My middle name is William!!!!

MY NANO, thus far, condensed.

Characters:

 Fate.

 Chaos.

 Oyn, Ikk, Uru, Danksk, Pindsar, Rknknk-r, Mediactyné (the voices)

 Spritely.

 Toby.

 Morwenna.

 Mathias James Winters.

 Bartholomew.

 Other assassins. 

Some OTHER GUYS.

Condensation, part 1.

 Chaos, go down to the human realm.

 No.

 Yes.

 What'll you pay me?

 Uuurgh, I'll fix poverty.

 Deal.

 *explosion of chatter*

 Shut up. NOW.

 *explosion of chatter*

*later* 

 I am a poor orphan, but also intelligent.

 I am a snot.

 I am mysterious! Woo-ooh!

 We kill people!

 Ssh, they weren't supposed to find out about that yet. 

*later* 

O.o (Ernie) DOOM!

 This is better than I thought. But not much better.

 Oh lulz talking dog.

@.@ (me) CREATE A DIVERSION!

 Ok.

O.o Too late! DOOM!

 Never mind then. *reads obituary*

*about 35,000 words of pointless exposition and dialogue later*

 Not much has happened, except the sun dying of meningitis. I'm going skip out on my duties as narrator now to argue with my voices.

 Drat, now I have to narrate. *goes into rant about how stupid and conformist people are*

@.@ *blatantly obvious implications as to Toby's parentage* 

 We're here to pay the ransom because my friend is a fool.

 and  *kidnapped* D'oh!

 Told you.

 and  *blatantly obvious implications as to Toby's parentage*

@.@ *comes down off of caffeine high long enough to die of shame*

(o()o) (Vlad the vampire pumpkin) I am obviously and correctly named after Vlad the Impaler. I am also supposed to guard you while Bartholomew and MJW are out discussing your impending doom. Er, future.

 *faints*

 Hey Toby, let's be geeky and talk about computers for 1,000 words!

 Sounds fun!

@.@ *head-desk-head-desk-head-desk* THEY BLOODY KIDNAPPED YOU!

 I'm a nonconformist, and anyways remember that blatantly obvious implication my parents did a few paragraphs ago?

@.@ *head-desk**head-desk**head-desk* I hate you.

 Hope it stops raining soon.

@.@ 42,000... Words... left... of this... this... MADNESS! *head-desk* 

My middle name is Elizabeth if u couldn't guess from the changed name!!!!

THESE ARE SO COOL

Hope this works... 

Cinderella!
 Hear ye, hear ye, there’s gonna be a ball.
 ,  ,  ,  OOH! YAYNESS!
 A ball sounds fun.
 YOU CAN’T GO!
 Aw, why not?
 Because I’m your evil stepmother, and your father died under mysterious circumstances involving arsenic ten years ago!
 …I don’t remember that part of the story.
 It was edited out because of the young audiences.
Oh, right. I remember that issue.
 Back to work! I want to see my face shining in the fireplace by the end of dinner!
 But stone isn’t reflective!
 I’ve still got some arsenic left over.
 Fine, fine.
 *nomnomnom*
 You’re dropping crumbs all over the carpet.
 So?
 I just vacuumed the carpet.
 So?
 WE DON”T OWN A VACUUM, WE LIVE IN MEDIEVAL TIMES!
 I invented it.
 …
 …
 It’s time to go to the BALL!
 Oh, so I get to go?
 No, whatever gave you that idea?
*later*
 I am your fairy godmother.
 You look like a rabbit, like the one I cooked last week.
 Never mind that now. You’re going to the ball! Here, take these impractical glass slippers.
 Who wants glass slippers?
 You can buy ‘em in bulk, it’s very cheap.
 I WON”T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN SOLID GOLD!
 Er… *poof*
 –>  Yessssss, masssster. *puts on glass slippers*
 Now go to the ball and win the heart of the prince!
 Ok!
*later*
 I HATE parties.
 Yes, my son, but we need to find you an appropriate mate for the coming years.
 Can’t I just go and flirt by the wishing well like NORMAL people?
 No, that would be silly.
 *sees  * WHOZAT?
 She looks like a potential mate.
 *dances with  all evening* You’d be perfect if you weren’t green…
 ,  ,  Curses! *jealousness*
 Oh, yeah, forgot, you’ll turn back into your raggedy self at 12:01, when I have to take back all my powers and channel them into my NaNo.
 Cake, it’s 11:59! *runs away*
 COME BACK! Ooh, she left a slipper!
*  romantically runs around testing shoe size*
*the shoe fits*
 Oh, lady, be mine forever and ever and ever and- You’re not the right one, sorry. *runs off*
 *blinkblink*
 *tries on shoe*
 You’re not green, either.
 No, the greenness was just a spell my oddly-colored fairy godmother cast on me.
 Ah. *deep breath* Oh, lady, be mine forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and-
 OK!
*everyone lives happily ever after*
 Heeheehee, wait until he finds out that  ’s “fairy godmother” is really a criminal wanted for unprovoked zombification all across the land! *maniacal laughter*