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A poem by
Chatterbox: Inkwell
A poem by
A poem by me...
A pounding of hooves,
Beating on the earth.
The wild call of strength,
Echoing back and forth.
A quiet whinny follows,
A small voice for peace.
The hooves start to sound,
They’ve begun to move.
Whipping the grass,
Slashing the stream
.Faster, they must be:
Faster than the rope
Joyful neighs ringing,
The horses burst forth.
A seen of freedom,
Never to be stopped...
What do you think buggies? @ Admin I want to know what you think too.
Post your poems here too, because...why not?
submitted by Saz
(June 26, 2012 - 12:08 am)
(June 26, 2012 - 12:08 am)
This is a beautiful poem that really captures the moment.
My only suggestions would be to change the 11th line because it's a little too "yoda" and to change seen to scene (but I think that's what you meant)... Sorry if I sound rude, that's just the things that I think might improve the poem.
Here's one of mine:
Falling
Darkness shifts
going up
while you
go down
a hole
you never meant
to make
to keep
it lingered
on the edge
of your mind
it beckoned
lured you in
promised
relief
now you can’t
get out
never on
firm ground
just falling
through
depression
(June 26, 2012 - 6:26 pm)
@ Blue Moon, I asked for advice and you gave it. But I'm not a hundred percent sure what you mean?
(June 27, 2012 - 8:37 pm)
mean by what?
(June 28, 2012 - 10:22 am)
A little too 'yoda'?
(June 30, 2012 - 1:06 am)
I think what Blue Moon means,is that it sounds like something Yoda will say.
(July 9, 2012 - 12:29 pm)
top
(June 27, 2012 - 11:09 am)
Pretty Saz! Here's the start of one I'm working on...about the Titanic. (Feel free to tell me I'm waay to obsessed with that ship; I know it myself!)
28 Degrees (the temperature of the water in the Atlantic)
Away in the distance a collision is heard
Ice against iron; not the the people themselves
Could know of the peril when they heard the toll
It was midnight, four-fifteen--nineteen-twelve
The sea, it was still and scarce a wind blew
But the engines had stopped, that everyone knew
And away was the iceberg, just out of sight,
That sank the great Titanic that one fatal night.
(June 27, 2012 - 6:58 pm)
So you're the Titanic manic! Good poem though, the Second part is better than the first if you don't mind me saying so.
(June 27, 2012 - 11:57 pm)
@ Saz:
Yes, I'm guilty as charged. :) I agree about part two being better--the rhyme scheme for the first verse was a little off, I know.
(June 28, 2012 - 4:53 pm)
*sigh* You all write so much better than me! I have a lot of trouble with poems and rhyming... Here's one of mine.
A crown of gold surrounds her
Protecting that inside
Sunlight sparkles on the jewels
that she carries with pride
A breeze whistles to her
She begins to sway
The flower is content
In the light of day.
(This poem is about a sunflower.)
(June 30, 2012 - 7:38 am)
Why is horses running a small voice for peace?
My poem:
Wood
Why change your color?
With man's paint, varnish and stains.
Destroying beauty.
(July 1, 2012 - 7:51 am)
This is my most recent poem and I want to know what everybuggy thinks.
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The
Moon
On the undiscovered place
The land of dreams
Anything can exist
A race of immortals
A rabbit pounding medicine
A princess
A single man
All living there
Inside people’s heads’
Living on the surface
That is yet to be truly seen
In any eye
But the mind’s
When discovered
Seen in the eyes
Not those just of the mind
One small step
Crushes the land of dreams
All those possibilities
Into fine gray dust
A dry place
Seemingly lifeless
Where once
A race of immortals
A rabbit pounding medicine
A princess
A single man
All lived
There is only but the moon
(This poem is about how people used to think that so many different things lived on the moon, but when people landed on it, all those theories, were destroyed.)
(July 4, 2012 - 1:14 am)
Top!
(July 5, 2012 - 3:43 am)
Well, *sigh* I better keep trying and make sure I check my information before I use it.
(July 10, 2012 - 8:55 pm)
My Poem:
Promise of a Lifetime
The promise of a lifetime
Broken
Shattered at my feet.
Dreams of a future
Crushed
Vanished like so many pieces of a rainbow
The desperated wings of hope
Stilled
Drowned in the darkness of dispair
And nothing left
But tears.
I have no idea what it's about, it just kind of came to me one day while I was listening to "Promise of a Lifetime" by Kutless. A feeling depressed.
(July 12, 2012 - 10:34 am)