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Hey guys! So,
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Hey guys! So,
Hey guys! So, not everyone will like or appreciate this, but my dad and I (yes, ME) are writing a screenplay together and I wanted to see what you guys thought. Please keep criticism low.
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1. int. small apartment. Evening.
A MAN sits at a desk typing something on a laptop. A
blurry figure sits by the window in the background. Focus shifts. A GIRL 9 or
10 sits by a window obviously struggling to push candles into a menorah.
GIRL
(Slightly impatient) Daddy come on! It’s time to light the
Menorah. (Turns away from window and looks expectantly at the man by the desk)
MAN
(Stares at computer) hmm? (Obviously reacting to the computer
MAN lets out a sigh and mumbles something under his breath)
GIRL
(Gets up and walks over to MAN, lays hand on shoulder, glances
at the computer screen disapprovingly then turns her attention back to him)
Come on dad it’s a mitzvah. (Tugs at MAN’s hand)
MAN
(Glances away from computer to look at GIRL for a second)
What? Huh? What’s this about matzah? (Notices GIRL tugging on his sleeve) Come
on RACHEL, get off… (Frowns slightly) …daddy needs to work.
RACHEL
Daddy! (Drags MAN over to window) It’s the first night of Chanukah
and we’re supposed to light the candles and sing prayers.
MAN
(Sighs, but then smiles lovingly) OK RACHEL, we’ll light the
candles. (Bends down and takes the now lit Shamos from her and lights the first
candle and straightens while she runs over to the wall to turn the light down)
RACHEL
(Sits down by the window and begins singing){Insert words to
prayer here}(glances up at MAN who appears to be lip syncing random words,
sighs disapprovingly)
MAN
All right we’re done… (claps hands) …I love you.
RACHEL
It’s the first night.
MAN
So?
RACHEL
We have to sing Shehekianu.
MAN
Oh RACHEL, I don’t even know the words.
RACHEL
But daddy…
MAN
I need to get back to work. (Heads to desk)
RACHEL
(mutters under breath) I wish we could’ve gone to the Temple
Party.
submitted by Tovah. L, age 11, Massachussetts
(January 26, 2013 - 6:45 pm)
(January 26, 2013 - 6:45 pm)
That was great! I love writing screenplays, too!
(January 29, 2013 - 11:20 am)
Thanks!!!!!!!!! I plan on submitting the second scene soon. I'm really glad you like it.
(January 31, 2013 - 12:00 pm)
From my limited knowledge of Jewish traditions, I'm assuming Rachel is trying to practice Judaism, but her father isn't really seeing it. Am I correct? So far, the story's pretty good and I think you should post some more!
(January 31, 2013 - 5:07 pm)
Yah I'm Jewish and my dad and I were discussing how there aren't many Hanukah Classics so we thought of a plot and worked out a scene. I later decided to write it down and here we are.
(February 1, 2013 - 5:55 pm)
Nice work!
(February 2, 2013 - 10:09 am)
Hey peeps, so I would like more feedback before the next scene so please give me some kk.
(February 25, 2013 - 9:23 pm)
1. Int. Temple. Night
Bright lights and random chatter fill the room slowly
becoming louder. Camera zooms in on a young woman sitting with her friend
laughing.
Woman 1
Did that really happen? (bursts into laughter) I wish I could
have seen that.
Static from a
microphone bursts out from the front of a large room
rabbi
Thank you all for joining me here tonight. I’d like to thank
a few special people for making this real. (Pause)
Sarah Barth… Megan Duler… and Paul Erikson.
Everyone claps as three
people take the stage.
Sarah
Well, I’m the one that should be thankful. This congregation
welcomed me with open arms and smiling faces. I am truly blessed and if it
weren’t for all your loving hearts, I would not be here.
SARAH exits stage.
Speeches continue in the background.
woman 2
Sarah, that was beautiful.
Woman 3
Did you know you were going to be called up.
Woman 1
You deserved an award for all the work you did. Instead you’re
expected to thank us! I would have been so angry.
Sarah
It’s fine. I wasn’t told beforehand that I was going to be
called up. I wanted to thank you guys. It was my own decision.
Woman 1
Well, I better take Susan home.
Woman 3
I need to find Rebecca. Richards lost track of her again.
Woman 2
I think I’ll be heading home too. Do you need a ride? You’ll
have to sit in the back with john.
Sarah
I’m fine. No need.
Woman 2
Okay then, Bye!
Screen fades to black.
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(March 17, 2013 - 6:19 pm)