I like it a lot!

Thanks, Brookiera!

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CHAPTER TWO

Launa

    
“Grandfather,” I say, looking at him, “I’m going to go practice my siren
singing.”
  He nods approval, and I quickly
swim out of the palace.

  My pink tail
and top shimmer as I glide through the water. My eyes sweep the floor until I
find it.

   A long,
wavy, blond strand of hair stuck to coral.

  Perfect. I’m
on her trail.

    I
scan the rest of the seabed until I find another piece of hair, and I swim that
way.

  The trail ends
at a small cliff. I swim around it, looking for another hair, but I find
nothing.

   At
least, until I come back to the front.

  There’s
another strand of hair waving in the current, attached to a crater in the rock.

    I
poke around a bit more until I find it. A hole big enough for a mermaid to swim
into, covered by pink seaweed. I swim in.

    It
glows in the cave. It seems to be made entirely out of coral-- pink coral at
that. After I find her, I must ask Grandfather if I can have this cave. This
pink is too good to be hidden like this.

   I run my
finger across a chunk, but I jump back quickly. An earsplitting noise goes
through the cave. Magic.

   Then I
see it. A blue-and-red tail flashing as it curves.

  I’ve found her
at last.

This is really good! It reminds me of that mermaid RP we had. You should totally go for it.

I think your writing is wonderful.

Just wondering, was it on purpose when you wrote that Rochelle ran? Is she a half mermaid, half human, or did you just write "ran" by mistake?

Another question: What publishing companies are you going to submit to?

Yet another question: What do you call the book ( if you have a tittle yet)? 

It's really good.

But I've been reading up on kids getting books published, and it says be prepared for rejection and critisism. So, my friend, break a leg and ladida!  

That is awesome, St.Owl!

Awesome St.!!! I love it! Keep writing! Could you pit a little more description in, though?

CHAPTER THREE

Amelia

   
“Not much farther now,” I whisper to Mom as we swim through a reef.
“Just through here.”
   “I know,” she replies.
“Come on, Amelia, I’m not that forgetful.”

   
Finally, we reach the cave.

  Mom gasps.
“Amelia…”
  “I know,” I say. “I see it.”
   My heart rate is quickening
as I see it. The seaweed has been torn apart, and the entrance is a gaping
hole. One of the chunks of coral has been touched, and the sound is echoing in
my ears.

   Mom and
I silently agree. We flick our tails and swim into the cave.

**********

   
“Darn! How does she do that?”

  Mom and I stop
mid-flick.

  “I know that
voice,” she whispers. “That’s Neptune’s granddaughter. Luana. Spoiled brat. She
must be…”
  Her voice trails off. What is Luana doing?

    We
swim closer, taking care to stay in the shadows. There’s Luana.

 My heart almost
stops. In her hands are whisps of Rochelle’s hair.

   “Mom.
She’s… she’s hunting Rochelle.”

   Mom
flips back a few beats. “Rochelle? But isn’t she locked up?”
   “She must have escaped,” I
reply. “She was acting a bit more alert than usual.”

    I
quietly swim up behind Luana.

  “Excuse me,” I
say. “What are you doing?”

  “Hunting that
little outlaw,” she replies through gritted teeth. “But she must have vanishing
qualities.”
   “I know a shortcut to the
other end of the cave,” I tell her.

   With
Luana following, I swim through the net of caves that will slow her down for
sure.

CHAPTER FOUR

 Luana

  “I can’t
believe I’m following you,” I say through gritted teeth. “First of all, I have
no idea who you are. Second, you were hanging out with one of Grandfather’s
wives, who shouldn’t be out in the first place. And third… I’ve been
swimming for an hour and we haven’t gotten close
to an exit yet!”

    
“The other way would take much longer,” the mermaid replies coolly.
“Plus, this one takes you farther. It’s a win-win.”

   “I don’t
trust you,” I say.

   “I’m
Amelia,” she says. “And you, Pinkalicious?”
  “Pinkalicious? I am a highly respected authority figure! I am the
granddaughter of Neptune himself! And you dare call me Pinkalicious?”
  “Okay, sorry, miss Big Authority
Figure,” she says. “But I told you my name. Now you tell me yours.”
  “Luana,” I growl, “Not that it’s
any of your business. Now just get me out of here.”
   She giggles. “It’ll be a
while. Do you have the time?”

  “Nine,” I say.

   
“We should stop, then,” she says, and sits down on a chunk of coral with
a sigh. “You know, sleep. We can keep going in the morning.”
   “She’ll be gone by then!” I
burst out.

  “No she
won’t,” says Amelia, rolling her eyes. “She has to sleep too, remember?”

      She starts breaking off chunks of
coral and seaweed. After a little while, she shows me a bed made of those
materials.

  
“Taa-daa,” she says. “For you! Sleep here for the night.”
    I roll my eyes and
slip in. It’s surprisingly comfortable.

   After a
bit, I hear Amelia snoring. I carefully creep out of bed and keep swimming down
the cave.

CHAPTER FIVE

Rochelle

I flick my tail
for the last time and emerge into the open sea.

   Ah, how
open it is, how free. I can move my tail in wide arches and do pirouettes and
cartwheels without hitting the cave walls and setting off the alarm.

   Or
hitting the bars of my prison and summoning the sharks.

  No. That is
no more. I am free now.

    I
feel my head make contact with something hard. I look up to see a small brain
coral, a parrotfish carefully working at the sides.

   A reef.
How beautiful it is, with its beautiful lighting and calm, small waves, with
the animals swimming through, under, over the coral, in between little gaps,
hiding in caves.

   What a
haven.

   I sigh
and flip onto my back, sighing in content as I swim through. Curios fish swim
to me, and I allow them to examine me as I rest.

    I
am petting a friendly pilotfish when I feel a tug on my tail. I turn to
untangle it to find a net.

   “Hello,
little outlaw.”