(context; in class we were default put into teams and then the teams got shuffled)

Me: WE TEAM *teams get shuffled* noooo

E: noooooooo

Me: *K* give me *E*

E: SHE DID NOT GIVE ME YOU, NOW I WILL BASH MY HEAD OF WALL*

...

E: I'm calm. and composed.

Me: ok good luck

E: yes, ty

*I think they ment ON a wall 

----------------------------------

(context; in sciance we were learning about the sciantific method and we were trying to figure out why hypothetical bread wouldn't toast)

M: Maybe the bread can't be toasted

E: Untoastable bread

----------------------------------

(another thing with teams, said at the same time)

E: *my name*. Team. Now.

Me: *E*. You. Me. Team!

----------------------------------

M: I should've known you already sold your soul to the government.

N: Who hasn't

M: I am safe from the evil government because I have no soul

Me: I sold mine when I was 2 years old

K: I never had one

-----------------------------------

(This was what my friend signed in my yearbook)

"I AM YOUR FRIEND NOW and I see you wrote you would see me next summer but actully you will never get rid of me because friendssss... *says other stuff* See you soon, actully see you tomarrow at exactly 3:48 PM when I will email you an emoji of a person, have a good summer."

They were true to their word, and now I will go send them a person running, good bye. 

This is a so-called "normal" convo between my dad and I.

-------------------------------

Me: Hey, Dad, what if I went back in time, and cloned a bunch of baby penguins, and realeased 'em on The Monkees while they were filmin'?

Dad: They would probably saw 'Aww' and stuff like that.

Me: What if I took a paint can, filled it full of pennies, put it in the paint can shaker thingy, got a stick, went back in time, plopped it down right smack dab in the middle of the set of the TV show, turned it on, and ran around it, screamin' "YEE YEE YEE YEE YEE YEE YEE YEE" over and over while wavin' the stick around?

Dad: You'd probably get kicked out.

Me: *Thinks to self* Wow. That would make an emotional scar on Mike Nesmith's life. And it would probably hurt my ears...

Me: *Starts laughin'*

---------------------------------------

When I laugh, if I'm laughin' durin' a bad time, I'll stuff my face into a swivel chair, pillow, blanket, etc., and that'll only make me try not to laugh harder, and then I'll start shakin', while I'm tryin' not to laugh.

~"that was like the vocal equivalant of fall up the stairs"

~"time to turn on our gay power walk"

~"and they were roommates" "oh my gosh they were roommates" 

"it's like capture the flag but with hidden watermelons and throwing water balloons at guys dressed as girls"

~~

"who wants corn dogs"

~~

"which is longer, a rope?"

~~

"well talk about a beef stew"

~~

"it's a scandinavian thing"

~~

Yay! I'm so glad this got rebooted (thinks to self: Why has it taken me 11 days to find it?) Anyhoo - I've been waiting for a quote dump for a while now! Oh, and most of these are probably gonna be with A and me (Since he is probably the only friend I talk to virtually.) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A: "V I D E O G A M E S"

Me: "Video games?" 

A: "VIDEO GAMES!" 

Me: "What about video games?"

A: "I dunno"  

(Context: Um...I don't really have any. That conversation was pretty much random)  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: "Please don't tell me you have zombie intervals..." 

(Context: So...I was trying to convince one of my digital classmates to do their math work. And then we got here...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A: "You can't fit a sports car inside a pare of jordans" 

(Context: Okay - in math class, we were doing averages or something and were looking at some made up data points for the amount of shoes someone owns. On person had 28 pares (!!!) and me and A were coming up with reasons why they would own that many) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: "Wait - who is getting executed?" 

(Context: ??? )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Math Teacher: "But I don't make mistakes..." 

My Math Teacher (again): "I spell it the way I like to!" 

(Context: Just everyday math class drama)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A: "If I were an attack helicopter, my ideal form of transportation would be to fly." 

(Context: A was questioning one of my other classmates' (I will call them CH) survey for tech class. CH was asking about what you would do in an apocalypse...?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A: "I don't have an instrument, just comedic prowess" 

(I don't have any context, but this is probably one of my favorite qoutes I have)  

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: "You can't very well look angry when your dead, that is, unless you died mad at someone." 

(Context: Something about math murdering A, I think?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: "It looks like you got onto the math sheet!" 

A: "Wow." *pause* " You disapoint me [A]" 

(Context: A's name was on a math problem - though the sad thing was, we were doing problems based off of Jeopardy! and A's namesake never got any questions right and ended in the negatives.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A: "Fractals make me cry." 

