleaning closet, she grabbed a duster and a broom and ran back down the hall and into a guest room. She started cleaning the guest room, and thought about who it was for. 'Mistress Kara won't tell me a thing...but I did hear Cook Peggy say that it was some fancy lady and her husband...I wonder if they'll be nice, or if they'll treat me like all our other guests do...like a servant. Oh, but that is what I am really. Mistress Kara may have adopted me as her own, but she certianly treats me like a little servant girl.' With a sigh Varellie finished the room.
The next morning Varellie heard the clip-clop of horses hooves, she ran out the door to meet the carriage. 'Good day ma'm!' she said cheerily, before Mistress Kara could come out and shush her. The lady in the carriage looked up at Varellie, as she did so her face turned pale and her eyes widened. She whispered something to her husband and he to looked at Varellie strangly. 'What's your name dear?' he asked.
'Varellie.' Varellie smiled at him. Before he could respond Mistress Kara came out. The lady jumped out of the carriage and grabbed her arm. 'I need to talk to you..now, please.'
A few minutes later the lady and Mistress Kara where talking in the parlor. 'I must ask...did you adopt Varellie?' the lady asked. 'Why..yes, I did.' 'We think...no, now I know, that Varellie may be our baby....well, not baby anymore..' Mistress Kara gasped, the lady went on. 'You see....we had no money...we could hardly feed ourselves...we had to give her up. But a few years ago my husband's uncle died, leaving him a large sum of money. Around a million dollars, infact...if your willing, I'd like my girl back...and I'm sure Johnathan would too.'
Mistress Kara nodded 'Yes you may...but I must warn you, that child is a lazy ignorant little girl....you won't get much use out of her.' The lady laughed, 'She looks intellegent....and we don't want to use her. We will love her, as our daughter.'
-
An hour later Varellie was put into their carriage. She was so happy it was hard to sit still. 'A few hours ago I was a servant girl...now I am the daughter of a respected lady....'
As the carriage bumped down the road, and as her mother kissed and hugged her, Varellie thought to herself 'Now...I feel loved.'
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What'd ya'll think? I wrote it just now. Like, I wrote it in this post, I hadn't thought it before or anything. :P
submitted by GloWorm
(March 10, 2009 - 11:11 pm)
(March 10, 2009 - 11:11 pm)
It's good, the writing styie is smooth, doesn't jump from thing to thing like some stuff does. The plot isn't that unusual, but then that's because it's a good plot, the kind that can take a lot of retelling and variations and still be good. But I have a couple of comments about the ending. One, isn't she scared at all going off with some strangers who are claiming to be her parents? And two, I'm left thinking, well, that's nice, but then what happened? Are they really her parents? If they are, then how did they manage to bankrupt themselves so completely as to have to give up their daughter, or is there something else they're not telling Mistress Kara? Their story sounds sort of thin.
Please, please, don't get offended if I haven't just gushed praise (like, OMG lovelovelove it!!!!!). Some peole have different standards on it. And it really is pretty good, those are just my thoughts on things you might want to consider
(March 11, 2009 - 12:04 pm)
I feel foolish now!
I'll make sure to write a sequal and put those things in the story. :]
I'm not offended. I would rather have the truth then some gushy lie! :D
(March 12, 2009 - 9:53 am)
No, no, I disagree with Falmiriel. Don't feel stupid! I mean, yes, it's a little way happily-ever-after, but in some short stories that's a good thing! Especially here! A nice, lovely, happy ending. I loved it. :)
If anything was thin, it might have been the first portion, where Mistress Kara treats Varellie like dirt. I'd embellish that a little, to make the happy ending more... I don't know... deserved.
Otherwise, though, I'd say it's great!
(March 12, 2009 - 3:14 pm)