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We have the most awful head life guard at our local swimming pool. He is downright mean! Here, I'll call him "Jacob." I personally call him "Master Jacob." Anyway, Master Jacob totally hates our family now, especially because of my annoying brothers who love to push his buttons. My whole family loves to laugh at him as we watch him tell stupid stuff to the little kids. Two really funny things happened yesterday. (1) My ten-year-old brother let a torpedo (one of those little pool toys) go into the deep end. So, Master Jacob looses it and starts blowing his whistle at my brother and telling him to get the toy out because, of course, "no toys allowed in the deep end." My brother didn't hear him at first, so, just to make a point of everything, Master Jacob holds up his hand to the people on the diving board and makes them stop while my brother gets the toy out. (even though the torpedo was nowhere NEAR the diving board) My brother finally got it out, and none to quietly said, "I stopped all the action in the deep end! I've committed a mortal sin!!" Then Master Jacob said to him, "I know you're joking, but this is not a joke to me." I burst out laughing and swam away. (2) While Master Jacob was giving a bunch of fat old ladies an aquatics lesson, I decided to throw my five-year-old brother in the air (wow, big mistake) because I though Master J. wasn't looking. I got one of my friends to help me and we hurled him high into the air, just when I thought everything was safe. That's when I heard someone yelling at me. I turned around to find Master Jacob right there in front of me. He so chewed me out, or so he thought, telling me that was "completely unaccaptable behavior" while I stared him straight in the eye without flinching. If it had been any other adult, I would have been terribly embarrassed, but this was Master Jacob. Sorry this is so long; I know I got my tenses mixed up in the story.
submitted by Mary Jo, age 14~!@#$%^&
(June 9, 2010 - 7:41 pm)
(June 9, 2010 - 7:41 pm)
Wow. That must be really annoying. Are there any other swimming pools near you? If I had a lifeguard like that, I wouldn't go to that pool very often...
(June 10, 2010 - 9:31 pm)
Ohh, that's annoying... Just be glad you actually have a public pool to swim in (or whatever type of pool). I think the closest pool I can go to is in Portland (30 minutes away). Haha, when I used to take swim lessons there, I always got stuck with the mean life guard as my teacher, and she was basically like Master Jacob. One time, we were waiting quietly and listening to her explain the stroke, and I just put my arm around my friend, like friends do. And so the life guard freaked out and yelled at me, "PAIGE. Am I going to have to separate you? I will not accept you playing like this while I'm teaching. Obviously you're not mature enough for swim lessons." Um. Hahaha :)
(June 17, 2010 - 1:03 am)
Ha, ha, ha, I love how you call him Master Jacob! :) Wow, he sounds so mean!!! If he gets so mad at kids swimming in the swimming pool, he probably shouldn't be a lifeguard. ;)
(June 18, 2010 - 5:41 pm)
I bet that is so annoying... but a little funny, too. :) He sounds like one of those people who your always watching to see what he'll do next.
(June 18, 2010 - 9:57 pm)
My sister went through a phase where she would talk to lifegaurds and say stuff like, "Can you blow the whistle (for adult swim)??" They thought it was cute, but this guy... *shudders*
(June 19, 2010 - 6:43 am)
*whacks self on head* It's you're, Julia, not your. :P
(June 19, 2010 - 11:36 am)
Wow! Good luck trying to survive with Master Jacob. So annoying... It's so ridiculous that the story is funny, though I know it must be so frustrating for you. Thanks for sharing, though...
@ Kenzie: Oh!! Those kinds of people really get on my nerves!!!
(June 19, 2010 - 10:31 am)