(Context: A sent me this at midnight. I don't know why he was looking at fractals, but if you don't know what they are - look them up. They give me a headache. Let me know if you can wrap your head around them.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A: "Dun dun dun, orange cult" 

(Context: Oranges do NOT belong roling around the beach in multiples. WHY were there  oranges on the beach, un-eaten, with no people around at all? Why are they there???) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes...I know I quoted myself multiple times...though I promise I was talking to other human beans. Okay then - I think that is all for now! I might post some more later! 

My friends are very chaotic, so we have many very long run-on conversations. Here's one of them.

---

B: *sends an image of a spinning top, labeled 'Foreverspin'* We live in a simulation

N: It stops spinning though

J: Welp, I guess we don't live in a simulation! Good deal, [N]!

J: Now for Djokavic v Abrams in the tennis Semi-Final *sends a video of a tennis video game, of which appears to have a tank in it*

N: Abrams was taking steroids

P: They are fighting over [B]'s hand in marriage

J: Yea, of course, his hand would fetch at least 10 dollars in the market

P: That's like, two cups of boba. Four cups if we do both hands, who's with me?

D: Bro what–I thought boba was like, 8 dollars, for one cup

J: No it's around 5 dollars.

J: Oh wait no, tax. *sad emoji*

P: It's like, 7-8 dollars in some places, but here it's 5.

E: It's like 2 dollars in asian countries though. 

P: *crying emoji*

J: I need opinions, what's the best anime

N: *sends an image of the movie UP, which is definitely not an anime*

J: I'm going to throw you off that flying house [N] (this is a joke)

---

There's more, but it's mostly anime reccomendations XD 

Alrighty folks here we go: Also "A" is my sister so you'll get a lot of her

A: "They zig we zag every time"

~~

A: "We have a problem with sphere shaped items"

~~

B: "Eenie meanie miney moe this one is the one to go"

Me: "Eenie meanie miney meep this one is the one to keep"

A: "Eenie meanie miney bulldozer I have likely not been pulled over" 

~~

L: "Oh, it's just the morning snot"

~~

A: "My right nostril really took a beating"

~~

L: "haha, can't give me an asthma attack if I'm not breathing!"

~~

A *reffering to the swiffer*: "This is sir swif swif" 

~~

Me: "You got my shirt wet!"

A: "Well you got my armpit wet! and shirts are replacable!"

Me: "So are armpits!" 

~~

K: "gosh darn me a river" 

Well...

Sister- Why do you associate every song you hate with Kirishima? 

Me- because my hate for this song is the same hate I have for kirishima.

Sister- fine, but I don't associate every song I hate to a character I hate, i.e. Bakugo.

Me- What music do you hate?

Sister- anything by Justin Bieber.

Me- BAKUGO IS NOT JUSTIN BEIBER! 

Oh i thought of another--

me- cows are hurting me

Friend- kick them

Me- no animal abuse Dinah

Friend-  fine give them to a nice barn

Me- thats animal abuse since cows get slaughtered by the farmers.

Friend- whyyyyyy do you have to be so logical? *jokingly kicks me* 

Me- ANIMAL ABUSER! 

*cracks knuckles* i was born for this. 

a lil' bit of context: i use faery as my online name.  

~the following thing is irl, its me and my friend ocean~  

me, listening to 8d music: are you sure you cant hear someone running around in circles with a speaker putting on the nights by avicii? 

ocean, sighing: faery, you've been asking this for the last 7 minutes. no, i dont. 

me, shocked: woahhhhhh

ocean: now what? 

me: ohmygosh can you do a british accent of "what", pleaseeee

ocean: fine ig *says what britishly, is that even a word? meh.* 

me: awwwweeeeeeee that was so adorable i swear to the gods-

ocean: no, no, no-

*chaos ensues

~online chats~

okay, this needs a ton of explanation. we do this fun little rp thing where im an adoptive grandmother to i [who uses her real name], and an adoptive mother to ocean, who is an adoptive mother to i. s is a adoptive father to s#2 and w [who isnt in the chat much] and e is their aunt, and e#2 and e#3 are their aunts.  

ocean: moooother! i told you not to burn down the house!

me: no. 

i: im gonna have to agree with @ocean on this one. 

me: no. 

i: ...

ocean: that's it, im taking you to therapy. 

me: no. 

i: if theres candy afterwards ill go. 

ocean: i, dear, there's candy in the fridge. 

i: CANDYYYY

ocean: now mother dearest, you need to go to therapy. 

me: :P no. 

ocean: oh my god. 

