Chatterbox: Inkwell

The (almost) Sad Story of Nobody.

(Because, in the end, Nobody is alive. I mean Nobody as in somebody. Well, Somebody isn't Nobody OR nobody, but Nobody is somebody, but not Somebo...you'll see.)

By NDT.

Once upon a time, there were three people, named Mindyerownbisnes, Yormaners, and Trouble. Well, there were three other people, Somebody, Nobody, and Bart, the Police Officer, but they're not important. Yet.

One day, Mindyerownbisnes, Yormaners, and Trouble were out walking when Trouble got lost.

"We better find him," Mindyerownbisnes said.

"You're right," Yormaners said.

However, after all that searching, their efforts proved fruitless, and they decided to go to the police to report a missing person.

Here we go.

"You wait here while I go in," Mindyerownbisnes said to Yormaners.

"OK," Yormaners said.

Mindyerownbisnes went in.

"Hello, I am Bart, the Police Officer. What is your name?" Bart, the Police Officer, said.

"Mindyerownbisnes," Mindyerownbisnes said.

Bart, the Police Officer, was offended. "Where are your manners?" he said.

"Yormaners is outside," Mindyerownbisnes said truthfully.

"Are you looking for trouble?" Bart, the Police Officer, said. He was now extremely irritated.

"Yes!" said Mindyerownbisnes.

Bart, the Police Officer, was about to shoo him out when a gunshot sounded in the air,  and Yormaners ran in.

"I'm Yormaners," he said hastily to Bart, the Police Officer. "Did you hear that gunshot?"

"Yes!" Mindyerownbisnes said.

Then Trouble walked in through the front door.

Actually, for Bart, the Police Officer, trouble (not Trouble) really had walked in through the front door.

Here is what happened.

"Somebody shot Nobody!" Trouble said.

"Sombody shot Nobody? OH NO!" Mindyerownbisnes said.

"Are you being sarcastic?" Bart, the Police Officer, said.

"No!" all three said.

Then an ambulance rushed by, sirens wailing.

"I hope Nobody's in there," said Trouble.

"There can't be nobody in there, silly," Bart, the Police Officer, said. "There has to be someone driving."

"But he doesn't mean nobody, as in not a person, but Nobody, as in the person," Yormaners said.

"Oh. Then who's Somebody?" Bart, the Police Officer, said.

"The person who shot Nobody," Mindyerownbisnes said.

"Who's Nobody?"

"Somebody."

"Somebody shot himself?"

"No."

"Somebody shot somebody who...wasn't Somebody?"

"Well yes and no. You see, Somebody shot Nobody, who's somebody who's not Somebody, in other words, Nobody's somebody, not Somebody, because Somebody wouldn't shoot himself, would he? And Somebody is somebody, and, as a matter of fact, Somebody. Actually, if you count somebody who shot somebody - in this case Nobody - as nobody, Somebody is somebody, Somebody, nobody, and not Nobody, because Nobody is somebody, (but not Somebody) and, since he didn't shoot somebody (Somebody shot Nobody, not Nobody shot Somebody), he's not Nobody, unless he did shoot somebody (does anyone think that maybe the reason Somebody shot Nobody is because Nobody shot somebody [who was definitely not Somebody]Nobody's reasons might have been the same as Somebody's possible reasons!), in which case Nobody's somebody, Nobody, nobody, but not Somebody, and assuming Nobody didn't shoot somebody (who wasn't Somebody, Nobody, or - maybe it was nobody, as I said before), Nobody's somebody, Nobody, somebody, not Somebody OR nobody. Unless they are Somebody Nobody and Nobody Somebody, which does make a difference, doesn't it? That makes Somebody Somebody, somebody, nobody (unless Nobody commited suicide and shot Nobody, in which case Somebody isn't nobody), a Nobody, but not Nobody, and not a Somebody, and Nobody a Somebody, somebody, not Somebody, Nobody, and not nobody, unless he did do one or all of the aforementioned acts of shooting somebody (not Somebody, who should be named Somebaddy) and Nobody, AND not a nobody. Is that all clear?"

Bart, the Police Officer, was now thouroughly flustered. "No."

Yormaners decided to say, "Somebody is a person who shot Nobody, who is also a person."

"OH!" Bart, the Police Officer, said.

And at that moment somebody, who just so happened to be Somebody, came in and tried to shoot Yormaners, but Trouble disarmed him and Bart, the Police Officer, going on pure instinct (I don't think anyone could go on anything else after that) handcuffed him.

So Nobody (who turned out to be Nobody, not nobody, a Somebody, not Somebody, not a Nobody, and somebody) got better, because it wasn't a very serious injury, and they all lived happily ever after, exept for Somebody (who turned out to be a Nobody, nobody, somebody, Somebody, and not a Somebody), who had ten years in prison for attempted murder, and Bart, the Police Officer, who was still trying to figure out what Mindyerownbisnes had said, and whether it was an insult or not.

Vick says vfiz.

~~~NDT~~~