~

other convo

~

s: s#2 and w never do their homework- @faery @ocean, would you two be willing to take in s#2 and w for a while? 

s#2: nooooo faery burnt down the house and ocean will just take me to therapy 24/7! 

s: then you can go to auntie e's house! shell give you lots of homework and torture w! 

s#2: I WANNA GO TO AUNTIE E'S HOUSEEEE 

e: no im busy

s#2: nooo-

s: DONT COMPLAIN!

me: sure id be willing to take them in. 

w: oh my god- why meeeee

s: idk 

w: ugh

ocean: DONT COMPLAIN! and yes were willing to take them in

w: :/ 

s#2: nooo

s: think of it this way. homework and strict people who dont let you play video games or one of your best friends and two people who will probably let you play video games

w: ig the second one

s#2: yea

s: k then your going to @faery and @ocean's house

me: sounds good!

s#2: ONES A PSYCHO AND ONES A THERAPIST

me: and im proud of that <3 *strikes a match

w: EXACTLY WHAT @s#2 SAID!

s: no more arguments. your going to go to @faery and @ocean's house. shut up. 

w: ugh :/

s#2: exactly

me: *holds match to tnt cannon* HAH TAKE THAT Y'ALL PEOPLE WHO TRY TO PUT ME IN A MENTAL PRISON!

all -me: .... 

Here are some funny things the cast members of a play I'm in said.

A: Gramma mouse is just there.

~~~~~~~~~

M: Exactly! You know the saying, as the cats play, mice find prey.

~~~~~~~~~

B: Sounds like Dip n' Stop. 

Me: I hear Dip n' Dots

A: It sounds like Dip n' zop

~~~~~~~~~

A: Happy birthday dear Santa Claus!

~~~~~~~~~

K: I'm just gonna keep yelling until someone says their line!

H: yeah!

~~~~~~~~~ 

And here are some from everyday life!

Me: everything is a vegetable

H: I'm not sure about that

me: yes it is, think about it, the earth is just plants. And the dirt technically has bits of plants in it, and so does water. And so if you make anything out of any material, it would've had to have started as a vegetable.

H: what about fruits?

Me: those are vegetables, too! *continues to ramble about vegetables*!

~~~~~~~~~~

D: Noooo I don't want to go to banana prison again 

Alrighty we have some more

~~

J: BOING BOING MANGO PLS

~~

J: he did an OLLIE

~~

Me: Elaborate please

R: No<3

~~

*At 8 in the evening*

R: BESTIES I JUST WOKE UP

L: uh, you should probably fix that

R: I probably should

R: But will I?

R:...

R: probably not

Me: truuuuuuuuu duuuuude 

"I was a Russian in a field..." (context she was telling us about a dream she had lol)

"Eat the chicken, starve the pig." (in the cafeteria leftovers/scraps go to a bin named Piggy and some friends were talking about how it was weird to give meat to the pig so yeah) 

*sigh* aaaand im back. 

~

prev day: 

me: hellooo <3 how is everyone doing

rat: eh fine

ice: yk they're never gonna see that right, they only come on like once in 10 months

~

next week

me: *sees msgs*

me: HA! I HAVE PROVEN YOU WRONG! also thats nice to hear and hi again sorry im late to the party

rat: what-

ice: dont mind them theyre always like that

inari: ^^^

me: ...like what?

ice: nvm

~

s: During the battle at fort chair, the drop ships dropped us right into the war zone, as my squadron and I geared up and charged out of the ship, we could hear the screams of pain outside. We charged into the fray, firing and blasting our stick assault rifles. We marched and ran through the cloud of smoke and rain of gunfire. The girls sat atop their fantastical base, launching volley after volley of death and fire over our heads, they fired the pillow cannons relentlessly. We pushed back hard, but we were no match for their cannons atop the fort. Many of us sought cover in the field, as our comrades fell one after one. The battle turned hopeless as endless volleys of pillows launched into our troops. The soldiers grieved the massive casualties, but we had our mission, to infiltrate the base, and take it.

We charged forward, somehow pushing through the relentless fires. However we were still no match, as our numbers dwindled the soldiers felt it was a hopeless cause. But the girls made one crucial mistake, they sent out ground troops.

The thought they had weakened us enough, and sent small forces towards us, but we were no push overs in hand to hand combat. We relentlessly pushed back against the counter attack, and somehow broke through the troops. They sent volley after volley but we destroyed them, suddenly the tide of the battle turned and we charged forwards unchallenged. The general of the girl fort panicked. The girl troops pushed against our advance hard, but we made it. Just as we were about to storm the fort, drop ships carrying more soldiers came, and a easy boy victory was secured…the battle was won…but not the wat

me: ...first off, *war. second off, punctuation. third off, formatting. fourth off, is that a challenge? 

s: its kinda funny how i can turn something so stupid into something dramatic

me: i s  t h a t  a  c h a l l e n g e  i  h e a r

w: NO PLEASE DONT GO INTO ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR RAMBLES

w: LITERALLY NONE OF US CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR LANGUAGE WHEN YOUR DOING THAT

me: too late >:D

w: oh no-

me: the reason why we should install mcdonalds in every country is bc is reduces the risk of war. if youll have noticed, none of the countries with mcdonalds have gone to war with each other. the solution to russian terrorism? mcdonalds. the solution to nuclear war? mcdonalds. the solution to preventing the destruction of the earth? mcdonalds. 

[btw i just cut away all the complexity :/ i didnt feel like retyping all that] 

w: WHAT THE *honk* ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT

me: the solution to preventing nuclear war and the destruction of the earth is mcdonalds. 

~

okay now comes the actual hilarious stuff.

~

From *s* to Everyone:  01:04 PM

your cameras a shipping?

From *hannah* to Everyone:  01:04 PM

OH EFJ GCBUKHFE

From *a* to Everyone:  01:04 PM

it is green near the core

From *j* to Everyone:  01:04 PM

Lmao the stem is green

From *s* to Everyone:  01:04 PM

did you just shame Hannah for being colorblind

From *j* to Everyone:  01:04 PM

We couldn’t see it

From *h* to Everyone:  01:04 PM

IT LOOKED GREEN I DIDNT SEE THE RED

From *s*. to Everyone:  01:04 PM

*young love*

From Me to Everyone:  01:04 PM

its a blue apple to certain colorblind people, maybe >:D

From *hannah* to Everyone:  01:04 PM

wdym its purple

From Me to Everyone:  01:05 PM

*snort*

From *a* to Everyone:  01:05 PM

THE APPLE IS GRAY YOU NITWITS

From *j* to Everyone:  01:05 PM

WDYM IT’S RAINBOW

From *s* to Everyone:  01:06 PM

I am sincerely sorry for offending you sir but it is in fact a gold and sparkly apple

thank you thank you

From *hannah* to Everyone:  01:06 PM

you guys are blind its hot pink

From *s*  to Everyone:  01:06 PM

i stand corrected

From *hannah*  to Everyone:  01:07 PM

from defense-based players from nato

~

we were having an argument about an apple-

~

From hannah (nuclear notebook) to Everyone:  01:06 PM

we’re not gona talk about the ‘bribe the judge’ caption on the screen are we

From Me to Everyone:  01:06 PM

PFFT

*snort*

YESSS BRIBE LE JUDGE

From hannah  (nuclear notebook) to Everyone:  01:06 PM

coach *s#2* encouraging us to do that???

From Me to Everyone:  01:06 PM

screenshotted and saved forever

From hannah (nuclear notebook) to Everyone:  01:07 PM

WHAT LMAO

From Me to Everyone:  01:07 PM

WAIT AHAHAH-

PFFT

From shiwen the nuclear notebook to Everyone:  01:07 PM

I WISH I RECORDED THAT-

From Me to Everyone:  01:07 PM

PFFT SAME

From hannah (nuclear notebook) to Everyone:  01:07 PM

*judge will u marry me? just let me win ;)*

From Me to Everyone:  01:07 PM

PFFFTTT

AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA

From *S* the nuclear notebook to Everyone:  01:07 PM

sneaky

From hannah (nuclear notebook) to Everyone:  01:07 PM

WE’LL SEE LMAO

From Me to Everyone:  01:07 PM

LMAOOOOO

From *S* the nuclear notebook to Everyone:  01:07 PM

secondhand embarrassment for that dude

~

our teacher told us about a dude who he knew who literally did a full-on proposal to the judge to try and bribe the judge so he could win the debate- 

*full on snort-cackling*

~

lol i have a ton more but thats it for now

dont wanna overload the admins, sorry admins <3 

enjoy the hilarity of this all

dont have any rp things for you rn but i will soon!

~

-- th3mysticw0lf